Staying the Course
Disclaimers: Right, I don't own anything. The inspiration for this story (aside from Heath Ledger lol) was two other stories "Ceisd mo Cridhe (Darling of my heart)" by heathethanoshkosh and A Little Twist of Fate by Nids. Both of them are fantastic and if you enjoy this one, I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy theirs. To Nids and heathethanoshkosh I loved both of your stories and will continue reading them.
Rating: If you watched the movie you can definitely read this. 14 to put an age on it.
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Catherine St. Stevens worked tirelessly, going from man to man, checking healing wounds, cheering those who needed it with a smile or a kind word. Yet her mind remained on the wounded man in the parlour, with his saddened eyes and the trials to be faced with his recovery.
James would have reached Colonel Martin by now, and they could very likely be on their way back. Gabriel and Baldric had managed to get along, Baldric's hero-worship fading into friendship. Gabriel had fallen in and out of consciousness throughout the day, as she had expected. After his first lapse, Baldric had torn up the stairs, convinced that something was terribly wrong and that she was needed immediately. She had tiredly explained that Gabriel would continue to fall asleep until his blood count and his body have recovered sufficiently. Catherine had waved away Baldric's embarrassed apology and returned to bed for another half hour. How she longed to return to that bad now, physically and emotionally exhausted from countless hours of bandaging horrific wounds.
Catherine straightened, staring out at the sky. The sun had set an hour ago and nearly everyone was asleep. Only Amy remained with her on the porch, tending to the men.
"Miss you need to sleep. You've barely slept at all but for a wink this morning!"
"Amy hush. I plan on keeping an eye on Gabriel and waiting for word from James. Should Mister Martin be with him I wish to be awake to speak with him."
Amy sighed, gathering her skirts and making her way into the house. "As you wish ma'am."
Catherine frowned at Amy's tone of voice. She remained where she was standing for a moment longer before following Amy's path. In the parlour she found Baldric and Gabriel talking in low tones, as if they had known each other for years.
"My father is an amazing man. I have never met anyone stronger. My mother, my brother and now I, presumed at least, are dead. When I found out my wife was dead I barely waited five minutes before I took off after the man who caused it. I don't know how he has kept fighting, kept living, all these years. I can't imagine my life without her." Gabriel paused, giving Catherine a chance to interrupt.
"Perhaps the two of you could finish in the morning. Both of you are healing and need rest."
With a sheepish grin Baldric nodded, biding Gabriel goodnight and crossing to the door.
"Wait!" Catherine called. "I want to check your bandages."
"Oh I'm fine. Don't worry."
"That is for me to determine. Sit." Under Catherine's scowl and glare Baldric returned to his vacated seat, allowing her to lift his shirt and bandage away from his shoulder. "There is no sign of infection, and it seems to have begun to heal. This could have been far worse. I'll put a smaller bandage on it tomorrow, in the meantime, take care of it."
"Don't need to." Baldric stated matter-of-factly. At her surprised stare he said laughingly, "You keep doing it for me."
"Oh you."
With a wave he returned to his spot on the porch, leaving Catherine and Gabriel alone.
"And you corporal? How are you faring?"
"Alright."
"I haven't seen much of you today, but it seems you and Baldric have managed to find a kindred spirit in each other. I hope he has not been a bother to you?"
Gabriel ignored he question, asking one of his own instead. "Is there any word from my father?"
"Not yet. But do not worry, I'll be keeping watch tonight. I expect they will arrive soon. Let me check your wound and then you should try and rest."
He nodded consent, closing his eyes as she lifted his bandages, explaining some of the process that would follow with his recovery. "There is still a serious risk of infection. If you begin to feel ill or feverish or if the pain increases at all it is imperative that you inform someone immediately. Either Baldric or myself will be with you at all times over the next forty- eight hours."
Gabriel gave the barest of nods to show that he understood before leaning back against the pillows provided. After reassuring herself that there was no new bleeding Catherine retired to a chair by the fire, ripping old sheets into strips to use for bandages.
By midnight, Gabriel was sleeping soundly and there was still no sign of infection. The stifling silence was disturbed by the thunder of approaching hoof beats. Leaving her seat Catherine passed the stirring men on the porch, meeting the messenger and his companion as they rode up to the house.
The unknown man dismounted in front of her, James taking his reins and leading his horse away to the barn.
"Colonel Martin I presume?"
"Yes. Miss St. Stevens, how is my son?"
She smiled, taking him by the arm and leading him toward the house. "Gabriel was near death when James brought him to me, so don't want you to expect too much when you see him. Last night was harrowing, but he made it. He awoke this morning and we sent for you nearly immediately after. There is still risk of infection but as of yet he has shown no signs. If he remains healthy for the next forty-eight hours then he will only need time, we hope. I will take you to him, but if possible, try not to wake him. His body has suffered a lot of trauma and he needs to rest in order to heal."
"I understand."
