Ch.2

Author's Note: I would like to point out quickly that this chapter also deals with violent material in which an abusive relationship is explored in order to establish a character's past.

Though it felt like the longest three minutes of her life, he pulled up safely into the driveway of her sorority house. Opening her door and wrapping his arm around her, Michaela knew he was back to playing the gentlemen again, and the façade was so fake she just wanted to scream. As they approached the front door, she maneuvered herself out of his grasp slightly, to retrieve her key from her purse. Before she could pull the door open with her one uninjured hand, he thrust his free hand in front of her directly blocking the knob. "Look at me!" he hissed under his breath, and like a scolded child she immediately looked up into the eyes of the man who held more power over her than she had ever thought possible. Seeing her obey him once again, he whispered softly, "You had better stop holding your hand like that. If these bi****s in here think something is wrong, I'll make sure something is wrong. You got that?"

She merely nodded in reply and regretfully dropped her hand to her side, and though the blood flowing directly downward into it was piercing, she knew she had to endure in for at least a few minutes.

Smiling at several of the girls as she walked into the house with David in tow, they all immediately bombarded her with questions about the party.

"So, how was it?" Peyton, a tiny blond with a stunning smile and charm to match, asked in excitement.

"Did Ethan end up showing up?" Vanessa questioned in reference to the star basketball player rumored to attend the fraternity house party.

"Gosh, don't you two look cute!" Kimberly chimed in focusing her eyes directly on David.

The very second her eyes landed on Peyton, she swallowed hard over the lump in her throat, remembering David words from mere hours ago. Looking into the girl's bright blue eyes, she felt all traces of doubt leave her fully. She was doing the right thing, and no matter how many times she lied to them, deep down inside she knew that to be true.

"It was fine," Michaela replied almost robotically. She had learned long ago how to play this very game. Knowing she had to portray the very essence of the perfect couple to everyone around her, she had learned how to lie through her teeth. There had only ever been one of her sisters that didn't fall for her words. And she didn't appear to be home at the moment, which definitely worked to Michaela's advantage.

"And you didn't miss anything Vanessa. I didn't see Ethan at all," David returned flashing her a warm smile.

"Oh, all right then," she returned, captivated by his smile and the way he held Michaela close in his arms.

Slowly releasing his grip, he gently strode over to Kimberly's side and pulled her into his arms. "How's my sweetheart's little sister?" he asked with a grin.

"Oh I'm pretty good. Though I would have loved to be invited to your party tonight… Where was my invitation?" she challenged.

"Hmmm must have gotten lost in the mail. Next time I'll have to hand deliver it myself," he added, and she simply shook her head in amusement.

Michaela gritted her teeth together the entire time to keep from lashing out that very instant. She despised when he flirted with her 'little sister' right in front of her eyes like that. It wasn't out of jealousy but protectiveness. She knew how truly dangerous he was, though the rest of the world was in the dark. And after being Kimberly's pledge sister a year ago, she had promised to guide and protect her, and something about him going near someone she cared for so deeply simply set her on edge. Kimberly truly had no idea that David had not only threatened her life multiple times, but the life of her young brother. The memories of his piercing words literally made her sick to her stomach. And watching him run his hand softly up and down her sister's arm only increased that feeling, as it truly was one of the most sickening sights she had ever seen, and she prayed for the strength to remain silent.

Before she could stare any longer as the two batted their eyelashes at one another playfully, Peyton turned towards her declaring with a wink, "Oh and Michaela, Grace is spending the night in my room tonight, if you two are still planning on having some fun."

Feeling the deep nausea rising up inside of her, she knew she could contain it no longer. A look of terror mixed with deep shock flashed in her eyes, before she took off for the bathroom.

Within seconds she could feel the vomit rising up inside of her, as she had never been backed this far into a hidden corner before. This was another complication she hadn't planned on, as having a roommate was always the sure fire way to get rid of David. She always told him Grace would be back in minutes or in the room at the time, anything to let him know it wouldn't just be the two of them. That had always worked to get him to leave without too much complaint. However, her sisters had just ruined it.

She had always thought Grace had more of her relationship with David pegged that anyone else and had always assumed she would be the perfect scapegoat. With David living in the fraternity house, she likewise could always escape, claiming he had too many roommates.

Taking several deep breaths and standing back on her feet again, she stared deeply into her reflection in the mirror as she ran her hand under the piercing cold water. Looking at the woman before her, all she could see was a scared and helpless little girl. A girl that was deeply wounded and was now trapped in a circle of violence to which she couldn't escape. Wanting to simply lock herself in the bathroom and never come out, she seriously considered climbing out the window onto the shingled roof ledge and jumping off. The only thing stopping her was knowing she wasn't up high enough. If she jumped from that ledge of the roof she more than likely wouldn't die, merely just injure herself, and that certainly wouldn't solve the problem.

