Thank you everyone who read my first chapter! I'm glad you enjoyed it, or if you hated it. I'm probably okay with that too. I kind of hate it. Because I cried while typing it. This fic will be 4 chapters in total, and I want to update it on Mondays. It was supposed to update yesterday, but I got sucked into Pokemon X and completely spaced it. Either way, enjoy more heartbreak, and I'll see you next week!

Chapter 2: Missing Him

Missing him was dark gray all alone.

Juvia's room was dark. The only dim light was caused the bit of moonlight that dripped past the curtains. The young woman who called the room hers was seated in the corner of the wall, closest to the single window, with her arm wrapped around her knees; her head was perched on them.

All the color seemed to have been seeped from the room, and she was left in her own, tiny, gray world. Once, the shade had brought Juvia a smile. It reminded her of her beloved, her own true love, but now that man…

Juvia didn't want to think about him. She didn't want to face reality. And she only had a few more hours to do so. For when the sun rose, Juvia would have to dress herself in all black, and attend Gray's funeral.

"Gray… Where are you Gray?" She whimpered to herself. A small light flicked up next to her and Juvia jumped slightly in surprise. She looked to her side and saw her phone next to her. "12 Unread messages, 2 missed called, 1 voicemail" was printed on the screen.

Juvia lightly picked up the electronic device.

Most of the messages were single messages from friends she met at the pub. "Sorry for your loss." And "it'll be okay" were the most of them. And then three were from Erza.

"Juvia, please talk to us."

"Juvia, we want to help you through this."

"Juvia, we need you too."

She sucked back her tears, and scrolled down to Lucy's messages.

"Juvia, I know this is hard for you. But we're all lonely now."

"Natsu won't admit it but Gray was his best friend."

"Juvia, we miss you."

"Juvia, Please respond! I'm worried about you."

Juvia sobbed quietly, pressing the phone against her forehead. She sniveled, and then held down on the number 1 on her phone, her speed dial to Gray's phone. Somehow, she continued to pray he would pick up.

"Hello, you've reached 471-0910. Please leave your message after the tone." A robotic voice recited to her.

Juvia hung up. "Stupid Gray." She muttered, "Gray never even set up Gray's message box… Juvia just wants to hear Gray's voice." Juvia began to sob loudly.

A loud banging began to suddenly sound from Juvia's front door, and the bluenette leapt to her feet with a gasp.

"Juvia! Juvia, are you there? Juvia, please open up!" She heard Lucy cry from outside.

Juvia slowly made her way to the door. Lucy's banging and shouting slowed and quieted as the entrance began to unlock, and Juvia slowly pulled it open to reveal a teary eyed blonde. 'Thank god." Lucy whispered as she wrapped her arms around Juvia. "Juvia, I was so scared. You wouldn't answer my texts, my calls, my voicemail! I didn't know what to think! I thought you might have… I was scared we would lose you too." She sobbed into Juvia's shoulder.

Juvia didn't move. She would have been lying if she hadn't thought about suicide. But she had gone through her depression earlier in her life. Having been abandoned by her parents and living alone for so long, life had lost it's color once before. Gray had helped her through that time though. He would never forgive her if she took her life now.

"Juvia is fine. Juvia just wanted to be alone." She said quietly, giving little comfort to the blonde.

Lucy peeled herself away from Juvia and gave the bluenette a light shake by the shoulders, trying to gain eye contact. "Juvia, you can't do this alone." She told her, but Juvia kept looking at the ground. "We all know you're hurting. We all are. And maybe your pain is different from all of ours, but being alone won't ease the pain."

Juvia stayed quiet. Lucy sighed and ran her hands down Juvia's arms until she was holding the young lady's hands. Lucy looked over Juvia; in a light blue dress, which was crumpled like she had been kneeling on it all day. A very familiar light blue dress…

"Wait a moment, Juvia, is this the same dress you were wearing when—" Lucy was cut off as Juvia leapt back from her and covered her ears.

"Don't say it!" She whimpered.

"Okay, okay." Lucy put her hands up in defeat, but stepped into Juvia's doorway as the woman had finally given her enough room. She softly closed the door behind her. "But really, Juvia. You have to take care of yourself. Have you not bathed at all for the last three days?"

Juvia lowered her hands from her ears, but looked away over her shoulder.

"Have you eaten?" Lucy asked.

Juvia bit her lip, and ran her hand over her empty stomach. "It just… it feels like nothing will stay down. Juvia doesn't want to."

Lucy sighed and stepped forward, taking Juvia's hands again. "Come on. Let's clean you up and then I'll make you something I'm sure will stay down. Okay?" The blonde tried to get her friend to at least look at her, but instead she took the slight nod as agreement, and lead Juvia towards the bath.

The night went by too fast. Lucy had cooked Juvia a sweet porridge, and it stayed in Juvia's stomach, just as promised. From there the girls talked about their memories together and cried on each other shoulders. Eventually, they had both nodded off on Juvia's bedroom floor.

