The Kids Aren't Alright
Part II
Author: Angel Spirit
It was quiet upstairs when he got there, and Dean wondered if Sam had fallen asleep…deciding that if Sam had fallen asleep, that he'd let him sleep-since it clearly looked like he needed it.
Maybe because Dean felt guilty…because he knew that he'd let Sam sleep in his bed tonight, and that he'd take the other bed in the guest bedroom so that they could be close-and so that he could keep a good eye on his brother.
Dean wasn't sure why, but he had the feeling that he needed to keep a much closer eye on Sam…at least, for awhile. Until they were over this hurtle and Sam was back on his feet. A part of Dean was actually glad that Sam had gotten this migraine of his-and Dean smirked to himself as he had the feeling that somehow, in someway Sam's migraine would help bring bits of their broken brotherly bond back together. They had time now, Dean realized…and now it all depended on how they used that time. Sam wanted to use that time to grieve and to figure out a way to reconnect after everything that had happened…and Dean knew that he secretly wanted the same thing.
He knew he'd miss his old man…and he knew that Sam was more than missing him too. And while Dean wanted to argue that it wasn't fair that Sam was allowed to grieve for dad too since he'd ran out on them for a good three and a half years, another part of Dean-a much stronger part of him…knew that John had been Sam's dad too. And that Sam was allowed to grieve as much as he had…that in fact, Sam probably had more weight on his shoulders with dad's death because not only had he really seen John fall, but he'd also been the last one to talk to him.
Sam had never really told Dean what the last words John had said to him were, so that left Dean to play a guessing game. But Dean had the feeling that he knew that it wasn't 'I love you…' or anything of the sorts.
Dean sighed…this really was nothing but one big mess he'd admit that now…
And he didn't know how to fix it. Their father might not have been there for them all the time, but without him it was like they were falling apart at the seams.
Pulling up a spare chair that was always kept in their bedroom (because Dean couldn't count on all of his fingers the number of times that they'd been at Bobby's with one or both of them being sick or injured in some way or other) Dean reached out and gently grabbed hold of Sam's wrist, letting him know that he was there.
"Sam, when you wake up and feel better dude we're so going to talk…I can't believe that I let this all get so screwed up and out of hand. I get that you think I'm pissed at you…and I am…a little bit. But I'm angrier at dad and the way he left us Sammy, I mean, he just left us. It's not like he's going to randomly appear again after we call and leave some voicemail on his cell phone. And I think that I'm pissed at you because somehow in some way you were right about dad…he only cared about the hunt, he never cared about his family. If he had he wouldn't have just upped and left us like he did, he would've found a way to fight and stay with us…that's what kills me Sam, is that I have a feeling deep down that what happened in that hospital room wasn't supposed to happen. But it's just you and me now kid and I've already screwed things up. I promised dad that I'd take care of you and look after you and now look at what happens…" Dean sighed and ran a hand over his face.
He was a lot better at this confessional stuff when Sam was asleep then when he was awake; even though he knew that Sam would much rather prefer hearing them awake.
And Sam would hear it when he was awake…just…not this version. Unless if Sam was playing a trick on him and doing that whole 'pretend sleeping' crap that he used too do when he was younger so that he could figure out what it was Dean and their dad were hunting when they wouldn't tell him because it would be 'too dangerous'…or to get some kind of confession like this out of Dean for one of those 'chick flick' moments that Dean was never fond of.
Dean snorted as he allowed himself to sit back a little. Too dangerous…everything they were into right now was 'too dangerous'.
Sam mumbled something in his sleep and Dean watched with careful eyes as he saw the younger man flinch and Dean sighed as he reached over and gently brushed back some of Sam's hair that had fallen into his eyes…freezing as he did so.
"Son of a bitch," Dean murmured, pressing his cool hand against Sam's suddenly too warm forehead as he tried to figure out just how high of a fever his younger brother was going to get.