She smiled and led him to the parlour. At the sight of his son Benjamin's calm composure broke and he rushed to Gabriel's side. He knelt at his side, watching in awe as his chest rose and fell with each breath.
"Oh God. Thank you! Thank you! Gabriel... I... I thought..."
"Father?" Half asleep Gabriel's voice rang in Benjamin's ears like the voice of the Heavenly Father himself, aided by a chorus of angels. "Father is it really you?"
"Yes. I'm here. I thought I had lost you forever Gabriel. I couldn't believe... Everything is alright now. Everything is fine."
Gabriel opened his eyes blearily. "You would have survived had I died. I couldn't, I'm not as strong as you. When Ann died I fell apart. All my talk of staying the course and it was I who lost it. I'm sorry; so sorry."
"Oh son, you have done nothing wrong. Rest now, we will talk again in the morning."
Gabriel closed his eyes again, a small smile playing across his lips.
Catherine checked him for a fever once more, then motioned Benjamin into the kitchen. After setting the kettle on the fire James walked in. She placed the bread and cheese on the table and busied herself with the tea. The food was nearly gone when she sat down at last.
"I'm sure you have some questions for us. James and I will answer to the best of our ability."
Benjamin began, eyes downcast. "Firstly, thank you. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for believing he was dead. But, I saw him die." He looked up, locking gazes with the woman across the table. "Everything in me tells me I was not wrong. I don't understand."
"He wasn't dead although I know he appeared to be. I assume that when you were with him he went slack, seemed to stop breathing and his eyes went glassy?"
"Yes."
Catherine leaned back, a cat-like smile of satisfaction crossing her lips. "Gabriel went into shock. That is the most dangerous time for someone who has suffered a grievous injury such as his. I am amazed he made it here. I stitched him up as best I could, but you must understand, Gabriel has lost copious amounts of blood. It will take a fairly long time for his body to replenish it. I have overheard that there will soon be a battle taking place that could turn this war, but if Gabriel is to live he must not fight in it."
Benjamin gave a snort of laughter reminiscent of Gabriel's. "Miss have you actually met my son? I have yet to meet anyone with a stronger passion for liberty and this war. He is stubborn to beat all hell, and when he makes up his mind to do something, you had better just step out of his way. Even as a child the only one who could make him stop and think about his actions was his Mother. And then Ann." Benjamin became silent, staring at his hands, his mind awash in the memory of the pretty, delicate Ann. Ann, with her dark curls and soft eyes. Ann, his daughter-in-law for so short a time.
"She was his wife wasn't she? New I assume. Her murderer did this to him, did he not?"
Benjamin nodded. "They were married and then she was gone. Even during their courtship they saw little of each other. She was in Pembroke, with her family, and he was fighting, with me. You remind me of her somewhat. She was smaller, but you do look like her. I imagine that is why he seems distant. She was strong, like you, but she was strong in a different way. Fire in your souls; that's what you have."
Catherine grinned, a faint blush lighting up her porcelain pure face as a lock of near-black hair fell over her eye. "You see much for someone who has known me less then half of the hour. How did you know he was distant, particularly towards me?"
James spoke up for Benjamin. "I told him as we was riding. Wanted to know if he'd taught his boy to be so indignant towards a lady, 'specially one who saved his life."
"James! Gabriel was not indignant. He iwasi withdrawn, but that was natural for someone who had nearly died. I always wonder if I've done the right thing, bringing them back to this world when they are so close to Paradise. I feel sorry for Gabriel and Ann. He had almost returned to her, and I pulled him back. I," but whatever Catherine was about to say was cut of by a loud thump outside the kitchen door. A voice was heard swearing and a moment later the door flew open. Benjamin drew his pistol and targeted the crumpled figure on the floor.
"I'm sorry Miss Catherine. I was trying to be quiet but it didn't quite work."
Catherine's anger flushed face cooled as she recognized the man. "Baldric?! What in God's name are you doing awake at this hour?"
"I wanted to meet the Ghost ma'am."
She sighed in exasperation. "Foolish boy. Well come over here, I'll need to check your shoulder. Here is your Ghost. Mister Martin, meet Steven Baldric, Private under Captain Harry Burwell of the Continental army." As an afterthought she added to Baldric, "And stop calling me ma'am."
"Sorry ma'am."
At Catherine's glare Baldric shut up, something Benjamin thought him wise for doing. He holstered his gun, watching the exchange with amusement.
iSo this is the girl that has been saving so many lives. Somehow I can see it. St. Stevens, I know that name. Wasn't there someone named St. Stevens with us at Fort Wilderness?i
"Miss did your father ever serve in the army?"
I was wondering when you would make the connection. Yes, my father was with you at Fort Wilderness. Walter St. Stevens. He came back a haunted man, or so my mother said, and dedicated eight years of his life to learning medicine. When I was a child I sat in his office and learned everything I could just from watching him. He tried to teach my oldest brother, but he didn't want to learn medicine, he wanted to fight. There was only me. He was killed in battle a year ago." Catherine didn't look up at all during her monologue, focusing on the patient in front of her.
