You Can Sleep Now
Castle sees her slow smile when they get off the subway; she's got to know where they're going. Kate slides her hand in his, the two of them walking side by side as the kids roam ahead of them. Dashiell keeps reaching out and snagging Ellery by the hood to keep her from darting away, while - in return - Ellery grips Dash by the shirt to prevent him from running into people, trash cans, the wall.
"They look after each other, even with all the fighting," Kate says softly.
He grins at the sight of them, bumping into each other, messing with each other, discovering things together. They have their own world. "Well, also - I threatened them both within an inch of their lives if they weren't on their best behavior."
Kate laughs, leans her head into his shoulder for a moment. "Well, thanks. Somehow I can't imagine you being the bad cop. But-"
"How insulting. Of course I can. I can be quite a ferocious bad cop."
She's laughing at him again, that soft and low chuckle that makes an answering smile appear on his lips. The kids wait for them at the base of the steps up to the street, Dashiell looking hunted, shoulders hunched up, but Ellery looks thrilled by the commotion of people.
"Guys ready for lunch?"
"Remy's!" Ellery yells out, unable to hold it in any longer. Dashiell shoots her a scalding look for blowing the secret, but Castle catches Kate winking at their son as if to say, that's okay, Dash.
"Let's go to Remy's," Kate says, jiggling their hands between them. "I'm hungry."
Kate's not paying attention when the door to Remy's swings open; she's too busy catching Dashiell's arm to keep from running into the patron coming out. But Dash pulls away from her and reaches for the man.
"Papa!"
Kate startles and lifts her head to see her father holding the door open for them, a grin spreading wide across his face.
"Dad. Hi."
"Happy Birthday, Katie," he says, an arm slipping around her shoulders and a kiss on her cheek. "Come on in."
Castle herds the kids into Remy's ahead of her so she can embrace her father, relishing the contact. She shouldn't, but she's glad to have a moment alone with him. All to herself.
"Dad-"
"I know. I was worried today would be bad."
"It's not," she murmurs, giving him a smile. "It's actually been good. Very good."
"I'm glad, sweetheart."
"Where's Kelly?" she asks, hooking an arm through his and following him inside.
"With her son and his kids. I didn't know if you'd be okay today, so I came alone."
Kate sighs to herself. "I'm sorry for that. But Dad, I am okay."
"Good," he says softly. "Good. It's been a long time."
She bites her lip, but can't quite hold on to the grief, not when she can see her kids arguing over where they'll sit in the booth while Castle holds them apart from each other by the scruffs of their necks. The sadness is there, but not the dark pit; she doesn't know when it closed up, only that it did.
"It has been a long time," she says finally. "And I still miss her."
Her father pats her arm and says nothing, simply leads her to the table where her kids are wrestling over the ketchup bottle.
"Hey, guys. Calm down."
Ella twists in her seat and wriggles happily. "Sit with me, Mommy. Please?"
Kate glances to Dashiell but he's reaching for Papa. So they've reached a deal between them. "Sure thing. Scoot over, cricket."
Her face widens in a grin at the nickname and she cuddles up to her mother the moment Kate sits down. Her fingers tangle in Kate's hair, her body pressed close. "Mommy, can we get milkshakes?" she whispers.
Kate grins back. "Of course. You wanna share? I'll get mocha and you can get-
"Strawberry!" Ella giggles, throwing her arms around Kate's neck and kissing her cheek. "Yay! Dash, Dash, are you and Daddy gonna do it too?"
"Dad, can we-"
"Yeah, yeah," Castle laughs, sliding Dashiell across the seat and sitting with him. "Papa, you want to have milkshakes with us?"
"First? Before lunch?"
"Yup," Castle says, before Kate can disagree. "And something else."
At that moment, the waitress comes by their table, her tray burdened with a dark chocolate cake drizzled in raspberry sauce, with what have got to be thirty-nine individual candles crowded into it, burning madly.
"Happy Birthday, Kate."
She laughs, lifting her eyes to her husband as he grins at her, that delicious and lovely shine of playfulness.
"We're having dessert first, I suppose?"
"We are, we are!" Ella crows.
"We are," Castle agrees, smirking.
"If we must," she sighs, can't stop the spread of a smile on her lips.
"Mom, is it a special day?" Dash asks quietly. When she looks at him, her serious little boy, he's got the same pleased smile on his face that his father has, hopeful and curious.
"A pretty special day, my man. Thanks to you guys."
When she blows on the candles, none of them go out.
"Trick candles!" Ellery giggles hysterically. "We got you trick candles."
The five of them take the subway to Union Square, window shopping as they walk together. Jim stays at the back with Dashiell and calmly answers the boy's avid and continuous questions. Her father has always been good about that, Castle thinks. His reserve, his naturally subdued manner has been exactly what Dashiell needs.