It was just starting…and Sam with a cold now wasn't going to help him much. Especially if Sam got a fever…Sam was never very fun to take care of when he had a fever and Dean knew that even Bobby would admit that.
Sam tended to get a bit on the delirious side and have some pretty wild dreams. Bobby had implied that he hadn't thought that Sam wasn't sleeping well, and from the dark circles under his younger brother's eyes, Dean had the feeling that Bobby was correct. Dean wondered of the kind of nightmares were keeping Sam up at night, and he wished he knew now.
They needed to get a grip on this…now.
He'd left the first aid kit in the kitchen downstairs, since he hadn't thought that they'd need it since they were 'lying low' for the next several weeks while Dean rebuilt the Impala.
The thermometer that Dean needed would be in there…he knew that Bobby would probably have one up here in the bathroom, but the one in their kit was the nice simple kind where Dean just stuck it in Sam's ear and called it golden. Dean had figured out long ago when Sammy was just a kid, that that was the easiest way to take his temp and not hear Sam having to complain or fuss and tell Dean that he didn't have a fever and that he was just fine. Usually Dean would do it when he was asleep, or just on the brink of so there wouldn't be any argument.
Even though it looked like Sam was getting a bit restless on him, Dean ran a hand through Sam's hair-giving him a soft look that he knew Sam hadn't seen in awhile.
"Hang on Sammy; I'll be right back okay?" Getting up, Dean knew that he was in for a rough night…and heading downstairs he made a list of the stuff to bring up…
One of those things being a bowl of that chili that Bobby had said was for dinner…
~*~*~*~
Sam felt…horrible.
It was the kind of 'I know I'm getting a horrible cold and can't do anything about it' kind of horrible, and worse. The room felt too hot…his whole body felt stiff and his muscles felt sore and he winced as he tried to move onto his other side so that he could feel the cooler side of the pillow. Why was it that pillow cases always had to get so hot…?
His throat was feeling like it was on fire, and Sam knew that his injuries were starting to play up a bit…his ribs were killing him and he felt a bit on the congested side. He winced…if he was getting some kind of chest cold, even he knew that he'd be in for a rough time of it…and that would suck. Healing ribs with coughing fits did not go well together.
Maybe he should tell Dean or Bobby that he wasn't feeling up to par. He knew that it meant that they'd be keeping an extra close watch on him because of it, but at this point in time Sam was tired. He was tired of a lot of things…and right now he was too tired to take care of himself, he knew that.
He got that now…somehow, somewhere along the way things had gotten really messed up…and he was the one paying the price.
I should've told Dean about checking out AMA…Sam thought, trying to bury his head into the pillow again as spikes of pain tore through his mind and he wondered when it was all going to stop.
He just wanted it to stop. He fought a sob as he clung onto the pillow for dear life, trying to take a breath without choking on it…
And suddenly felt a little calmer at doing so.
Maybe it was because the pillow smelled like Dean, and Sam wondered why.
Dean…Sam had come close to loosing Dean…he closed his eyes tightly as though he could shut out the images that were flashing at him again as he wondered what in the hell it was that he'd done to deserve this.
"He's flat lining…!" All Sam could do was stand shell shocked as he watched helplessly from the doorway as they tried to resuscitate Dean…bring him back to life.
He couldn't help but blink back the tears that threatened to fall as he fought down the nausea and the sudden urge to be close to his brother. But he knew that he needed to give the medics some room to work…some space…it was still hard though. It was like his over protectiveness of Dean was starting to kick in now, like it usually did on the rare occurrence whenever Dean got sick or injured.
As much as Sam didn't want to admit it, he actually liked those times where Dean was sick or injured…it gave Sam an opportunity to look after Dean, something that he normally wasn't allowed to do. It gave him a chance to give back to Dean, since Dean was usually the one looking after him and taking care of him. Most times, Sam didn't mind taking care of his older brother.