"I'm sorry. He was a good man."
"He spoke very highly of you. He called you a hero, a true hero. Not because of your acts at Fort Wilderness, but because of the guilt you suffered from because of it. 'He was a human being, Catherine,' he used to say to me. 'So many believe themselves to be, but never manage it.' He loved to tell me about how you were real because you had feeling. You suffered when you killed, and men bought you drinks. Never seemed like a fair trade off to me. He would never tell me what it was you all did to inspire such guilt. I never want to know."
Baldric remained silent as she poked and prodded his wound. A deep frown marred her features as she caught sight of the fresh blood. "You Mister Baldric now need new bandages, and have reopened the risk of infection. I am placing you under Mister Martin's care until I can find something to be used as a bandage. Mister Martin, don't let him move."
Grabbing a candle off the running board she disappeared into the darkness, leaving Benjamin and Baldric to stare at each other.
"So... why did you want to meet me?"
Baldric turned red, undeniably sheepish. "I've been serving with Captain Burwell sir. He's told us about the things you and your Militia have done. You are practically a legend."
"Really?"
"Yes sir."
Benjamin seemed to mull over that fact for a moment, letting it sink in. iSo Harry has been telling his men Ghost stories.i "How long have you been fighting for?"
"Four years sir."
He nodded, musing about the numbers. "Four years. That's when Gabriel began as well. Did you serve with him? Before I had him transferred to the militia?"
"I don't think so sir. Although we talked most of today, we had never met each other properly before."
Benjamin's interest perked when Baldric mentioned that he and Gabriel had talked much of the day. "What did you talk about? How did he sound?"
Before Baldric could even open his mouth to answer Catherine burst in. "Wait! I want to hear as well."
She bustled through the open door, dropping an assortment of white underskirts on the table. Reaching for a pair of scissors she began to rip and tear the material into strips.
"Miss! You can't use these!"
"And why not?"
"Those are your clothes! And fine ones at that."
"Well Mister Baldric what else would you have me use? The bandages we were able to find or that the church donated are long since gone, and I tore up the last of the sheets tonight. These would be used sooner or later and if they are ripped tonight then I will not have to think about it when there is a dying man who needs them. Now, tell us about Gabriel."
Baldric stared at her in astonishment for a moment before he began. "I don't know how much help I can be, I had never met him before so if a drastic change has taken place I wouldn't see it. He seemed weak, didn't eat much, and slept a lot. But you know Miss; he seems more withdrawn when you are with him. He is actually quite interesting, and he talked a great deal about his family. But when you walk into the room he closes up. I can't for the life of me understand why, everyone else nearly worships you for what you've done for us."
Catherine cut him off, "Baldric, if it's not too much trouble could you finish telling us about the conversation and dissect his psyche later?"
"Sorry Miss. I guess I went off track. Anyway, all he really talked about was his family. Mister Martin, his mother, his brothers and sisters, and someone named Charlotte."
A light blush crept over Benjamin's face at the mention of this Charlotte, Baldric didn't pause, but Catherine noticed.
"He never mentioned this Ann person that I had over heard you talking about. I didn't ask him about her; I figured that if I was supposed to know about her he'd tell me himself. Are you almost done Miss?"
Catherine smiled tiredly, grabbing a longer strip of cloth. "Nearly. Lift up your right arm please."
Deftly winding the thick cloth straight across his shoulder and under his arm she knotted it under his neck and stepped back to admire her work. "That should do it. Just don't fall on it again."
Baldric had the good nature to grin back at her recrimination. "As you wish. I think it's time for me to return to my spot on the porch. Goodnight Miss Catherine, sir." He nodded respectfully to Benjamin and cast Catherine a final grin before strolling out through the door.
Catherine began gathering up the remaining petticoats. Motioning to the scissors on the table she said to Benjamin, "I would enjoy your company while I watch Gabriel tonight. I am sure you want to be as close to him as possible."
He nodded, grabbing both the scissors she had indicated and the lamp off the table, following her into the parlour. "Do you keep watch every night?"
She shrugged. "It depends. When someone like Gabriel comes in, yes. I make sure there is someone either with him or nearby at all times until I feel the threat of infection has passed and he is able to move on his own. You needn't worry about him when you return to your battle, we will take good care of him."
"How did you know I would be going back?"
"They always do." She mumbled into her lap. "Every single man who has fought for his life in this house has returned to fight for his respective cause. Every single man. I don't see why you would be any different."
"You must be some kind of miracle worker."
"No. I am just a woman."
Dropping the newly made bandages on the floor Catherine stood abruptly and strode to Gabriel's side. Tucking a loose strand of wavy dark hair behind her ear, she leaned over Gabriel, checking his temperature, breathing and the healing cut on his stomach with the practiced ease of someone who had seen many other men through such a time. In the warm light of the fire, Benjamin was able to observe her clearly for the first time, and the woman in front of him was a contradiction personified.
