Disclaimer: S.E. Hinton owns the Outsiders. MoZella owns the song.

Ch. 2 - Light Years Away

It's how you wanted it to be

It's like you played a joke on me

And I lost a friend in the end

And I think that I cried for days

But now that seems light years away

And I'm never going back to who I was.

Pony's P.O.V.

Darry stuck his head in our door and told us to get up, but I was already awake. I'd been awake a few hours already, layin' under Soda's arm thinking. It seemed like I couldn't stay asleep for anything anymore; maybe the things I'd been through made me need less sleep?

I keep thinkin' about last night, Soda's birthday party. Steve and Two-bit came over and Darry made Soda's favorite, meatloaf. In an effort to cheer him up, he even dyed our mashed potatoes blue. Soda'd smiled at that, but he was still quiet through dinner. Of course we had chocolate cake for him, and we turned off the lights and sang - well, Two-bit, Darry, and I sang because Steve's much too cool for such a "kiddy" thing - but Soda just wasn't right. Hell, after we sang, he sat there for a good 3 minutes before he blew out the candles. I'd like to say he was making lots of wishes, but his eyes were empty, like he just forgot where he was and what was going on. That's something I'd do - I'm always forgetful, but Soda - never. He's the life of the party. He keeps everyone smiling and laughing and enjoying life, but these last few months, he hasn't been much fun. How's he supposed to make everyone else happy if he's not even happy himself?

I lifted up his arm and rolled out of bed. I got together my clothes and took a quick shower, knowing Soda's long showers would need all the hot water he could get. I ran out of the bathroom and into my room ready to pounce and wake the lazy bag of bones up, but to my surprise, and I'll admit, dismay, he wasn't there. I put down my dirty clothes and walked into the kitchen where Darry was making eggs and cutting up the leftover birthday cake.

"Mornin' Darry. Seen Soda?" I asked.

"Isn't he still in bed?"

"Nope. I left him there to take a shower, came back and he was gone." I quick did a walk through of the house and saw no sign of him until I came to the front door to peek out at the street. I didn't see nothin' but I did catch a whiff of smoke and started to wonder what was going on. I stepped onto the front porch, peeked over the side, and there was Soda, sitting in his pajamas, shirtless, smoking a cigarette.

"Christ, Soda, what're you doin'? It's freezing out here. And wait, you're smoking?" I stopped short and my mouth unintentionally gaped.

"Oh, yeah, it is cold, I guess. I hadn't noticed. I just...I should be getting in the shower, I guess," he replied.

"Soda, what's wrong?" I said, whipping around as he walked past me. "Are you oka--"

He just kept walking. Soda never did that; he never just walked away. I knew then that something was really wrong and ran in to get Darry and see what was up.

"Darry! Darry!" I heard the shower running and knew that it was safe to talk because Darry's always up and ready by the time we even roll out of bed. "Darry, Soda was outside with no shirt, smokin' like there was no tomorrow. Somethin's wrong, Dar. Soda never ignores me, but he did! He just walked right by like I hadn't asked a question at all and I just--"

"Slow down, Pony. Take a breath. Sit down and get some food." Darry's always trying to feed me more since I got back from Windrixville. I lost some weight there and more in the hospital after Johnny and Dally...well, after things changed. I'd lost some of my build and I think Darry was really worried, but this morning, I wasn't having any of that.

"DARRY!" I burst out. "Don't you give a damn that Soda's going crazy? Don't you care?!? FIX IT, DARRY!"

"Watch your mouth, kid," Darry snapped, but then softened. "Some things can't be fixed. I know Soda's actin' a little funny." I gave him a look that said "Are you crazy? He's gone mad!".

"We have to let him heal," he continued. "He lost friends like the rest of us, and he lost Sandy too. I know you know how much he cared about her. He's really hurting and we just gotta love him, even if he's being weird. Maybe even more because of it."

I stood looking unconvinced for a minute, but soon nodded my head and twisted my face into what I hoped was a smile. God, I could kill that Sandy. How could she be so cruel, so heartless? What a tramp. But I guess being angry won't solve anything. I was really worried, but I loved Soda, probably more than anything or anyone else in the world, and I'd do what I could for him. I just wish I could do more.

Just then, Soda stepped out into the kitchen and sat down at the table with the eggs Darry had set out for him. He looked at the grape jelly in front of him and let out a breath I don't think he knew he was holding. But instead of reaching for the jelly like he'd always done before, he resigned to picking up his fork and eating like a civilized human.

Yeah, I thought, I really wish I could do more. I just don't know what that "more" is.

With that, I walked to the table where Darry was setting down my food next to Soda's. I ate too, in silence, but every now and again, Darry would catch my eye and smile or ruffle Soda's damp hair in an attempt to make things normal.

"Ok, little buddy, head out and finish getting ready," Darry announced as Soda took his last bite. "Don't want to be late. And you too, Pony. Go finish getting ready for school."

We went off to finish getting dressed in our strange silence and I just knew things had to go back. They just had to.