He just felt so lost, leaning up heavily against the doorway as though his weight could no longer support himself when he heard all the commotion going on in Dean's room.
It was as though his whole world was falling apart, and there was no one there to catch him…not even dad, at least, not right now. The last thing he knew, his father was still pretty out of it and high on the pain meds that they had for his arm.
John Winchester didn't even know that his oldest son was dying…and there was no way in hell that he was going to leave Dean now just to tell his dad that his oldest son-who he hadn't even seen for a good year now-was dying. Their father hadn't come when Sam had called him after Dean had gotten electrocuted and had been told that he only had a few months, if that to live.
No way…if there was anyone Dean needed now, it was Sam himself.
"Come on Dean…come on…don't you dare leave me, don't you dare!" It was like a command muttered under his breath, and Sam found himself muttering it several times.
When a heartbeat finally came several seconds later, though it felt like an eternity and Sam heard that it was all good, he saw the room spin around him and he nearly collapsed in relief then and there.
"Hey…hey…you okay there Sam?" Sam had to blink for a minute to clear the tears that had fallen, and he saw the pretty nurse…what was her name…Amy? Who had helped him with his discharge papers earlier…she gave him a gentle smile and helped guide him over to where a chair was so he could sit down before he fell down, though right now that really wasn't the place he wanted to be. He wanted to be by Dean's side…now.
"That must've been pretty scary to see, huh? You weren't kidding when you said that you weren't going far from the hospital…is that…family in there?" Amy asked, trying her best to be consoling, but Sam could only swallow hard and nod as he tried to get his bearings.
His brother almost died…he'd almost lost Dean…that wasn't right. Dean was strong; he was always on the top of his game and the best at everything. He couldn't loose Dean like this…he wouldn't loose Dean like this.
Knowing that Amy was looking for some kind of response, Sam swallowed again and tried to get the right words out so that he wouldn't sound like the blubbering idiot that he felt he was.
Dean had almost died…! HAD died…right in front of his eyes, and he'd been helpless to do anything.
"My…my brother, Dean…I…I just lost him and got him back…I…I can't loose him Amy, I can't…" Before Sam knew what was happening, Amy had her arms wrapped around him and he found himself crying weakly on her shoulder. Suddenly, Sam felt much older than his 23 years.
He wished that Bobby was there now…but Bobby had gone to check out the details on the Impala after having finally found out where they'd towed it too. Sam had offered to go with him, but Bobby had refused, saying that he'd had enough on his plate right now, and that it was best that he stay here with his brother and his father. Sam had all too quickly agreed…he hoped that the Impala would be salvageable. Suddenly, Sam felt the need to call Bobby…there was no 'would be'. The Impala was salvageable, if there was one working part left in her, Sam was determined to get her fixed up one way or another. And there was one thing that Sam was certain about…that it would be Dean doing all the fixing.
No ifs, ands or buts about it.
Sam took Amy's comfort for awhile before he gently pushed away and rubbed at his eyes, giving her a sheepish look. She was pretty…and he could practically hear Dean's voice in his mind, cheering him on. And he knew that when Dean found out that he passed a cute nurse like Amy up for his family he'd never hear the end of it. But Sam also knew that Dean would understand at the same time…because he knew that Dean would do the same thing for him if he'd been in Dean's position.
"Thanks Amy…I think I needed a shoulder to cry on…but listen…I've got a phone call I have to make really quickly to our Uncle, is there a phone really close by that I can use?" Sam asked quietly, and sighed in relief when Amy nodded and stood, and Sam stood with her, wavering on his feet for a minute-not missing the look of concern that Amy gave him as he quickly gained his bearings and shoved aside any thoughts of his own aches and pains.
Right now it was Dean who needed him…and he knew that Dean would kill him if he let anything happen to the Impala.
