The air chilled as the sun sank behind the horizon making me shiver. I pushed my hands further into the soapy water, scrubbing my dishes clean. I was learning that everyone had their own chores here. People signed up to go on perimeter checks, supply runs, and make food. Everyone however, washed their own dishes and clothes, something about individual and communal responsibility. Even though this was my first night here I was surprised to see how well everyone worked together. The Dauntless laughed and joked around with the Factionless as though they had grown up with them.

I found myself holding my breath, wondering how long this could last.

I glanced over to my right as I set my dishes on a near by table to dry.

Several people were carrying armfuls of brush and logs over to what looked like a large fire pit.

"Um…" I began as Uriah took my place at the wash barrel, "isn't that a bit risky?"

Uriah followed my gaze and smiled, showing all his teeth, "what do you think all the trees are for? They give good cover."

I just raised my eyebrows, unconvinced, and turned my attention back to the fire builders. One girl, younger than me, lit a pine branch on fire and laid it on the woodpile, watching it spread slowly before stepping back.

"Come on." Uriah said and led me over to them. A crowed was slowly gathering, sprawled out across the dusty ground, chattering.

I reached out my hands as I sat, feeling the warmth ripple over them. I shivered again as a slight thrill ran through me.

"I wish we had s'mores." Uriah said longingly as Christina sat down on his other side.

"What are s'mores?" I asked.

Uriah and Christina just stared at me, openmouthed.

"Only recently started eating hamburgers," I said pointing to myself.

"I sometimes forget how much you don't know." Christina said wonderingly.

I shot her a look as Uriah launched into a detailed explanation of what constituted a good s'more.

A shadow fell across me then and I looked up.

Tobias stood surveying the fire quietly.

"Hi." I said.

He looked down at me, the corners of his mouth turning up in a slight smile, "hi."

Instead of taking the vacant patch of ground next to mine he sat down directly behind me and pulled me against his chest.

"Are you even listening to me?" Uriah asked me.

I smiled, "I'm listening. Golden brown is the goal when it comes to marshmallows."

"Not for everyone." Christina said gazing at the fire, "some people like theirs burnt."

Uriah made a face and I laughed relaxing back into Tobias's chest.

His fingers linked loosely with mine as he rested his chin on my shoulder.

I caught the curious and even shocked gazes of some of the people around us.

"I think I'm blowing your tough guy cover." I said quietly.

"I don't mind." He said, his voice low and soft in my ear.

As if to illustrate this he kissed my temple, lightly.

"If you guys are going to make out just warn us first." Christina said.

A flutter of guilt settled in my stomach as Will's face flashed before me. I pushed it aside though and turned slightly around so I could see Tobias better.

He just looked at me, his gaze steady and so much warmer than how he looked at everyone else.

"I'm warning you." I said not looking at Christina.

Tobias smiled faintly and leaned in, pressing his lips to mine. He tasted like salt and smoke and sent chills up my spine that had nothing to do with the cold.

Several people whistled and catcalled, Dauntless no doubt, as one of them yelled "get it Four!"

I couldn't help but laugh as I pulled away.

Tobias rolled his eyes as I turned back around resisting the urge to find somewhere more private. All eyes were on us now, making a stealthy get away impossible.

I avoided their gaze and looked past the group to something I hadn't noticed before. A low shelved platform stood against the wind several yards away glinting with small circles of light. I squinted at it, unable to see more in the darkness.

"What is that?" I asked no one in particular, pointing.

"You mean the alter?" Uriah asked.

"Alter?" I repeated.

Uriah nodded toward it as if telling me to take a closer look.

As I began to rise Tobias shifted to do the same but I stopped him.

"I'll be right back." I whispered already questioning the growing sense inside me that I should be alone.

I walked around the outside of the circle. As I grew closer I could see that the glowing lights were candles, tiny pictures pressed between them, their corners fluttering in the breeze.

I knew even before I saw Will's face what the pictures contained.

Al….Will…my mother…my father…and many more.

All of the people who had been lost stared back at me from pictures of varying age and quality. The firelight played across them giving the illusion of life.

My vision blurred and I crossed my arms over my chest trying to suppress the sudden desperation and sadness I felt.

I had pushed Al away at his weakest moment. His picture was here because of me.

I had let my mother and father die. They had sacrificed themselves for me. They were here because of me.

But Will was the worst of all. I had stopped his heart myself. He was here because of me.

I wiped my face hastily with my fingertips and turned away searching desperately for the lodge, a place away from prying eyes.

I opened the doors to several occupied rooms before I found one I knew I could hide in. Tobias's room was only recognizable because of his few meager possessions, a familiar duffel bag heaped on the floor and the black sweatshirt he had once lent me laid over the footboard of his bed.

I sank down onto his mattress, the springs squeaking under my weight. Tears pushed against the backs of my closed lids as I let Will's face fully emerge before me. My heart beat painfully in my chest and I half wished that no one would find me. I wanted to stay in this darkness forever, falling to pieces only when no one was there to see it seemed easer, more fair. I didn't deserve anyone's sympathy or compassion. I may not have had much of a choice in killing Will but he was still absent because of me. And I deserved to suffer for it.

The door creaked a little as it opened and a soft chink of light fell across my shoes.

I didn't look up as Tobias knelt in front of me. His hands wrapped around mine, his skin rough and warm.

"Tris?" His voice was a whisper in the semi-darkness.

"Don't." I whispered back, my voice thick with repressed tears.

"I'm sorry if those pictures overwhelmed you. I should have said something."

I shook my head, shaking a few tears loose.

"It's not that."

"Then what is it?" his voice was so full of concern it took everything within me not to burst into tears.

Tobias deserved to know, Christina deserved to know. But giving them that knowledge could ruin me.

As though he had read my thoughts Tobias whispered, "nothing you have to say will change the way I think of you."

I leaned forward and pressed my forehead into his shoulder. His hands moved from mine as he wrapped his arms around me.

He was silent, giving me the time I needed and the comfort I didn't deserve.

"It was my fault."

"What was your fault?" His voice was muffled by my hair.

"I killed him." These three words split a seam down my heart and relief and pain flooded through me.

I couldn't stop the tears then and my entire body shook.

I pulled my hands up, covering my mouth.

"I'm so sorry…." I sobbed, "….I'm so sorry…it's my fault Will's dead."

Tobias's arm's hardened around me in shock but he didn't remove them.

I pulled away, sitting up. My vision was so blurred I couldn't make him out but I felt the sudden desperate need to get this out.

"After my mother found me," I gasped, "we cut down an ally and Dauntless guards found us, they were all under the attack simulation…"

The memory came in a flood, entering into the forefront of my mind quickly and easily after so many months holding it at bay.

"Will was there…He shot at me. I yelled at him to stop, that it was me. But he just kept coming closer…"

I squeezed my eyes shut and my fingernails dug into my arms.

"I shot him. He died because of me." My voice was a whisper between gasps.

I had expected relief to come but instead I felt raw and exposed.

We sat there in the dark for several moments and I was suddenly scared that he would leave me here. His view forever altered by what I had done.

But instead he moved to sit next to me on the bed, pulling me against him. Supporting me when I couldn't support myself.