When Juvia awoke she found the blonde curled around a pillow. She must have pulled it off the bed during the night. Once, Juvia saw Lucy as an obstacle in her love, but now, Lucy was a precious friend. One who really understood what she was going through; after all, Lucy's father had passed away just last year.

Juvia stood up quietly, adjusting her sleeping shorts and nightshirt, and walked over to her closet. She flipped through her dresses until she found her pure black dress, with a lacey black shall, and pulled out the hanger. When she had bought this dress, she never once thought it would be for this sort of occasion.

Juvia turned around and saw Lucy slowly bringing herself into a seating position. "Juvia? Are you alright?" She asked groggily.

"Yes." Juvia lied. She was sure she would never feel all right again. "Juvia needs to change for today. Lucy should too."

Lucy looked at her as if she weren't convinced.

"It's fine. Juvia will meet you there." Juvia reassured her blonde friend.

Lucy brought herself to her feet. "Alright, if you say so. I'll see you soon."

Juvia watched Lucy walk out, and waved goodbye as she left. As soon as the door shut Juvia collapsed to the floor again, weeping into the dress she meant to change into.

"Gray…" She whimpered, "Juvia just wants to see you again…"

But Juvia knew her time for running away had ended. There were only a few hours left until she said goodbye to Gray forever.

Juvia took a deep breath in and began to prepare herself.

Roughly three hours later, Juvia found herself entering a packed church with a small mob of friends and strangers. Along with her dress and shall, Juvia wore her hair up in a bun on her head, with a bonnet and veil over her face.

As she neared the pews, she saw a figure stand up and wave at her. Through her veil, she recognized it was Erza, in the front row, and made her way up to join her. She sat between the red head and Lucy, the rest of the row was filled with other regulars from the pub: Levy, Gajeel, Elfman and Evergreen to name a few. They all glanced at Juvia, and then back to their nearest loved ones.

Even surrounded by friends, Juvia felt alone all over again. All her friends and acquaintances were sat in pairs. Even Lucy had her head leaned on Natsu's shoulder. The salmon haired man made no sign of protest. Juvia looked to her hand on her lap. She clenched them tightly together. She watched Erza's hand softly cover hers. Juvia looked up at her friend and gave her a weak smile. Just then the room became silent as a familiar white haired man took center stage.

"My name is Lyon Vastia. As most of you know, Gray was my foster brother." Juvia's eyes focused on the man in front of her. A man who was always after her heart, even though he knew her love for Gray was unconditional.

"My brother was an amazing man. He always went all out no matter what. He knew the risks of everything he put himself through, but never stopped to think because he wanted to do what was right. Gray was taken from us far too soon, but even so, he gave up his life for something beautiful." Lyon glanced at Juvia for just a second. In another situation, she may have blushed from what he was implying, but now, she just felt sick with guilt.

"I'm sure my brother would want to be remembered as a man who did all he could for his loved ones, and one who never gave up. However, I will always remember him as the little brother who couldn't keep his shirt on."

There was a soft, hushed round of laughter amongst the audience, and the mood lightened slightly. Lyon stepped down from the pedestal and the service's pastor stepped up. "Thank you, Mister Vastia. The viewing will begin shortly. Please form a line down the isle. Afterwards we will go out to the courtyard for the final service and burial."

Everyone around Juvia began to stand, but she hesitated and remained seated. Erza turned on her heel and offered a hand to Juvia.

The bluenette shook her head softly, "Juvia will go up after the rest of the aisle." She said quietly, out of the corner of her eye, she saw the pastor opening a large black coffin in the middle of the altar. Her whole body flinched and she looked down at her feet. "Juvia is not ready yet." Her voice trailed into a shrill whisper.

Erza stared down at her friend with empathy, and nodded quietly, before walking ahead, second in line after their favorite pub's keeper, whom everyone affectionately called "Master."

The last two friends in her aisle were Jet and Droy. The two were usually clowns, trying to make a joke out of anything, but in this atmosphere, even they seemed sick of jokes. When the duo had passed Juvia to join the line, she slowly stood up and walked quietly behind them. As she reached the end of the line, and brought herself to a still stance, she saw the Master reach the open casket. The church was shushed silent, and it was nearly impossible not to hear his words.

"Gray…" The short elderly man started, lifting a white iris up to place in the coffin, "You were like a son to me. You were always such an airheaded man. Even now, I wonder if you know what you've put us through. But I suppose it was always impossible to stop you once you set your mind on something." The Master stopped momentarily to wipe away his tears. "Thank you for being part of our lives."

Juvia looked to her feet. She wanted to thanks Gray for everything. For never pushing her away; for helping her through her hard times; for not hating her. But she couldn't thank him for anything, because it was thanks to her that he had…

Juvia was brought out of her train of thought when she heard a pair of footsteps near her from the front. Lucy had left her spot in line and stepped into line in front of Juvia. The blonde reached back and squeezed Juvia's hand. "You looked lonely back here." She whispered.

Juvia gave her friend a weak, insincere smile.

