A/N Thank you guys for the reviews. I'm so glad you liked it. I feel like I tend to drabble on about stupid things - which end up making NO sense. This chapter is kind of long, for me, anyway. The next one I'm working on right now - so you shouldn't have to wait too long for an update unless the dreadful writers block hits.

"Higher, daddy!" She squealed as the swing started to move, "Higher!"

Toby laughed, pushing the back a bit harder and shaking his head.

"Princess, if I push any higher you're going to go over the top! Your Momma would have my head!"

Holly turned around in the swings and gave him a bewildered look,

"You silly, Daddy," She said, rolling her eyes in typical Spencer fashion before turning back around and facing front, "NOW HIGHER!" She demanded with resonating giggle.

Toby's eyes opened slowly, he wanted the dream to continue. Just a few more minutes, he begged his subconscious, just give me a few more minutes with her. It was no use, he was awake, and today was a big day. Today was their first meeting with the therapist he had found for Spencer and himself to begin seeing. He knew she was less than thrilled, considering her last encounter with a therapist ended in utter failure. He, himself, had never been much of a talker when it came to strangers - he didn't think the doctor would be able to help him at all, but he was willing to give it a shot. Of course they would never give up hope of seeing their daughter alive and well, but it was becoming more of a grim possibility with each passing day that she would never return. Something that was becoming harder and harder for him to accept. He knew Spencer felt the same.

Toby leaned over and shook his sleeping wife gently,

"Babe… c'mon, time to get up," He whispered softly. She groaned and pushed her face farther into the pillow. "Spence, c'mon," He grinned and moved his hand to the exposed flesh on her side, "I swear I'll tickle." Spencer turned to face him and pouted,

"No fair, no fair at all," She said, her voice heavy with sleep as she closed her eyes again. He shrugged and moved his fingers fast, inciting a shriek from Spencer, who immediately shot up, "Toby!" She whacked him with her arm, "I'm awake, I'm awake!"

He grinned and stopped the tickle torture before swinging his feet over the edge of the bed and stretching.

"I'll make coffee, we've got an hour before we need to leave if we want to make it High Falls by 9:30." He leaned over and kissed her forehead before heading down out of the room and into the kitchen.

x x

The office reminded Spencer eerily of Dr. Sullivan's back in Rosewood. She and Toby sat on a large, very comfortable, beige couch, the doctor sat across from them in a swiveling high end office chair. There was a clock on the table next to him, reminding him of the amount of time left in their session. The clock served purpose for Spencer as well, she couldn't wait to leave - she was here to give Toby piece of mind, and that was it. Nothing this quack could do or say to her would help. The only thing that would help was closure, in whatever form it may come.

"Well," Dr. Sardo clucked his tongue and let out a heavy sigh, "I certainly must express my condolences - this is a highly unusual situation," He shook his head, "I've counseled many couples who have lost children - however, what makes your case unique is the possibility that all is not lost," He raised an eyebrow and peeked over his librarian-like glasses at Spencer, "Have there been any leads in the case?"

Toby quickly shook his head as Spencer spoke,

"No," She said, flatly and seemingly without interest. Truthfully, she had little faith in the Rosewood PD - especially after they let a creep like Garret onto the force, "My parents have hired a private investigator - but it's been over two months since we've heard anything."

Dr. Sardo nodded slowly,

"Are you frustrated with the way it's been handled? Do you believe you've been taken seriously?" He raised an eyebrow again. Spencer sighed, it was all she could do not to roll her eyes. He needed a medical degree for this? It was Toby who spoke.

"Law Enforcement has been on our side since day one. Rosewood and Hancock PD - as well as federal law enforcement. They've tracked down all leads. Our story was aired on Dateline and Nancy Grace - but she.. well," He looked over at Spencer, sorry he'd brought it up.

"She what?" He asked, looking from Spencer to Toby.

"She insinuated that a child couldn't have possibly gone missing without anyone having seen anything. She dug up information on my past. and spent the entire hour - and I'm sure many after that, which I've refused to watch - trying to convince America that I was a neglectful mother who…" She couldn't finish that sentence. Dr. Sardo understood.

"She believed that you were at fault," He offered, Spencer nodded, gritting her teeth. "What information about your past?"

"I was a person of interest in the murder of Alison DiLaurentis," She said softly, looking down at her nails - they had suddenly become very interesting, "Toby was actually arrested at one point during the investigation. He was cleared - but since the case has never been solved, my name has never been cleared and it remains on my record," She shuddered. It had been years since she or her friends had heard from A, but the trauma had never left.

"Spencer didn't hurt Alison. The cops have no evidence to suggest that she did. They were friends," Toby jumped in. Dr. Sardo put his hand up in protest,

"I'm not here to judge. Or to accuse. I'm simply here to listen," He looked at the pair, "Do you feel responsible, Spencer?"

