OHMYGODIUPDATED! Seriously, guys, sorry for taking like, two months. I was gonna post this chapter like, six weeks ago, but then my computer deleted it. I know, excuss, excuses...But I'm back now, aren't I?
Anyhoo, everything still applies to the characters. I got inspiration from the various Abridged creators, as well as other Internet parodists. I can say that the Dumbass is mine. This is my interpretation of Jacob, the protagonist of CarnEvil. Honestly, man, when you're told not to do something, and you do it twice, you're not very smart.
And now, without further ado...More of Aladdin Abridged!
Yusuke was about to continue the argument with the sky when he heard someone behind him. Someone ver-ry familiar...
"Ah-HA! I have you now, Urameshi!"
Yusuke turned around to see a tall, redheaded young man dressed in much the same manner as he, leading a pack of similarly-dressed men. Except they had turbans and shoes. "Aw, God. Not Kuwabara!"
"Heh heh heh...That's right, Urameshi, it's me! And now, I have you right where I want you!" Kuwabara grinned.
"Awww, no! We are not goin' there!" Yusuke insisted.
Kuwabara's cocky grin slipped off his face. "Grr...Dammit, I already told you, I'm not gay! Now you're gonna pay for that loaf of bread you stole!"
"Loaf of bread? I didn't..." Yusuke looked down at his left hand, and saw that he was clutching a loaf of bread. "WHAT?!"
Kuwabara drew a sword from a scabbard on his hip, and pointed to Yusuke. "Get him!"
"Oh, crap!" Yusuke glanced around frantically. No way out except for jumping off the roof.
"DAMN YOU BOTAAAAAAAAAAN!" he yelled as he dropped several stories to the busy streets below.
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"...And then Yusuke died. The end!" Hinageshi said happily.
"...That was the story?" Koenma was clearly displeased.
"Hinageshi!" Botan cried. "Now...Yusuke fell, but he wasn't harmed, because..."
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...he had taken several awnings and clotheslines down with him. The resulting mass of fabric served as an effective cushion for him.
"Aha!" he cried as he caught the loaf of bread.
But alas, the day had not yet been won. Kuwabara and his men had managed to follow him down in a timely manner, somehow without jumping off the roof.
"All right. Kirishima, Sawamura, go that way. Bakura, come with me. We'll find him!"
Hold on...Something about that didn't sound right. He had met (and repeatedly kicked the asses of) Kirishima and Sawamura, but he wasn't familiar with Bakura.
But that wasn't important right now. He had to get outta there! He looked around for something to aid him, but all he saw was a pretty blue dress on top of the clothes pile he had landed on. "Well, I do work for Spirit World. It's not like I have any dignity..."
Kuwabara and Bakura, an effiminate young man with beautiful white hair, ran past before catching Yusuke. He had donned the blue dress, as well as a white kerchief covering his head, and was using the loaf of bread for...padding. Mind you, he also hadn't bothered to remove his pants or, presumably, his jacket.
"Oh, excuse me, miss..." Kuwabara somehow was able to tip his turban. "We're currently in pursuit of a bread thief. Have you seen him anywhere around? He's about two heads shorter than me, brown hair, brown eyes, kinda scrawny..."
"Scrawny?!" Yusuke cried. He cleared his throat, and spoke a few octaves higher. "Uhm...No, I'm sorry, I haven't seen any handsome gentlemen thieves around."
"Kuwabara, I think that this 'woman' is Yusuke in disguise," Bakura suggested.
"Shut the hell up, you stupid limey!" Kuwabara commanded. He turned back to Yusuke. "You'll have to excuse him, miss, he's British."
"Oh, it's quite all right!" Yusuke waved his hands nervously.
Kuwabara tipped his turban again. "Good day, madam!" He and Bakura turned to walk away before Kuwabara suddenly turned back around. "Hey, wait a minute..."
Yusuke tensed up.
"Aren't you in my mother's bridge club?" Kuwabara finished.
"Uhm..." Yusuke's falsetto faltered a bit before he spat out, "No, you must have me confused with someone else!" With this, he shook his head vigorously, causing the kerchief to fall off.
"URAMESHI!" Kuwabara shouted before grabbing him by the collar. "Thought you could get away by dressin' in drag, huh? Well, it looks like I'm too smart for ya!"
Yusuke glanced upward. "Kuwabara, there's something falling."
"Don't think I'm gonna fall for that one, punk! I—"
He was cut off by the falling something, specifically a boy about seventeen in age dressed in what would appear to be Marty McFly cosplay to the untrained eye, landing directly on top of him.
"Dumbass?!" Yusuke cried, addressing the boy. "I thought I told you to go play in traffic!"
"I tried," the Dumbass admitted, "but there was no traffic to play in. So I wanted to play with some birdies. But they flew up really high. I tried to follow them, but I can't fly. I just fell..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Let's just get the hell out!" Yusuke grabbed him by the back of his jacket and yanked him off.
"This is all your fault, Bakura..." Kuwabara muttered.
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Our boys were pursued by Kuwabara and his men, but eventually lost them in an alley, where they decided to crash until the heat was off.