Trying to imagine herself alone in her room in what might only be a few hours away, she prayed for the strength to survive what was headed her way. As she stepped into the hall, she felt as if she were walking towards an oncoming train. Everything inside of her was screaming at her to run the other way, yet she simply stared at the bright light ahead, walking towards it slowly, knowing she would probably die from the impact.

"Michaela?" he called from the other room, trying to fake concern for her. She knew in reality he just wanted to make sure he knew exactly where she was. He always had to know where she was…

"Michaela, are you throwing up? Do you need me to hold your hair?" Kimberly called from the other room.

"No, I'm fine…" she returned, using every ounce of self control she possessed to keep herself from begging them for help, while slowly approaching the side of the monster towering before her.

"Oh God you're so lying…" Vanessa said with a giggle. "It's written all over your face girl. Don't lie to us; we know when you've been throwing up! When are you going to remember we saw you during that week before initiation? God remember how much she threw up after they made her drink like what was it six shots of tequila?"

"No, it was ten! I still remember holding that hair of hers out of the way… Michaela, do you still have that t-shirt they made us? What did it say?... I can't remember… Something about I'm not just a college student, I'm a Phi Alpha Zeta girl…" Peyton chimed in.

"And I just wanna have fun!" Vanessa finished with a laugh.

"Oh yeah! Why did they make her drink that many? They only made me take five…" Peyton added.

"Because she stupidly confessed that she'd never drank before," Kimberly supplied having heard this infamous story before.

"Oh that's right! Man, we should dig out those pictures again! That night was crazy!" Vanessa returned before turning her eyes back to Michaela, whom she realized hadn't said a word.

"Honey, are you okay? You really don't look good…" Vanessa questioned in concern.

"Oh, she just had a lot to drink… She'll be just fine tomorrow. I'll take her to breakfast," David said with a charming wink, wrapping his arm around her tighter.

"All right…" Vanessa answered, quickly won over.

"Sorry to hold you two up," Peyton said with a wink. "Goodnight Michaela."

Giving her an undetectable nudge from behind, she knew he expected her to answer and fast.

"Goodnight," she replied flashing all three girls a smile.

Standing firmly rooted in her spot in the hallway, she wasn't going to make the first move up those stairs unless he forced her. Smiling at the girls one more time, he took her gently by the hand, leading her from the room.

But before he touched the first step, Peyton called out to him, "Oh and David?"

Shoving her forward slightly, motioning for her to climb the stairs, he turned his eyes back towards Peyton's sparkling blue ones.

"Yeah?" he replied in curiosity.

"There's supplies in that hall closet if you need them. We all play it safe in this house…" Peyton added with a sly grin.

"Thanks honey, but I'm covered," he answered flashing her a sexy grin.

"Oh I bet you are," she said with a giggle watching him wink at her again before running to catch up with Michaela.

As she continued to climb the staircase, she could feel her jaw start to shake slightly, her mind in total and complete agony. She wanted more than anything to fall to her knees and beg them for help… Scream at them to save her from the monster they had just allowed to escort her upstairs… Feeling the rage boiling inside of her, she tried to squash it back down, knowing this wasn't their fault. They don't have any idea Michaela… You can't be mad at them for not keeping you from spending the night with your prince charming… They see him as the dashingly handsome class president… That's the picture you've painted for them… They truly have no clue…no clue that you're sacrificing yourself to save them…

Forcefully shoving her into her room that had once been a sanctuary from his hold, he closed the door behind him and turned to face her fully.

"We're all alone," he said with a sly grin realizing that for the first time in a very long time, she had nowhere to run.

Swallowing hard she continued to back further and further away from him, totally unsure what to do. She began to frantically play through all her options, though every single one came up as ineffectual. If she screamed the other girls would come running, but they knew David. Or at least they were convinced they did… He would reason it away that she had been drinking too much, and that he was worried about her and wanted to keep an eye on her. Odds were they would believe that and leave without a care in the world, leaving her to fend for herself as he enacted his revenge for that betrayal.

If she ran from him, again the girls would merely assume that she was acting strangely from the alcohol. That, however, may be the very plan that would get him out of the house, but then she would have nowhere to run to tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that… Eventually, she would pay for it…as would they… And it was a long shot anyway… More than likely they would tell him to sleep on the couch, because she was totally out of it. However, he would definitely wake her in the early hours of the morning when all the girls had finally gone to sleep. And these doors had no locks…

The bottom line was she couldn't risk the other girls believing she had lost her mind entirely…And more importantly she couldn't risk their lives... Even if they believed her and made him leave, he would kill each and every one of them in the following days. He would follow them through the campus courtyards in the evening, sneak into the house in the late hours of the morning and take their lives in the darkness of the night… She knew he had her in the palm of his hand, and it was written all over his face that he knew the very same… Though she was in a house full of girls, she was isolated and completely cut-off from all assistance. Just the way he liked her…

"Come here…" he called with a seduction that terrified her. During the entire almost two years she had known him, all the times she had been truly terrified of what he planned to do to her, she had never felt this horrendous all consuming horror.