He nodded at Amy to lead the way and she did so, glancing behind her every now and then to make sure that Sam was keeping up okay. Sam was…and was really glad that she led him to a phone at the nurse's desk at the end of the hall. After quickly explaining Sam's situation to the nurse manning the desk, the nurse allowed Sam to use the phone and Sam assured her that it would only be a few minutes…
Sam groaned into his pillow as he came back to the present. He really had only been a few minutes on the phone, but he'd scared both nurses in the process of almost yelling at Bobby that the Impala could be fixed, damned anything else. After several moments of bickering back and forth over the phone, Sam had gotten Bobby to finally agree to have the Impala towed to his junk yard and they'd want to see if it could be fixed.
And now it was being fixed…and Sam wasn't sorry to having yelled at Bobby about it not at all. Because right now; his brother was alive…and he was being the one to fix the Impala…not some mechanic. So Sam had been right on both accounts…
Suddenly, Sam had a need to see his brother. He knew that while Dean said that he was fine with everything going on, Sam knew that he wasn't fine. And Sam would be damned if his brother had come back to him just so that he could loose him again. Dean hadn't known what it was like to watch a brother die and then come back to life…he didn't know what it felt like.
He knew that Dean wanted some space from him, but Sam didn't want the space…he'd had enough space at the hospital, and he was determined to get that through Dean's thick skull…headache or no headache. He made to stand, but the moment he lifted himself off the bed, the world seemed to spin around him, and Sam groaned as his body all but forced himself to lie back down.
Why was it that everything was against him suddenly? Sam closed his eyes at the sudden onslaught of nausea, as he fought to keep down his breakfast that he'd managed to eat that morning knowing that Dean probably wouldn't be too happy if he came in and had to clean up that kind of mess. Because that kind of mess was never fun to clean up, as both of them had had clean up duty like that on a few rare occasions.
Nope…not a good way to get back into Dean's good graces…so Sam tried to quiet the headache that raged behind his eyes and still his quivering stomach before Dean got back…
~*~*~*~
"Sam okay?" The moment Bobby asked, he knew the answer. So when Dean gave a slight shake of his head as he collected what he'd come down to get, Bobby sighed and ran a hand over his face.
"You know Dean, I have a friend in town who works at the local clinic…he owes me a few favors, if you want I can give him a ring and have him come up and take a look at Sam." Dean paused at Bobby's offer, wondering if he should take him up on it.
And while a part of him knew that it was probably more than a good idea to get Sam looked at, he also knew that Sam was probably sick of doctors and strangers taking care of them and was more than ready for his older brother to do his job.
Something you haven't been doing lately…again, that little annoying voice in the back of his mind that was more than correct and Dean wanted to smack it away and pretend that it wasn't there.
Because every time he listened to it now, it was starting to sound like their dad. Like their dad was accusing him of not taking care of Sam like he'd asked him too.
But that was craziness on his part. No…Dean would take care of Sam now…and from here on out he wouldn't fail on his job again, no matter how angry or upset he would get.
Bobby had to understand this…he had too. Dean was tired of strangers in their lives…for at least a little while, he wanted to be the one taking care of Sam…and maybe once Sam was back on his feet and being the annoying little brother that he was, they could take care of each other. Because that's what they should've been doing all along.
It only took Sam to fall for Dean to see what Sam had been trying to tell him all along.
"Give me a couple of nights Bobby, please? If Sam doesn't shake this, I'll let you call your friend okay? But I think right now, I'm all that Sam needs." Even though Dean didn't speak the rest of his words out loud, Bobby clearly knew what it was that Dean was trying to say and nodded back in understanding.
And I need Sam too…
Dean fought not to get choked up as he grabbed the first aid kit.
A soft woof caught his attention, and Dean registered the fact that PJ was looking up at him with sad looking eyes from the pen that Bobby usually kept him in when someone couldn't keep an eye on him.
PJ…
A small smile crept up on Dean's face as he realized the meaning behind the name and he snorted softly. Only Bobby would do such a thing…he wondered what Pastor Jim would think of, having a dog named after him.
