A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I've been gone for over a month. Life has been intense since July 4th, and not in a good way. I kind of forgot about updating until I got 3 lovely new reviews this week. I noticed some people wanted me to make this more than two chapters so I'm trying to expand it and give it more of a plot while keeping the French theme :) There won't be, like, 10 chapters, but there will be more than two and I'll try not to make you wait too long.
One thing though- I need opinions on the direction of the story. Should I do a time jump to after Ali's disappearance (this was my original plan), or should I make it more AU and disregard the 2-year disappearance entirely?
April 2009
Alison stared at the Word document in front of her. Normally, a two-page essay would take no time at all to write, but today there was something else weighing on her mind.
Crafting a persona, forming allies, storing secrets to keep enemies in check- all of that was easy for her. Maintaining her perfect life was the hard part. The power structure which she thrived on was so fragile. She had to be hyperaware of even the slightest changes in the people around her. Especially when those changes were in the people she valued the most.
Emily was standing on the other side of the Fields' kitchen, her back to the blonde, like she was trying her hardest to keep her distance. Like she would rather be anywhere else in the world than here, working on a French project with Alison.
The girl had been distant for a couple weeks now. She was drawing back into the shell Ali had been working hard to pry her out of. Ali was willing to give her some space at first, but she wasn't exactly a patient person. Each day that went by without a real conversation between them only added to the fear that she was losing her mermaid for good.
Ali twisted a ring around her finger and tried to chase away the paranoid thoughts. Of course Emily wouldn't leave her. She was probably the only one who cared enough to stick around. If she could help Emily get over her fears, they would become inseparable again and the universe would be back in order.
She closed the laptop in front of her, choosing to step away from the half-written report. The two of them had decided right away that Ali should handle the written part of their project on French cuisine while Emily prepared the food to bring to class. French may have come easily to Alison, but cooking definitely didn't.
She walked across the kitchen and leaned against the countertop, watching quietly as Emily glazed chocolate on top of a row of éclairs. "You need to teach me how to cook sometime. Without my mom around I'm way too dependent on take-out menus," Ali said.
"Trust me, it's not difficult if you have a recipe to follow," Emily responded, keeping her eyes on the pastries in front of her. "Do you think these look okay? I think they're a little lopsided."
"Nonsense. Le dessert regarde parfait," Ali said as she reached out to take one. "Tastes perfect, too," she added after taking a bite.
The corners of Emily's lips twitched up into a smile and she finally turned to look at her friend. "Hey, don't eat too many! We need enough for the whole class."
"I'm not going to eat all of them! Who do I look like, Hanna?" Ali almost snorted.
Em's expression clouded over after the words were out and Alison felt a pang of regret. She couldn't take the comment back now. Why did her Emily's disappointment even eat away at her like this? That never used to happen. She wasn't supposed to care what others thought.
"We should have enough," Emily said in a soft voice, not commenting on the remark against Hanna.
Ali nodded slowly. Her eyes fell from the girl beside her down to the desserts. "You should pack up a bunch of éclairs and give them to Madame," she said in an attempt to steer the conversation in a better direction. "Maybe that will get you into her good graces."
"Maybe," Emily shrugged. "I don't know. I think she made up her mind about me the first week of class. Opinions are hard to change."
Alison placed a comforting hand on her friend's arm. "Hey, if only one person in the whole world doesn't like you, it must mean you're doing something right."
Emily's dark brown eyes met hers. "You're doing something right, too. Everyone loves you."
It felt nice to hear those words, even if they weren't true. She knew Emily wholeheartedly believed them. She was optimistic to a fault. It was an unrealistic way of thinking, even dangerous, but Ali couldn't bear to replace the light inside of her with shadows.
"It's sweet that you believe that," Ali said gently. "I consider it more of a love-hate relationship."
