Neil leans away from Mike, dragging her hand through her hair.
"No. I mean, it's not simple."
"What's so complicated about it? I'm listening." Mike says. Her sincerity is out of character. It's disarming.
"I mean, it's pretty hard to wrap your head around, Mike. It's pretty heavy stuff."
"I've said I'm listening."
Neil leans back, crossing her arms over her chest. She looks down and plays with the edge of her sleeve.
"I don't know… I don't know. I mean, the words are there, right? Like I've thought about it before, how to put it but. I can't get them out."
"That's okay. I can wait." Mike says, settling against the wall as well. She takes her sunglasses off and sets them down on the floor, next to her knee.
So this is serious. Mike serious. Mike serious is dangerous, because Mike always gets things done.
Moments pass between them, and Mike isn't probing or pushing or even looking at Neil. She's incredibly unobtrusive but Neil has never been more aware of the fact that she's there. Neil wants to push all of this out of her chest. She's been waiting for someone to ask for so long. She thinks it might free up some room for something else. Pushing negative vibes out might cause positive ones to rush in to fill the space. She knows she needs it. She sputters for what seems like the hundredth time, but there's substance behind it this time. She's going to speak, now.
"It's not like. The worst pain imaginable, or anything." She says, shrugging. "I mean, well it is, just not always. And it's almost worse like that. When it's 'normal'. I mean it's just there, every day." She says, gesturing with her hands. "Hanging somewhere over me. I never get to forget it. It's not always even loud. It's different every day. But it's always there."
"Really? Always?"
"Yeah." Neil says, arms falling. She leans back, sighing. There's a little pressure off her shoulders, but she hadn't realized she'd be so worried about a reaction.
"Wow. You know, Neil… I didn't realize it was that bad."
"People tend not to…"
"That's terrible." Mike says, putting her hand on Neil's. Neil flinches away on instinct, and regrets it. She sighs and settles into it. Mike's hand just gently on hers. It feels nice. She's not sure exactly what Mike means by it, but it just sort of feels like 'I'm here' and that's what Neil needs.