Chapter 2

Scully almost fell on her ass trying to get out of the tub.

She was so surprised that Mulder was here, and she didn't want him to walk in on her naked in the bathroom.

She took a quick look in the mirror, frowning at what she saw. There were streaks of mascara running down her face, the tips of her hair were wet from the bath water, dark circles had started to form under her eyes from her lack of sleep and the stress she'd been through.

To put it lightly, she looked like a mess.

She quickly brushed through her hair and pulled it back away from her face. Taking out her face scrub she gently washed the make-up away and applied a thin layer of moisturizer.

She didn't have any clothes in the bathroom since she wasn't expecting any guests tonight - she normally would have just walked naked to her bedroom to get dressed.

So, she slipped out the bathroom door wrapped in her dark blue towel, and walked across the hall to her bedroom to get dressed.

As luck would have it, Mulder was sitting on her sofa waiting for her, and had a clear view of her quick trip from the bathroom to her bedroom.

He looked up as he heard the bathroom door open, and his heart fluttered just a bit when he saw Scully, looking beautiful and flawless with her bare shoulders and perfect calves peeking out either side of the towel wrapped around her.

She was slightly embarrassed at her state of undress.

"Sorry Mulder, let me just get dressed and I'll be right with you," she told him as she scurried across the short hallway to her bedroom.

"Take your time Scully, I'm sorry that I came unannounced and interrupted your bath," Mulder said apologetically.

"Is that pizza I smell Mulder?" Scully called from her bedroom.

Mulder smiled, and called back "Yes, I figured the least I could do was bring you some dinner since I clearly interrupted your evening."

Scully couldn't help the smile that appeared across her face. She wasn't sure what had happened to the Mulder she left at the office, but she didn't care right now. She was happy to see him, despite being interrupted in the bath.

She had no idea why he was here, probably to share some case details with her that he felt simply couldn't wait until Monday morning, but it didn't matter as long as he was in a better mood.

She wouldn't admit it to his face, but she often missed him on the weekends. Sometimes she just wanted to spend time with him away from the office, the suits and ties, the heels, and the formality of it all.

"It's really no problem Mulder, I appreciate you bringing food, I'm starving." Scully said as she made her way out of the bedroom and into the dining area where the pizza was waiting on the table.

"You brought beer too?", she said, not able to contain her smile.

"Of course, you had a rough week, and I figured you'd be thirsty after eating a few slices of pizza," Mulder said with a grin.

"Thanks Mulder, this is really nice of you," she said as she let out a small moan while taking a bite of pizza.

"So, what's up Mulder, did you find something out about that missing child case?", Scully looked at him inquisitively.

"Uh, no...Scully, I, I need to talk to you, and it couldn't wait." Mulder was nervous, he couldn't look at her, he was sitting on the sofa, his torso leaning forward and his elbows on his knees. He was biting on his thumbnail and shaking his leg while he pondered his next words.

"Look Scully, I want to tell you how sorry I am about earlier. I was such an ass to you, and you didn't deserve that, you don't deserve any of the bad things that have happened to you, including this whole mess with Jerse. It wasn't your fault, I know that, and I'm sorry that I was so harsh on you and so sarcastic with you. I was mad at myself because I should have been there Scully, I should have been there so that you wouldn't have gone through any of that." Mulder was on the verge of tears.

She was a bit worried because she hadn't seen him so emotional over her before.

"Mulder, it's ok, I was really really stupid this past week. I let my judgment fall by the wayside because I was feeling down. I made mistakes and you're right to question me on those mistakes."

Scully set down her slice of pizza, wiped her hands on a napkin and made her way over to the sofa to sit down next to Mulder.

She grabbed his right hand with hers and took her left hand and started rubbing his back with her nails. He shivered at her touch.

"Mulder, I accept your apology, I know you didn't mean anything by what you said, and I should have known better. I know you were just frustrated that I could have been hurt. To be honest, I've been questioning everything lately. I don't even know who I am anymore. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my life. I wonder if this is where I'm supposed to be. I thought maybe if I took some risks it would help me figure out if what I'm doing is right." Scully said as she looked into his eyes with concern.

He still wasn't looking at her.

"And what did you find out Scully? Do you think you're in the right place, or are you ready to run away from the X-files and away from me, because honestly, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to," Mulder said sounding defeated.

"Mulder, I'm still thinking about it. But for now, I'm happy with you being here and bringing over dinner, and this is exactly what I want to be doing right now. So c'mon, have some pizza with me." Scully pulled on Mulder's arm, but he wouldn't budge.

"No Scully, there's more" he said as he brought his left hand up and cupped her cheek.

He finally looked up and looked into her eyes. They were burning an intense blue, a sincerity and concern showing for him that he'd grown to recognize.

"Scully, I..." Mulder looked away from her, closed his eyes, grabbed both of her hands in his, and said the words he's been needing to say for so very long.

"Scully, I love you, I'm in love with you. I know that I'm an ass to you sometimes, and I'm sorry for that, I truly am, I don't know why I act that way. The only thing I can think of is that I have tried to push you away and block out these feelings and make you hate me so that I didn't have to tell you how I really feel. I'm so afraid that now that I've told you, you'll run away from me forever. And, if that's what you want to do Scully, then I completely understand. I don't want to lose you, but I'd rather be your partner and your friend than nothing at all. You're amazing, you're brilliant, you're gorgeous, you're everything to me Scully."

Mulder had said it. He told her exactly how he felt, and he wasn't sure now what to think.

He finally opened his eyes and looked back up at her, needing to know what was going through her mind as she heard his words.

Tears began falling down his cheeks, falling lightly on her bare leg that pressed up against his.

Scully just sat there staring at him, her mouth slightly open, her heart beating amazingly fast, she was sure Mulder could hear it. Her eyes filled with moisture as her own tears began to fall.

She couldn't believe it, this must be a dream. The words she so badly wanted to hear, have all come, and instead of embracing Mulder, showing him that she feels the same, she knows she has to hold back.

She couldn't possibly share her own feelings because she would never be able to hurt Mulder that way.

If she allowed him to know that she felt the same, they would take a path that she knew could end sooner than either would like.

She couldn't consciously carry on with Mulder for weeks, months, maybe years if she was lucky, only to possibly leave him utterly devastated if she ends up being ripped away from him by her disease.

Without knowing what type of cancer she is dealing with, she just does not feel it's fair to bring Mulder into this.

She looked away from Mulder, finding herself focusing on nothing, but staring at the large beige stripe on her wallpaper.

"Mulder, oh god, I'm so sorry, I can't. I just can't."