"I think it's love-fear, not love-hate," Emily stated. "You can be afraid of someone and still like them. It's not mutually exclusive." She looked nervous as she brushed a piece of dark hair behind her ear, accidentally smudging a bit of flour from the countertop on her forehead in the process.
"Oh really?" Ali asked, holding back a laugh as she moved directly in front of Em and reached out to rub away the flour. Her hand went to the girl's hair automatically, brushing through locks before she could even think about whether it was a good idea. "Do I scare you?" she asked in a low voice.
"No. Of course not," Emily responded, though her unsteady voice and shallow breathing said otherwise.
"So if your relationship with me isn't love-fear, then what would you call it?" Ali asked, raising an eyebrow. Her heart thumped as she waited for Emily's answer.
"I don't know, Ali," Emily said quickly. Her cheeks flushed as she took a step back, away from the blonde. "We're…best friends. Friendship is a type of relationship. "
"Friendship. OK," Ali rolled her eyes. "I was expecting something a little more creative." And honest, she added in her thoughts.
Emily shook her head. "Then how about you come up with something better? You always…" she trailed off, ending with a sigh.
"I always what?"
"You always put me in these situations," Emily finished. "You're expecting me to say something, and we both know what it is, but is the truth really going to make you any happier? Is it going to change anything?"
"It could change a lot. You never know," Ali offered.
"I don't know what you want from me," Emily admitted.
Ali furrowed her eyebrows and let that sink in. What did she want from Emily, besides wanting to keep her close? "I want you to be brave," she decided on the spot. Emily could be a force of nature if she wasn't afraid. "If you leave your comfort zone, you could have the world and more. Anything you want."
Alison then grudgingly added, "And I don't want you to be scared of me. I really don't."
"I'm not scared of you," Emily repeated. "Not really. You just make me nervous sometimes."
"I can tell," Alison muttered. "You haven't been subtle about avoiding me. Seriously, you'd think I had a deadly disease."
"It's not like that, Ali," Emily sighed again. She paused to collect her thoughts. For a few moments, the only sound was the ticking of an old clock that hung above the stove. "No matter what happens, or how nervous I get, you're still my favorite person. I promise nothing's going to change that," she said finally, offering the blonde a shy smile.
There it was again; that tender, affectionate feeling that made her heart swell. Ali couldn't let herself consider what it meant. She couldn't even vocalize what she really wanted to say: You're my favorite person, too. If they were in class, she might have written the words in Em's notebook- in French, of course. She might have even thrown in flirty glances and nudged the swimmer's side as she guessed what the words meant. It felt safer that way, without the seriousness of their current conversation.
"That's nice to hear. We make a good team, you and I," she said instead.
"Definitely," Emily agreed. "I couldn't do this French project without you." Her warm brown eyes flitted to the leftover flour on the counter. She cupped a small amount into her hand and, before Ali could even register what was happening, she'd already thrown it in her direction.
The brunette erupted into laughter when she saw the queen bee's horrified expression. "Oh my God, I'm going to kill you!" Alison cried as she furiously dusted the powder off of her pale pink sundress, but the reality was she was laughing, too.
She grabbed some more flour and threw it toward Emily. Some got on her, but most of it ended up on the kitchen floor. The rest swirled around in the air like a dust storm.
"What's going on in here?" a voice asked. Both girls turned to see Mrs. Fields standing near the entrance of the kitchen, a basket of laundry in her arms. "It sounds like a lot of excitement."
"We were just finishing up the éclairs," Emily said as she brushed some flour off her arm.
Ali almost expected Mrs. Fields to get mad about the flour situation because she came across as the uptight, no-nonsense type of parent. To her surprise, the older woman simply shook her head at the scene in front of her. "Okay, just make sure you sweep the floor when you're done. It's a nice day outside. Maybe you girls should go get some sun after you finish your project."
"Your mom's right," Ali said after Mrs. Fields was gone. "We should have a picnic. What do you think, Em?"
"We can if you want to. I can pack some sandwiches after I clean this up. Are you done with the written part?"
