I kissed Jenny hard, pushing her up against her bedroom wall.
I deepened our kiss desperately, needing to reach the level of excitement that made me forget about everything else.
"What's gotten into you lately Ken?" She said between hot messy kisses.
I didn't bother answering her. Instead I focused on moving my hands up her torso. I let my fingertips brush over the ribs protruding out just beneath her skin.
I knew what pleased her. Little touches like this eased her into it and made her happier.
"You're so hot and cold." She said breathlessly, breaking away from our kiss.
I moved my lips to her neck, kissing and sucking on her pale skin.
After school I had found Jenny, pulling her aside from her group of friends to apologize profusely to her.
It had taken a few tries but she caved eventually. She always did if I put enough effort into it.
I asked to come over to her place before the party and she complied, thank God. I needed to use her to forget everything that's been running through my head.
Jenny ran her hand through my hair, grabbing a fist full and pulling me back up to meet her eyes.
Her expression is full of desire, she looked completely hungry for me.
Good. This is what I'd been aiming for.
I pressed our lips together, hearing Jenny moan softly in response.
My mind began slipping away. No longer was I worried about being gay or thinking about Butters. All I knew is I wanted, needed more from her.
"Jenny! Jen where are you?" A shrill voice called from downstairs. I recognized it immediately. Her mom. She came home early from work sometimes, today is one of those unfortunate days.
"Oh fuck." Jenny whispered, pushing me away while she fussed with her clothes and hair, trying to look normal.
I stepped back, running my hands through my hair and swearing under my breath. Of course it had to be today of all days that her mom cock blocked me.
"I'm in my room mom!" She called down, running to her desk mirror to check on how she looked one last time.
"I know Kenny's here. Open this door right now young lady." Her mom's voice sounded a lot closer, she's probably right down the hall.
I took a deep breath, shoving my hands in my jean pockets.
Try not to look too pissed, McCormick.
"Okay, God." Jenny said, clearly very annoyed. She threw open her door and poked her head out into the hallway.
"I wasn't born yesterday, you two." Her mom stomped into view, making Jenny step back as she took up the entire doorway.
She's a short, plump woman. She was probably as pretty as Jenny once, but now her features were wrinkled from age and stretched from being overweight.
She glared at me accusingly, acting like this entire situation is all my fault.
"We know mom. The door will be open, okay?" Jenny said shortly, obviously wanting her mom to leave.
She glared at both of us for a little longer, shooting daggers at me one last time before walking away and back downstairs.
Now I'm pissed, sexually frustrated, and still thinking about Butters.
"I need a fucking drink." I muttered, squeezing my hands into fists in my pockets.
"So do I." Jenny rolled her eyes, moving towards her closet.
She slid the cream colored door open, bending down to search for the alcohol she had hidden away.
Jenny amassed quite the collection of whiskey and vodka from making friends at college parties. It's convenient for pre party drinking and if you had a really shitty fucking day. Both situations applied here.
"Jack Daniel's or lemon vodka?" Jenny asked, standing up and holding both bottles out to me.
I grabbed the whiskey, twisting the lid off and taking a mouthful.
I'm no stranger to drinking, just like any other senior in high school. I prided myself on my ability to hold lots of alcohol without puking.
It's fucking stupid I know, but that's all I am. A stupid high school kid who thinks they're invincible.
Jen mirrored my actions with the lemon vodka, coughing as she pulled the bottle away from her lips.
I loved the way alcohol set your insides on fire. I enjoyed the burn on my tongue, down my throat, and in my stomach.
"God, I'll never understand how you can do that." Jenny watched me chug about three shots worth before I put the bottle down.
"And I'll never understand how you cough from one sip." I countered, earning a frustrated noise from Jenny.
"Just don't turn into an alcoholic." She warned, taking another small sip from her bottle.
"I won't." I said coldly, throwing the sealed bottle on her grey comforter. If there's one thing my asshole dad taught me it's to stay away from this shit.
Once in a while is fine. That's what I said to justify my drinking to myself. I'm sure he said the same crap to himself when he first started.
I shook my head. I had to be better than that, I just had to.
"I'm done for now." I said, feeling the alcohol beginning to make my whole body warm. Didn't want to get completely hammered until we were at Bebe's, I still needed to look normal in front of Jenny's bitchy mom.
"Me too." Jenny took both bottles, hiding them deep within her closet.
"Thank God Wendy pulled the short straw." Jenny muttered, straightening up and walking over to her desk mirror.
Wendy's the designated driver for tonight. She'll have to deal with a drunk Stan without any alcohol in her.
Stan's a hardcore depressed drunk and absolute hell to deal with. Despite that he still drank, claiming he'd 'be better this time'. He never was.
"She'll be here with everyone soon. You ready Ken?" She turned to me expectantly.
'Everyone' nowadays meant Kyle, Stan, Cartman, Butters, Heidi, Jenny, Wendy, and me.
Luckily Wendy drove a huge pickup. The cab fit five people including the driver and the rest of us would pile in the back.
"I am." I said, nodding at Jenny.
She nodded back, returning her attention to the mirror in front of her. Once she seemed satisfied with the way she looked we made our way downstairs.
"Don't you dare come home drunk Jenny." Her mom said, glaring at her from the large brown La-Z-Boy she had parked herself on.
She paid me no mind, which I'm happy about.
