A/N: Trans!Dave. Yay! I actually really love trans!Dave because it allows me to explore a whole other side of him that, honestly, could be there canonically. Judge me, you shall not. Read, you will. Haha. Anyway, hope you enjoy this little drabble as much as my partner did.

Dave turned to the side, looking over his shoulder at the mirror, glaring at his reflection. He'd come to terms with his own appearance over the years, knowing that it would be difficult to change. It was actually pretty impossible. He didn't really even have the slightest clue about the whole process he needed to take. It was all still so new to him, even though the discomfort and anxiety had felt like a lifetime thing. Though he had become a professional at covering up said discomfort and anxiety. Dave turned to his other side and placed his hands on his hips, poking out his chest. With an irritated grunt he reached up to adjust his binder and glared at his reflection again. It was the only one who knew his secret.

Dave sighed and let his hands fall to his sides as he turned to search for the shirt he'd thrown off upon entering his room. His brother would be home any minute now if he wasn't already, and Dirk had a bad habit of barging in—completely unwanted, by the way—at really horrible times. He'd almost caught Dave changing out of his binder. That had been terrifying. Dave had shrieked at Dirk for over a half hour about knocking and respecting a locked door. The lecture had been decidedly ineffective. Dave smoothed his shirt down over his chest, glanced in his mirror one last time, and then walked out of his room towards the kitchen.

"Hey, Danielle."

Dave mentally cringed at the sound of his name. "'Sup, bro?"

"When's your friend coming over today? I have a couple errands I still gotta do, and I promised Jake I'd go out for a few drinks with him."

"Oh shit, I completely forgot I invited John over!" Dave smacked his forehead. "Damn, I don't even remember." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, trying to remember. "I think we agreed around three. It shouldn't be much longer. Egderp is annoyingly punctual. It's so uncool."

Dirk snorted. "Well I'll stay long enough to meet him. I'm not just leaving my little sister alone with just anyone." He stood up from his sprawling position on the sofa and moved towards the kitchen. He stepped around his little brother and grabbed the milk carton from the fridge. "How was school?"

"The usual." Dave shrugged, jumping up onto the counter. "Skipped a few classes, vandalized the bathroom stalls. Beat up a few Freshmen. Nothing new."

"Danielle."

"Alright, I did none of that." Dave rolled his eyes. "But hey, I kind of got something serious to ask you. Can you... not call me Danielle while John is here? Or refer to me as your sister?"

"Yeah, I guess. But why—"

Dirk was interrupted by three quiet knocks. Dave leaped off the counter and ran in the direction of the front door. He undid all of the locks and swung it open, schooling his grin into a smirk as he looked up at John. "What's up, Egderp?"

John grinned. "Sorry I'm late. There were a ton of people on the elevator, and none of them were going to your floor. I was the last one off."

Dave snorted, waving his hand for John to come inside, closing the door behind him. "Dude, you're totally early. There's still fifteen minutes before you're technically supposed to be here. You're punctuality is entirely unironic."

"I don't think that's a word."

"Oh, it is. Look it up. It's in Strider's Dictionary of Cool and Ironic Things to Say. It's basically a how-to guide for derps like you."

John rolled his eyes, following behind his friend into the kitchen. An older, taller version of Dave was leaning against the counter, scrolling through his phone in one hand, holding a carton of milk in the other. At the sound of voices, he looked up at the two teenagers standing in front of him.

"Dirk, this is my friend, John. John, this is my older brother, Dirk."

"Hi, it's nice to meet you. Dave talks about you a lot in school. You're totally not what I expected."

Dirk pocketed his phone and shook John's outstretched hand once before leaning back against the counter. Despite the shades, Dave knew that his brother was giving him the look. He knew he would have so much explaining to do later, but for now he was going to milk this forced silence for as much as it was worth.

"Can I trust the two of you alone for a few hours?" Dirk asked as he put away the milk.

Dave glared at his brother. "Of course. We're not gonna do anything."

"No, I know. But a big brother can't help but worry. It's not like I can always know what's going on."

John glanced between Dave and his brother nervously. "Am I missing something?"

"No. It's cool." Dirk nodded in John's direction. "I'll see you guys around dinner time. Pizza sound good?"

"Bring home apple juice." Dave called over his shoulder as he opened the fridge. "We're out."

"Got it. It was nice meeting you, John. I'll see you two later." He shot Dave a pointed look before disappearing out the front door. John visibly relaxed, leaning against the counter for support.

"He's terrifying."

"You get used to it." Dave shrugged, closing the fridge. There wasn't actually anything he wanted. He'd only been using it as an excuse to avoid looking at his older brother. John didn't know anything. In fact, no one at school did. Ever since moving from Texas to NYC, Dave had made sure to tell all of his teachers to refer to him as Dave. All of them had accepted it without question. In Texas, not so much. It had been a nightmare in that state.