"I'll take care of it tonight. We have twenty-four hours before we have to present. That's plenty of time to write another page about French food. If only we'd gotten a more exciting topic," Ali said with a wistful sigh.
There was so much she knew about France. So many glamorous facts and places she'd love to see. None of them had anything to do with listing various types of cheeses.
"I'm sure whatever you've written is better than anything I could come up with. I don't even know how to say 'food' in French," Emily said as she retrieved a broom and started sweeping up the flour that had fallen to the floor.
"We really need to have those tutoring sessions more often," Ali joked. She walked to the pantry and took out some peanut butter and jelly so Em wouldn't have to make the food. "Think you can spare a few more of those éclairs for our picnic?"
Ali leaned back onto the picnic blanket after she finished eating her food. She had the view of a beautiful lake only a few feet in front of her and her beautiful friend right beside her. The spring weather was warm and cheery, and, for the first time in months, she felt truly content.
The best part about it all was that she hadn't gotten an "A" text in nearly five weeks. It seemed the anonymous freak had finally tired of playing mind games. They could've been hit by a train for all Alison cared. All that mattered was that "A" was gone. Hopefully for good. Escaping Rosewood was no longer a priority, but it was still a nice daydream. She stared at the clouds, imagining she was looking at a Parisian skyline.
"You know, I'm only four points away from having a B in French. I think I can bring it up by finals," Emily said. She was lying in a similar position to Ali, back against the blanket and gaze directed toward the sky. Alison wondered if she was thinking about France, too.
Ali nodded in approval. "Slow and steady improvement. I see those verb charts I made you are helping."
"They are. It's just the irregular ones that make no sense. Who came up with those rules, anyway?" Emily asked, scrunching her nose.
"It doesn't matter." Ali rolled over onto her side to face her friend. "You just need to memorize them. It'll come in handy one day."
Emily mirrored her position. "Maybe for you. You're the one going to Paris."
"Yeah, I am. So you're saying you don't want to come with me?"
Emily blinked in confusion. Then her eyes widened in shock. "Wait…I didn't know I was included in that."
"Maybe that was the plan from the start," Ali winked. It was fun to watch Emily get flustered, and Alison had to admit it was cute the way her face lit up, all bright and hopeful.
"That sounds incredible," Emily beamed. She rolled onto her back again and bit her lip to hide her huge grin.
Ali stayed on her side, watching Em and feeling satisfaction that she was the one who could make her smile like that. It was easy to look at her. One thing Alison always prided herself on was her ability to pick out the most gorgeous group of friends, inside and out.
Emily's expression changed to a thoughtful one. "I forgot to tell you I looked up that word. The one you told me in class."
"Sirène?" Alison asked for clarification.
"Mhmm," the brunette hummed. Ali waited for her to say something else. Her cheeks were flushed slightly as she peered up at the sky. She must have been too shy or too nervous to elaborate further.
"Well I don't have to explain the connection, Mermaid," Ali said. She looked back at the swimmer and thought of the way she glided through water. Even her hair was like a mermaid's- long and flowing.
Ali propped herself up on one arm so that her face was hovering inches above the other girl, who still looked deep in thought. "Are you gonna tell me what else is going on in that mind of yours?"
Brown eyes watched her curiously. In them Ali could see affection and sincerity, but there was a degree of uncertainty. Like she wasn't quite sure of herself.
"I'm thinking about what you told me at The Brew. You said you wanted to take me and the girls to the lake," Emily answered. "There was a place you wanted to show me. Something that had to be kept secret. I've been thinking a lot about what you could've meant. I think…I think I know what you meant, but I would feel really stupid if I'm wrong."
Ali's heartbeat quickened when she remembered the suggestion she made that day. It was hard to explain her justification for what she wanted to do. Was it bad that she even considered taking her female friend to the Kissing Rock? What did it mean if she found herself thinking that kissing Emily wouldn't be so bad?
Wait. No.