Long dark waves cascaded down her back, alight with lines of sunshine, fire and the purest, deepest black. Her face was shaped like a heart and gave the illusion of sweet innocence. But the determined set of her mouth and the age of her eyes made Benjamin sure that she had faced trials in her pasts, much as he had faced in his. He had made a mistake when he compared her to Ann. If they were similar it was in the same was sunrise and sunset were similar. Ann was the fading sunset, bringing light to someone else as it faded to the gentle night. But this Catherine, she was the sunrise, brilliant, bold and passionate.
"You seem lost in your thoughts. What could make a man think so hard when everything is going right?"
"I am sure you can figure it out."
"Perhaps you place to much faith in my abilities. I shall try, and you will correct my mistakes. Your mind is always on this war, your next move, the upcoming battle," she paused. "The aftermath. You wonder if this war will rest as heavily on your soul as the last one did. Your family. You want nothing more then them to be safe, and you long to return to them. The Charlotte Baldric mentioned is not, I'm guessing, the mother of your children, but someone new. She is with your children, wherever they are. And I believe your mind now rests on me. I suppose I am a conundrum to you, I am to most people. You can not figure out why I am alone here without a man to protect me. I have no husband, my brothers are fighting, my father is dead and here I remain, tending to soldiers from both sides. Well, was I close?"
Catherine looked up to see Benjamin staring at her in astonishment. "I am beginning to understand how it is you can live out here all alone."
"Well I'm not really alone am I?" At Benjamin's questioning stare she elaborated. "I have no family left, but I have Amy and James. The church asks for volunteers, so there is normally someone from town here. Some of the families I have helped outside of the soldiers have signed over slaves. I free them and some of them stay to help for a time. I never begrudge the ones who leave, most have lived hard lives. People have tried to get me to stop helping or to choose a side, but I never will. I believe in what I am doing and that is worth more then anything else I could ever imagine."
"More then love?"
Her eyes clouded over and her face became as dark and angry as a torrential rain storm. "What is love? This thing that drives people apart, when it should be bringing them together. They say you find the other half to your soul, but all you find is a murderer to kill the half you have. Love is a figment of too many imaginations." She stared at her hands as though they were the most fascinating thing she had even laid eyes on.
"I do not see how someone with such a loving soul could not believe in love."
"I suppose I believe in it, and it is all well and good for the dreamers and the children, but it is not for me. I will never fall in love because I will never find someone who is able to love me back. I will get you a blanket and pillow. I am sure you are tired." In the blink of an eye this cynical creature that had overtaken Catherine had vanished, and the calm woman who painstakingly cared for so many had returned.
As she walked out of the room Benjamin stood up, walking over to Gabriel and kneeling by his side. Clasping his hands in front of his eyes, he began to pray.
"Dear Lord, I cannot thank you enough, nor will I ever be able to repay you for saving my son. I do now and will forevermore believe that you saved him through an angel on earth named Catherine St. Stevens. I ask two favors of you tonight. Keep my children and Charlotte safe, and free Catherine from whatever it is that haunts her spirit so. Bless our brothers-in-arms that have journeyed forth from our blood soaked fields to stand by your side in heaven. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen."
Catherine prepared the bed on the chaise lounge near Gabriel. As Benjamin climbed in, Catherine stoked the fire and checked Gabriel's condition once more. Out of half-closed lids Benjamin studied her intently, vainly trying to see beyond her outer shell. After nearly ten minutes she returned to her seat, picking up the last petticoat and smoothing it in her lap before reaching for her scissors.
"Where do you sleep Catherine?"
Startled she dropped the scissors. Luckily, she caught them in her lap, and Gabriel did not stir. "Benjamin! I thought you were asleep."
"Not yet. Where do you sleep?"
"You are very persistent are you not?"
"Perhaps the question should be when do you sleep?"
"In the morning, when everyone else is awake and there are no catastrophes to be diverted. Amy always makes sure I rest, although when I have a case like Gabriel's I am awake through the night for as long as I deem it necessary. Do not worry yourself, I have taken care of myself for a very long time, I am quite adept at it."
"If you insist." Rolling onto his side Benjamin stopped talking. Mere minutes later his deep even breathing told Catherine he was truly asleep.
Laying her fresh bandages aside, she moved in front of the fire. Suddenly feeling very alone in this warm room, full of love and safety, tears began to steal down her face. Shadows built up as the fire gnawed away at the fresh wood in the hearth, and curling up into a ball on the floor, quiet sobs forced their way out of Catherine's throat. Phantom hands ripped at her as she cried, never ceasing their infinite torment.
Only when the blazing flames had calmed to white hot embers did Catherine stand, throwing another log in and walking to the kitchen to wash her face. Piling her bandages neatly on the small desk beside her, Catherine searched for her knitting, longing for when she would be able to lay her head down and fall into oblivion for a few short hours.
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(A/N) Just a short note to say to thanks to Chase M. Dakota and Aliana for reviewing. You guys rock!