But Dirk had no idea what was going on. Dave made sure to keep a low profile here so no one would question him. He'd made a few friends, but they were all outcasts like him. John was one of them, but he was pretty dense. Dave was sure John had no idea. Jade wasn't nearly as blind as John could be, but if she knew, she seemed content with ignoring it. Rose though... lately he'd noticed her giving him odd looks. It made him uncomfortable, like she could see straight under his clothes, but he did his best to ignore it. But either way, at school he was Dave. At home, he was Danielle, and not by choice. He knew his brother would probably accept him, but there was that lingering fear that maybe he wouldn't. And the uncertainty kept his mouth shut.

"Dave?"

"Huh?" Dave blinked and looked at John, who looked concerned. "What?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for like ten seconds. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine." Dave waved away his concern. "We can chill in my room. It's totally sick. I got these new turntables for my birthday last year. I'll let you try 'em out if you promise not to be a dweeb and break them."

"Sweet! No, totally, I'll be careful!"

"Good. Otherwise, it's coming out of your next paycheck."

John rolled his eyes and charged into Dave's room, completely himself now that Dave's terrifying older brother was gone, and would be for the next couple of hours. Dave wandered over to his bed and sat down, pushing himself back and crossing his legs. He took off his shades and set them on his bedside table, watching John freak out over his turntables with a small smile on his face. He liked how immature John could be. He always got so excited over little things, and always went out of his way to make a fool of himself if he noticed Dave was in a bad mood. He honestly loved the idiot.

Wait.

"Dave, this is so cool." John gushed, tentatively playing with all the knobs and buttons. "I'm gonna stop messing with it though, because I seriously can't afford to fix what I break."

John looked over at Dave, losing his smile when he saw his friend's expression. Dave was staring at him, though it didn't seem like he was actually looking at him—it was like he was staring past him at something John couldn't see. His eyes were wide and his posture was stiff. John walked over to Dave and lightly pushed on his shoulder.

"Seriously, are you okay? You keep doing that weird staring thing and it's freaking me out. Dave?"

"Y-yeah... I—" Dave blinked, shaking his head slowly. "Sorry. I was just thinking about something. It caught me off guard. This is really uncool." Dave cleared his throat uncomfortably. "How about we watch a movie? I've got a ton of actually good movies over there under my TV. Feel free to pick any of them. None of them are lame."

John snorted, easily derailed. "I doubt it. My movies are the best."

"Only in your dreams, Egderp." Dave stretched out across his bed, quickly readjusting his binder while John had his back turned. He'd been wearing it for too long. He would have to take it off eventually. Hopefully he wouldn't have to take it off until John had already left for the night.

"How about this one?" John held up a movie.

"Crank? Hell yeah. Jason Statham is a beast in those movies."

John put in the movie and then sat down on Dave's bed, sitting at an awkward position so he wouldn't be all up in Dave's space or blocking his view of the TV. Dave sighed loudly and grabbed John's collar, yanking him down.

"Get comfortable, Egderp. It's a long movie."

"O-okay." John stuttered, his cheeks flaming. He shifted around for a few minutes, trying to find a comfortable position. Dave twisted and angled himself to the side so John could rest his head on his stomach. He stopped moving for a few minutes, but then he started fidgeting again.

"The fuck. Are you gonna move around for the whole movie?"

"I'm sorry!" John apologized quickly. "I just... I don't want to like, get all up in your personal space or whatever. You get kind of scary when people get too close to you."

Dave's irritation instantly deflated. "Oh. Really?"

"Uh, yeah. A few months ago you actually made Jade cry. She waited until you were gone, but as soon as you left for class she just sort of burst into tears. She was saying something about how she just really wanted to hug you because she noticed you were having a bad day, and you sort of bit her head off for it."

"Oh." Another lame response. Way to go, Strider. "Jeez... I—I didn't realize I was such a dick about it."

"It's okay." John hesitated. "I mean I guess. It's probably not, but that's just how you are. We try not to get in your personal space. Jade doesn't hate you for it. She was just really sorry."

"I guess I need to apologize for that."

"No you don't." John rolled over, crossing his arms over Dave's stomach. "Like I said, it's just you. We should respect that a little better."

Dave sighed. "It's not..." He grimaced. "I don't know. I feel bad now."

John sat up, crossing his legs. "Really, Dave. Don't worry about it too much. We're your friends. If we can't get over something as stupid as this, then I don't really think we should be friends." He grimaced. "Okay, no, I think that sounded bad. What I'm trying to say is—"

"Shut up, Egderp." Dave sat up, looking down at his hands. "I get what you're trying to say. But no matter how much you guys might accept, I still want to apologize. I'm not allowed to be a dick because I can't—" he cut himself off, closing his eyes for a brief second "—you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me how about that?"

