2: closed doors and dry eyes.

This room isn't right. The purple on the right wall is darker than the left. And the paintings of fish on the walls are too bright a sight for someone who's going to die. I've stopped crying now, I've lost the energy to do it. Instead I just draw my knees to my chest and sink into the plush ottoman in the room's centre and stare blankly at the wall. In an hour's time I would've said goodbye to my family, for probably the last time.

The door suddenly crashes and Aspen runs through and throws herself into me. I nearly loose my balance and the stool topples, threatening to throw us off. She moves into my lap and clings on to the back of my dress with one hand and uses the other to play with the mesh on my dress. I stroke her hair and rest my chin on her head, trying desperately to carve her tiny body into my own. She sniffles slightly but isn't properly crying. She's stronger than I'll ever be.
"My little lucky penny, meum denarium" I coo, my voice merely a whisper. The latin that is my parents' mother-tongue falls between my lips like water. "Neenee?" She says, reverting back to what she called me when she couldn't pronounce A's properly. She turns her head up at me and her eyes glimmer with such a childlike innocence it burns. "Promise you'll win the game?" My heart sinks. I can't make a promise to her that I'll break, yet the words escape me before I realise.

"Promise."

Aspen buries her face in my chest again and we remain still for what feels like forever, until the door clicks quietly and my mother and Trent are lingering tentatively. I look up at them and see my mother's hollow eyes and realise she's accepted my death already. Trent looks dark, almost dangerous, and leans in to my ear.
"Win, Annie," he urges. "If you can't do it for me, Penny or Ma do it for Dad. Just come home alive. Please." His words sink into my skin like ghosts, and I feel sick again. They can't loose two people. It isn't fair in any of them. I nod slightly, tears springing to my eyes. I blink them away as smoothly as I can. Aspen still won't let go so my mother wraps her arms tightly around my shoulders.
"My sweet little Annie, my firmus puer" is all she says. It sounds defeated and tired. She doesn't need to say more. Despite her lack of ability with words of love, or with displaying affection, I know how much she cares about us all. Peacekeepers soon open the door and order that my family leave. My Mother begins to cry and Aspen still refuses to let go of me, so Trent has to carry her over his shoulder, kicking and screaming, to get her out. Just before the door closes I see him mouth something at me that I can't work out; then they're gone. Really, truly gone.
Now I'm crying again, but not normally. I stare blankly at the floor and my eyes seem to erupt with a tidal wave that my body ignores. I don't sniff, sob or gasp. I just cry. The same happens on the car journey to the train station. I don't look at Isaac once and I feel terrible, but my eyes won't stray their longing gaze away from the coast that flashes by. I'll never go to the beach again.

