Author's Note: New chapter! As I stated in the last chapter, most of the edits are slight formatting, grammar, and content changes to make things more fluid. The BIG edits will be in a couple chapters.
Just like Murphy's Law, irony loves the Pegasus Galaxy. Learn to ignore it.
A: Major Lorne says unless it's funny.
B: Dr. Zelenka requests that if it's in the labs, please tell himself or Dr. McKay.
Never try to escape from the infirmary. Not even Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay get away with that.
A: Colonel Sheppard would like to note that he does get away with it, sometimes.
B: Dr. McKay complains that Colonel Sheppard is the one who talks him into escaping.
C: Dr. Beckett sternly says that any and all people who try to stop him from doing his job will be at the business end of his largest needle. This is not a threat, but a promise.
Never make pop culture references around the natives.
A: Dr. Weir sadly admits that only Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay can manage to do this without causing a war.
B: Colonel Sheppard insists that this is because he and Dr. McKay only do this around Teyla and Ronon.
C: Dr. McKay says "Only around Xena and Conon", as they are called.
Don't call Colonel Sheppard Kirk. You'll be in big trouble if you do.
A: Dr. McKay says that this is Colonel Sheppard's nickname that only Colonel Sheppard's team is allowed to use (regardless of the fact that he, Dr. McKay, is the only one on the team to use it).
B: Colonel Sheppard warns that Dr. McKay only gets away with it because he can save everyone's asses at the last possible moment. Everyone else will get punished at his own discretion.
Calling Dr. Beckett a mother hen to his face is hazardous to your health.
A: Dr. Beckett politely says that if he finds out who does this, they will find a new meaning for pain at their next physical.
B: Dr. McKay warns that Dr. Beckett will follow through with his threat. And legally, so he won't get in trouble.
C: Colonel Sheppard would like to note that he is only called this when dealing with Dr. Weir and AR-1.
Jumper 1 is Colonel Sheppard's. Jumper 2 is Dr. McKay's. Jumper 3 is Major Lorne's. It is in your best interest to remember this.
A: Colonel Sheppard warns that if ANYONE messes around with Aurora without his permission, they will pay by sparring with Ronon daily for a month.
B: Dr. McKay insists that if Pi is used without his direct blessings, they will loose hot water for two months.
C: Major Lorne threatens anyone who touches Miracle without his consent with a two week stay in the brig.
D: Dr. Weir would like to note that she will turn a blind eye to these dealings. You all have been properly warned.
Unless you know full well that you can, do not try to out-smart any of the scientists.
A: Colonel Sheppard admits that between the scientists and the marines, it is better to be on the bad side of the marines.
B: Dr. Beckett would like to announce that anyone who does not follow this will not be given pity when they are brought to the infirmary.
Don't ask Dr. Weir why she's always wearing a red shirt. It's a topic you don't want to start talking about.
A: Colonel Sheppard yells run, run while you still can!
B: Teyla insists that Colonel Sheppard is just immature, but you still shouldn't ask about the shirts.
If you get black mail on any of the Senior Staff, use it wisely. They're the ones who control whether or not you stay on Atlantis.
A: Dr. Weir strictly warns that use of black mail will result in immediate return to earth.
B: Colonel Sheppard announces that use of black mail will result in a stay in the brig before return to earth.
C: Dr. McKay would like to say that use of black mail will result in loss of heating while in the brig before return to earth.
D: Dr. Beckett threatens that use of black mail will result in no medical care (except in an emergency) if anything is caused by the loss of heat while in the brig before return to earth.
Be careful what you do around any of the women of Atlantis. They share gossip during Girl's Poker Night every week.
A: Dr. Weir happily assures you that this doesn't happen.
B: Dr. McKay insists that this does happen and that they should stop calling him to make repairs if they don't want the men to know about it.
C: Lt. Cadman claims that they call Dr. McKay in for repairs to their Poker Room because it's just so fun to embarrass the man.