He quickly pulled her towards him, placing his arms around the small of her back. Looking into her eyes that held no love, only terror, merely added to his excitement. As he pushed her backwards onto her bed she attempted to catch herself, but the sharp pain in her hand prevented this action. Ending up looking submissive and defenseless, she couldn't have felt any less powerful. Pinning her hands above her head, he climbed on top of her so fast she didn't even have a second to decide if she should indeed run from him.

Ripping her shirt from her body and tossing it to the floor, he snapped the clasp on her pink lace bra in one fluid motion. Shutting her eyes tight under his piercing gaze, she felt her cheeks flush instantly as she imagined what was running through his head. In all the times that she had imagined what she would do if he ever strongly attempted to force himself upon her, she had never considered the paralyzing fear that would reach out and grab her so forcefully she didn't think action on her part was physically possible. As he stared at her with lust in his eyes, he began to painfully grope her upper body.

She couldn't stop her tears from flooding, as she knew this night had finally arrived. The night she had successfully avoided for years now… He wasn't going to back down this time, and within seconds she was going to have to summon that deep fight within her that didn't seem to be there when she needed it the most. As he released his grip on her hands, confident she wouldn't fight him, and moved his to the waistband of her skirt, she felt her body trembling violently as he pulled the material down her thighs.

"David, if you ever loved me please stop…" she pleaded hoping to reach even a little part of the humanity inside of him.

"I'm not going to stop a da** thing. I've waited for you for far too long now… You're lucky I didn't take you in the back of my car with how hard you've made this for me. Well I couldn't have been any more da** understanding, and you told me tonight you would let me love you. You belong to me, Michaela," he declared vehemently as he gazed down at the tiny diamond promise ring on her third finger.

Turning her eyes towards the ring as well, she couldn't help but remember the one time she'd taken it off. She had quickly learned to never make that mistake again, as her ankle still carried the scar from that misstep.

"I'm not backing down this time…" he finished before tossing his shirt to the floor.

As he removed her last item of clothing, she honestly couldn't believe what was happening. The total humiliation crept over her, as she felt more vulnerable then she had ever felt before. She literally wished she was dead as she watched his eyes dance across her completely exposed form, knowing he thought no more of her than a woman displaying herself for money in the cheap magazines he kept under his bed. Knowing that she meant nothing to him and was only an object of sexual desire made her feel even more used, if that were possible… Though his physical abuse had seemed unbearable this was far worse… He had humiliated her and degraded her before, but she had never felt less like a human being than in this very moment…

She knew he was watching the mortification flash in her eyes, but rather than find that uncomfortable as most would, he seemed excited by it. That thought only made the stabbing degradation even worse as she heard the same voice in her head echo over and over it's not suppose to be like this… In all honesty, she didn't know what felt the worst, the embarrassment, the betrayal, the haunting thoughts of what would come, or the illusion of the shattered dream of what her very first time would be like.

She had always vowed to fight to the death to keep him from violating her in this very last way… When they had first entered her room moments ago, she had thought this would be the night she died. Until this very moment there had never been a doubt in her mind that she would fight him until she gave her very last breath. But now with him on top of her like this, she just couldn't summon the strength to fight any longer. As much as she wanted to, she was completely immobilized by full and heart-stopping terror.

Glancing towards the poster to her left with a single rose in the center, she willed herself to mentally check out completely. She knew that was the only way she was going to make it through this. Focusing on the red petals that slowly faded to a shade of almost pink as they approached the center of the rose's depths, she wondered if this new level of abuse would hurt… Hurt worse than his physical attacks… She had survived endless nights of torment and bodily assaults from him… This was just another level she was going to have to endure, as this was the only way to save the lives of the people she loved… Shutting her eyes tight, she tried with all of her heart and mind to block out her surroundings completely.

The second he saw her eyes clamp shut, he snarled "Open your eyes you worthless bi***! I want to see the look in your eyes when you finally become mine!" determined not to let her mind save her from the agony he knew she was experiencing.