Disclaimers: Right, I don't own anything. The inspiration for this story (aside from Heath Ledger lol) was two other stories "Ceisd mo Cridhe (Darling of my heart)" by heathethanoshkosh and A Little Twist of Fate by Nids. Both of them are fantastic and if you enjoy this one, I can almost guarantee that you will enjoy theirs. To Nids and heathethanoshkosh I loved both of your stories and will continue reading them.
Rating: If you watched the movie you can definitely read this. 14 to put an age on it.
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Catherine St. Stevens worked tirelessly, going from man to man, checking healing wounds, cheering those who needed it with a smile or a kind word. Yet her mind remained on the wounded man in the parlour, with his saddened eyes and the trials to be faced with his recovery.
James would have reached Colonel Martin by now, and they could very likely be on their way back. Gabriel and Baldric had managed to get along, Baldric's hero-worship fading into friendship. Gabriel had fallen in and out of consciousness throughout the day, as she had expected. After his first lapse, Baldric had torn up the stairs, convinced that something was terribly wrong and that she was needed immediately. She had tiredly explained that Gabriel would continue to fall asleep until his blood count and his body have recovered sufficiently. Catherine had waved away Baldric's embarrassed apology and returned to bed for another half hour. How she longed to return to that bad now, physically and emotionally exhausted from countless hours of bandaging horrific wounds.
Catherine straightened, staring out at the sky. The sun had set an hour ago and nearly everyone was asleep. Only Amy remained with her on the porch, tending to the men.
"Miss you need to sleep. You've barely slept at all but for a wink this morning!"
"Amy hush. I plan on keeping an eye on Gabriel and waiting for word from James. Should Mister Martin be with him I wish to be awake to speak with him."
Amy sighed, gathering her skirts and making her way into the house. "As you wish ma'am."
Catherine frowned at Amy's tone of voice. She remained where she was standing for a moment longer before following Amy's path. In the parlour she found Baldric and Gabriel talking in low tones, as if they had known each other for years.
"My father is an amazing man. I have never met anyone stronger. My mother, my brother and now I, presumed at least, are dead. When I found out my wife was dead I barely waited five minutes before I took off after the man who caused it. I don't know how he has kept fighting, kept living, all these years. I can't imagine my life without her." Gabriel paused, giving Catherine a chance to interrupt.
"Perhaps the two of you could finish in the morning. Both of you are healing and need rest."
With a sheepish grin Baldric nodded, biding Gabriel goodnight and crossing to the door.
"Wait!" Catherine called. "I want to check your bandages."
"Oh I'm fine. Don't worry."
"That is for me to determine. Sit." Under Catherine's scowl and glare Baldric returned to his vacated seat, allowing her to lift his shirt and bandage away from his shoulder. "There is no sign of infection, and it seems to have begun to heal. This could have been far worse. I'll put a smaller bandage on it tomorrow, in the meantime, take care of it."
"Don't need to." Baldric stated matter-of-factly. At her surprised stare he said laughingly, "You keep doing it for me."
"Oh you."
With a wave he returned to his spot on the porch, leaving Catherine and Gabriel alone.
"And you corporal? How are you faring?"
"Alright."
"I haven't seen much of you today, but it seems you and Baldric have managed to find a kindred spirit in each other. I hope he has not been a bother to you?"
Gabriel ignored he question, asking one of his own instead. "Is there any word from my father?"
"Not yet. But do not worry, I'll be keeping watch tonight. I expect they will arrive soon. Let me check your wound and then you should try and rest."
He nodded consent, closing his eyes as she lifted his bandages, explaining some of the process that would follow with his recovery. "There is still a serious risk of infection. If you begin to feel ill or feverish or if the pain increases at all it is imperative that you inform someone immediately. Either Baldric or myself will be with you at all times over the next forty- eight hours."
Gabriel gave the barest of nods to show that he understood before leaning back against the pillows provided. After reassuring herself that there was no new bleeding Catherine retired to a chair by the fire, ripping old sheets into strips to use for bandages.
By midnight, Gabriel was sleeping soundly and there was still no sign of infection. The stifling silence was disturbed by the thunder of approaching hoof beats. Leaving her seat Catherine passed the stirring men on the porch, meeting the messenger and his companion as they rode up to the house.
The unknown man dismounted in front of her, James taking his reins and leading his horse away to the barn.
"Colonel Martin I presume?"
"Yes. Miss St. Stevens, how is my son?"
She smiled, taking him by the arm and leading him toward the house. "Gabriel was near death when James brought him to me, so don't want you to expect too much when you see him. Last night was harrowing, but he made it. He awoke this morning and we sent for you nearly immediately after. There is still risk of infection but as of yet he has shown no signs. If he remains healthy for the next forty-eight hours then he will only need time, we hope. I will take you to him, but if possible, try not to wake him. His body has suffered a lot of trauma and he needs to rest in order to heal."
"I understand."