John frowned. "Dave."

"What?"

"Dave."

"What!"

John laughed. "We don't walk on eggshells."

"You don't understand."

"Then make me understand." John said quietly, scooting closer. He reached forward and grabbed Dave's hand, still smiling. "However you need to say it. I want to understand."

Dave stared down at their hands in shock. The way his heart reacted, hammering painfully against his chest, only reminded him more about the discomfort he was currently feeling. He blinked and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but it didn't really work. It felt like it was suddenly a million degrees in his room. Was this what a panic attack felt like?

"Can you open that window and turn my fan on?" Dave asked quietly, releasing John's hand. He massaged his fingers, surprised by how stiff they felt. He hadn't realized he'd been gripping John's hand so tightly. He watched John throw open his window and adjust his fan, wishing he could change out of this damned binder. But he knew the difference would be obvious, even to an idiot like John.

"Thanks." Dave muttered when John returned to his seat.

"No problem."

Dave sighed. "I don't how to make you understand, John. I—this is totally out of your depth. Sometimes I don't even understand it completely." He grimaced, rubbing his face. "Holy shit."

John scooted closer until their knees were touching. "Could I... I mean—would you let me try to make you understand something?"

"What?" Dave frowned. "Uh, sure, I guess. Go ahead."

"Close your eyes."

"No way. That's a deal breaker."

"Come on, just trust me."

Dave grimaced, staring at John for what seemed like forever. "Fine."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to force himself to relax. After a few seconds of silence, Dave felt the bed shift under John's weight. It didn't really click with him what John was doing until he felt his hands on his neck. But before he could react, John had already closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. Dave made a completely unattractive noise in the back of his throat with the initial shock of being kissed. Now he was frozen, unsure of whether or not he should respond or push John away as politely as possible. But before he could make a decision, John leaned back, smiling a little.

"What'd you learn?"

"That you're a shit kisser."

John shook his head. "I'm being serious."

"I... don't know."

"Can I do it again?"

Dave hesitated, chewing on his bottom lip. "Yes."

John shifted closer until he was straddling Dave's lap, moving his hands up from his neck to comb through his hair. Dave hesitantly rested his hands on John's waist, tilting his head up slightly so he could look right at him. John held his gaze for what seemed like an eternity before leaning forward to kiss him, keeping his eyes open. Dave's feather-light hold on John's waist tightened slightly and his eyes fluttered shut. The panic he felt from before was still there, it just wasn't as loud as it had been.

As awkward as it felt, John kept his eyes open, almost expecting Dave to back off suddenly. John had had a sort-of-there-but-not-really kind of crush on Dave for the longest time. He'd never actually been able to understand it until now. Dave was a lot shorter than him, true, and he was really pale compared to John, and his eyes were kind of scary sometimes (they're red), but none of that actually mattered. He liked Dave because he was really nice and funny, and even if he acted immature sometimes, he liked that too. Dave could make John smile even if he didn't want to. He had horrible taste in movies, but John thought the music he made was awesome. He loved his irony. He loved that Dave thought he was actually cool by any means. He loved—

Wait.

John felt his stomach do a happy back flip when he heard an almost inaudible hum from Dave. He moved his hands down from Dave's hair to his shoulders, pushing him back against the bed. John leaned back from the kiss to press his lips against Dave's throat, nipping over places he hoped were sensitive. Dave's fingers dug into John's hips as he pulled down, aiming to create friction between their bodies. He let out a quiet but high-pitched whine at the feel of John's fingers caressing his stomach, slowly—agonizingly—pushing up his shirt—

Wait.

"John." He gasped, trying to sit up. "No, John. Wait."

John sat back immediately. "I'm sorry. I didn't—"

"No, no, no... I—it's just me. I can't—I mean we—shouldn't—I—"

John threw his arms around Dave in a crushing hug, burying his face into his shoulder. "Shh, it's okay. You really don't have to explain yourself. I shouldn't have pushed you that far. I was rushing. I just really like you and I got excited at the thought of you liking me back. I'm sorry, Dave."

"I wanted to keep going." Dave whispered, shivering a little as he held tight to John. "I just have this—this issue, okay? And I can't tell you what's wrong right now. No one knows. It's not your fault, John, it's mine. It really is my fault."

"Well, I don't care who's fault it is." John leaned back from the hug, smiling. "Can I ask you a question?"

Dave grimaced. "I guess..."

"Will you go out with me?"

"Like... publicly?"

John rolled his eyes. "Duh."

Dave felt his face heat up. "I mean yeah, sure. That'd be cool. Totally."

He laughed. "So that's a yes."

"What do you think it was, Egderp? Of course it was a yes."

"Cool." John grinned and kissed Dave's cheek. "I'm glad."