The rest of the pub regulars took their turns giving Gray their thanks and goodbyes. Juvia tried to shut them out for the most part, thinking she could ignore reality until the last minute. But when Natsu reached the casket, he proved too loud for anyone to ignore.

"You stupid, piece of shit, ice cold, bastard!" He growled.

"Natsu!" Lucy scolded from farther back in line.

The salmon haired man continued, "Why did you have to go and die? We never settled our score. Not a single one of them!" He slammed his fist against the coffin. "Who am I going to fight with now? Who is going to call me 'flame breath' all the time? What were you thinking…?" Natsu's roars quieted as the Master had walked forward and placed a hand on Natsu's arm. "You really were a total idiot…" With that, he turned to his side and walked away from the coffin without leaving anything but his tears.

Juvia felt like she was going to be sick. The closer she got to the center of the altar, the louder the voice in her head got. This is all Juvia's fault… This is all Juvia's fault. This is all Juvia's fault!

Lucy's presence was suddenly missing from Juvia's view, and she looked up from her feet to see the blonde was standing next to the coffin, placing a hand full of white daisies into it. Lucy spoke in barely a whisper, but Juvia could hear her as if she were speaking right into her ear.

"I'm sorry about Natsu, Gray." She laughed soft and uneasily, "He just misses you is all. You were his best friend you know? But Natsu's a great guy. I'm sure he'll bond with someone soon. So don't worry about him, okay?" Tears were already dripping down the young lady's face as she continued. "I wanted to thank you for never giving up on me. I'm a clumsy, dumb blonde. Everyone I met before I found the Fairy's Tail told me that. But you looked past that. You said I was cute and smart and I could do anything. It gave me the strength to keep fighting. Thanks for that. Thanks for being my friend and Natsu's friend. Thanks for walking me home when we left the pub late. Thanks for helping me with my father's funeral expenses…" Lucy stopped for a moment. She pushed the tears from her eyes, and then, in an even smaller whisper, added, "And most of all, thank you for saving Juvia."

Lucy began to walk from the casket, but Juvia didn't move forward. Her legs wouldn't move. There was a hushed confusion throughout the church. She could hear the person behind her telling her it was her turn, but Juvia still didn't move.

"Juvia?" Lucy murmured, looking back over her shoulder.

The blue haired maiden began shaking her head violently. She took a step backwards. "No. Juvia can't look at Gray." She started, "Juvia doesn't deserve to. This is all Juvia's fault!" Her voice began to turn from a mumble to a shout, "Juvia killed Gray!" And with that scream, Juvia spun on her heel and began to run from the church, pushing past strangers and acquaintances alike. She heard her friends calling after her but she kept pushing through. Just as she neared the exit, a hand caught her wrist and she was pulled to a stop. Juvia spun her head back, and through her teary eyes, she saw the hand belonged to Lyon Vastia.

"Let Juvia go!" She screeched, "You should all hate Juvia! Especially Lyon!" She tried to rip her wrist from his grasp, but he pulled her forward onto his chest and hugged the young lady.

Juvia tried to pull herself from the embrace, but found it was to no avail. She heard footsteps rush towards her as her friends joined Lyon in surrounding her.

"Juvia, no one hates you. No one blames you." Lyon said softly.

"That's right, Juvia." She heard Lucy confirm.

Lyon's grip on Juvia lightened, and she pushed herself back softly to see everyone standing around her. An old, wrinkled hand met hers, and she looked down to the Master, who beckoned her closer. Juvia knelt down and the elderly man placed a hand on her back.

"This sort of thing is no one's fault Juvia." He stated clearly, "And no one will blame you for Gray's death. He was always a self sacrificing man."

"But, if Juvia had been paying attention. If Juvia had ever paid attention…" She choked back her tears, "If only it had been Juvia. Juvia wishes Gray did not save her." The young woman came to her knees and wept towards the floor, but then looked back up as she felt many a hand on her back.

"Please don't say that, Juvia." Lucy whimpered, "We all love you, Juvia."

"And Gray never would have forgiven himself if he had only watched you being snatched away." Lyon remarked, "and neither would I have."

"Now, it's time for you to say goodbye to your hero." Erza stated, her words colder than the rest, but it brought Juvia to the reality she had been ignoring. With a soft snivel and a deep breath, Juvia nodded and stood up. With her friends ahead of her, she walked to back to the center of the church, onto the altar, and stood over the open casket.

There Gray lie, as if he were sleeping, but his chest did not raise and no breath escaped his lips. His torso was littered with white flowers. Juvia reach under her bonnet and pulled a single, tiny white bloom from it's hiding place in her hair. She reached in and placed it on Gray's forehead, before running her hand over his cheek.

"Oh Gray…." She began to whisper; "Juvia misses Gray so much already. Gray is all Juvia ever wanted. What is Juvia supposed to chase after now?" Her breathe hitched, "What did Gray want to talk about the other day? Why only Juvia? Gray left Juvia with so many questions. But most of all…" Juvia softly dropped to her knees and placed her forehead softly against the side of the coffin, then in the softest breath whispered, "Why couldn't Gray have loved Juvia back?"

Ch 2 end