She smiled and led him to the parlour. At the sight of his son Benjamin's calm composure broke and he rushed to Gabriel's side. He knelt at his side, watching in awe as his chest rose and fell with each breath.
"Oh God. Thank you! Thank you! Gabriel... I... I thought..."
"Father?" Half asleep Gabriel's voice rang in Benjamin's ears like the voice of the Heavenly Father himself, aided by a chorus of angels. "Father is it really you?"
"Yes. I'm here. I thought I had lost you forever Gabriel. I couldn't believe... Everything is alright now. Everything is fine."
Gabriel opened his eyes blearily. "You would have survived had I died. I couldn't, I'm not as strong as you. When Ann died I fell apart. All my talk of staying the course and it was I who lost it. I'm sorry; so sorry."
"Oh son, you have done nothing wrong. Rest now, we will talk again in the morning."
Gabriel closed his eyes again, a small smile playing across his lips.
Catherine checked him for a fever once more, then motioned Benjamin into the kitchen. After setting the kettle on the fire James walked in. She placed the bread and cheese on the table and busied herself with the tea. The food was nearly gone when she sat down at last.
"I'm sure you have some questions for us. James and I will answer to the best of our ability."
Benjamin began, eyes downcast. "Firstly, thank you. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for believing he was dead. But, I saw him die." He looked up, locking gazes with the woman across the table. "Everything in me tells me I was not wrong. I don't understand."
"He wasn't dead although I know he appeared to be. I assume that when you were with him he went slack, seemed to stop breathing and his eyes went glassy?"
"Yes."
Catherine leaned back, a cat-like smile of satisfaction crossing her lips. "Gabriel went into shock. That is the most dangerous time for someone who has suffered a grievous injury such as his. I am amazed he made it here. I stitched him up as best I could, but you must understand, Gabriel has lost copious amounts of blood. It will take a fairly long time for his body to replenish it. I have overheard that there will soon be a battle taking place that could turn this war, but if Gabriel is to live he must not fight in it."
Benjamin gave a snort of laughter reminiscent of Gabriel's. "Miss have you actually met my son? I have yet to meet anyone with a stronger passion for liberty and this war. He is stubborn to beat all hell, and when he makes up his mind to do something, you had better just step out of his way. Even as a child the only one who could make him stop and think about his actions was his Mother. And then Ann." Benjamin became silent, staring at his hands, his mind awash in the memory of the pretty, delicate Ann. Ann, with her dark curls and soft eyes. Ann, his daughter-in-law for so short a time.
"She was his wife wasn't she? New I assume. Her murderer did this to him, did he not?"
Benjamin nodded. "They were married and then she was gone. Even during their courtship they saw little of each other. She was in Pembroke, with her family, and he was fighting, with me. You remind me of her somewhat. She was smaller, but you do look like her. I imagine that is why he seems distant. She was strong, like you, but she was strong in a different way. Fire in your souls; that's what you have."
Catherine grinned, a faint blush lighting up her porcelain pure face as a lock of near-black hair fell over her eye. "You see much for someone who has known me less then half of the hour. How did you know he was distant, particularly towards me?"
James spoke up for Benjamin. "I told him as we was riding. Wanted to know if he'd taught his boy to be so indignant towards a lady, 'specially one who saved his life."
"James! Gabriel was not indignant. He iwasi withdrawn, but that was natural for someone who had nearly died. I always wonder if I've done the right thing, bringing them back to this world when they are so close to Paradise. I feel sorry for Gabriel and Ann. He had almost returned to her, and I pulled him back. I," but whatever Catherine was about to say was cut of by a loud thump outside the kitchen door. A voice was heard swearing and a moment later the door flew open. Benjamin drew his pistol and targeted the crumpled figure on the floor.
"I'm sorry Miss Catherine. I was trying to be quiet but it didn't quite work."
Catherine's anger flushed face cooled as she recognized the man. "Baldric?! What in God's name are you doing awake at this hour?"
"I wanted to meet the Ghost ma'am."
She sighed in exasperation. "Foolish boy. Well come over here, I'll need to check your shoulder. Here is your Ghost. Mister Martin, meet Steven Baldric, Private under Captain Harry Burwell of the Continental army." As an afterthought she added to Baldric, "And stop calling me ma'am."
"Sorry ma'am."
At Catherine's glare Baldric shut up, something Benjamin thought him wise for doing. He holstered his gun, watching the exchange with amusement.
iSo this is the girl that has been saving so many lives. Somehow I can see it. St. Stevens, I know that name. Wasn't there someone named St. Stevens with us at Fort Wilderness?i
"Miss did your father ever serve in the army?"
I was wondering when you would make the connection. Yes, my father was with you at Fort Wilderness. Walter St. Stevens. He came back a haunted man, or so my mother said, and dedicated eight years of his life to learning medicine. When I was a child I sat in his office and learned everything I could just from watching him. He tried to teach my oldest brother, but he didn't want to learn medicine, he wanted to fight. There was only me. He was killed in battle a year ago." Catherine didn't look up at all during her monologue, focusing on the patient in front of her.
