A/N - Thank you so so much for all the reviews! We love them so much that even though we're on vacation right now, we decided to post this chapter the first chance we got to say thanks!

Also, we had some questions about our other story - Crushes and Conspiracy. We decided to take it down because we just weren't happy with it and we came up with this story that we thought was much better and more fun to write, as well as being less confusing as there is only one main OC to keep up with. We're really sorry to those who were following it, but we promise that we'll definitely be continuing with this story to completion - we're very committed to it, especially with all the love we've been getting from everybody!

We hope you all continue to like the story and if you are, we'd definitely appreciate you letting us know!

Thanks for reading!

Jax lay on his bed in his dorm room, resting his head against the wall. He reached over and grabbed the ashtray off of his bedside table, resting it on his chest for easier access. He turned his head to see the redheaded croweater close the door behind her as she left the room and he closed his eyes, trying to purge the feelings of misery out of his mind.

He'd braced himself for his release on Monday; he hadn't really expected her to show up, so when she wasn't there he thought he'd washed his hands of her and had gone on to enjoy his first night of freedom. But seeing her three days later, standing in his clubhouse with no idea he'd even been released, was what had knocked him on his ass. It had given him hope. If she didn't know he'd been released, that means she didn't read his last letter. If she didn't read his last letter, that means that her absence at his coming home party didn't mean anything.

But then he'd seen the hurt in her eyes. It was the same look she'd given him when she'd walked into his dorm room, right before she'd ended their relationship. It was the look that haunted his every fucking waking moment. And seeing that look again, followed by her racing out of the clubhouse as if she couldn't wait to get as far away from him as possible, had killed him. It should have proven once again that she didn't love him anymore, but he knew things between them were unfinished and he couldn't stop the 'what if's' from running through his mind. It was fucking torture.

He had no idea how long he lay like that, thinking through every possibility of Carrie, all the things that could've been or could be, until he reached for another cigarette and realized he'd smoked his entire pack. He sighed, hauling himself out of bed and pulling on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and his cut. If he couldn't smoke, he needed to drink. He walked into the clubhouse to see most of the guys milling around and his mother sitting at the bar. He grabbed a bottle of jack and a shot glass and sat down next to Gemma, filling the glass and shooting it.

"Something bothering you?" Gemma asked, eyeing her son knowingly. Jax shot her a look that plainly said he did not want to talk about it, but knew his mother too well to think that would stop her.

"It's usually Kyle out here pouring shots at noon," she said, eyeing the bottle of Jack, "Thought you were more of a coffee guy." Jax remained silent, pouring another shot, relishing in the burn of the whiskey traveling down his throat.

"Heard Carrie was at the clubhouse yesterday," Gemma continued, and Jax sighed, pouring yet another shot. Gemma took the bottle away from him, looking at him seriously.

"You've gotta be at the table in a few hours," she said. Jax ran a hand through his hair knowing she was right and that getting drunk enough to forget about yesterday's events would have to wait until after church.

"So what did Carrie say?" Gemma prodded. Jax shook his head.

"Didn't the little birdie that told you she was here tell you what she said?" he asked gruffly. Gemma stared blankly at him, waiting for him to answer her question.

"She didn't fucking say anything. She bolted as soon as she saw me. Didn't even know I was out," he said. Gemma looked at him thoughtfully, taking a drag of her cigarette.

"Well you can't just keep moping around the clubhouse for the rest of your life. If you're so torn up about it, go apologize to the girl," Gemma told him.

"Apologize? I tried for the last four fucking years to apologize! She never answered my letters, never came to see me… it's done. I'm not chasing her around anymore," Jax spat. Gemma shrugged, stubbing her cigarette out in the ashtray.

"You're gonna be miserable until you talk things out with her, and that's no good for anyone," Gemma told him.

"I'm fine," Jax said firmly. Gemma stood, shaking her head.