Kate nudges him with her hip and he glances over at her.
"We just wandering?" she murmurs.
"No," he shakes his head. "Place in mind."
"Hm. I wonder-"
"No being a detective," he warns. "Just let it come."
"It's not like it's something I can turn off," she laughs at him. He winks and takes her hand, threads his fingers through hers and squeezes.
Ellery skips up between them, pushing through her parents to burst ahead on the sidewalk, her hair flying out behind her. Castle keeps an eye on her for a moment, and then turns back to Kate.
"You've probably already guessed."
She gives him a slow smile. "Yeah."
"Fine. What's your guess?"
"Forbidden Planet," she says easily.
From behind them, Dashiell makes a frustrated noise and runs up, also worming his way between them. "How'd you know?"
Kate dislodges Castle's hand to brush her fingers through Dash's hair. "I guessed. Are we going?"
"We are," Dash huffs. "You always figure it out."
"That's okay; it'll still be fun."
The kid's face lights up at that, his grin flourishing again. "Can we get something?"
"Maybe," Kate hedges, glancing up at Castle.
He shrugs. "We'll see. Mom gets something, because it's her birthday. But you already had yours."
"But Ellie?"
"Oh yeah, Christmas is coming up soon," Kate says. "So you guys should look for stuff you can add to your list."
Dash wrinkles his nose at that, but runs ahead of them to catch Ellery. Jim comes up on Kate's side and draws his arm around her shoulders.
"Know what Dashiell asked me just now?" Jim says, something of a chuckle in his voice.
Castle glances ahead to the kids, then back to her father. "Do I want to know?"
"You may not," Jim laughs.
"Uh-oh," Kate sighs, biting her bottom lip and sharing a look with Castle. "Tell us."
"He asked did it hurt to get really old?"
"Oh no," Kate groans.
"And when does it start, being old," Jim says, chuckling again.
"What did you tell him?" Castle asks.
"I told him some people are born old. And some never get old."
Kate sighs, poking her father in the ribs. "You know you can't say stuff like that to Dash. He takes it so literally."
"He did. He said he'd never seen any old babies."
Castle laughs at that, an image coming to mind of some Benjamin Button type tottering around in diapers, wrinkly and wizened. "Oh, I bet Dash was confused."
"I said that what I meant was you're only as old as you feel," Jim continues. "To which he said, 'Papa, I feel ancient.'"
Kate startles, clapping a hand over her mouth as she lets out a surprised laugh. Castle grins at her, but glances ahead to his son again, his seven year old with the serious outlook but such a tender heart, and he thinks that's pretty great, actually.
"He's an old soul," Kate gives in. "Always has been."
But Jim is still laughing and shaking his head. "You haven't heard the best part."
"Oh?" Kate asks, and Castle realizes she's hooked her finger in his jacket pocket. He takes her hand and smiles at her, proud of this kid they've made, shaped, guided. Only seven, but his curiosity about the world, his hunger to know. . .it's awesome.
"Yeah. He said, 'I feel ancient. Maybe as old as Dad.'"
Castle groans dramatically, covers his eyes with his hand even as Kate laughs at his side.
"Dad?" he hears from ahead of him. Dash. "Dad, are you okay?"
Jeez. "I'm fine," he growls back. Kate's still laughing, harder now.
He sees Dash pause on the sidewalk, dislodging his sister's grip to wait for his father. His face is anxious. "Are you sure? Cause you sound like-"
Castle takes him by the back of the neck, keeps the kid moving forward. "I'm not ancient. And jeez, Dash, what about Papa? He's older than me."
"Hey now," Jim huffs back.
And now Kate is laughing so hard, she's actually snorting.
"Why's Mom laughing?"
"Mommy, what's so funny?" Ellery speaks up, coming back to their family now knotted up on the sidewalk. "You're crying? Daddy, why'd you make Momma cry?"
Castle throws up both hands in exasperation. "Are you kidding me?"
Kate turns shining, mirthful eyes on him, her grin so wide and open, still brushing back tears as she laughs.
"Poor baby," she chuckles, sliding both arms around his neck and coming up on her toes. She brushes a soft kiss to his mouth, so beautifully happy, and all his petulant indignation disappears like smoke at that look. "Castle, you-"
"Ew, kissy-face, kissy-face!"
"Not on the sidewalk," Dash groans. "Everyone can see you."
"I love this place," she whispers, biting her bottom lip to keep from kissing him again. They've found an alcove dedicated entirely to Iron Man, and she's been sneaking touches all through the store - her hip against his, the slide of their fingers, shoulder to shoulder, her palm at his waist, his chest at her back. Whatever she can get.
Castle grins back at her and doesn't seem to have that same need to rein it in; he leans closer and slants his lips over hers, slowly eases his tongue inside her mouth. She steps into him, feels his arm circle her waist, his other hand threading through her hair, cupping her jaw as he works his kiss.
