Twenty Broken Years
20YEARS LATER...(Edward's POV)
"No, I am just at the gate." I answered lifeless and robotic into the phone as I have done for twenty years.
"I know there is no proof and I have only myself to blame." Not listening we go through this once or twice a month.
"If Alice would just try harder to see." I do not even yell anymore I am just a broken record player.
Every year I get closer to this place, started just swimming around the boot shaped country, then coming on to land, staying in small villages, and towns around, last year was the first year I set far enough away but close enough to see this very gate, each month coming closer and closer. Today I drove parking just outside of the gate, so close I could hear the thoughts of all that hides from the humans.
A flicker of Alice and Jasper waving then it is gone. "You're blocking your mind." I could not muster up enough care to say it with any emotion, I killed the love of my life, what do I care about anything, unless they have news of Bella.
"What are you not telling me." I spat into the tinny silver phone, when a strange whimper met my ear. "You know where they are." I hissed accusingly.
"What!" How did I miss that, why would they do that to her.
"Alice and Jasper left, when?" I growled almost crushing the phone.
"Nine years ago! Why did you not tell me?" My yelling rattled the windows, rocking the frame of my car.
"Right. Jasper could not take the emotions." I whispered pinching my nose. I started the whole hell over, maybe it would be better if I do go in. Even if she is alive what chance is there that she will be as forgiving this time. I swore to let her make the choices about her life and the first chance that comes up what do I do. I Call Carlisle and take her chance to reason with us away.
I look back to the gate, my only escape for keeping what is left of my family sane.
Flashes of Bella's face happy in my arms, her face at the love we shared and with that love I most likely killed her from the inside. The thing I feared the most was me hurting her while sharing that love, not after. The gate all I have to do is drive through it. Bella's face and voice came back to me panicked from when James attacked her 'No Edward don't!'
With a heavy sigh. "I love you too." I turned my phone off sticking it back in my jeans pocket, turned the key in the ignition, pulling slowly away from the curb.
"I love you Bella please come back to me. I am so sorry please." The gate got smaller and farther out of reach. I sped away, racing away from my only relief if I ever get the proof she no longer graces this Earth, I will make sure I am ash two minuets after I walk through those gates.
I slam the car to a stop, next to the, all to familiar ridge, jumping off into the ocean, slipping under the crashing waves smoothly. Just as every time before I set on the bottom letting every memory of Bella, before Emmett grabbed her up and ran, flow through me, waves of happiness, sadness and every pain I have caused her and my family crashed in my memory like the ocean waves on the rocks above, ending with the memory when I first realized I did love her.
Slowly standing I started my swim back to the states with the memory of our romantic swims we shared on our honeymoon banishing any thoughts that would go any farther.
I walk out of the water not caring what state I was in, like all the other times before, I start to run. I ran anywhere, everywhere but always heading nowhere. I would run straight for miles, turning left or right at every dead-end, whether it be water or a building, mountains I would just climb. Running is the only thing that gives me any kind of feeling other than sheer mental pain.
Hours passed before I stopped in front of a small town flower shop, like I do every time. My pathetic attempt to apologize for causing Esme more pain, even became meaningless. Alice should stop telling her every time, she is watching me, why can she not watch for Bella, or Rosalie and Emmett. She says she can not see them. She did get glimps a few times twenty years ago and now they are even gone.
Twenty years and Alice gives me the same lame excuse. 'Edward I try, I really do. It is like when she was around the wolves, a big blank.' I stupidly keep hope, that every time I do talk to her that she may have seen something a glimpse a glimmer anything, but each time I hear 'It's a big blank Edward' it is like fire being shoved into my chest then dead stillness the most painful of my hollow life.
Not even looking at the sign I opened the door.
I always choose flowers for Esme instead of things, for two reasons. First Esme loves flowers and the last is more selfish. The scent reminds me of Bella, even though the flowers is a weak comparative they are still a small comfort. This shop smells the closest out of all the flower shops I have been in the last twenty years.
I laid my random arrangements, not noticing just grabbing a few here and there, next to the register. "What would you like the card to say ..um.. Sir?" I do not need this, her heart is beating so fast you would think a bird was in here. Humans so predictable. We are beautiful murders kid nothing more.
"I will be right with you." She had gone through the office door when I decided to look up. I do not even look at people anymore they are faceless to me, not worth noticing.
I could hear her rustling around with cloth and other things, sounds of a woman going through a purse. Don't waste your time girl makeup matters none to me, the love of my life only wore makeup when Alice forced her to, she needed no makeup her beauty radiated through her.
She came back through the doors I blankly look at the flowers. "That will be five hundred and sixty-three dollars." The girl behind the register does had a very beautiful voice but she sounded agitated, instead of charmed like most the females that look at us, but what do I care, I have my own problem bigger then any human teenager could dream of.
This looks like one of those old small towns, perfect for my family to hide in, not sure if they are up with the times technically. "Do you take debit or credit, here." I looked at the girl, she was wearing a baseball hat with her hair stuffed so tight the seams threaten to pop and the bobby pins holding it to her head could not be comfortable.
She just shrugged, rudely blurting. "Either is fine." I heard her heavy sigh of impatience and her constant over blinking of her eyes, she must have dust in her contacts.
I let out a light groan, why am I focused on what this teenage girl is doing, the only human for me is out of reach, unattainable. Even if she was in front of me she would turn me away and maybe even have Emmett rip me to pieces and burn them. I would gladly stand before her allowing Emmett to do as she commands to me, that is all I deserve, all I could hope for.
"Now good-bye." The girl spat, her mouth tighten and her eyebrows knitted together.
I gathered up the flowers, assuming they would not deliver these to Alaska. "Thank you." I said as nicely as I could muster, bowing my head to her, taking my card back.
Her fingertips touched my bare skin but she did not react to it one bit, for a few seconds my mind was filled with her face twisted angry and her voice echoed in my head telling me to stay away and never come back. The flash was so quick I almost missed it. I am defiantly on my last bit of sanity seeing and hearing things other than Bella's face or voice, that is not there.
"What ever." She stuffed the receipt roughly in the register slamming it shut. I cocked my head at her but she just turned her back arms crossed, I could hear her jaw and teeth as she ground them together roughly.
Almost to the door the scent of her tears surprised me. Not that she was crying but that I wanted to go to her and hug her, sooth away the hurt that was making her cry. Stop it Edward, leave her be, she is probably upset about a boyfriend or something and wanted to be alone.
I open the door to go out, two things happened at once. "Thank you for shopping at Fork's Friendly Flowers." A tall skinny woman came out of the office and called to me, as the girl exited through another door.
Fork's! How could I have not known where I was. Then the second thing hit me harder like fate playing the biggest cruelest joke on me. I realized all this time I had not been bombarded by the girls thoughts. She was clearly upset, her mind should have yelled loudly. I heard only what she said.
Two humans that can block me and I find them here is this small backwoods town of Forks Washington. Fate is a mean ugly hag, playing keep away with my sanity.
Now I know why I focused on her more than any other humans, like Bella she kept her thoughts to herself making me listen and watch.
The girl did seem more graceful and as her anger flared blood rose coloring her cheeks a soft pink. Bella was clumsy and would turn crimson. This girl held no candle to Bella, but I still wanted to go to her and whip away the tears.
I could hear her in the employe restroom sobbing, I got a sudden pain in my chest for this girls hurt. I want to hurt who ever did this to her. No leave now Edward, you are starting to crack.
"Thank you." I looked at the woman quickly nodding as I step out, pulling my thoughts away from the sobbing girl in the restroom, running before the door closed heading to the post office, Hopefully they will mail these.