"I'm sorry. He was a good man."
"He spoke very highly of you. He called you a hero, a true hero. Not because of your acts at Fort Wilderness, but because of the guilt you suffered from because of it. 'He was a human being, Catherine,' he used to say to me. 'So many believe themselves to be, but never manage it.' He loved to tell me about how you were real because you had feeling. You suffered when you killed, and men bought you drinks. Never seemed like a fair trade off to me. He would never tell me what it was you all did to inspire such guilt. I never want to know."
Baldric remained silent as she poked and prodded his wound. A deep frown marred her features as she caught sight of the fresh blood. "You Mister Baldric now need new bandages, and have reopened the risk of infection. I am placing you under Mister Martin's care until I can find something to be used as a bandage. Mister Martin, don't let him move."
Grabbing a candle off the running board she disappeared into the darkness, leaving Benjamin and Baldric to stare at each other.
"So... why did you want to meet me?"
Baldric turned red, undeniably sheepish. "I've been serving with Captain Burwell sir. He's told us about the things you and your Militia have done. You are practically a legend."
"Really?"
"Yes sir."
Benjamin seemed to mull over that fact for a moment, letting it sink in. iSo Harry has been telling his men Ghost stories.i "How long have you been fighting for?"
"Four years sir."
He nodded, musing about the numbers. "Four years. That's when Gabriel began as well. Did you serve with him? Before I had him transferred to the militia?"
"I don't think so sir. Although we talked most of today, we had never met each other properly before."
Benjamin's interest perked when Baldric mentioned that he and Gabriel had talked much of the day. "What did you talk about? How did he sound?"
Before Baldric could even open his mouth to answer Catherine burst in. "Wait! I want to hear as well."
She bustled through the open door, dropping an assortment of white underskirts on the table. Reaching for a pair of scissors she began to rip and tear the material into strips.
"Miss! You can't use these!"
"And why not?"
"Those are your clothes! And fine ones at that."
"Well Mister Baldric what else would you have me use? The bandages we were able to find or that the church donated are long since gone, and I tore up the last of the sheets tonight. These would be used sooner or later and if they are ripped tonight then I will not have to think about it when there is a dying man who needs them. Now, tell us about Gabriel."
Baldric stared at her in astonishment for a moment before he began. "I don't know how much help I can be, I had never met him before so if a drastic change has taken place I wouldn't see it. He seemed weak, didn't eat much, and slept a lot. But you know Miss; he seems more withdrawn when you are with him. He is actually quite interesting, and he talked a great deal about his family. But when you walk into the room he closes up. I can't for the life of me understand why, everyone else nearly worships you for what you've done for us."
Catherine cut him off, "Baldric, if it's not too much trouble could you finish telling us about the conversation and dissect his psyche later?"
"Sorry Miss. I guess I went off track. Anyway, all he really talked about was his family. Mister Martin, his mother, his brothers and sisters, and someone named Charlotte."
A light blush crept over Benjamin's face at the mention of this Charlotte, Baldric didn't pause, but Catherine noticed.
"He never mentioned this Ann person that I had over heard you talking about. I didn't ask him about her; I figured that if I was supposed to know about her he'd tell me himself. Are you almost done Miss?"
Catherine smiled tiredly, grabbing a longer strip of cloth. "Nearly. Lift up your right arm please."
Deftly winding the thick cloth straight across his shoulder and under his arm she knotted it under his neck and stepped back to admire her work. "That should do it. Just don't fall on it again."
Baldric had the good nature to grin back at her recrimination. "As you wish. I think it's time for me to return to my spot on the porch. Goodnight Miss Catherine, sir." He nodded respectfully to Benjamin and cast Catherine a final grin before strolling out through the door.
Catherine began gathering up the remaining petticoats. Motioning to the scissors on the table she said to Benjamin, "I would enjoy your company while I watch Gabriel tonight. I am sure you want to be as close to him as possible."
He nodded, grabbing both the scissors she had indicated and the lamp off the table, following her into the parlour. "Do you keep watch every night?"
She shrugged. "It depends. When someone like Gabriel comes in, yes. I make sure there is someone either with him or nearby at all times until I feel the threat of infection has passed and he is able to move on his own. You needn't worry about him when you return to your battle, we will take good care of him."
"How did you know I would be going back?"
"They always do." She mumbled into her lap. "Every single man who has fought for his life in this house has returned to fight for his respective cause. Every single man. I don't see why you would be any different."
"You must be some kind of miracle worker."
"No. I am just a woman."
Dropping the newly made bandages on the floor Catherine stood abruptly and strode to Gabriel's side. Tucking a loose strand of wavy dark hair behind her ear, she leaned over Gabriel, checking his temperature, breathing and the healing cut on his stomach with the practiced ease of someone who had seen many other men through such a time. In the warm light of the fire, Benjamin was able to observe her clearly for the first time, and the woman in front of him was a contradiction personified.
