Thanks to thekiller00, RJMoonspell4, Juzzy88, newportgirl22, Girlz-Rule, saxamofone, and nemo123489 for all of the reviews. I rewrote this a few times because I didn't like it, still don't too much, but the next few posts should be easier and more fun to write. Let me know what you think
"Ryan? Who's the letter from?" Marissa asked again, her studies forgotten at the moment.
"It's from Neil," he answered, still staring at the sheet of paper as if it might jump off of the table and attack him at any second.
Just as his thoughts had moments ago, Marissa's rewound back to that day of senior year which had started out like any other day. She remembered being disappointed that she wouldn't see Ryan that day as Seth was taking him to the airport and he would be gone for an entire week. She had told him the day before that she still loved him and that she would wait for him for as long it took, although secretly hoping that when he came back things between them would work out. The next thing she remembered there were students running around screaming, loud bangs could be heard in the hallway and Summer grabbing her hand as they escaped into the science lab. She had been terrified while they remained hiding, wondering what was happening outside of the classroom but not wanting to have to go out and look. Then Ryan had shown up and saved everyone in the room as he traded his captivity for their freedom. That had been the worst part, waiting outside knowing Ryan was locked inside a room with the gunman. The wait had been the longest in her life, not knowing if he was safe or had been hurt and their fights and arguments all now seemed so stupid and petty. She hadn't realized the capacity of love she felt for him until that day and when she found him in the pool house later that night she vowed to never lose him again.
Ryan's gaze seemed transfixed on the letter as he hoped that it was all just a bad dream and it would soon disappear. He had suffered through enough nightmares since that day for them to begin all over again, having to relive the sights he saw in the hallway and thinking he was going to die before the police showed up. He hadn't even stopped having nightmares about Eddie at that time and then the shooting happened. If it hadn't been for Marissa he didn't know how he would have made it through that point of his life. She had been the one that helped him with it all, making him share his feelings when it became almost too much, reassuring him at night when he woke up in a sweat, going back into the school so that they could graduate and be done with the . He had thought maybe the worst was behind them, they had learned how to live their life now without those memories taking control of them but this letter had opened up those doors they had worked so hard on closing.
"What does he want?" Marissa asked as her voice finally felt like it would work, "Why is he writing you after all this time?"
"He wants me to come visit him," Ryan answered, the words making the situation real now as the thoughts of this being a dream vanished into thin air.
"Why would he want you to come visit him? He killed ten students that day; he nearly killed you that day!" Marissa yelled as her emotions took control, not remembering they were in a library.
"It doesn't matter," Ryan said picking up the sheet of paper before crumbling it into a tiny ball, throwing it away in the trash can as they exited the library to go back to their apartment and carry on with their lives.
…
"Are you ready to go back home?" Marissa asked Ryan on her way past the couch where he was seated idly flipping through the channels with the remote.
"Do you have your paper done?" he asked with his eyes fixed on the television set in front of him even though he had been through all of the channels numerous times.
"I am completely done with it," she expressed happily, the weight of her project now off of her conscious so she could enjoy her holiday break.
She leaned back against the kitchen counter so that she could see Ryan on the couch. The letter had upset him more than what he was letting on, he hadn't been acting the same since it arrived. Wanting to have her paper done with before going back home, she at least had an escape so that it wasn't on her mind constantly but Ryan had just been sitting around for the last few days and she could tell he was thinking about what was written in that letter even though she hadn't seen it herself.
She hoped that their trip back to Newport and being around family and friends would be enough to get him through whatever it was he was going through. She wanted to be there for him and for him to come to her with things like this but she had learned over the years that he would talk when he was ready and it didn't speed up the process any by trying to force him. They had gotten past so much since that night on the beach, their relationship grown stronger with each obstacle, but lately things had been going smoothly and it felt good not to have any drama in their life. She had grown rather fond of their normal lifestyle and wanted to keep it that way for as long as she could.
"Have you packed yet?" she asked him, hoping to get more of a response out of him this time as she walked over to where he sat and dropped herself into his lap.
"I figured I would wait for awhile until you were ready since it takes me five minutes to pack and you a few hours," he said, wrapping his arms tightly around her as she laid her head back next to his.
"That's because my wardrobe consists of a little more than just jeans and wife beaters," she giggled as he began tickling her, "Some of us have more of a fashion sense than others."
"Are you saying that you don't like my choice of clothing?" he asked as she stood up.
"That depends," she smiled, sitting back down so that she was facing him straddling his legs, "I can't make a decision on that unless I know what I'm wearing."
She smiled seductively as she leaned in, their lips joining together as if they were drawn magnetically. Sparks shot from where her lips touched down to his feet like every time she kissed him, the romance and physical attraction having grown only stronger instead of lessening over time. He returned the kiss, his lips hungry for more contact with hers as his arms slid around her waist to pull her in closer.
"We're going to be really late tonight if we don't pack now," she whispered to him while his mouth worked on her neck, pushing her body into his.
"I've got about two more seconds of self-control left in my body," Ryan warned her as she pushed him down onto the couch.
"One, two," she counted while staring into his eyes before falling down on top of him as their lips crashed together.
…
"Ryan!" Kirsten squealed as she opened up the door to reveal her son, wasting no time as she pulled him inside quickly so that she could embrace him.
"Wow, I can see mom has really worked on her greeting skills since I've been away," Seth commented as he came to see who was at the door.