"No baby, you're not fine," she said, kissing him lightly before walking out of the clubhouse.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Early that evening, Clay called everyone into church and Jax rose slowly from his spot at the bar, all thoughts of Carrie vanishing from his mind as he filed into the chapel behind everyone else, dropping his prepay into the cigar box before entering. He glanced around the small room, happy to be back where he belonged – with his brothers.

He moved to sit in his usual seat until he realized Juice was occupying it. Glancing around the room, he saw Clay at the head of the table and Tig, the Sergeant at Arms to his right, followed by Chibs, Opie, and Piney. Across from Piney sat Kyle, followed by Juice, the Intelligence Officer, and Bobby, the Secretary. The only seats open were at the foot of the table and the Vice President's seat to Clay's left that Otto had occupied before falling on the sword for Jax. His VP patch lay on the table in front of the empty seat. Jax stood, glancing over at Clay. Clay nodded his head to the seat.

"Sit down," he said. Jax raised his eyebrows, glancing around the table at all his brothers trying to withhold their grins. All except Kyle, whose frown Jax knew was genuine. He looked back up at Clay.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Clay nodded.

"Came from Otto himself. We've all voted on it. You're the new VP. Congrats brother," Clay said, as catcalls and whistles rained from around the table. Grinning, Jax walked over to Clay who stood and embraced him, giving him a pat on the back.

"You're going to make Otto proud, we know it," Clay said as they pulled apart. Jax tentatively took the VP patch from him, staring at it, before looking around the table again.

"Thanks, boys," he said, shocked that the day he'd been waiting for since patching in to the Sons had happened. He took Otto's seat that now belonged to him, and as he sat down he immediately felt that this was right; this was where he belonged. He threw up a silent thanks to Otto; he had always known he'd be occupying this seat eventually, he just hadn't expected it so soon and it was bittersweet that it had to be under these circumstances. He and Otto had been arrested together nearly five years ago for smuggling and gun running and Otto had claimed sole responsibility, giving Jax 5 to 10 years, a slap on the wrist, and Otto 20 to life. Jax had gotten out in 4. If he'd known what Otto had been planning, he wouldn't have let him do it, but by the time word got back to Jax what had happened, it was done. All Otto had asked for in return was to make sure his wife, Luann, was taken care of. He'd told Jax that he'd had his time and this was Jax's turn; that he wasn't going to let Jax spend the better part of his life behind bars.

"I won't let you down," Jax added, looking around the table at all the nods of support he was getting from his brothers. Well, most of his brothers.

Church last longer than usual as the club filled Jax in on all that had gone down while he'd been away. He was kept up to speed with the gun business with the RIRA, which had grown immensely with several new buyers and gone on without a hitch since Jax and Otto's arrest and they were expecting a new shipment of AK-47s and Glocks that they already had a buyer lined up for. Everything else seemed to be going smoothly for the club at the moment. They had begun running protective runs for the Chief of Charming PD, Unser, which had been good for a few bucks in between deals. Jax took in all the news, noticing that he was looking at it all through a new lens now that he was a leader of SAMCRO.

The meeting broke up with the bang of Clay's gavel and everyone rose, ready and excited for the usual Friday night debauchery. As soon as Jax walked out of the chapel and into the clubhouse, thoughts of Carrie came flooding back to him and his elation of becoming the new VP had dissipated. Opie brought him a shot over, raising his own to him.

"Congrats, brother," he said grinning. Jax took the shot, nodding.

"Yeah, thanks, Ope," Jax responded. Opie looked hesitatingly at him.

"Everything all right with you?" Opie asked.

"I just got out of prison. Everything's great," Jax responded, trying to dodge any uncomfortable questions about Carrie. He thought about his mom's advice – that he was going to drive himself crazy until he talked to her – but he shook it out of his head. Tonight was a night for celebration, and he didn't need it ruined by another rejection.