Long dark waves cascaded down her back, alight with lines of sunshine, fire and the purest, deepest black. Her face was shaped like a heart and gave the illusion of sweet innocence. But the determined set of her mouth and the age of her eyes made Benjamin sure that she had faced trials in her pasts, much as he had faced in his. He had made a mistake when he compared her to Ann. If they were similar it was in the same was sunrise and sunset were similar. Ann was the fading sunset, bringing light to someone else as it faded to the gentle night. But this Catherine, she was the sunrise, brilliant, bold and passionate.
"You seem lost in your thoughts. What could make a man think so hard when everything is going right?"
"I am sure you can figure it out."
"Perhaps you place to much faith in my abilities. I shall try, and you will correct my mistakes. Your mind is always on this war, your next move, the upcoming battle," she paused. "The aftermath. You wonder if this war will rest as heavily on your soul as the last one did. Your family. You want nothing more then them to be safe, and you long to return to them. The Charlotte Baldric mentioned is not, I'm guessing, the mother of your children, but someone new. She is with your children, wherever they are. And I believe your mind now rests on me. I suppose I am a conundrum to you, I am to most people. You can not figure out why I am alone here without a man to protect me. I have no husband, my brothers are fighting, my father is dead and here I remain, tending to soldiers from both sides. Well, was I close?"
Catherine looked up to see Benjamin staring at her in astonishment. "I am beginning to understand how it is you can live out here all alone."
"Well I'm not really alone am I?" At Benjamin's questioning stare she elaborated. "I have no family left, but I have Amy and James. The church asks for volunteers, so there is normally someone from town here. Some of the families I have helped outside of the soldiers have signed over slaves. I free them and some of them stay to help for a time. I never begrudge the ones who leave, most have lived hard lives. People have tried to get me to stop helping or to choose a side, but I never will. I believe in what I am doing and that is worth more then anything else I could ever imagine."
"More then love?"
Her eyes clouded over and her face became as dark and angry as a torrential rain storm. "What is love? This thing that drives people apart, when it should be bringing them together. They say you find the other half to your soul, but all you find is a murderer to kill the half you have. Love is a figment of too many imaginations." She stared at her hands as though they were the most fascinating thing she had even laid eyes on.
"I do not see how someone with such a loving soul could not believe in love."
"I suppose I believe in it, and it is all well and good for the dreamers and the children, but it is not for me. I will never fall in love because I will never find someone who is able to love me back. I will get you a blanket and pillow. I am sure you are tired." In the blink of an eye this cynical creature that had overtaken Catherine had vanished, and the calm woman who painstakingly cared for so many had returned.
As she walked out of the room Benjamin stood up, walking over to Gabriel and kneeling by his side. Clasping his hands in front of his eyes, he began to pray.
"Dear Lord, I cannot thank you enough, nor will I ever be able to repay you for saving my son. I do now and will forevermore believe that you saved him through an angel on earth named Catherine St. Stevens. I ask two favors of you tonight. Keep my children and Charlotte safe, and free Catherine from whatever it is that haunts her spirit so. Bless our brothers-in-arms that have journeyed forth from our blood soaked fields to stand by your side in heaven. In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. Amen."
Catherine prepared the bed on the chaise lounge near Gabriel. As Benjamin climbed in, Catherine stoked the fire and checked Gabriel's condition once more. Out of half-closed lids Benjamin studied her intently, vainly trying to see beyond her outer shell. After nearly ten minutes she returned to her seat, picking up the last petticoat and smoothing it in her lap before reaching for her scissors.
"Where do you sleep Catherine?"
Startled she dropped the scissors. Luckily, she caught them in her lap, and Gabriel did not stir. "Benjamin! I thought you were asleep."
"Not yet. Where do you sleep?"
"You are very persistent are you not?"
"Perhaps the question should be when do you sleep?"
"In the morning, when everyone else is awake and there are no catastrophes to be diverted. Amy always makes sure I rest, although when I have a case like Gabriel's I am awake through the night for as long as I deem it necessary. Do not worry yourself, I have taken care of myself for a very long time, I am quite adept at it."
"If you insist." Rolling onto his side Benjamin stopped talking. Mere minutes later his deep even breathing told Catherine he was truly asleep.
Laying her fresh bandages aside, she moved in front of the fire. Suddenly feeling very alone in this warm room, full of love and safety, tears began to steal down her face. Shadows built up as the fire gnawed away at the fresh wood in the hearth, and curling up into a ball on the floor, quiet sobs forced their way out of Catherine's throat. Phantom hands ripped at her as she cried, never ceasing their infinite torment.
Only when the blazing flames had calmed to white hot embers did Catherine stand, throwing another log in and walking to the kitchen to wash her face. Piling her bandages neatly on the small desk beside her, Catherine searched for her knitting, longing for when she would be able to lay her head down and fall into oblivion for a few short hours.
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(A/N) Just a short note to say to thanks to Chase M. Dakota and Aliana for reviewing. You guys rock!