disclaimer:

I do not own the rights to the characters used or to the song lyrics used. This fanfic is a non-profit, amateur effort not intended to infringe on the rights of anyone, either the people who own the songs or lyrics used or the owners of the characters depicted in this story. Thank you everyone who has taken the time to offer advice or review the story.

Even the ambitious get to take a break to wallow in self-pity sometimes, and Cristina decided that this was one of those times. And there was no better place to wallow in self-pity than Joe's Bar.

The table was supporting her at this point. She was probably putting too much weight on it in her leaning. It was probably going to fall over, crash to the floor in a mess of liquid and broken glass. Their drinks shattered into tiny little pieces littering the floor.

To her credit, Meredith was being a good friend, and was just as drunk as Cristina was. Callie was the only one among them that seemed to have her wits about her. Derek would drive Mere home, but Callie must have sensed she'd practically have to carry Cristina home.

Cristina hiccupped. The hiccup surprised her, and she jumped a little, her eyes opening wide. Now that Cristina was more awake than asleep, Meredith found her opening. "Well I think this is a blessing in…I mean, it could be good, even if it looks…what's that expression? A blessing in surprise?" She was slurring her words, her arm swaying slightly from side to side as she brought her drink to her lips. "I think this is a blessing in surprise."

Cristina cocked her head, looking at Meredith at her through squinted eyes. Callie, barely paying attention, said, "Disguise."

Meredith nodded in appreciation, pointing a finger at Callie. "Yes!" she said, her shoulders lurching forward as if the motion of her hand was dragging her body forward with it. "A disguised blessing. It's good, I mean it's bad, it's really bad—but the end is good."

"In disguise," Callie corrected. "A blessing in disguise." Her heart wasn't in the conversation. She was distracted lately, because something was different about Mark Sloane. He was acting strange. They used to be able to talk about anything, but he wasn't talking, lately. He was still listening, but he wasn't talking.

"It's so bad," Meredith said again, sighing and resting her elbow on the table, bringing up her fist to support her head.

"It's not that bad," Callie said. Who didn't have an ex? It wasn't that bad.

"Of course it's that bad. He's been sleeping with her and he didn't even bother to tell her he's married!"

Cristina sighed. "That's you, Mere. And I didn't tell you we were sleeping together, I never said that."

"I meant engaged. He didn't tell her he's engaged!"

Callie shook her head. "He's not engaged, he was engaged."

"Why are you taking his side?" Meredith asked, pointing her finger at Callie. She used the hand holding up her face to point, so that when she moved her arm her head flopped to one side before she was able to catch it. "You're taking his side!"

"No, I'm not. It's a fact. I can't take sides about a fact."

Cristina, just catching up to the conversation, demanded of Meredith, "How could this possibly be good?"

Meredith swallowed. "It's an opportunity. It's never a good time to bring up exes that totally screwed you up. You can't just bring that stuff up out of the blue without looking like you still have a thing for your ex. But now you can talk about Burke, and tell him the truth about it."

"What do you mean the truth? I'm not lying about it."

"You are withholding important information."

"You said it yourself," Cristina said, "There's no reason to bring up exes."

"Then what are we upset about?" Callie asked. There was something wrong with these women.

Meredith nodded exaggeratedly. "She has a point. What's the word for that?"

Cristina just stared at her blankly. Callie raised one eyebrow.

"The word where you get mad at someone else for something you did?"

"Projection?" Cristina asked.

"No. When you both do it. When you think someone else is wrong about something, but really you do the same thing. Like you're mad Hunt had a fiancée up until a little while ago, put you had a fiancée up until a little while ago. What's the word for that?"

"Hypocrite?" Callie supplied.

Meredith winced a little. "Is there a nicer word for it?"

Cristina, not liking the direction of their conversation, steered it off course. "If Derek is McDreamy, and Sloane is McSteamy…"

"McGinger," Callie supplied.

Meredith shook her head again, long hair swinging back and forth. "McArmy."

Cristina bit her lip. "McHot."

Meredith shook her head. "McHottie."

This was the one topic all three could embrace, and their voices became a jumble. McBadass. McManly. McPushy. McSexy. McComely. McMacho. The suggestions stopped when Cristina offered, "McPig," as it seemed clear she wasn't referring to the skills lab and her mood was quickly plummeting again.

A moment passed between them with no one, neither Callie nor Meredith, knowing what to say that would not be taken badly by Cristina. But the silence didn't last. Meredith cleared her throat, nearly croaking, "McHere."

Cristina and Callie looked at her, two faces of puzzlement.

"McHere, over there. With Derek."

Cristina swung her head to look toward the door just in time for her eyes to meet Owen's from across the crowded bar. His face changed, and he looked at her as though she'd just ripped out his heart and he was really a little bit devastated by it. The fog the alcohol had provided Cristina, sheltering the emotions of the day, dissipated. She tried not to react to the haunted look in his eyes. Because she was certain that his face just over-reacted sometimes. The way he looked so smitten on the steps to her apartment. The way he looked so playful and promising as they stood over the vent. His face and his eyes told stories she didn't want to trust anymore.