"Whew!" Yusuke removed the dress, and let the bread fall into his lap. "Well, I don't know where this came from, but I am kinda hungry..."
"Can I have some?" the Dumbass asked.
"No," Yusuke said tersely. He was about to take a big bite of the bread, when suddenly...
"Hello, mister!"
Yusuke cried out in shock, nearly dropping his meal. Standing in front of him was a cute little blond girl holding a teddy bear, and another little girl with blue hair, dressed in her Sunday best.
The blond, who had spiken, smiled up at him. "My name's Rebeccer, and these are my friends, Sayaka and Mr. Bear!" She looked down, putting on her best puppy dog eyes. "And we're all really hungry, mister. Will you please share that bread with us?"
"Awww!" Yusuke smiled, as if he had been won over, but returned to glaring instantly. "Forget it. Go steal your own."
Sayaka spoke up, a prominent lisp in her voice. "Now you listen here, sucka. I will break you if you don't give us some of that damn bread!"
"Oh, I'm soooo scared!" Yusuke mocked. "What're you gonna do?"
"Mister, you're making Mr. Bear really angry..." Rebecca warned him.
"Ohhhh, I'm being threatened by two eight-year-old girls and their teddy bear. I'm petrified!" Yusuke continued in his same mocking tone. He bacame more blunt as he said, "Listen, girls. I've had a really bad day. I just wanna relax and eat something. So if you'll kindly go find your mommies or whoever, maybe they'll—"
He was cut off by a very evil-sounding voice coming from Rebecca's teddy bear. "GIVE US THE BREAD, MORTAL, OR MY FOUR HORSEMEN SHALL TAKE REVENGE AND PLAGUE YOU FOR ALL ETERNITY!"
And finally, Yusuke was intimidated to extend the bread to them with a shaking hand. "H-Here you go, girls. Please don't hurt me, Mr. Bear..." He ran off in a panicked frenzy.
The Dumbass leaned closer to Mr. Bear. "You have horsies?"
"FOOLISH HUMAN! DO YOU NOT KNOW THAT I AM THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS?!"
The Dumbass backed away. "You're scary..." He ran after his "friend." "YUSUKE!!"
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Yusuke had joined up with a large throng of people who were watching some kind of procession. This was mostly to try and hide himself from those little girls and their Satanic bear. He could care less about the two snickering dweebs with weird hair that everyone seemed so focused on.
Still, out of curiosity, he asked, "Who are those two?"
"Their names are Weevil Underwood and Rex Raptor," the man beside him responded. "They're famed players of children's card games, and they're going to the palace to seek Princess Keiko's hand in marriage." Having served his purpose of exposition, he faded into the background, never to be heard from again.
"Hold on, Keiko's a princess now?" Yusuke questioned before he Dumbass found him. And by "found him," I mean "barrelled into him."
"Hi, Yusuke!" he smiled.
"Dammit, what do I have to do to get rid of you?!" Yusuke cried.
Rebecca and Sayako, having apparently followed the Dumbass, skipped past, each holding one of Mr. Bear's front paws. They stepped on Yusuke and the Dumbass, and squeezed through the still-standing members of the crowd, continuing out into the streets and almost getting run over by Weevil and Rex's horses.
"Hey, Weevil, check it out. Chicks," Rex said in a lethargic monotone.
Weevil gave off a nasally laugh. "Yeah, chicks, heh-heh. But like...aren't they kinda flat?"
Yusuke stood up and pushed himself to the front of the crowd, where he saw Rebecca introduce herself as "Rebeccer," all deceptively sweet and innocent.
Payback was nigh.
He stepped out into the street. "Hey. These girls givin' you any trouble?"
"Shut up, dillhole!" Rex interrupted him.
"Yeah. We don't need any help from some dude who's never gonna get any chicks," Weevil said.
"He probably doesn't even like chicks," Rex commented as they urged their horses into a walk once more.
"Yeah. He's probably like...gay or something." Weevil laughed again, joined by his friend.
"Y...Y...Take that back!!" Yusuke ran after them, but they were already well within the palace gates by this point, and he found the doors slammed in his face.
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That night, he found himself back in his literal hole-in-the-wall apartment he shared with the Dumbass.
"Dammit. This has got to be the worst day of my life. I wake up in one of Botan's fantasies, with a retarded roommate, get chased down by Kuwabara, have my food stolen by an eight-year-old, and get humiliated by two idiots." He looked out the window, and caught sight of the palace. "Of course...maybe one day things'll get better. Maybe one day, I'll be rich, and I'll never have to suffer any indignity again."
And as always, Botan's voice came from the heavens, shattering his dreams. "You work for Spirit World, Yusuke. You do realize that that makes you our bitch, right?"
Will Yusuke stop being a bitch and start being rich? How does the Dumbass manage to function without a brain? Is Kuwabara gay or not? Why does the Geek Princess think she's the narrator for Batman? Fnd out in the next chapter of Aladdin: The Abridged Movie!
...Oh yeah. One more thing. I really like reviews. So if you enjoyed this story, or if you think you have some jokes I can use, or even if you think I'm DOING IT WRONG, drop me a line plzkthx!