"Marissa, it's always good to see you," Kirsten said as she released Ryan to hug Marissa only to be rushed as a shriek of 'Coop' was heard seconds before Summer came racing into the room to embrace her friend.
The two new arrivals joined their family into the kitchen where they spent the next few hours reuniting over take-out and listening to Seth's newly formed and detailed list of Chrismakkuh plans. It felt like old times again for Ryan, surrounded by the comfort of his family and friends in the house where the best part of his life had begun. The outside world melted away during the dinner, replaced by the laughter and stories from those sitting around the table, the only people whom he truly needed in his life.
Ryan wanted the dinner to go on throughout the night, happy to just sit back and enjoy the warmth and security the people sitting with him brought but too soon the food was gone and the table was cleared. A small argument that would quickly lead to a full rage blackout was taking place on what movie the four of them should watch in the pool house when the outside world barged back into Ryan's life in the form of a letter.
"I almost forgot this came for you a few days ago," Kirsten replied with a smile as she laid the envelope down in front of him.
"Thanks," Ryan said with his eyes attached to the letter, identical to the one that lay in the library garbage can back at school.
"Open it man, whose it from!" Seth exclaimed with too much enthusiasm, not recognizing the shallow, quick breathing and slight shaking that Ryan's body had begun.
"I'll just, um, open it later," Ryan said quickly, stuffing the letter into his pockets without caring how it fit in there, "Probably just a holiday card from Dawn or Trey."
"That is what I love about Chrismakkuh," Seth carried on, unaware of Marissa's concerned looks or Ryan's clenched jaw, "Even people in prison or rehab can celebrate the most festive holiday and find joy in their world."
The word prison triggered Ryan's memories and he was transported back in time to his first day of being expelled. The car ride to the airport, the frantic phone call from Summer, the crowd of concerned parents flocking to the school. He could see the blood that gelled in pools along the hallway floor or that was sprayed along the lockers. He could hear the cries of injured students that lay wounded and the even louder cries of the students who laid still. He was brought back to when he helped Chad escape the school, the same kid who had come up a week later and thanked him and then avoided him like the plague because it reminded him of what happened. The fear entered his body once again, gripping him tightly as it took over, relief from finding Marissa safe only to be stomped out when he was alone with Neil. The nightmares that began, not following the rules of coming only at night, his body paralyzed when they took control of his thoughts.
"Ry…RY!" Marissa's voice brought him back to the present where he was once again sitting amongst his family and friends around the table they had just eaten supper on, his forehead breaking out in a sweat while his lungs tried to slowly go back to normal.
"Hey man, where were you? You looked like you just saw a ghost," Seth said as everyone's attention focused in on Ryan.
"I think I'm going to get some fresh air for a little while," Ryan said, jumping out of his chair quickly before anyone had the chance to follow.
Outside the air was still warm even though the sun had long since disappeared for the night, switching places with the stars. His legs carried him away from the house, away from his thoughts and fears and nightmares. He thought he had stopped running away from his problems but yet here he was again. After five years not much had changed; he was back in Newport and fear was slowly taking control over him.
The sound of the ocean began to grow louder and within minutes he was at the beach. He stripped off the sweatshirt he had been wearing, tossing it down in the sand as he began to run. Out here nothing could get him, nothing could catch him as he ran parallel to the waves crashing into shore. Even in the darkness he could outrun the fear and terror that was threatening him again, pumping his legs faster as the distance grew. The only thing he had left to figure out was when he stopped running, how did he keep that distance?
When his body wouldn't allow him to continue any longer, not able to take the punishment he imposed on it like it once had; he began walking back to his starting point. Along the way he came across the lifeguard stand where his whole life had changed. Instead of continuing on he stopped and walked up the ramp, sitting down against the building as he stared out into the vast ocean. He wanted to stop going backwards, he wanted to remain focused on his future but he wasn't sure how when a letter or a word could suck him back. He wanted the answers to his life and how to move on with it and while thinking about this he finally came to a decision.
He entered the pool house which was dark, slipping around the house to avoid any conversations taking place. He loved his brother but he just didn't have the strength right now to deal with him or his never ending conversations. Shutting the door quietly so that he wouldn't bring any attention to himself, he kicked off his shoes and slipped under the covers only to realize that Marissa had beaten him to the bed.
"Hey, are you alright?" she asked after waking out of her light sleep, turning over so that she could rest her head on his chest.
"I went for a run along the beach," he replied as he laid on his back staring up at the ceiling.
"Figure anything out?" she asked and it sounded like she had been crying.
"Yeah I did," he said as he pulled her tighter to his body, running a hand through her hair, "I didn't mean to scare you."
"You didn't," she answered, "Don't get me wrong, I'm a little worried about what he wants from you and I know that it's been on your mind for awhile now."
"Riss, I just don't want to go back to that time again," Ryan said knowing that she wanted him to open up to her about the way he was feeling with this, "It took a long time to push those memories down deep enough where they didn't surface all of the time but now it's all coming back again."
The two lay there together, holding onto the one person they loved more than life itself as they silently worked out their thoughts. They both had things on their mind that they wanted to sort out before putting them to words for the other to hear, making sure that the decision they made was well thought out and prepared before they spoke which then meant that it was out there and could not be taken back. What they didn't know was that their thoughts were not on the same subject, their fears and troubles steaming from two different situations.
"Ry, there is something that I need to talk to you about," Marissa said, knowing that if she didn't come out and say it now then she didn't know when the next time she would work up enough courage to do so.