But Dean would be damned if PJ wasn't looking up at him with soulful knowing eyes.
Without even knowing what he was doing, Dean bent over low enough so that he could give the puppy a quick rub down, feeling like he needed to give the pup a moments worth of attention.
"Sam's been really good with him, you know." Bobby's quiet voice came from behind him, but Dean had sensed him coming up.
Dean wasn't surprised that Sam had taken a liking to the puppy and vice a versa. When they'd been younger, Sam had always wanted a dog…but their way of life, their way of living hadn't allowed them the pleasure of having one. There had been times too, when Dean would admit that he didn't think that having a hunting dog on their side would've been such a bad thing.
But money had been tight on more than one occasion and they could hardly afford to buy food for themselves-much less a dog. Still though, Dean couldn't blame Sam when they were younger, whenever he'd want to stop and pet a stray or someone's pet dog that happened to be walking by them.
Sam was an animal lover at heart like that…it was one of the many innocent things about Sam that Dean had come to love without knowing it.
So innocent…Sam really was the innocent one in all of this. If things had turned out differently, Sam could've had a completely different life…
But Dean wouldn't let anything slip by him again. No…not this time…dad was gone now, and Sammy was his to protect. Sammy had always been his to protect, and he wasn't about ready to slack off again.
Even if it meant spending a long couple of nights now, trying to get Sam's fever down. He wasn't stupid…if he needed help; he'd admit it and go to Bobby.
But right now, he had a job to do. It wasn't a hunt, but taking care of Sammy was the next best thing. At least, for now it was.
Giving PJ a final, quick pat on the head, Dean nodded at Bobby as he headed up the stairs with the first aid kit.
Dinner could wait…Sammy couldn't…
~*~*~*~
It had been a really long couple of weeks.
The Impala remained untouched, the rain currently washing the dust off of it as it gently hit the ground from the storm that had just finished up…a downpour now being reduced to nothing but a slow drizzle.
And like the rain, Sam was finally on the mend.
The first few nights had been nothing but sheer hell…and Dean had finally given in once Sam's fever had spiked to 103 and had Bobby call his friend who worked at the local clinic.
Dr. Sawyer hadn't quite been what Dean had been the man that Dean had been expecting. He was from down south and had a gentle tone and manner that somehow eased Dean and give him far more trust then he usually did with most people. Of course, it had also helped that he and Bobby had greeted each other like they'd known each other for ages.
The fact that Bobby was willing to trust him, made Dean want to trust him…and in the case of Sam, Dean had to trust him.
Dr. Sawyer had said that they'd gotten lucky and that if they'd called him to help out any later…
Dean didn't want to think about it. He really didn't want to think about it. He'd lost one family member; he'd be damned to hell if he'd loose another.
If he lost Sam, he wouldn't hesitate to follow him because within the past couple of weeks, Dean had realized that he needed Sam. Just like Sam had needed him…
Dean got that now, he really did. And when Sam was more coherent, they'd talk. Maybe Dean would even let Sam help out with the Impala for awhile; show him a few things with the car. When Sam had been much, much younger he'd always taken an interest in the car whenever Dean had started to tinker it and fix it when it needed to be fixed.
Although thinking on it now, Dean realized that Sam had probably used it as a chance to get to spend more time with Dean when they weren't hunting something fugly.
Sam was sleeping now…as he had been for the past several days on and off. Sometimes he'd wake up and Dean would hope that he would be awake enough to talk but then his eyes would take on that glassy fever effect and Dean would know that Sam was only partially with him.
The doctor had had rewrapped Sam's ribs and checked his other injuries. He'd also put in an IV to keep Sam hydrated…he'd suggested taking him to the hospital but when Dean had flat out refused, Bobby had had to tell his friend what had happened to the boys. Quietly pulling him into another room so that Dean wouldn't have to hear it…because as much as he tried to forget it, everything was still fresh in his mind as though it had all happened yesterday.
