CHAPTER _1

I was on the roof of Jacob's apartment building, drunk out of my mind. It was early dawn. The only reason I knew where I was because it wasn't the first time I had ended up here. Whenever I felt alone—or wanted to kill myself—I came out here to seek an ounce of solace in him. When I wanted to drink myself into oblivion, he left me to do it, whenever I wanted to talk—the part I was allowed to talk about at least—he was always there to hear me out. And I loved him for this, he was my best—my only—friend. It was lot in this pitiful life of mine.

Last night too, I had been alone in my apartment, which was in one of shadiest place of Seattle, drinking when I suddenly had the urge to claw my skin off of me. I wanted to peel off me slowly and painfully. This couldn't be normal, could it?

I felt out of control, and I knew if I didn't get out fast I would for sure do something to myself.

So I did the only thing I knew I could in a time as such: I ran to Jacob.

His home wasn't far from mine, but he didn't know that. I wasn't allowed to let anybody of my whereabouts. So I ran; ran with all the might I had, desperate for some relief from this pain.

I stopped when I collided with his door. I pulled myself back a little rang the doorbell frantically. He opened the door quickly, and gathered me in his arms as I had started a descent toward the floor. I didn't realize that while had been running tears had stated streaming down my face. He took in my mess of a state, and his face took on a haunted expression.

He dragged me to the living room, while I tried to shuffle my feet. He set me down on the couch and pulled a comforter over me, I now became aware that I was actually shaking very badly. He put my head in his lap, and stroked my hair. He didn't force me to talk—he never did—and I was grateful for that for I couldn't tell him the whole truth. I didn't want to lie to him.

At some point in the night I had sneaked to the roof, as I did many times, when he had gone to bed. I took a bottle to keep me company. A little later Jacob came up too, carrying sheets and blankets; I smiled drowsily at him, and took another sip. He laid out sheets and I crawled on to them, then he covered me the blanket. I tried for another smile but I didn't know if I was successful. He sat on the old, worn away couch that had been there for who knows how many years.

The last thing I remember before falling asleep were his eyes looking down at me with an intensity that made scared—very scared—because I felt that he could see me.

When I woke this morning, I saw that he had already left—he usually slept on the ancient couch whenever I was up here, which was mow empty.

Still feeling the effect of alcohol I pulled myself to my feet. I swayed precariously on the edge of the roof that had no railing, before catching myself. I hobbled down the stairs, having great difficulty not letting myself hurt me.

I stepped into the living room, the house was silent, further proof that he had left. Good.

I quickly went into the bathroom splashed some cold water on my face, trying to push away the drowsiness and tied my hair in a tight knot. When I was sure I didn't look too much like a junkie from the alley, I stepped out of his house, and into the street.

I was suddenly hit with the feeling that I was being watched. It might have been just paranoia, but it would be stupid to ignore it such a situation.

So I decided that I would not take the usual way home. Instead of walking straight, which would lead me to my home directly and quickly, I turned the opposite side, went around Jacob's house on to the other road that would in no way take me to my apartment. I continued walking; still feeling like someone was following me. After a while of aggressive walking I reached an area that was full of small houses. I could hide here.

I turned around to see if someone was behind, but there was no one, except a flash as I saw a figure dash between two houses.

I kept walking, still not getting rid of the weird feeling. But I was tired now, so ducked into a little space I found hidden between two houses and plastered myself to the wall of one the house, hoping to stay invisible, and trying to control my breathing.

I stayed there for a while, I saw few people walk on the street by me, and then it was quite…for a long time. I decided it was safe to step out now. With my heart pounding, I walked back in to the street and walked to where I had come from. When I got close to Jacob's again on my way back I again decided to take a detour, though I didn't feel like I was being followed, just to be safe.

About the time I reached my apartment the Sun was shining offensively, hurting my eyes. Wanting to hurry inside, I thrusted my key into the lock and shook it open.

Being back—alone—in the apartment again filled me with dread. Needing some comfort I reached for the only thing that had been soothing my aches for years now…

I was lying limp on my bed, surrounded by empty bottles, tears wetting my eyes, when the phone rang.

You might have noticed that I have made some changes in the story, like there is now a Preface...
When I started this writing this I hadn't really planned anything...and I was not too happy with how it was going...what I had written so far...so I started...I wouldn't call re-writing it...but I made some changes...thats why there weren't any updates...
There isn't any change in the basic story though...