When they drift away, that unspoken mutual agreement, his eyes are heavy and sharply blue. It makes her pulse kick.
"Aren't you glad I asked your dad to come with us now?"
"Definitely," she murmurs back. Forbidden Planet can be a terror with both kids; they have to touch and play with everything, want everything, need everything. Please, Momma, can I have-
He touches her lips again with his own, the soft stroke of his finger over her cheekbone her undoing. Now all she wants to do is go home with him.
"Kate."
"Yeah?" she smiles, unable to look away. It's hit her suddenly today, like it hasn't in a while, how attractive he is, how much she wants him, how the brush of his hands over her skin makes her restless to have him.
"You're more beautiful at thirty-nine than you ever have been," he says softly, running his thumb over her bottom lip. "And I'm so proud of you."
She draws her arms around him and buries her face into his neck, horrified by the sudden rush of tears to the back of her eyes, overwhelmed by his words.
He holds her tightly, rubbing a hand up and down her back.
"Castle," she gets out finally, but can't manage anything else. She didn't know she needed to hear that, but she did. She did. After everything - her mother's case, and the Captain, and what they sacrificed-
"I know," he murmurs. "It took a lot to get here, Kate. But look at what we've made."
She nods into him, taking in a deep breath. "I have you to thank for it."
"Half of it," he says easily, breathing a kiss at her temple. "Only half of it. Partners."
Kate smiles at that, presses her lips against his skin in a soft kiss before stepping out of his arms, dry-eyed. "Of course. Partners."
He takes her hand and winks. "Come on. Let's get out of here. Robert Downey Jr is giving me the stink eye."
She grins, shifting her gaze to the life-sized Iron Man. "I don't know, Castle. He's kinda cute, and he's only a little more ancient than you."
"I think everyone should get t-shirts," Kate says.
Castle glances to the kids and even though Ellery looks mutinous, his glare is enough warning to muffle her protests. She's been going back to these plastic rabbits with potato head replaceable mouths, mooning over them.
But Rick has already slipped away and bought two for her stocking - a white bunny with a sticking out tongue, and a black bunny with a brown mustache. He wanted to get her the pink one with an ice cream cone stuck to its face, but Kate said that was too girly for their girl. She's right.
"T-shirts, huh?" Jim asks. "How about this one?"
Castle has to muffle a laugh as Jim holds up a green shirt with the Angry Hulk face.
Dashiell tilts his head. "Not really you, Papa."
"Yeah, well, I like it."
"Papa, Papa," Ellery calls out from farther down the aisle. "This is you. You're Captain America."
She tugs out a navy shirt with the iconic shield logo on its chest. Castle sees Jim's smile slowly lift and heads for Ella.
"How about you, Dash?" Kate asks.
"Ninja shirt. See? Cool. It's Bruce Lee."
"Very cool," she murmurs, still looking through the shirts herself. "How about you, Castle?"
He grins. "I don't know yet."
She giggles - man, this giggling has got to stop or else he's gonna need some alone time with his wife - and soon.
"How about this one?" she says, holding up a light blue shirt.
"Dr. Manhattan?" he snorts.
"Brings out the blue in your eyes," she grins.
"He's cool, Dad. Plus he's a-"
"If you say ancient, you're gonna get smacked."
Dash giggles and darts away. "Ancient."
Castle takes a step towards him, glaring, and Dashiell runs off to laugh with Ellery. Kate is humming as she presses the tshirt against his chest.
"This one."
"Recycling your old lines?"
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
He grins and snakes a hand to her waist, wiggles his fingers in her back pocket. "Then I get to pick yours."
She narrows her eyes.
"Is it a deal?" he asks, dancing the blue Manhattan shirt in front of her eyes.
"Deal," she mutters.
She waits in line at the register with Ellery; the boys have gone off on their own to look for the perfect shirt, Momma.
Kate cards her fingers through Ellery's hair, drawing it back from her face. Her blue eyes turn up to her mother and she curls a finger in Kate's belt loop.
"Mommy, I really do want those bunnies."
Kate has to press her lips together to keep from smiling. "I know, cricket. We'll see."
"I really do like them."
"I can tell, sweetheart." Kate rubs her thumb over the furrow in Ella's forehead. "Smile for me."
Ellery screws up her face, exaggerating the move. "How's that?"
"Ug. Terrible."
Ella's grimace dissolves into giggles and she dances away from Kate, heading for a display of superhero masks.
"I found it," she hears suddenly, his voice in her ear.
Kate turns around and Castle is holding up a plastic bag. "How'd you check out already?"
"The register back there," he motions. Dash is crowding between them, reaching out to grab her hand.
"Momma, it's the best. You're gonna love it."
"Can I see it?"