This wasn't about her at all. This was about Emily and her inability to accept herself. She was the one living inside a glass closet, stuck in a cloud of denial. Alison reminded herself that she'd kissed half a dozen guys before most of her peers had gone on a first date. If that didn't scream straight, she didn't know what did. Kissing one girl wouldn't change that. No one would find out. Ali's secrets were never revealed unless she intended for them to be.
And, anyway, this was for Emily. Not her. Only Emily.
She glanced at Emily's lips and covered up her own confusion with a smug smile and a daring look. "Don't overthink it. Trust your own instincts for once. Do what feels right."
Emily's eyes drifted to Alison's lips and the blonde felt her breath get caught in the back of her throat. She hoped Em hadn't noticed the tiny lapse in her confidence. Running her fingers along the girl's tanned cheek, she inched closer.
All she knew was that if Emily didn't close the distance right now, she would end up kissing her anyway, and she would spend the next week attempting to justify that decision to herself.
Luckily, she wouldn't have to.
Emily leaned up and captured her lips, softly, just barely, in a gentle and tentative kiss. They both lingered into it for a few seconds, and Ali could tell Emily was holding back, hesitant to plunge in deeper until she was sure this was okay.
Ali guided her into the kiss, reassuring her that it was fine to be a little less cautious, less chaste. Emily reciprocated, more than Alison expected her to. There were emotions poured into the kiss; feelings free at last after having been repressed for a long, long time. Emily was sharing secrets with her, not through words but through action.
And it was nice. It was the same as kissing a boy, except Em's lips were smoother, and that first-kiss butterfly feeling in the pit of her stomach was something she hadn't felt for a while.
Bushes rattled behind them and both girls pulled away at once. With pounding hearts, they sat up and frantically looked around for any sign of an unwelcome guest. No one was around. At least not in plain sight. All Alison could see was a row of trees on the edge of a still blue lake.
"It was probably just a squirrel. It had to be," Emily told her.
"Let's hope so," Ali said solemnly.
If someone had seen them, it would only take a few texts to destroy her reputation. Especially if that someone turned out to be "A."
May 2009
Alison pried her air vent open and pulled out the antique box stuffed inside. There were an assortment of dolls inside, most of them grotesque. The first had arrived neatly-packaged on her doorstep the day before Halloween. Today she had a new one to add to the collection.
This one had unmistakable blue eyes and blonde curls. The doll could be considered beautiful if it weren't for the bloody wound on the top of its head. Dirt smudges and red stains covered its dress. A thin scroll of paper was tied to its hand.
Ali untied it and pulled the scroll open. It was difficult to read the small lettering, especially since her hands were trembling.
This summer will be one to die for. –A
She quickly threw the message and doll into the secret box and shoved it back into the hiding spot. In the beginning, she'd told herself there was no way a loser who still played with dolls could be dangerous. Now she wasn't so sure.
After the air vent was closed, Alison went to shut her window. She stared out into the dreary weather, trying to feel nothing but feeling all too much. The reflection staring back at her was almost unrecognizable. She was supposed to be composed and alluring, the kind of person everyone wished they could be, but this girl only looked weak and scared. This was the first problem she couldn't weasel her way out of. The thought of being completely powerless was suffocating.
Ali yanked her curtains over the window and angrily wiped away tears that threatened to fall. This freak wasn't going to win. Not a chance in hell.
She heard her door creak open slowly and she just knew it was her brother coming bother her again. "I literally just told you and your stoner buddy to get lost, Jason!" she snapped loudly as she spun around to face him.
But it wasn't Jason or any of his burnout friends. Emily was standing near the door, looking bewildered. "I'm not Jason, but I can leave if you want to be alone."
Ali pressed a hand to her forehead. "No, no, it's fine. You can stay." Even if she wasn't particularly up for having visitors, she knew it was usually better to have someone over when Jason's so-called film crew was right down the hall.
