Ten or so minutes into our 'Get to know you session' (that had nothing to do with the fact she found me crying in the girls bathroom.) was when she asked me if I was okay, I felt comfortable enough to tell her the truth. "No, I'm really, really not.", but before the tears prickling in my eyes could fall I regained my (metaphorical) balance, and replied with an even and calm timbre "but then again, is anyone, ever?"
"Nina, If you need someone to talk to, I'm right here. You can confide in me."
I didn't think anyone had ever said that since the day I realised I was bi, the day Sammy told me to trust her, that she wouldn't break my heart. I never anticipated that I would break hers. When I thought about her. That's when I broke, between sobs and sniffles Ms Pillsbury got the whole story, not just what I gave Ms Pillsbury and pieces, everything. From the day I met her, a lonely, awkward, straight, to the day I broke her, a terrified guilt ridden bitch, all leading up to this very moment, me from the now: miserable, alone, heartbroken and regretful. He was on the receiving end of every tiny emotion, every spilled tear, every sarcastic comment, all the reasons why I didn't care that I moved to america and every crack I carved into my heart.
I stood there, hands gripped cautiously around the microphone, holding on to it like I hold on to the memories I have with her. My head bows and my eyes fall to the ground as my hands tremble with fear, Mrs. Pillsbury never told me auditioning to belong somewhere could be so mind-blowingly terrifying.
I nudged myself a few steps closer to the stage, I felt trapped by the lights that burned my eyes glaring at me with same burning intensity she did when we talked about something she held dear, "Could someone turn the lights of please, i'd like this to be more intimate, you know I can see you, you can see me." I pleaded light-heartedly, hoping no one would see the scars that spilled from my eyes as I sang if the light wasn't there to highlight them.
The stage was dark and I subtly thanked the curly-haired teacher sitting in front of me before he gave me the thumbs up. "whenever you're ready"
"Hi, I'm Nina, Ms Pilsbury told me, that I should come audition for this club, if I needed people who were like family, who would accept me. Um, I'm just having a rough week or year really, I sing a lot and I play the flute and piano, also, I'm tethered to Maroon 5 and their music, every since 2001, I was 5 then, so, uh, don't hate them." I muttered most of it; I wasn't really sure if they understood much but I guess it didn't really matter.
The beat of the slow, steady rolling guitar filled my ears, erupting from the science like a scream into the dark, cold night. It was nice but, the song choice regretted; the minute the tune started I could feel the tears begin to prickle up in the back of my already dry eyes. when the drum beat starts I know it's my turn so I open my mouth and take in the oxygen surrounding me before letting Adam Levine's very true words flow out of my mouth as it coincides with my broken hearted beats:
"You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together
I've lick my wounds but I can't ever see them getting better
Something's gotta change
Things cannot stay the same
Her hair was pressed against her face, her eyes were red with anger
Enraged by things unsaid and empty beds and bad behavior
Something's gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh
I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa
The room was silent as we all tried so hard to remember
The way it feels to be alive
The day that he first met her
Something's gotta change
Things cannot stay the same
You make me think of someone wonderful, but I can't place her
I wake up every morning wishing one more time to face her
Something's gotta change
It must be rearranged, oh
I'm sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right
So much to love, So much to learn, But I won't be there to teach you, oh. I know I can be close, But I try my best to reach you
I'm so sorry, I did not mean to hurt my little girl
It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world
So goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight, goodnight
Goodnight, hope that things work out all right, yeah
Whoa, oh…
Yeah"
The song faded in to the silence so I lifted my thumbs towards my face and smeared the tears from my cheeks. As my blurred vision faded, i noticed that others seemed to be reciprocating my emotions, maybe I got my feelings across more thoroughly than I hoped i would, maybe I wasn't so cryptic after all.
No one spoke, Shit I narrated inwardly in a panicked tone *I do this a lot* Shit, that was terrible wasn't it? Oh god, I've just publicly humiliated myself, again, I will forever be a joke, Oh this was a bad idea.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have bothered you, that was, I was, I just, I didn't-" Great job Nina, fumbling when you need clear sentences!
"Sorry, I'll Just, Leave" I ended clearly
"What? Why?" The blond boy in the back of the room yelled in an extremely worried timbre.
I began to stutter under the pressure points of the attention pointed in my direction "It w-w- It was terri-"
"It was amazing" he smiled slyly, his big lips interrupting me before i could end the word that lingered on my lips.
"You're in", grinned the short brunette as she gripped the hand of the boy sitting next to her.
SO NINA, I'M GONNA INTRODUCE HER BIG SISTER LATER, AND HER LITTLE BROTHER. ALSO SHE'S AUSTRALIAN AND IF ANYONE REVIEWS WITH SUGGESTIONS THAT'D BE GREAT, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY 30/NOVEMBER *COUGH* (HINT) I LIKE REVIEWS *COUGH*
AND ON THE SUMMARY IT SAYS EITHER OC/OC OR SAM/OC BY SAM, I MEAN SAM FROM GLEE THE OTHER ONE WITH 2 OC'S THAT'S HER EX GIRLFRIEND SORRY, I DIDN'T REALISE TILL JUST NOW THEY HAD THE SAME NAME, SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
SO ANYWHO, HOPE YOU LIKED I KNOW IT'S NOT MY BEST WORK BUT IT'S JUST EXPERIMENTATION, OKAY. ENJOY XXX, ALLIECAT