Jax spent the rest of the night accepting congratulatory drinks from his brothers and croweaters until he'd finally drank himself into a comfortable stupor and was ready to retire back to his dorm room with some company. His eyes raked around the clubhouse, his heart jolting a bit every time he saw a red headed woman running around, hoping for the briefest of moments that it was Carrie. But of course it never was. It was always some croweater whose hair was never the right shade of red, and he doubted if a single one of them was a natural red head. They were either too tall or too short or too skinny or too old. But one of them would have to do.

His eyes finally landed on one who if he squinted and possibly put a bag over her face, she could pass for Carrie. He knew she would just be a cheap imitation; nothing he'd ever had had even compared to how he and Carrie were together.

"Are you sure about this?" Jax asked Carrie as he lay on top of her in his dorm room, his lips trailing down her neck to her chest.

"Yes." She told him breathlessly as she fisted his hair in her hand. She and Jax had been together three months and while it seemed like a short amount of time she'd known Jackson Teller was the one she wanted to have her first time with.

Jax smiled as he took a pert nipple in his mouth, his free hand working its way down to the button on her shorts. Carrie arched her back, letting a small moan escape her lips as goose bumps began to form on her flesh, not from the cold, but from the heat pooling deep inside her. She put her hands on Jax's toned chest, her nails lightly scratching him as she explored, causing Jax to get even harder than he already was.

As Jax peeled off her shorts, he smirked at the white cotton panties she was wearing, a fine allusion of her pureness. He'd never been with someone so inexperienced; his own first time was years ago in the same dorm room he was in now with an experienced sweet butt. He'd never been interested in the idea of taking someone's virginity before; that was more Tig's thing. But now, looking at Carrie staring up at him with heavy lids, want in her eyes, he was more turned on than he'd ever been before.

He unbuckled his jeans, letting them slide to the floor with his boxers, trying to hide his smirk when Carrie's eyes widened at the sight of his manhood. He'd had plenty of girls tell him what a nice dick he had, but her frightened yet excited expression was so cute he couldn't help but smile. He crawled back on the bed with her, putting a hand on her cheek as he kissed her deeply.

"Tell me if I hurt you?" he asked her, putting a hand on her sex, slipping a finger inside of her. She wiggled against him, enjoying the euphoria she was experiencing. He'd done this to her many times before, but every time still felt like an overload of sensations. She gasped when he slipped another finger into her, moving them in and out of her. She smiled at him, pulling him down on top of her and kissing him frantically.

Jax grabbed a condom from the bedside table, slipping it on deftly and positioning himself at her entrance, slowly sliding in. When he reached her barrier, he pushed through it, her face marring with pain as he did so. He held her, not moving, kissing her forehead. The stillness was killing him, but he didn't want to rush her.

After what felt like an eternity Carrie began moving her hips against his, nodding at him that it was OK to go on. Jax slid out of her slowly, before filling her again. He kept a steady rhythm, slowly speeding up, till they were both ravenous for release. Jax felt the surge of an orgasm upon him, and couldn't hold off any longer, finally releasing himself into the condom. He knew that it was rare for a virgin to come her first time, but he wanted to give her the same feeling she gave him.

He pulled out of her, slipping his fingers inside of her, continuing to pump them in and out. He rubbed her clit with his free hand, watching as she bit her lip, closing her eyes. She cried out as Jax brought her to orgasm, twisting the sheets in one hand, while her other dug into Jax's shoulders. After a few minutes of bliss, lying intertwined, Carrie jumped up and ran into the bathroom to clean up, and Jax peeled the condom off, tossing it expertly into the trashcan. He flipped his bedside light on, and smirked at the blood stained sheets. His Mom was going to have a field day with this one, and he made a mental note to get the prospect, Kyle, to wash them after Carrie left.

Carrie came out of the bathroom with Jax's SAMCRO t-shirt on, and gaped at the stain on his bed. Her face flushed with embarrassment, and Jax sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her into his lap. "I'm sorry." She muttered, mortified at the mess.

"Hey, it's fine. I've got plenty of sheets." He assured her.