Once on the train Seraphina directs me to my compartment and babbles something about dinner and mentors as she pushes me through the corridor, eventually leaving me with the information that dinner is in an hour. I catch a look of my reflection in the elaborate mirror reaching from the floor to the ceiling that sits opposite my bed. My eyes are pink and swollen and red blossoms over my cheeks. It's obvious I've been crying, and I hate myself for it. The door on my right has a what looks like a bathroom inside, from what can be seen through the crack in the door. I head quickly into it and run cold water out of the jewel-dotted faucet, observing my surroundings while I wait for the cold to freeze my fingers. The shower is big enough to fit several people comfortably inside, and the entire room is tiled from half way upwards to the ceiling with glass rectangles that are tinted blue, purple and green and flash with rainbow spectrums as you move around them. I'd would appreciate the architecture much more if this were at home, not on a train leading me at light speed to the Capitol. The water becomes cold before long, and I run the corner of a sand coloured towel under it before pressing it over my eyes and cheeks. It sends a shiver down my arms but it helps me breathe properly. I keep it over my face until the fabric becomes damp, not daring to pull it away. Once the towel couldn't possibly be cooling my face anymore I return it to the rack screwed to the wall, the red blotchiness is gone. Anyone who hadn't seen me cry wouldn't have guessed I did. I look stronger than I am. Right now, that isn't a bad thing.
I leave the bathroom and sit on the end of my bed, it's bigger than any one I've seen and is ladened with cushions, blankets and pillows that all sparkle too bright. I remain there, resting my face on my knees until a sharp rap at my door makes me jump.
"Annie darling, dinner is ready!" Seraphina chimes. I can even hear her high heels tapping against the plush carpet outside. Nobody notices me when I slip through the door until I fall into eyeshot. It's never been any different- unless I announce my presence, nobody notices I'm there. It can be helpful at times. Mags smiles warmly at me when she sees me and I instantly know I trust her. She has a reputation for bringing home more Victors than any other Mentor, and has even mentored the poorest Districts until she got a Victor to take her place. The most incredible of all was Finnick Odair 5 years ago. No 14 year old had won in the entire 65 years the Games had been running, and it's unlikely to ever happen again.
"Annie, darling! Do sit down!" Seraphina says brightly. I try to smile the best I can at her, but It probably looks more like a grimace. I pull out the chair opposite Mags and lower into it, but a sudden force makes me jump and jolts me forwards, and I have to grab the edges of the table to keep balance. "Can't let a pretty lady tuck her own chair in," a voice murmurs seductively in my ear. I recognise it as Finnick Odair's instantly. He's always confused me, and I'm not sure if I like him. All of my girlfriends at school would fawn over him constantly. He's beautiful, tremendously at that, and seems friendly enough, but he never stays anywhere long enough. Capitol lovers are disregarded within a week and he flits between home and the Capitol like a child jumping rocks.
"Finnick!" Mags tuts. "You'll give the poor girl a heart attack, inepta rem." His jumping out on me caused me to instinctively turn, and he's looking down at me through hooded eyes, a smile playing on his lips as he leans against the back of my chair. I frown involuntarily at him as I try to work him out, even if it's only slight, and he smirks, taking the seat next to me. His smiles seem perfectly genuine, but they look like they're blanketing something else. "Such a gentleman," Seraphina sighs admirably. Finnick winks at her, sending her into a fit of bashful giggling. The woman of the Capitol are even more enraptured by him than the girls at home.
The sheer masses of food render me speechless. There are things I've never seen before in piles on huge platters. I struggle to see anything familiar at all and tentatively scan everything there. The basket holding bread catches my eye because between the gaps of different golden loaves I spot a flash of green. My hopes are confirmed as the bread I pull turns out to be a seaweed loaf from back home, clutching it gratefully. I don't even like it much, the salt can be overwhelming, but right now it's the closest to home I'll get. Mags is smiling softly at me and it reminds me that I'm not the only one from 4 here- and I have to stay away from it for far less time than them.
"Would you like any?" I ask, holding the bread towards her. My voice sounds a lot more quiet than I hoped it would.
"No thank you dulce meum," she says, still smiling with the soft shake of her head. Mags' accent is heavy from before the Capitol pushed Latin out of District 4 shortly after the Games started. It's comforting. I place the bread carefully on the shiny metallic platter in front me, now feeling more sick than I do hungry.
When Finnick ends a one sided conversation with Seraphina about a fashion line to cross the room to a stand of huge bottles I notice he is bare footed and sporting the usual absence of a shirt. After weighing up several bottles he unscrews one, saying something about starting the party. I turn my attention back to the table and tear a tiny piece of bread with my fingers and chew it for what feels like hours, my mouth refusing to let me swallow it. Eventually I relent and just sip at the water from a jug that's filled with lemon slices. It takes nearly no time for me to drain the entire thing, leaving me with nothing to occupy myself with. Something slips by me and I see a small hand take the handle of the empty container and lift it, quickly replacing it with another in silence.
"Oh, thank you," I say gratefully. The girl who did it looks taken aback and ducks her head, returning to a shadowed corner of the room.
"Darling..." Seraphina says, sounding mildly horrified. "Nobody speaks to the Avoxes." She makes the word sound like it's venomous on her lips.
"What are Avoxes?" I ask. Nobody responds. I catch Finnick rolling his eyes in my peripheral vision, the crystal chandeliers above making them glint green.
"People that have committed treason against the Capitol," Finnick says lightly, angling his head towards me but keeping his eyes fixed on the passing scenery through the window across the room. When he continues I can hear bitter amusement lace his words. "They cut their tongues out."
Any chance of me wanting to eat is long gone. That girl replacing the water was young, maybe even my age, with bright orange hair and brown eyes that looked nothing but innocent. How could they do that to someone? I try to drink more water, but the glass shakes in my grip. The bones in my hands feel brittle and my fingers seem to slip against the collecting condensation on the smooth edges.
"Is Isaac coming?" Mags asks nobody in particular. Seraphina pauses her whimsical chatter.
"I did tell him, he said he wasn't hungry," she sighs. I haven't seen him since the car ride. Mags clucks sadly and begins to watch me carefully.
"Eat something amor," she urges.
"I can't,"
Embarrassment surges through me at how weak my voice sounds, and I duck my head. Mags ignores it however, and places a soft hand on top of my own and rubs her thumb over it.
"Try. It will do you good, scis nimium tenuis child," I've never been anything but thin and small since I was born. There are 14 year olds at the Career Academy the same height as me. No amount of Capitol food could change it. This is all just a big death wish. My body's desire to cry makes my throat ache and a tingle run down the bridge of my nose.
I'm still in my Reaping Dress.
I want to go home.
"Excuse me," I mumble, standing up and turning around quick enough so that no one will see my eyes fill with tears as I make my way back to my room. I can feel Mags and Finnick's eyes on me as I exit. I've decided; if I'm going to die soon, I'd like to spend my last days with the company of my own fear.

A/N: please let me know what you think/if you want me to continue this on!x