Part of her wanted to ignore him, knowing nothing could be worse than this… But he had trained her so well, she couldn't resist… The ingrained fear inside of her demanded compliance. Snapping her eyes open in defeat, she knew she was powerless to stop him. Even if she fought him he would probably still take her innocence before he killed her. No matter what she did David Lewis was going to have his way with her. David Lewis always got what he wanted without fail, and she was foolish to ever think she would be the exception to this fact. And as she felt his bitterly cold touch, his fingers rudely caressing a part of her no man had ever invaded, she gasped in shock knowing this was only the beginning…And now that she let him get away with it once, it would be never ending…

Shooting straight up in a cold sweat, she could feel her chest heaving as she gasped for air. Looking around the room, she ran her fingers through her hair in panic before her mind slowly focused again on where she was. "It's over… It's been over for a long time… He can't hurt you anymore…" she repeated to herself over and over, as she felt the panic in her chest ceasing with every breath.

Tossing the blankets aside and striding the few feet to the bathroom, she knew what would happen any second. It happened every time she awoke from a flashback of those terrible terrible memories. She wished more than anything that they had only been a dream, though she knew that wasn't true. It was a dream of her past… A past that seemed to follow her no matter where she went….

And as she couldn't stop herself from becoming physically sick, she could feel the tears leaking from her eyes. She had prayed and prayed for those memories to go away… She had prayed that they would stop haunting her dreams as they haunted her every waking moment already. No matter how much she wished she could erase those two years, the truth was she couldn't. Her heart was riddled with the emotional scars he left, her body covered in physical ones… And now her mind was plagued with scars even in her sleep. But she knew she couldn't change the past, she just had to keep moving forward.

After wiping her mouth with a hand towel, she bounded to her desk and removed the black leather-bound journal. Thumbing through the pages to the first blank one, she pulled a pen from the drawer and started writing, as she did every time she awoke with such fear. Though writing in this journal never changed anything, as she had never summoned the strength to send him the hundreds of letters she had written, somehow it always seemed to make her feel better. It was almost as if this were the outlet to really let him know what he had done to her without having to feel his wrath or feel her guilt over harboring so much anger.

Starting at the very top of the page scrawling David in her perfect cursive handwriting, she began to pour out her heart and soul, declaring how torn apart she was inside, and how memories of the pain he had caused her still racked her daily.

David,

Every night that I wake up plagued by horrible memories of our time together, I can't help but ask myself 'why'? Why did you treat me that way? In all honesty, why? I never did anything but show my love for you until your anger and abuse spiraled so far out of control I no longer felt anything for you but hatred. Do you ever think about those years we spent together? I think about them almost every moment of every day. I can't get you out of my head David Lewis…And not because I love you, or because I miss you, or even because I hate you… It's really because I don't understand you…

How could you treat someone you claimed to care for so violently? You tortured me David. Every moment you could you beat me physically, emotionally, and eventually sexually. I feared for my life, but more than that I lived in constant terror that you would hurt the ones I loved. I just don't understand how our love became so out of control…

When did your love for me cross over into such contempt and will to dominate and manipulate at all costs? You were the first man I loved, and I can't seem to forget that… My love for you died long ago, as well as my respect, for what true man can ever strike a woman? But that doesn't stop those questions streaming through my mind as the 'whys' circle through my dreams, heart, and head.

I truly feel that I can never put this behind me… And I know that your answers won't solve this, but I'm still dying to know why… Why you threatened my life every chance you had… Why you inflicted as many physical scars as you could, leaving me branded with a lifetime of painful reminders… Why you threatened the lives of the people closest to me…Why you forced yourself upon me when I begged you not to… Why a slap from you was as common as breathing, as I received them so often...?

That night in my bedroom at the sorority house, I looked at you with such mortification and terror… But instead of backing down you only came at me stronger… Why was that David? Did you find my misery enjoyable or did you simply block it out?

Did you realize that you were leaving me with scars I could never erase? Fears of intimacy that would last a lifetime? Or was that the true plan all along? Did you ever see the two of us together in the future, or was I just the punching bag of the moment?

I wish more than anything that I could truly understand you. I feel like if I was finally able to comprehend your actions somewhat with concrete motivations maybe I could finally move forward…

Lastly, if you could do it all over again would you? If you could start our relationship over from day one how would you do things differently this time around? Would you still act in that same destructive manner, or have you finally realized that what you did was wrong on so many levels?

Because of you I'm damaged… damaged in oh so many ways…and I don't think I can ever truly forgive you for that… The pain you caused me didn't just last two years, but will last every day for the rest of my life…Somehow I'm guessing you knew that all along…

I know that even if I send this, you will have no intention of responding. But I want you to know that even though I'm damaged, I'm not broken beyond repair. Some day I will find the strength to finally glue each and every piece of my life and myself back together. Know that you didn't win David. You didn't win….

As she swiped away at the tears falling down her cheeks, she wished with all of her heart that this wasn't how she spent the early hours of almost every morning. Maybe one day that would change, but for now her heart was still burdened by an anger and hatred she couldn't seem to forget.