"I'm so embarrassed." She moaned into his neck, hiding her face.

He pulled her face up to look at her, smiling softly. "Don't be. It's fine." He told her seriously, kissing her softly.

"I'll wash them." She offered, and he shook his head with his signature grin.

"That's what the prospect's for."

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie rushed into the diner Monday afternoon, late to meet Donna for lunch. She saw her petite friend sitting in a booth on the far side of the diner and slid in across from her.

"Sorry I'm late, I got held up at the day care," Carrie said apologetically. Donna shook her head.

"No worries, my prick manager is out today so I don't have to worry about rushing back to the store," Donna said happily. The waitress walked up to them and took their orders before leaving the two girls alone again.

"So any problems dropping the kids off on Thursday?" Donna asked, a sly grin on her face. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"I think you know there were problems. I can't believe you didn't tell me…he was out," Carrie said, avoiding saying Jax's name. It still hurt too much, "I'm still mad at you about that, by the way," she added. Donna shrugged, still grinning.

"Hey I tried to. You said you didn't want any news on him at all unless he was hurt," Donna reminded her innocently. Carrie looked dubiously at her friend.

"I think you should've known I'd want to know if there was any chance of running into him. And, since you asked, it went terribly. We had no idea what to say to each other and I just ran out of there before I knew what happened," Carrie said. Donna looked disappointed.

"You didn't talk to him at all?" she asked. Carrie shook her head.

"Not really, nothing of importance was said," she said, frowning at the memory, "How in the hell did he get out so early? He told me he'd be in for 10 years at least, with the charges against him." Donna furrowed her brow, looking across the table at Carrie.

"You don't know?" Donna asked, "You really haven't had any news on Jax since you two broke up, have you?" Carrie shook her head and Donna leaned across the table, lowering her voice, "Well I don't know all the details, but apparently Otto did something to get Jax charged as an accessory, so he only got 5 to 10. He was released early for good behavior. Opie thinks Otto will probably be in for the rest of his life."

Carrie's eyes widened as she was once again reminded of the deep bond the club shared. She'd never really been able to understand it, but she had always appreciated and respected it. She thought about poor Luann, and how terrible it must be to know you'll probably never see your husband outside of visiting hours ever again. She hadn't known Otto as well as Luann, but it was clear anytime you saw them together how in love they still were. Carrie suddenly felt incredibly selfish for wondering if she could have waited for Jax for just 10 years.

"Wow," she said, "I can't believe he did that for him." Donna nodded as she glanced up at the waitress setting their food down, before walking away quickly again.

"So are you going to see Jax again?" Donna prodded. Carrie winced. It still caused brief jolts of pain every time she heard his name spoken; more painful even than when he suddenly flashed into her mind out of nowhere – something that had been happening more and more since their run in at the clubhouse. The last thing she wanted to be doing right now was having this conversation. She stirred her coke around, taking a moment to respond.

"I don't know," she said truthfully, "Not if I can help it."

"You can't tell me you don't still love him. I saw you with Mr. what's-his-name from the bank and you- know-who that worked for Oswald. It wasn't the same with any of them. Things aren't finished between you and Jax," Donna told her. Carrie frowned. A part of her knew Donna was right, but she didn't want to think about what she was saying. Donna had always been very blunt and up front, refusing to sugar coat anything for her. It was one of the things she liked best about her, but right now it was just annoying.

"It doesn't matter," Carrie told her firmly, "I can't even be in the same room with him – that much was proven last week."

"It's been over 4 years, and I know how miserable he's been-" Donna started, but Carrie cut her off.

"I don't care how miserable he is, Donna. He broke my heart!" Carrie said, her voice rising. She looked quickly around the diner to make sure she hadn't attracted any attention. Donna looked at her sympathetically.

"I know he did, Carrie. But you've got to put this to bed, otherwise you're going to be miserable, too," she said. Carrie shook her head.

