Alright, here's Chapter 1! Hope it's alright, reviews anyone?
Chapter 1. (Just Like) Starting Over
It's 12:30 PM. I'm alone in my bed. My hair's all grown out; my stubble's only borderline stubble now and my black hair's all shaggy.
The rocking of the boat doesn't bother me so much either; it's soothing. At least, compared to the last couple of weeks. Weeks of aloneness. And sadness. And anger. And not sleeping.
Lots of thoughts in that span of time. Most of my thoughts aren't good thoughts either. They're angry, sad, frustrated, hurt. Erratic too. It's getting to me now; after a few days the numbness went away and then there were too many thoughts dancing on raw feeling. I had to find something to drown it out.
Battling wasn't any help. I haven't had a losing streak this bad since I first started training.
I feel so bad for my Pokemon, but… I can't. I can't do better. I don't have the heart to battle. I've tried but… I just can't get into it. It's like I'm just watching the whole thing transpire in front of me. My Pokemon work so hard, and I try but. It's not clicking. Pokemon battles just don't help.
Traveling leaves a lot of in between time. More time to think. And the Professors are finally leaving me alone. Sucky timing. I needed the free time before. Not now.
At least I have music. It helps. I can think, but I can drift away too. Not sleep; sleep comes sparingly to me, but I can not be me and just be the music. The words that the artists speak. The sounds the guitars and the bass and the drums and the keyboards and the words make when they mix together and create feeling, feeling put into words. The artist's feelings, my feelings.
"Between the lines we speak are eyes that meet.
Will there ever be a chance?
Deadlines after lifetimes over, minutes wouldn't matter when you're,
Down all the time. Down all the time."
I learned that Red had indeed come down from the mountain. He went home after taking me to the Pokemon Center. Turns out his mother was sick. And he walked in, and she passed away. That must truly, truly be painful. He was gone for a while, and the first time he sees his mom, she's gone.
But I guess that's life. You gain all these things, all these small, unimportant things, and you lose the big stuff. The important stuff. The stuff that hurt.
"Beneath the city lights I wonder will I ever get the chance.
Stop signs enter green lights over.
Minutes wouldn't matter when you're,
Down all the time. Down all the time."
I'm on a boat. I left all my Pokemon behind. I thought I was lonely before, but this. This was painful. A different painful, but painful. It kind of felt good. I'd never been without my Pokemon. Well, never in about 5 years. It was a different feeling. Like I was a little different than before. That's why I'm leaving Johto in the first place; to start anew. Not that it was my decision; Unova doesn't usually allow foreign Pokemon into their region.
I really miss my Pokemon. Cheshire, my hyperactive, loud and irrational Furret; my equally irrational but less hyper Feraligatr, Chopper; the majestic and wise Toothless, my Flygon; the overprotective, powerful but kind giant Thor the Electivire; the sassy and vain Leafeon, Forina; and the cryptic, mysterious and playful Mismagius, Mima.
I wish I could have brought them with me. I don't like being without them. It's like, I'm naked. I'm exposed. I was without my partners, my family. I was alone, more alone than I was when Rae left. They helped me hold myself together.
But I can't rely on them to hold me together. I have to be strong for them. I had to go.
"The tragedy, it seems, Is pushing up a dream.
It's easy to believe that it's worthwhile to achieve."
I want to go somewhere I'd never been before, somewhere where I won't remember her, because she's not going to be with me. In spirit or in body. She's gone. She left. I found a note on my table when I was in the hospital and a useless dial-tone when I called her. But no her. So I have pick myself up now. And try to move on. Just me. No Pokemon, no Rae, just me.
"If you take a chance.
If you take a chance.
Would you take a chance?
If you take a chance.
If you…"
To Unova I go.
There's chapter 1! Again, hope it was alright!