"Hey, you're next in line," her father says, nodding towards the register.
Kate turns and piles the other shirts up on the desk, letting the sales guy ring everything up. She added a Mace Windu figurine for Dash's stocking, evening it out, and she has to be careful to keep him from seeing it.
"Ella, get back here."
There's a confused mess as Kate pays, her father tries to wrangle the kids, and Castle is taking the stuff they bought and hiding the bunnies in the bag.
"Ooh, this is so cool," he says, pulling out the Star Wars toy.
"Hey," she mutters, elbowing him. "Not for you. Zip it."
He grins and glances to Dash. "Smart. I like it. Does it have the dice and game card?"
"Shh," she hushes, pushing him towards the doors. "Yes. Don't ruin the surprise."
"Okay, wanna see what I got you?"
"Yes. But I reserve the right to not wear it."
He follows her out onto the sidewalk and opens his plastic bag, shoves a hand inside as the kids surround him, eager to see the shirt as well.
Kate bites her lip and Castle pulls it out.
Navy blue, two hearts, a Tardis logo-
I heart-heart Doctor Who.
Kate laughs and reaches for it, traces her fingers over the double heart of the time lord, lifts her eyes to Castle - kinda her very own time lord.
"Brilliant."
She kisses her father good-bye on the subway platform, while Castle keeps the kids at heel as best he can. Dashiell is good at staying close, but he gets lost in the shuffle of commuters, easily overwhelmed, and Ellery, who might keep track of him and bring him back, is now often darting away to explore.
"No. Hey, back here," he calls, reaching out to snag Ella by the hood. "Stay."
"I'm not Rex."
"Close enough."
She sticks her tongue out at him and Kate turns just in time to see it apparently, because she chuffs at Ellery.
"Respect, Ellery Kate."
Ella curls her tongue back inside her mouth and lowers her eyes, but she's still got that stubborn set to her jaw.
"You guys ready to go?" he says. Dashiell reaches out and slides his arm through his father's, leans his head against Castle's elbow. "Yeah, someone's ready to get home."
"That's why I thought we might cut our day short," she murmurs.
"Papa caught his train," Ellery says. "Now it's our turn. Come on."
They let Ellery lead the way, Castle with Dash like a growth at his side, Kate steering them both through the crowd on the platform.
"Your dad-"
"He's good."
"And you?"
She kisses his cheek. "I'm good too."
They curl up on the couch, the whole family dog-piling together, warm and sweaty and lazy. Kate finds herself sandwiched between Castle and Ellery, with Dashiell in one corner of the couch and their feet in his lap. He keeps trying to tickle them, and then Ella squeals and kicks at him, and then they spend the next five minutes settling that fight.
But it's still nice. Castle keeps brushing her neck as she rests against his side, Ella wriggling in her arms. The television plays their Doctor Who marathon while the washing machine runs a load - their new shirts inside.
"How's the birthday girl?"
"Mm, sleepy," she murmurs, turning her head to kiss his fingers. His smile flickers; he strokes her cheek.
"Still have dinner."
"In or out?"
"Whatever you want."
"In. I just. . .I like being at home with you guys."
His smile fills in, grows wider, and his fingers tangle in her hair. "Next year. . ."
"I know." Big party. That will be fun too.
Castle kneads her neck muscles. "Your mom would be proud."
She sucks in a deep breath, nods slowly. "I know."
"But you miss her," he murmurs.
"Yeah."
"I wish she were here," he adds, then gives her a sheepish shrug as he hears himself say it. "I mean, just once. Just to see. Like all of us get in a police box and step out into 1998 or something. Surprise her."
Kate chews on her lip, half frowning at him, half laughing. He can be so sweet sometimes. "Castle."
"Because, just look at you. Kate. You're compassionate, loving and funny, a great mom and seriously intelligent-"
She presses her fingers over his mouth, smiling at him. "Thank you. But I think my mom knows. She's here - she's seen what we have."
He captures her hand, squeezes her fingers. "How can you. . .know that?"
"I have to think that a world in which all this is possible, in which this exists-" Kate brings their hands to his chest, strokes his sternum with her fingers. "You and me and our family. A world like this has to also have my mother in it."
His eyes are seeking hers; she gives him all the confidence and certainty she has in that one gaze.
"She was taken from me, yes, but every time I've needed her, she's been here in one way or another. Through my father, through you and your books and all of it, through Ella and Dash. She's come; she's been right here with me. So I know she's seen, I know she knows. How could she not?"
Castle's grip around her fingers tightens. "Twenty years, Kate." She can see the black of shared grief in his eyes.
Kate leans in and kisses him softly, a bare brush of her mouth to his, giving light to the darkness. "Twenty years on this side of her death, but they haven't been twenty years alone. I've had you. And now them, our kids. You all make this a wonderful birthday."