Jenny's mom had made it very clear what she thought of me. That I'm a poor piece of shit who's going absolutely nowhere in life. Not nearly good enough for her precious daughter.
Jenny told me to just ignore her, and I did. I couldn't care less what a fat middle aged bitchy woman had to say about me.
"I won't." Jenny snapped, opening the front door. I followed her outside, happy to be out of there.
Wendy's truck is already pulled up onto the black asphalt of the driveway.
She roll down the window, sticking out her hand and waving to us.
"Let's go, hop in the back! Bebe's wondering where we are." She yelled out.
"We're coming!" Jenny exclaimed, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the back of the truck.
"Oh, hi you two!" Butters greeted cheerfully, uncurling from his tight position so he could wave at us happily. His knees had been curled up to his chest, locked in position by his arms.
My heart clenched uncomfortably at the sight of him. My first instinct was to get mad at the guys sitting in the cab. Butters is smaller and thinner than all of them, meaning he would feel the coldest from the high winds.
He had on a loose black and white plaid shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. It's completely unbuttoned, revealing a tight white shirt underneath.
The shirt dipped slow, revealing Butters protruding collarbone.
He wore white washed ripped jeans with white slip ons to match.
Butters looked like a black and white angel. I couldn't stop the thought from crossing my mind, I immediately regretted it once it did.
"Hi Butters!" Jenny greeted enthusiastically.
All the girls loved Butters. I think it's because he's pretty damn adorable and the nicest guy you'd ever meet.
"Hey." I nodded and smiled at Butters, earning an even wider smile from him.
Why did he have to look at me like that.
Jenny put one foot on the back wheel, using to to hoist herself up into the back. She sat down a little away from Butters, implying I had to take a seat between them.
I pulled myself up, sitting in the empty space.
The metal bottom of truck is freezing. I shivered at its contact.
Wendy started the car, pulling out of Jenny's driveway and onto the street.
Jenny took her phone out of the pocket of her jeans, unwinding her white earbuds and putting them into her ears. She loved listening to music when we rode in the back of Wendy's truck.
The cold wind whipped us hard, making a shiver run down my spine. I'm not too worried, my body is naturally very warm. My inner furnace would kick in any second.
"Aren't you cold dude?" I asked, turning to Butters.
"Y-yeah, but it's okay. It's not that bad." He said optimistically, curling back up into his previous position.
I reached out, cupping his rosy cheek in my hand. I surprised myself, it was practically an unconscious movement. It felt so natural to reach out and touch him.
His cheek is ice cold.
Butters turned his face towards me, innocent blue eyes wide with surprise. I had never touched him like this before, hell I barely touched anyone ever.
I ripped my hand away like I had touched a burning hot element. Is this a result of the alcohol in my blood? I'm tipsy, but not drunk. That isn't enough to make me do things I wouldn't normally do.
"Kenny?" Buttered questioned curiously, tilting his head and furrowing his eyebrows slightly.
"Sorry." I said dumbly, not knowing what else to say.
"You didn't do anything wrong so you don't have to apologize. I'm just a little worried is all." Butters said kindly, reaching out his hand and putting it over top of mine. His hand is warmer than the cold metal beneath us, but not by much.
His skin is as soft as I thought it would be. His hand moved across my skin, fingers grasping delicately at mine.
My heart shot up at the small amount of contact. What the hell was I, a 25 year old virgin? Who the hell gets excited from touching their hand against someone else's?
"You shouldn't worry about me Butters, I'm okay." I said shortly, abruptly taking my hand away from his contact.
I brought my knees up, crossing my arms so that each elbow rested on the opposing knee. I looked down at the bottom of the truck, cursing myself inwardly.
I couldn't look at Butters face. I knew there would be disappointment and confusion written all over it. I had been acting so fucking weird and had just acted weirder than I ever had.
He didn't deserve to be upset by me, but I felt too confused to do anything else.
Maybe it'll be better if Butters comes to hate me. He can latch onto one of the other guys in our group and I can gradually forget about him.
I felt a hand rub my shoulder tenderly, it made me jolt in surprise.
"I know you don't want to tell me what's wrong Kenny, and that's okay. I'll be here for you whenever you're ready, alright?" I lifted my head at Butters kind words.
He looked at me, blue eyes looking a little sad and happy at the same time. His smile mimicked the feeling he portrayed with his eyes.
When had Butters become so observant and dependable?
His actions and expression shattered the pathetic angst I felt.
Fuck that. I couldn't blame Butters for the way I felt. He deserved everything single good thing I could give him.
"Thanks Leo. I've been feeling strange lately." I said vaguely.
Despite me telling him nothing specific he instantly perked up at my willingness to open up to him.
"Strange how?" He asked, taking his hand off of my shoulder. I missed the pressure of his hand the second he took it away.
"Just… thinking differently about life." I said. There's no way I could tell him the truth.
"Well, even if you think differently you're still Kenny McCormick." I looked over at him, watching his smile widen.
"Think however you want! Your friends will all still be here for you." Butters sunny tone and expression made me smile in return.
I doubted anyone could spend five minutes with Butters and not smile. That's just the type of person he is.
"You're a really great friend, Butters." I said sincerely, clapping him on the back lightly.
"Gee, thanks Kenny!" He exclaimed happily, his mood completely lifted.
Thanks to him, mine is too.