Chapter Two – Emotional Confusion
Unconsciously, I have stepped closer to Steve, reached out, grabbed his hand, and crushed it in my own in my overwhelming fear. Registering this, I hastily retreat, pulling my hand away and running down the hall in the opposite direction. Tears burn in my eyes, blurring my sight, and the ringing in my head muffles the sound of Steve yelling after me.
"Jessie! Jessie! What happened? Jessie! Jessie!"
Bursting through the doors heading out towards the back field, I collapse onto the stairs breathing heavily. Seconds later, Steve is sitting next to me, the sorrow in his eyes replaced with alarm.
"Jessie, what happened? What did you see?"
I'm not even sure if I can form full sentences, but I have to try. I haven't told anyone about last summer's California adventure; last summer's mistake.
"D-Did you see the guy down the hall? The blonde?" My eyebrows crinkle and I blink to hold back the tears that threaten to pour.
"Yeah, yeah that asshole? That's Billy, you know, the new kid from California." Steve merely shrugs, but I blanch as my stomach drops to the floor.
"H-He's really here? No, no, no, no, no!"
"You know him?" Steve's eyes widen. To him, "Billy" is just another self-important new kid.
"Yes," I whisper, my head hanging. I can't look at Steve anymore. If I meet his big brown eyes again, I'll break down. Here I was thinking that I was going to be the one giving him an inspirational "there are plenty of fish in the sea" speech and rekindle our friendship. Now I'm sitting next to him on the back stairs, confronted by my own relationship problems.
"Hey," his voice is low, concerned, and consoling now. I don't think he's used this tone with anyone but Nancy for a long time.
"What has he done to you?"
Then the floodgates open, and I am weeping. My head in my heads, I lean against the cold metal railing next to me, chest heaving as I struggle to breathe.
"Hey, hey." He shifts closer to me, resting a hand on my back, and the feel of him touching me is enough to send me even farther down into my pit of emotional confusion. This is too much. I want him here with me, but I am supposed to be the one comforting him, not the other way around.
Suddenly I realize we are out in the open, and I know that I have to stop crying before anyone sees us and this gets a whole lot worse for the both of us. Regaining my composure, I catch my breath and lift my head from my hands, as I become very aware of Steve's hand still warm and present on my back. He regards me with a bewildered gaze when I peek over at him, but I'm the one who's surprised. Just as I think he is about to stand and walk away, he pulls me to him. Wrapping his arms around me, he holds my head to his chest. After an untold amount of time, Steve shifts.
"Come on, stand up." He whispers, placing his hands on either side of my face, and holding me as if I'm about to fall apart as we stand together on the stairs.
"I know we've had our differences, Jessie, I know I've been distant with you for a while, and I know I'm probably the last person you want to share your secrets with, but you need to tell me what is going on." He's being serious, looking at me expectantly and dropping his hands into his pockets, but keeping the distance between us close. Then he chuckles as if remembering a bad joke. I think he's trying to lighten the mood; encourage me to open up.
"Do you know what he said to me, not twenty minutes ago?" He shakes his head, seemingly in disbelief.
"Plenty of bitches in the sea."
I chuckle back. That sounds like something California boy would say, and I'm glad I didn't get the chance to declare the whole "plenty of fish in the sea" thing earlier.
"That there are,"
Steve lifts an eyebrow at me.
"There are plenty of bitches in the sea, but there of also plenty of nice girls. Don't worry I know you're more into those." I smile shyly at him, not entirely sure why I'm blushing. He's just as vulnerable as I am at present, and it dawns on me that he's the only one I have to talk to right now. After a moment of silence, I speak.
"He hurt me, Steve."