First Kiss
Chapter Two
Kurt held on to his optimism as long as he could. Unfortunately, like a dream that faded into the light of day, harsh reality soon imposed itself. That was when he realized what many already knew.
Love was a bitch!
Finn had ignored him from that day forward, which was difficult considering they had Glee Club and football practice together.
He did notice with some satisfaction that Finn danced flawlessly with Rachel. It was so good that everyone cheered. Finn had not only mastered the dance but his fear, it seemed. Perhaps that fear was now channeled elsewhere, Kurt reflected wryly.
Through this all, there were brief moments when he caught Finn staring at him. Like the other day at Glee practice…
They had all been singing and dancing and for a while, Kurt had actually felt free from the pain. Singing was like a balm; it was comfortable, something familiar, something he loved. He could forget about love, about Finn, about being alone.
So at one point, he was singing and dancing with Mr. Schue. The teacher was trying to show Kurt the steps he had choreographed for him. Kurt had to admit that while Mr. Schue was obviously not his type, and married, and well, old,when he danced he was actually quite sexy. Really, that should not be allowed… not with all the teenage hormones raging everywhere, but whatever.
He was singing and dancing with Mr. Schue and the rest of the Glee Club looked on.
As Kurt followed his instructor's moves, he thought he looked pretty good, too. They were really having a lot of fun. When the song was over, they both cracked up.
Kurt wiped the tears of laughter from his face. That is when he noticed Finn watching him intently. As soon as he noticed Kurt looking at him though, the other boy looked away.
Kurt had caught him watching him on two other occasions, both during football practice. He was thankful that, although not fashionable, the football costume fit him snugly. When he did his chorus line kicks, it especially showed off his butt.
He couldn't be sure, during these times, of Finn's expression. Was he angry, upset, or turned on?
Whatever it was, it was intense and it disappeared quickly when Finn realized he was caught.
Most of all, Kurt was mad at himself. He had known Finn was straight and had a girlfriend and had a little crush on Rachel. Even if by some miracle he was gay, why would he be interested in Kurt?
So not only did Kurt feel like he had ruined a friendship, but he had gotten his hopes up that Finn could offer him more. He felt like an idiot, and he chastised himself for his now maudlin mood.
But what about the kiss? Didn't it mean anything?
He pushed those thoughts away. He now wished for his, somewhat, uncomplicated life back. Life before the pain of wanting someone, loving someone, and needing someone. While he'd had those feelings before, they were subdued, based on the fantasy of loving Finn. Now that he had the reality…of the kiss…of Finn's own reaction, the feelings were harder to ignore, to manage.
Finn had felt something. He was sure of it.
Kurt shut his locker for the final time that day. As he turned he saw Finn, his face stoic, walking by him without even acknowledging his existence. At that moment, Kurt once again changed his mind.
No matter how much it hurt to love Finn, it was worth it. The kiss was worth it. Whenever he was really down, he just had to pull that memory up. The tenderness, the sweetness of that moment warmed his heart and gave him hope.
It was worth it. No matter what.