**** Trigger warnings ****

Emma nodded at the older woman and followed her inside. She gestured for Emma to sit down as and the blonde did as she was told. The therapist sat down in front of her, put on her glasses, and put a notepad and a pen in her hands.

"So Miss Swan, tell me, why you are here hmm?" Regina said carefully and the blonde tugged on her lower lip.

"Because I'm a fuck up?" Emma shrugged.

"I hardly think you are that" Regina replied with a gentle smile and Emma almost lost herself in those beautiful green eyes. They looked so friendly and so calm. She didn't judge Emma like others usually did as soon as they saw her. Regina seemed different in some way but Emma was still suspicious and had her guard up, something the therapist noticed.

"I'm not here to judge you Miss Swan. I'm here to help you, so please tell me a little bit about yourself?"

Emma told Regina about her life in general, and was quite surprised she opened up so quickly to a stranger like Regina. Emma told her about her upbringing in the foster care system, about how she had never had a stable family she could trust. How she had mostly felt like a waste of space her whole life and how she had started to self-harm at an early age. The therapist had listened carefully in the meantime, as she had written in her notepad. Then Emma told her about all of her numerous suicide attempts and then about the rape that had left her pregnant.

—

"You have been very brave today Miss Swan" Regina said as she put down her notepad to reached for one of Emma's hands and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"nah, I haven't. .. " Emma shrugged and Regina took off her glasses.

"how come?" she challenged.

"Because," Emma shrugged again.

"Well, trust me when I say you have been brave Miss Swan. I have worked as a therapist for years and most people don't dare to even tell me half of their problems at their first appointment, but you have told what your problems are, so we know what we have to work with."

Emma frowned. She had never heard anyone call her brave, like, ever. She had only heard what a disappointment she was, so hearing something like this, something positive, made her almost not sure how to react.

"So should we schedule another appointment?"

"I guess?"

—

After the session with Regina Emma felt drained. She barely made it inside the doors of Ruby's apartment before she collapsed on the couch in front of the TV. She took a deep breath and inhaled the fresh scent that surrounded her. God how she loved this apartment. And even if this was her home right now as well the blonde would never see it like that. She was just someone who embarked and was a burden. A parasite. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Emma and Ruby's path had crossed by total coincidence. The blonde had come into the diner ruby's grandmother had owned and she was looking so small and fragile. Emma had only had four dollars with her but both ruby and her grandmother always helped people in need. So they gave Emma a free meal and she and ruby exchanged numbers.

They stayed in touch and one day they randomly met each other at a soup kitchen where both Ruby and her grandmother Eugenia volunteered. But those days when Emma came there, ruby spent every minute with her. Their friendship grew strong quickly and soon the redhead learned when Emma used to show up at this particular soup kitchen each week so she was always there. Offering Emma an extra piece of bread or something else good she had bought with her own money. Emma had always been so thankful for so little.

—

Ruby chuckled when she came home and found Emma snoring on the couch. She looked so peaceful when she laid there. For a moment the blonde didn't look like she had a trouble in the world. But when Ruby's eyes reached her friends arms she was thrown back to reality. The arms were full of scars, newly fresh cuts and it broke Ruby's heart. She really hoped the therapy would help her get to the bottom of all her darkness.

When Emma woke up a few hours later, she heard Ruby from the kitchen. She was arguing with someone, probably one of her bitchy friends that Emma knew hated her and her sheer existence. The blonde knew Ruby would defend her with her life if she needed but she knew all this arguing probably took a toll on her friend and that made Emma so sad.

"It's my life and my apartment Mary-Margaret, and I don't care what you think of my friendship with her!" Ruby snarled, regretting even mentioning Emma was staying at her place right now. But the redhead wasn't known for keeping her mouth shut so it had just came out.

"Red, she's just using you! Why are you so blind to that fact?!" her friend shot back, and Ruby clenched her fist.

"Just because you don't give a shit about people who aren't as fortunate as you and me, doesn't mean I'm a selfish prick like you!"

Ruby didn't even understand why she hung out with Mary-margaret, but guessed it was because they had been friends since they were children. But they were not alike in any way. Mary-Margaret looked down upon those who didn't have money. Those who struggled in life. They were just disgusting in her eyes. And her father was even worse.

Ruby's grandmother had always had money but she had never flaunted it. Never showed it off. She cared for those who didn't have any and worked in soup kitchens to give a little back to those in need. Ruby had inherited that way of thinking and even if she had taken over her grandmothers old cafe and made it into a franchise, Ruby never forgot those who didn't have money.

She helped them with fundraisers, charity events and so on. Sometimes she had even given a sum of money to a homeless guy because she had overheard it was his birthday. Ruby had her heart in the right place like Mary-Margaret, although, Ruby wasn't sure she even had one.

—

Emma tried to not listen so she turned on the TV. She didn't remember the last time she had watched TV since she hadn't had one at her own place. Having a TV was a luxury she couldn't afford. Suddenly she heard Ruby raise her voice and smash the phone against the table.

"You know what Mary-Margaret, you can go to hell! I'm sick and tired of your disgusting words and I don't need someone like you in my life!" Ruby finally snapped.

"Fine with me!" Mary-Margaret shot back and Ruby ended the call by throwing the phone down at the table.

Emma stood up and walked out in the kitchen and Ruby met her eyes. They looked so conflicted, worried and sad.

"Hi Em, how did the therapy go? " Ruby asked with a gentle smile and Emma decided to not ask about the call she just had overheard.

"Fine I guess. I'm going back to her tomorrow."

"That's awesome! " Ruby grinned.

—

When the night came Ruby couldn't sleep. Emma, on the other hand was snoring like a grown man, the redhead heard from the guest room as she walked past it on her way out to the balcony. Ruby rested her elbows against the rails and looked out over the city that slept. Her mind was racing as she reached for a cigarette and Iit it. She was of course thinking of Emma.

She tried to understand when she had fallen for her and why it had even happened. Ruby groaned but couldn't for the world find an answer to the question that had haunted her all these years. And she knew Emma was way to damaged to love her back and Ruby would never push her. She was just happy over having Emma in her life and that she allowed her to help her sort her life out.

—

The next day Emma woke up rested for the first time in a long while. Ruby's guest bed was like sleeping on clouds, especially compared to that old mattress Emma had been used to. The blonde suddenly saw a paper next to her on the nightstand.

"I've made some sandwiches for you and I got that juice for you I know you love. Good luck at therapy today and give me a call when you're done. Because we're gonna go shopping! Hugs and kisses, Ruby"

Emma just chuckled and went downstairs to eat and her stomach growled. She was thankful to have Ruby, she really was. But in the meantime, she felt terrible for not being able to return the feelings she knew Ruby had for her. And Emma told herself Ruby deserved so much more than her, and especially someone so much better than a freak like her.

Right?