(Hello, hello, hello. This is chapter 2 of Eds in Wonderland. Now for those of you didn't read chapter 1. I will explain what happened last time……..in rhyme. Ahem, the mighty Cthulhu gave superpowers to the Eds to throw out she who goes "off with their heads" that pretty much summed up what happened last time on this fanfic and now on to our program.)
(disclaimer I don't own the rights to anything in this story)
Chapter 2: The Most Annoying Person to Ever Get Superpowers (or enter the Queen)
Now down in Wonderland as this all was occurring. the Queen of Hearts (no really that's her name) was sitting in a solid platinum/brick castle's TV room in a solid platinum chair watching TV on a solid platinum set. (what? she's the queen isn't she.) She happened to be watching the stock market and was none to pleased that the "Trump pork and beans company" stock had dropped down to below sea level, and she was none to happy about it as she had invested a lot of money in that company.
She showed her disapproval by bellowing, "off with his head" and giving the stocks announcer a thumbs down.
"But your majesty" a sniveling cowardly servant said, "it's not his fault the stocks went down."
"Criticizing my judgment, eh, OFF WITH YOUR" but just as she was about to say HEAD, the servant ran out of the castle screeching "help, help a decapitation crazed lunatic wants my head."
"Well that's another wanted poster for the post office," the Queen said to herself and then opened up a heart shaped cell phone and barked into it. "Mister Tweedledope, prepare my wormhole device. I want to survey the area I chose for my earth palace and bring the jester, the knave, and the executioner with you too. I want to make sure there are no interruptions" as she shut her phone a wormhole opened in front of her and she stepped in
As the Queen and her stooges went to the surface Cthulhu (who had just read the Queen's mind and knew where she was going) called the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and the Dormouse to the hanger bay. When they got there, the Hatter said "you should have called someone else it's my unbirthday for Pete's sake"
Cthulhu glared down at him and said "every day of the year except your birthday is an unbirthday. Now listen up, I want you three to watch over the chosen ones and make sure they're safe. I just got wind that the Queen of Hearts is heading up toward the surface so get your rears in gear and make sure she doesn't kill anyone"
To which the Dormouse replied in his sleepy voice "twinkle, twinkle little bat how I wonder what you're at, up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky, twinkle, twinkle" and then nodded off and then the March Hare said, "I told him not to switch to decaff"
Cthulhu was getting very angry at this time and bellowed "WELL, GET GOING" "yes, sir, right away, sir" said the Mad Hatter and the March Hare who grabbed the Dormouse (as he was the only one who could pilot their craft) and ran toward their ship the Liddell (named after the first person on earth to go to Wonderland) which looked like a flying teapot and blasted through a rabbit hole and onto earth (note the Dormouse is asleep.)
Meanwhile on the surface Ed woke up and because his brain was two sizes too small didn't doubt the dream for a second. Thus proving the limits of his gullibility despite the fact the dream was true. "Gravy," he said as he awoke (simple words for a simple mind) and jumped out of bed flapping his arms in a vain attempt to fly. (Which if any of ye read the last chapter you would know he had been given the ability to do many things and flight was one of them.) But wind powered flight is done in a different way, especially in this story. Therefore, as you probably guessed, he fell flat on his face.
Outside his room, however, things were not looking good. Again as ye who read the last chapter know, Ed holed up in his room. But what you didn't know is that his bossy sister, Sarah, with the help of her friend, Jimmy, who happens to be a stereotypical wimp had led siege to his room and she just broke down the door .
"Alright Ed give me the money you jerks stole from me or I'LL TELL MOM." Now Ed is many things a strong guy, an idiot, and a living b-science fiction movie database. But one of the many things he is, is the fact that despite his recent superior healing factor, he was already immune to some degree of damage. But despite that, there are only two things that can scare him beyond belief. That's the threat of punishment from his mom (and the other being May Kanker) so naturally you can assume how scared he is, and then something extraordinary happened.
He broke wind, but this time was dramatically different than other times. He did it differently because when he did he was sent flying through the air. He did a few laps around the room singing "he farts thru the air" before partially losing control of his flight and flying right through the roof and started crop dusting the cul-de-sac in a spray that only woke up Jonny (strange) but would produce an odor worse than the E.M.S.B. or El Mongo Stink Bomb.
As Sarah watched Ed fly around, she was getting quite angry. She soon decided on a course of action. You see Sarah had a way of settling all difficulties big or small and yelled out "I'LL TELL MOM."
