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There were things she wanted to tell him. Things that terrified her.
But love doesn't work that way. Love makes the smartest of people do stupid and unexplainable things to protect the ones they love.
She didn't need to deepen his guilt. She knew him too well.
Sometimes she wondered if he loved her too. Sometimes she wondered if it was just all guilt. She wondered if it was selfish for her to want him by her side even though he didn't love her. She wondered if he would be happier if she left and he could live his life. But she couldn't. She loved him too much. Sometimes she wondered if it was possible for one to love too much.
She wouldn't leave until he told her to do so. She was selfish like that. Love is selfish.
It has been one year and he hasn't kick her out of his their room yet. Did he love her too?
Being here in their kitchen. In his arms. Pregnant.
She'd like to think he did. She would live with this ignorance until he told her otherwise. Ignorance is bliss.
He liked how she fit in his arms. He liked how she smelled like a combination of both of them. He liked the feel of her soft golden curls between his fingers. He liked her smile which were becoming a more common occurrence these days.
He loved her. Not that he ever told her. He'd hope she knew.
He loved all the small things they had together. Breakfast in bed. Walks in the meadow. Lazy lie ins on Sundays. Perhaps there are more small things to add on to this list after all.
He never knew when they started having such routines. He never knew when he started loving her.
He pressed a kiss on her head.
"Why are you still crying?" He did suck at talking in times like this. Considering he did talk his way into getting sponsors over the years.
"I am relieved that I don't have to think about how to tell you anymore. I am happy that you haven't sprinted out of the house or grabbed a bottle yet. I am scared of what might happen because of my injuries." Her voice turned into a whisper.
"The doctors said you were fully healed. We will be okay. We can visit the clinic for a check up this weekend? I can't say I didn't think of running. But what is the point? I can never seem to run away from you anyway."
"I love you." She sad wrapping her arms around his waist.
"I know."
She smiled.
It always felt like a small victory when he knew he was the reason she smiled.
"We should clean up."
They fell back into their usual routine so easily. Her washing the dishes and him heading out to feed the geese.
He still needed some time to process her pregnancy. They both knew that. It always amazed him how much patience she has with him. How well she knew him.
He fed the geese quietly, letting his thoughts consume him.
Games are over. War is over. She is safe. Peeta and Katniss is safe. They are safe. Nothing is standing between him and his happiness anymore. Was he happy? Yes. Was he scared? Yes.
His mind went through thousands of possibilities of what could go wrong and why he didn't deserve this. He caught a glimpse of her through the windows. She had her hair up in a messy bun, bare faced, wearing his shirt and her own shorts. She has finished the dishes and was cleaning up the house. She looked so peaceful.
They were happy and even if it was for just this moment he wouldn't give it up. He has been sad for too long. They would take this one step at a time. Together.
He thought of their child. Their child. It was such a foreign thought. It felt so surreal. Someone who is a combination of them both. Someone who had her selflessness, her kindness and her ability to love.
He smiled.
She was the reason he smiled too.
She heard the backdoor open and close. She was sitting on the sofa, legs crossed, leaning against the arm rest and reading her novel. She used to read a lot when she was a child but she read lesser as she grew older. It was one thing she never got sick of. She could spend a whole day reading and never get bored.
She could hear him in the kitchen probably getting a drink - water.
It has been a while since he touched liquor. She was so proud of him. They have came so far. Years ago, she wouldn't imagine this - being able to be with the ones she love, living in a world without the games and glamour and having a baby on the way.
She was really happy. She didn't imagine the revelation or his reaction to be like this.
She thought about their future and their child. Someone with his stubbornness, his intelligence and his strength.
When she was younger, she used to think this was stupid.
Getting married, getting pregnant and having babies. You lose your whole life, your figure and get confined to taking care of your children. It was boring. It wasn't fashionable.
But now, it was all she could ask for. Maybe not getting married. But having someone to love. Someone who loved her.
Her life wasn't like before. She didn't need the glamour or the attention. She had a life here with the people she love. It felt like her life was just starting. Chapter 2. Like in her books. And it can only get better. She'd like to think that they had gone through the worse of it.
She wasn't pretty anymore. She had scars. She wouldn't care if she lost her figure. Good genes has kept her body quite well too.
She felt the sofa dip and his head finding its way to her lap.
She put her book down and let her hands trail down his face, running her fingers through his hair.
"How are you feeling?" His eyes closed. He craved for her comfort. It used to be such a foreign thing.
"How are you feeling?" She knew him too well.
"I am happy. I guess. I have had happiness taken away from me too many times. I am not gonna deny us a chance at happiness." He was never expressive but she changed him in the smallest ways.
"Then I am happy too." She leaned in for a short kiss.
"Everything is gonna be fine." He kept his hand on the back of her neck and brushed his nose against hers.
"Everything is gonna be fine."