"It is put to bed. I don't want to have anything to do with him. I want to go on like I have the last 4 years – pretending like he doesn't exist," Carrie said stubbornly.

"If you want to pretend like he doesn't exist, why do you have a box full of his letters stuffed in the back of your closet?" Donna asked. Carrie sighed, checking her watch quickly. She threw down several bills on the table.

"I need to get back to work," she said. Donna frowned.

"Carrie, come on, I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about Jax anymore," Donna said, worried she had pushed her friend too far. She knew if she could just get those two idiots in a room together, Carrie would realize how much she'd missed Jax and how much she loved him, but she knew that the decision to talk things out with Jax would have to be Carrie's own; nothing she said was going to be able to convince her to do it.

"No, I really need to get back to work," Carrie repeated, "I'll… call you later." Donna nodded, watching Carrie walk out of the diner, wishing she wasn't dealing with the two most stubborn people in the world.

SOASOASOASOASOASOASOA

Carrie smiled and waved as the last child walked out of the day care, hand in hand with his mom. She stood, locking the door behind them and sighed, glad for the end of the day. She walked into the after school classroom to see Neeta busily straightening and cleaning up and walked across to help her out. Neeta shot her a curious glance. Carrie was being unusually quiet, trying to keep her mind off of her lunch with Donna and blond haired boys that broke her heart.

"You ever gonna tell me what crawled up your ass and died?" Neeta asked, looking over Carrie, who couldn't help but chuckle at the older woman. Carrie shook her head as she worked on putting the blocks away.

"Nothing," Carrie mumbled, knowing full well at Neeta's disbelieving expression that she wasn't going to be able to get out of this one, "It's just… I dropped off Ellie and Kenny at TM last week and I saw… him."

"You saw who?" Neeta asked. Carrie rolled her eyes.

"You know who," she said. Neeta shrugged.

"There's lots of boys that work at TM," she said. Carrie sighed, knowing Neeta was teasing her.

"Jax, okay? Jax was there. He's out, I didn't know, things were awkward, and that's what crawled up my ass and died," Carrie said exasperatedly. Neeta put down the books she was organizing and looked over at Carrie.

"So what you gonna do about it?" Neeta asked. Carrie shook her head.

"I'm not doing anything about it," she responded a little more briskly than she intended to, "Jax hurt me more than anyone else ever has. I can't go through that again." Neeta looked pensively at her, taking a seat at one of the tables, motioning for Carrie to sit across from her.

"Let me tell you a story about Jackson Teller," she said as Carrie took her seat at the table, "Jax was probably about 8 when he got a BB gun for his birthday. He was so excited – I'd never seen that boy's eyes light up like that before when he unwrapped it. He wanted to take it outside right away and started shooting that gun off like he was Billy the Kid."

"Neeta, I-" Carrie interrupted, not really wanting to walk down Neeta's memory lane of Jax.

"Hush," Neeta said, "Let me tell this story. So he starts shooting off this gun and he hits a bird out of a tree. That bird tumbled down, landed right in his backyard. Jax was terrified – thought he'd killed the little thing. He ran over to it, scooped it up in his hands, brought it right over to me and Gemma, tears in his eyes. Then it started moving in his little hands and he got so excited, but its wing was hurt." Carrie listened impatiently, wondering what the point of this story was.

"Jax took that bird in, cared for night and day, nursed the little thing back to health with Gemma's help until one day it was strong enough to fly again. He took it outside and released it, miserable the whole time because he didn't want to let the little thing go," Neeta finished, looking at Carrie, who stared blankly back at her.

"So… what? Am I the bird in this story?" Carrie asked. Neeta shrugged, beginning to wipe down the table.

"It's just a story," Neeta said, "You can be the bird if you wanna be the bird." Carrie looked crossly across the table at her.

"Yeah, well, I bet as soon as that bird was strong enough, it flew as far away from Jax Teller as it possibly could," Carrie said, "I'm sure the bird wasn't stupid enough to let Jax hurt it again."