Meanwhile as Double Dee was having breakfast, he smelled a very bad smell like Ed's basement magnified a thousand times. When he opened up the windows to see what happened, he couldn't believe his eyes for there was Ed on fart powered flight. He said to himself "no, impossible, Ed can't fly. Cthulhu isn't real and" he was about to say something when he smelled something and looked down and saw to his horror that his feet had melted through his shoes. "No, this can't be happening I can't generate acid" and pinched himself several times in a vain attempt to wake up when he heard a rumble beneath the ground and ran out of the way just in time to avoid a hole appearing where he stood. Then Eddy appeared from the hole "Hey, Double Dee, what are ya doing?" he asked "t-t-this is im" "impossible yep, but true." Eddy said cutting off Double Dee.
"How do I know you're not a delusion?" Double Dee asked. He was wondering if he was seeing things. "Let's see if a delusion can do this" he said and stomped the ground. Then an enormous tremor shook the cul-de-sac so much that Double Dee thought the whole neighborhood would collapse "or this" he said and pointed his open palm at Kevin's house. The air crackled with power one second and then a second later a beam of power shot out of his palm and there was a gaping hole where his door was "Well?" Eddy said "am I delusion or not"
"I-I-I guess so" Double Dee said "see now let's go unto more important things, such as where the heck is lumpy?" Eddy said "look out the window Eddy" Double Dee replied "huh?" Eddy said a little confused then he looked out and saw it. "This is a rip off of my El Mongo Stink Bomb. Oh well, this should bring him down to earth," he said. He took careful aim and shot Ed right in the buttocks.
Well, then all heck broke loose as Ed (cut off from his fart propelled flight by sore buttocks courtesy of Eddy's power blast) began to plummet from the sky and he crashed right into Jonny 2x4's house. "Great, now we have to get Ed out of there. THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, DOUBLE DEE!" Eddy said pointing an accusing finger at Double Dee.
"My fault? You're the one that shot Ed out of the sky" Double Dee replied defending himself, "you should have talked me out of it" Eddy retorted "that is so juvenile I'm not even going to argue," Double Dee said.
Jonny 2x4 woke up with a start when he heard the crash. Startled, he slipped downstairs and saw Ed. True to his irritating self, proceeded to annoy him. "Hey Ed whatcha doing?" Ed looked dazed and started babbling "rama fama limy pigslop GRAVY." Seeing no response (at least none he could understand,)
Jonny poked Ed in the stomach. This was a big mistake because when he did this he lost consciousness (See he had powers too and the seal on them was broken when he touched Ed) and he didn't get it back until the other Eds got there.
When Eddy and Double Dee got there, they saw Jonny wake up and then he got a little angry (see he also fell for their fake jawbreaker scam) and said "you jerks give me my refund now or else."
"You don't want the money," Eddy said and waved his hand.
"What, of course, I want the money" Jonny retorted.
Eddy said, "so much for Jedi mind tricks" and instead blasted a clear hole in Jonny's ceiling which shocked him, but not for long. "Did you get a dream with some big scary tentacle guy in it calling himself cthlulu." "It's pronounced Cthulhu, and yes we did."
Double Dee replied, "Hot dog Plank. That means we've got powers too. Let's go to the junkyard to practice." "By the way, I'm curious what powers did you get?" Double Dee asked.
"Something called bone manipulation and something called plant manipulation." And with that, he ran off to the junkyard.
"Well, there goes the most annoying person to ever get superpowers. Eddy, we should practice our abilities, too, you know." Double Dee said "to the vicar the soils will uh ummmmm stink?" Ed had finally regained consciousness by now you see. "Go Ed, to the victor the spoils will go" Double Dee said correcting Ed. Then they heard something. It seemed that the rest of the cul-de-sac had woke up and was following the path of destruction.
"Meet ya at the junkyard." Eddy said quickly and then opened up a hole in the ground and began to tunnel his way to the junkyard. "Last one there is a rotten something" Ed proclaimed and took off on fart powered flight and flew off to the junkyard. "Well here goes nothing," Double Dee said and stretched out his hands and blasted the ground with a freeze ray and began to slide along it. But there was something on his mind all the way there "what on earth would Cthulhu need help fighting against?" he was thinking. Little did he know that he was about to experience it first hand in chapter 3 which will be up next week.
(reviews please)