SUPER SMASH BROTHERS
BRAWL!!!

Disclaimer: Nintendo is the full legal owner of all the following: Super Mario, Mario, Link, The Legend of Zelda, Pikachu, Pokemon, Kirby, Kirby's Dreamland and all other characters and names. Readers are cautioned. This fic is rated Teen. This work contains: Intense Sci-Fi Action Violence, Sexual Situations, Coarse Language and Suggestive Dialogue. Otherwise, drop it like it's hot.

Chapter 1: Wii got the message

"Do-do-do-do-do-do, DO!" Whistled a pudgy man in a red hat. He snapped his overalls over his red shirt and pranced outside of a massive castle. He strolled out towards the mailbox as he whistled his happy tune and swept up an armload of letters.

"Hey Mario, anything good?" Shouted a squeaky voice as the man returned to the castle's kitchen.

"Lemmie take-a look huh?" He replied. "This is for me, me, me, Luigi, Baby me, this is for Megaman… bill, bill, Super Mario Strikers Charged, bill, me, bill, free wii offer. Geez, look at all this crap. I'll tell ya Peach."

The voice poked out from behind the door, flashing a golden tiara in the light. She flicked her auburn-gold hair from her blue eyes and stared into his big azure ones. "Wassa matta Mario?"

"I'm-a sick of this. Look, I'm supposa play soccer, then 3-on-3 basketball, baseball, golf, be a doctor, drive racecars, rescue princesses, travel through time. Geez, I do everything but plumb now." The mustachioed man complained.

"Super Mario Plumbing… I wonder." Peach considered, slipping her gloves back on. "Oh yeah, you have a message on the Wii."

Mario brandished a Wiimote and clicked the A-button at the message screen. It opened up and he stared at it dumbfounded. "Wassa Mario? I'm Japanese, I can't read Italian!"

"Mario, that's your name you dumb ass!"

"Oh." He shrugged. "Lessa see… Diaranto Samashu Borozasu Ekkusu? What is that? And who's John Handcock?"

"Who knows, you gonna be home by dinner?"

"I dunno, maybe." Mario shrugged, walking towards the door.

"Pick uppa pizza on the way in!" Peach shouted at Mario as he left.

"Pizza? You some typ-a racist?" Mario growled. "Shut uppa yo face!" He finished, slamming the door behind him. He snarled as he approached his go-kart, slamming a golden mushroom into the fuel tank and shooting off towards the Toad Turnpike.

"SIYA!" Roared a green clad young man, as he thrust his shining gold sword forwards.

"CUT!" A bell rang and the teen stopped, pulling his blade back. He helped the monster he had been fighting to its feet. "Alright, let's get 'im into the cel-shaded gear for the Phantom Hourglass shoot. Take five Link!"

"Right, right." He sighed, sheathing his sword. "Great acting Midna."

Link's shadow melted out into a tiny figure. It floated up to Link's shoulder and nodded.
"I do what I can. So how's about a spot in the next realistic looking Zelda game?" Midna asked, with wide yellow eyes.

"We'll see kid, we'll see." Link nodded to his intern. The intern gave a thumbs-up and crossed Midna off the "returns in the next game" list.

"Oh and Mr. Link, sir, you got a letter." The squeaky voiced intern added, handing Link a Wiimote. Link clicked the A button and the message came up.

"John Handcock eh? That's an odd name…" He scratched his chin. "I'll be back in a while. Get my car."

"Yes sir." He replied. A moment later the squeaky voiced intern rushed in on the back of Link's trust steed Epona. He reared back on her and waved happily. Epona let out a neigh and bucked the proud intern off her coffee colored coat. As he landed, a snap echoed through the room and the intern groaned in pain. Link looked down on the man and edged over to his horse.

"Epona, yip-yip!" He ordered, kicking the colt in the sides. She whinnied and rushed out the studio doors.

Author's note: Okay, fair enough. It's not a terribly great intro story, but it gets the job done. I'm gonna chalk up another chapter in a minute (I feel like not adding any action is kinda robbing readers.) There are probably continuity errors somewhere, but the story is half comedy, so I'm just trying to have fun with it. Again, please R&R (I love negative and positive feedback so feel free to do either)