Of course I don't own Twilight...
Day X+1
My name is Isabella Marie Swan, I am human, I will always be human...
I say that sentence to my mirror in the bathroom, every morning since He left. Because my mind is numb, because I cannot bear to be called Bella anymore, because I need to remember that before I had a different future and probably for other reasons, but the fog in my brain doesn't allow me to see it yet.
Bella is something from the past; she was a happy girl madly in love with a wonderful boy and an amazing family in law to be.
I am Isabella Mary Swan. No short cut, nothing friendly, just a name, my name that I say over and over again. Because that is what is left of me, just a name and nothing else. No dream and ambition, no friend or colleague or brothers or best friend either.
I still have Charlie, he loves me. My dad is like a very soft and warm Blanquette, when everything is good you don't think about it but when you are unwell it is the best thing you can have.
Charlie takes care of me. He tries to make me eat. He tries to soften the nightmares haunting me every night. He is also very worried about me.
Maybe one day it will end, I just pray to not wake up. Every day spend alive is a torture now.
I just sit doing nothing, only trying to remember him, every last details, because it was so good that I cannot let it go. But now when I remember Him, and Them, there is no Joy, only pain... under the numbness that I feel, there is only pain.
Charlie hears me again this morning... I am Isabella Marie Swan... it is my motto.
I am human. I could have become a vampire. I would have live with my brothers and sisters; I would have helped my mother to redecorate when we would have moved from place to place. I would have lived happily ever after with my love. I would have been forever 17.
But I won't. I will always be human. Until I die.
I know that I will die soon. I can feel the energy leaving my body slowly. I believe it is the effect of the lack of food. I am not fighting. I quit fighting on the floor of the forest few hours after he left. The pain wins. He wins. Maybe few more days, a week or two maximum, and I won't be able to wake up. If only it could come sooner...