Chapter 2 – I'm not alright

As soon as the Varden were waking up, Meghan left her tent to go see Nasuada. It was still early, but the sun was climbing his way up the horizon. When she got to Nasuada's tent she had to explain her presence to Nasuada's guard.

"It's alright, let her through." Nasuada's voice sounded from inside. Meghan entered and saw Nasuada fully dressed, studying a chart of Alagaesia.

"Goodmorning Meghan." Nasuada said, her eyes still on the charts.

"Hardly." Meghan replied, a little bow for her leader followed.

"How are you? Did you go and see Angela as I requested?"

"Alright. And no, I did not." Nasuada looked at her and opened her mouth to speak, but Meghan was faster.

"Why did you let them leave?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Eragon and Roran. It's suicide."

"You know as well as I that Eragon nor Roran can be stopped that easily. They seem to have a strange attraction towards danger."

"But.."

"Eragon will return." Nasuada said fierce, almost as if she wanted to convince herself instead of Meghan. "Tell me, how have you been these days. With you being.."

"Fine." Meghan said so fast it could hardly be an honest answer. She just wanted to avoid the word 'pregnant'.

"Can I ask you something Meghan?" Nasuada stood up and started to walk about the tent, not looking at anything specifically but avoiding Meghan's eyes.

"Of course Lady Nasuada." Meghan knew when to be polite and when to be cautious, this time she was definitely cautious.

"Who is the father?" The Father. Two words just like a burning dagger stabbing her through the heart. Meghan tried her best to control her breathing, to stop her hands from trembling.

"Excuse me?" she said, almost failing in keeping her voice normal.
"The father. Where did you meet him?" It was as if Nasuada attempted a dialogue between two friends conversing about the beauty of love.
"Urû'baen."
"Was he a servant too?" Nasuada was curious, a little too curious according to Meghan. Of course these were all quite logical questions. Nasuada was probably trying to be a friend. The question if the father was a servant too was ironic. Meghan could almost bitterly laugh about it. Almost.
"Yes." She finally answered, she wasn't lying entirely. She was convinced Murtagh wasn't doing all of this without Galbatorix controlling him even the littlest bit. Galbatorix wouldn't take the risk to maintain Murtagh's free will.
"How old was he? What did he look like? What's his name?" the questions just kept coming. Meghan couldn't take it, it was the first time her hand subconsciously reached for her belly, when she felt her hand touch the fabric of her blouse she pulled it back.

"He's older than me, handsome and.." Meghan couldn't tell her. Of course she knew she couldn't tell Nasuada she was carrying Murtagh's child, but she couldn't tell her about him. Not even how old he was, it hurt too much. She looked down at her feet, avoiding any contact with Nasuada.

"It's alright. You're hurting. We'll talk later, when this isn't all so new and fresh."

"No it's not that," Meghan knew she had to avoid another conversation about this with Nasuada. "It's just. I can't tell you about him because, I fled from Galbatorix' palace Nasuada, that doesn't make the king my best friend, and I don't want to put him in any danger. That place is dangerous enough as it is."

"I understand." Nasuada nodded, finally sitting down again. "But you should know that a young pregnant woman alone causes questions."

"Why I'm pregnant and alone is none of other people's business." Suddenly sadness turned into anger, since a few weeks Meghan couldn't control her emotions as good as she used to. She started walking away from Nasuada.

"There one more thing Meghan." Nasuada said fierce, she was Meghan's leader again, not a potential friend. Meghan turned around so quickly it made her dizzy.
"I knew we don't know each other all that well. But your father was important to the Varden, and what you did for us…you're a very special person. I hope we can be friends someday. And because you're special, not only to me, but to the Varden, I want someone to take care of you during your pregnancy."

"Please don't.."

"I insist. Angela will come over later today."

While she was walking about camp that day Meghan couldn't help but notice people were staring at her. Of course it was obvious she was pregnant, her belly just wouldn't stop growing. According to her calculations she almost was four months pregnant. Her skinny figure couldn't hide the round shape. She could hear whispers, people wondering who the father was, why she was all alone, and if she was married to him. She was becoming a disgrace and there was nothing she could do about it.

A day later people stopped whispering and started talking.

"I heard she slept with several men and doesn't know who the father is." A young woman said to her friend. "that's just not healthy! What about her pride?!" Meghan tried to ignore them while she was walking by but her raging emotions made it hard for her to do so.

The people of Carvahall didn't talk to her anymore since they found out about her pregnancy. While they were so nice and gentle when she met them during her journey, they were distant now. At night she went back to her tent early, she knew she wouldn't be able to get a lot of sleep so for the first time in a very long time she reached for the book Murtagh gave her. Deliberately skipping the first few pages so she wouldn't have to see the letter he wrote her, she started reading about the history of the Dragonriders, hoping there was something in there that would give her hope that the new Dragonriders would save Alagaesia.