Movement caught his eye and Dean sighed as he brushed a hand through his hair and grimaced. He'd need to shower today, before Bobby decided to remind him-again.
That one reminder had been embarrassing enough.
"Come on Sammy, time to wake up now…PJ's starting to wonder when you're going to let him get into mischief again and I'm starting to wonder when we'll get a chance to…well, to have that talk that you wanted…because I for one personally think that that talk is long overdue Sammy." Dean murmured, trying to coax Sam awake.
Eyes fluttered open and Dean leaned forward as he wondered if this time Sam really was awake, and not just in a fever induced daze…
~*~*~*~
"Come on Sammy, time to wake up now..." Wake up? He'd been sleeping…?
Funny…sleep hadn't felt all that great. He'd gone from hot to cold, and back to hot again…he'd heard voices, had nightmares and had felt something sharp get inserted into his hand.
It had to have been a needle, and Sam hated needles. If Dean was really watching out for him, why in the hell did he feel the poke of a needle? Everything felt muddled…and Sam felt like he was only partially there.
Maybe because he was only partially there…but he had heard Dean's voice; really heard it. And it made him feel protected…so things couldn't be all that bad. Dean sounded worried, but not that frantic worried like he sounded if one of them got injured or sick on a hunt.
As his mind slowly came back to him, Sam remembered that they were at Bobby's…it also remembered a lot of other stuff that he didn't want to remember. It was too painful to remember.
Flashbacks of dad dying…of hot coffee scalding his knee when he'd dropped it to get to his fallen father…the look on Dean's face as he realized that his hero, the one man he'd looked up to all his life was dying.
It wasn't fair…none of it was.
And now Dean had to take care of him because he couldn't take care of himself…
Sam sighed, falling back into the folds of sleep-despite the fact that Dean's voice kept on insisting that it was time to wake up. He didn't want to wake up…because when he was asleep, he could hide in the darkness.
The darkness was comforting; peaceful…nothing bad happened here.
Besides, Dean doesn't want me anyway…the past few weeks have proven that…the forbidden thought came out of nowhere, and while Sam contemplated the truth of it, he realized that he didn't mind anymore that Dean didn't seem to need him. At least not here…here nothing hurt, there was no pain.
But something happened to change all of that.
Another dream…but this time, this one wasn't a nightmare…not like all the other dreams he'd been having lately…all the horrible, terrible dreams. Of demons and monsters that they'd fought in the past…sometimes in the dreams they'd loose to those monsters and demons and Sam would have to watch dad dying all over again-sometimes Dean would die with him.
Sometimes it would be of Jess, haunting him…even though they'd taken that extra step to make sure that she wouldn't be able to come back, but that didn't stop her from coming to him in his dreams.
Because Dean had known that he wouldn't have been able to stand seeing her actual ghost…hearing her accuse him of failing her like he seemed to fail everyone else.
"You're anything but a failure." The words came so suddenly that it caused Sam to stop and think for a minute. He hadn't been the one to speak them, and he knew that Dean hadn't spoken them either.
But he still knew that voice…from somewhere…
"It's time to go back now Sammy, you can't stay here. Your brother needs you, and you need your brother…why else do you think that I did what I did?" The air shimmered around him, and Sam found himself standing at a lake…on a dock…squinting into an autumn sunlight.
It really was the picture of serenity, Sam decided. All around the lake, the trees were changing color, and the sky was a gorgeous blue…the sun not too warm or too hot…
A pleasant day…and for once, Sam felt at peace. He hadn't had this feeling in awhile…
Now, if only the owner of the voice standing behind him would just leave him be.
But there was no way that John Winchester was about to do that. He hadn't made a deal with a demon and given up his life for one of his son's to give up…no…it was not the way that things were meant to be, despite what John knew his boys had probably led themselves to believe.