It was the question she had been dreading. Yes, she wanted to scream. She wanted to shout from the rooftops that it had all been her fault - if she had just left Holly tucked safely in her carseat, or if she had just had her credit card out and ready to pay instead of having to let go of her hand to dig for it… She shook her head,

"I don't know. I know what I did. I've replayed that day in my mind a million times. I can't remember anybody out of the ordinary. I.. I just wish I'd paid more attention," She replied, finally, "Maybe I would have seen something if I'd paid more attention… Maybe I wouldn't have stopped at that truck stop if I'd known that the town had such a high crime rate.. maybe…." She choked on that last word, refusing to cry in front of this man. Toby reached over and gently rested his hand on the small of her slumped back,

"Spence… we've been over this," He softly soothed her, "You did nothing wrong. You couldn't have known."

Dr. Sardo nodded,

"I'm inclined to agree with Toby. I have three children. I'm not a perfect parent. Heck, just last Christmas I lost my youngest at Macy's in Herald Square for over an hour," He said, shaking his head, "Spencer, I think the only way for you to being to move forward is for you to stop blaming yourself for Holly's disappearance. The cold hard fact is that it happened. You can't change the past. What happened was tragic, and horrible - but it is not, and will never be, your fault."

Spencer nodded silently - she sat that way until the buzzer went off on the small clock. Dr. Sardo set the paperwork down and sighed heavily,

"I can help you. Both of you," He said, sitting forwards in his chair, "You just have to be willing to let me."

They agreed to come back the same time next week. Toby still believed it was best for Spencer, and Spencer had little grounds to disagree.

x x

Almost four months passed since the first visit with Dr. Sardo, and much to Spencer and even Toby's surprise, he'd managed to help both of them tremendously. Spencer found herself smiling again - not forcibly so, either. Toby found himself able to sleep at night with growing ease. Their relationship had grown even stronger after Dr. Sardo had suggested they start going out on dates, rather than staying home in front of the television. Although Holly was still very much in the back of their minds at all times, it was becoming easier to enjoy life once more.

"Ew, what are you eating?" Toby asked, his eyes widening as he walked into the living room to find Spencer with an open tub of icing and string cheese. He plopped down on the couch next to her, sticking his finger into the icing and licking it off before she could reply.

"Hey, get your own dinner," She retorted, "And, it's the only thing that sounded in the least bit appetizing. Aside from Doritos. Why don't we have any Doritos?" She asked, sticking out her bottom lip a little. Toby raised his eyebrow, looking from the string cheese to the icing and shaking his head.

"If this is what you call dinner, I need to start cooking for you again," He stuck his finger into the icing again, despite Spencer's protest, and once again licked it off, "And we don't have any Doritos because you've NEVER liked Doritos."

"I haven't?" She asked, pondering the thought, "Huh. I guess you're right. They just sound really good…" She peeled a bit of string cheese and dangled it into her mouth.

"You've either completely lost it, or you're pregnant," He shook his head, he was kidding about the last part, of course, but at the mention of it Spencer bit her lip, "Wait… Spencer… is there something you're not telling me?"

"I… I'm not sure. I don't know yet." She looked away from him, "I didn't want to say anything and then…"

"Wait, seriously? You think you might be pregnant?" He couldn't believe the words were even leaving his lips. She nodded slowly,

"Id say there is a high likely hood of that, yes," She went back to sticking a piece of cheese into her mouth.

"How are you so calm about this?" He asked, incredulously, "I.. you… Spencer?" She was swirling her finger around in the vat of icing, seemingly preoccupied by it, "Spencer. How long have you suspected this?"

"A few weeks…" She licked her finger and went to stick it back in before Toby grabbed her hand,

"Spence. Stop. You're avoiding this. Why are you avoiding this?" He let go of her hand and put a finger under her chin, turning her face towards his. She sighed and looked down, setting the icing on the coffee table and crossing her legs underneath her.

"I don't know," She said, her voice was small, "I don't think anyone could ever replace Holly… she was everything. I don't want anyone to think that that's what happened…" She shook her head.

"But.. Spencer, no… We want this. We've wanted a second child for a long time. Yes, recent events put that on hold - as they should have - but… Spencer. If you're pregnant.. I…" He tried to find the words, "No child could ever replace Holly. No one could ever think that," He shook his head, "But.. Oh, god, Spencer… I can't deny the fact that I would be so happy to see that second pink line on a pregnancy test. A second baby would never be a replacement. It would be a second miracle."

She looked up at him, studying his face. The last time she'd seen him this sincere about anything was the day they had exchanged their self-written wedding vows. Spencer sat silently for a minute before nodding,

"Will you go buy me a test?