As soon as i got home from my first day back, i went up to my room , layed on my bed in a ball and cried. I just wanted him off my mind, and then an idea struck. I grabbed a pair of scissors from my dresser and starting cutting straight lines into my upper leg, i didnt many uneven slashes. Then the blood started to flow. I grabbed a shirt off the end of my bed and help it onto the gushing blood, i hate the sight of blood so i shut my eyes and looked the other way. I awoke to the sound of Charlies cruiser pull into the drive way . I looked down at my blood stained legs and shirt. I quickly threw the shirt across the room , and put on a pair of track pants.

'Hey dad,' I said weakly. As i walked down the stairs and he walked through the front door.

'Hey Bells' He said, shocked that i was even out of my room and talking for once.

' I'll go get dinner started.' I said awkardly. The cuts burned as i walked down the stairs.

'Okay , ill go watch the game' He replied. As i was cooking Charlies dinner the phone rang.

'Hello ?' I said.

'Hey Bella, Its Jessica, your coming to my party right ? ' Her voice was filled with cheerfullness.

'uhm, i think so , im not really sure.'

'Bella, come on you gotta come.' Jessica pleaded.

'okaay , i will.'

'Great, Do you have anything to wear ?' She asked. I thought about it for a few seconds.

'Truthfully, No.' I replied.

'Will you come to Port Angeles tomorrow with me and the girls ?' She asked. There was a long pause, i thought about when i was in port angeles and he saved me, but i quickly put all those memories aside.

'Sure Jess , i'll go , i just have to ask Charlie, ill see you at school tomorrow. ' We then both said bye , and hung up. I then yelled to Charlie that dinner was ready , and he came slowy into the kitchen.

' Who was on the phone? ' he asked.

'Jessica . ' I replied.

'Oh, its great that your getting in touch with your old friends bells,' he said sincerly.

'yeah... Is it okay if i go to port angeles tomorrow night with the girls ? We need clothes for Jessicas party. ' I explained.

'Shes having a party?

'Yeah , on the weekend.'

'Well you can go to both , its alot better then seeing you mope around the house .' He said, his eyes beaming with happiness that he wouldnt have to see his teenage daughter heartbroken forever .

' If only he knew..' I thought to myself.

'Kay, thanks dad.' I said, i went back up to my room . I tried studying for a bit , but i just couldnt focus. My eyes kept edging back to my razor. I knew that cutting myself was very out of character for me, but it helped my emotional pain of loosing him. I picked up the blade and rolled up my sleve. I carved i love you into my arm. This time i didnt even care about the blood as much , i was getting use to seeing my blood. I then rolled my sleeve back down , got into bed , and turned out the lights.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock , i opened my eyes and looked down at my arm , the sleeve was covered in blood. I then went to the bathroom to get ready for school and have a shower.

please reveiw ! comments, questions ?