Bobby was right-and he hoped that after this, they'd learn to listen to a man that he knew both Sam and Dean would look to for a fatherly figure since he wouldn't be able to be there for them anymore.
He didn't have much time…but John knew that he had to get through to Sam. Had to convince him to continue fighting despite the fact that he and Dean believed that everything was against them…and maybe for right now it was that way. But his sons would fight back…and John knew this because they were Winchesters-and Winchesters never gave up.
So he'd be damned if he'd let Sam give up now.
"Sam, listen to me. I did what I did for a reason and I think both you and your brother know what that reason is. I knew that you couldn't survive without each other, and despite everything that's happened your bond as brothers is stronger than you both will ever be able to imagine. And I'm so proud of both of you…despite what you led yourself to believe Sammy, I've always been proud to have you for a son. I just didn't want to let you go when you wanted to go Sam, you have to understand that. And now it's almost like our roles have reversed huh? You don't want to let me go even though I'm gone…but you have to Sam, you and your brother both. You both have to let me go, do you hear me?" Even as Sam turned to face his father, to face his words, he sighed.
He tried to find the right words, but he wasn't sure if there were any words that could be said right now…
Here he was facing the one man who he had so much to say too…and yet he couldn't find the words.
But even though he couldn't find the words, John seemed to understand everything as he looked into his youngest son's eyes for what he knew would probably be the final time and he nodded. It was all right there-everything that Sam wanted to say, but couldn't.
It was really up to Dean to protect Sam now…and for Sam to protect Dean, because heaven only knew that Dean needed someone on his side. And Sam was it…whether Dean wanted to accept it or not, Sam would always be it.
"I love you Sam, you and your brother both and tell Dean to never, ever forget that no matter how pissed he is right now. His anger is more towards me than it is you right now…but he needs you boy. So you turn around and go right back to where you belong, understand?" At John's command, Sam gave a jerky nod...seeing things starting to fade around him.
He knew now that he had to go back…he knew that he couldn't leave Dean.
But he still reached out a hand towards his father, and when he saw that look in John's eyes his own heart nearly broke.
"I wish I could be there for the final battle Sam…but know that I'm always watching out for you-you and Dean both." With those departing word and one last regretful look, John Winchester vanished from that perfect autumn day…and as that perfect autumn day vanished around him, Sam heard Dean pleading for him to wake up once more…and Sam sighed.
Despite not really wanting too, it was time to face the world of reality once more…
Opening his eyes was the first mistake. Groaning was the second…because it caused Dean to become that much more aware of the fact that this time, he was awake.
And Dean wasn't going to let him fall back asleep anytime soon until he knew that his younger brother was fully coherent and back in the land of the living.
It had been too touch and go there for awhile, and Dr. Sawyer had had to stop by once again to check on Sam…saying that Sam was slowly but surely recovering.
"Ouch." It was the first word that Sam had spoken in a couple of weeks, but to Dean it was the most glorious word on earth.
"Crap Sam…Sammy, don't you ever do this again…you do this again to me and I swear…" Dean only shook his head as he reached out and grabbed his brother's hand, squeezing it like it was a lifeline.
Sam for his part was shocked that he wasn't in a hospital…and that he was still lying in Dean's bed in the guestroom.
He wondered how long he'd been there for, and when his questioning hazel eyes turned to him, Dean only shrugged in response to the unspoken question.
"About a couple of weeks, give or take…you gave me a good scare Sammy." Dean murmured, and Sam felt his eyebrows rise up.
A couple of weeks…?!?
"That nasty bug that you'd gotten combined with your injuries dragged you down Sam…you needed that downtime you hadn't been giving yourself." It was a light scolding, and Sam knew that he'd probably hear more of it from Dean later on when he was feeling better. He was surprised that he hadn't gotten the 'what in the hell were you thinking' speech yet.
But Sam hadn't missed the fact that Dean was starting to call him Sammy…and it felt good. Felt right…
Maybe things were finally starting to get back on track…maybe.
"I…I saw dad." Sam couldn't help it…he knew he shouldn't, but he also knew that Dean would probably want to know that he saw their dad in his dreams…more specifically that one dream.
He knew that their dad would want him to tell Dean, despite how uncomfortable it was for it to be brought up.
Instantly, Dean seemed to freeze and all time seemed to stop. But Sam licked his dry lips-wishing for water-and continued, feeling slightly weary and worn out.
"Look…it…it wasn't anything bad. He just…he just said that he loved us…and that he had given up his life so that we both could remain in this together. Dean it was so surreal…but it was like he knew stuff we didn't. It was like he knew that we couldn't survive without each other. And I get that now…I think I've always gotten it. But I don't think you have." Sam said it so quietly that Dean had to strain to hear him despite the fact that it was just the two of them in the room.
Bobby had taken PJ out to do some training exercises with him when Dean had said that he thought that Sam was showing signs of waking up. Bobby had somehow known that the two brothers would want time to talk, and had taken off…using PJ as a good enough excuse. Besides, the puppy was full of energy these days…Dean had experienced that first hand a couple of times.
He for one definitely wouldn't mind Sam taking over the job of looking after the pup once he was back on his feet.
It hadn't helped that Sam's voice sounded like it hadn't been used in several days either, and Dean quietly offered him the glass of water sitting on the table beside them.
"Slow sips, Sammy…" Dean warned and Sam gave him that look that said he knew…and Dean fought one of his rare smiles that threatened to appear. Smiles that lately these days, were reserved mostly for Sam…and maybe for a cute waitress every now and then.
"Look Sam…I know I haven't been the best brother lately-" As Sam opened his mouth, Dean raised a hand, cutting him off from whatever it was he was going to say as he shook his head at his younger brother. He'd been waiting for days to get this off his chest now, and he wasn't about to let it go on any longer.
"Things might not be the way you want them to be for awhile Sam…everything that's happened with dad…it's just…a lot to take in, you know? I'm sorry if I've given you the cold shoulder, I'm sorry if I made you feel like you were unwanted…it wasn't my intention. It's just…dad seriously pissed me off this time and I can't yell at him or anything like that-it's like the one person who's to blame for all of this isn't here anymore and that hurts you know?" Sam nodded at Dean's question, wondering just how much pent up emotions Dean was trying to get off his chest.
It was nowhere near perfect…but at least Dean was trying…and Sam knew that much now.
"You're my brother Sam, and right now you're probably the most important thing in my life, I want you to know this. But I also want you to know that I need some time Sammy. I have to get over this in my own way and you've got to understand this. I've never been the emotional person that you are Sam, it's harder for me. But I can promise you one thing…and that's after we get you back on your feet, that I'll try a little harder to be there for you okay Sam? Just like you've always been there for me..." And that was that. The one chick flick moment that Dean had allowed to have happen, and while Sam got exactly what Dean was saying, he knew that within time things would hopefully be okay.
It might not be perfect, like Dean said…but it seemed like they were really, finally on the mend-both physically and emotionally.
"I'm sorry I tried to push you." Sam finally murmured, feeling sleepy again and not wanting to sleep. But he still felt so tired…
He knew signing AMA out of the hospital hadn't been one of his more brilliant ideas…but he'd also known that he had to be there for their dad and for Dean himself. Now though…now…it felt like he could finally get some rest, because finally someone was there to take care of him.
Sam could tackle everything else later.
"Get some sleep Sammy…I'm not going anywhere." Even as Sam's eyes slowly drifted shut, he felt Dean grasp his hand once more and Sam couldn't help but lightly squeeze back.
A silent 'I'm here'…
Because right now, there was nowhere else that Sam really wanted to be.
Maybe things would really be alright after all…it would just take a little time…
~*End*~