"Okay, good. I don't like you being here alone when your brother's friends are here, anyway," Emily said, parroting Alison's thoughts. She gave the blonde a concerned look.
Alison immediately felt self-conscious. She wished she was wearing something other than yoga pants and a plain blue t-shirt. These were her clothes for moping around the house. Emily probably knew something was up.
"They're not bothering you, are they?" the brunette asked. "You can tell me if they are. I swear, if they even try to lay a finger on you, or look at you the wrong way, I'll go over there and make them regret it."
"Woah there, Em," Ali said, raising an eyebrow in surprise. "That's not necessary, but I appreciate the offer. Protective Emily sounds kind of hot, actually."
Emily blushed at that, of course, and Ali couldn't keep the grin off her face. This felt normal. This felt good. She looked back at her friend, noticing for the first time that her shorts and Rosewood Sharks sweatshirt were soaking wet.
"Did you sprint here in the rain?"
"I rode my bike here from Hanna's house. It started raining on the way," Emily explained, still blushing. "It's no big deal. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Of course I'm okay. There's no reason why I wouldn't be," Ali lied. "So what do you want to do?"
Emily still looked unconvinced for whatever reason, but after Alison was done speaking she perked up. "Well, I actually came over because I have a surprise."
That caught Ali's attention. "Ooh, a surprise?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's not anything too special," the brunette said as she shrugged her drawstring backpack off her shoulders and began digging through it. She pulled out a DVD Alison didn't recognize.
"You know how some people learn a second language by watching a lot of TV? I thought maybe we could do the same thing with movies. I borrowed one from the school library. We can watch it together, if you want. Or we don't have to if you think it's a dumb idea," Emily rambled.
"It's not dumb," Ali told her. "We can watch it in here. You should probably change into some dry clothes first," she said as she walked over to her dresser to pull out some clothes for Emily. While she was leaning down to grab a tank top and a pair of short-shorts that would really good on the swimmer's legs, Ali caught sight of herself in the mirror and noticed her mascara was smeared slightly from rubbing her eyes.
Crap. No wonder Emily kept asking her if she was alright.
She tried her best to wipe away the smeared makeup before turning around to toss the clothes to Emily. The self-conscious feeling was back and she felt the need to explain herself.
"God, I didn't even realize my mascara was messed up. It's probably because I took a nap right before you got here. I really needed one after having to deal with Pigskin and Triple Nipple's bullshit all week long. They don't know their place and it's friggin' exhausting putting up with them."
Emily only nodded politely in her direction and said, "I'm sure everything will work itself out." She looked away from the blonde as she pulled her clothes off and replaced them with the ones Alison had thrown her way. Ali didn't realize she was watching her undress until she had to drop her eyes quickly to avoid being caught.
She put the DVD into the player and plopped on her bed beside the other girl. "Les Demoiselles de Rochefort," Ali read aloud from the title screen. "That translates to 'The Young Girls of Rochefort.' Do you know what the movie's about?"
"Um, the librarian said it was about two girls who want to get out of their little town. I don't know. I kind of picked it randomly," Emily said.
"Sure you did," Ali said, rolling her eyes playfully. Ever since that day at the lake, Emily had been all about learning French because the endgame was getting a ticket to travel to Paris with Alison. Her life had been in rosy hues these past few weeks while Alison's was unraveling with "A" threats. Still, Ali didn't want to ruin it for her. Emily's happiness was innocent and pure. Sometimes even infectious.
Alison leaned back into her pile of pillows and patted the spot beside her, motioning for Emily to come closer. As soon as Emily sat beside her, she rested her head on the girl's shoulder and lazily draped an arm over her midsection. It was something she always did with her friends while watching movies, but somehow it felt different, more intimate, without the other girls here.
With just the two of them here, it was hard to not think about the kiss. The memory of it brought out too many confusing emotions within her, so she quickly chased the thoughts away. It wasn't like she could risk talking about it with Emily, anyway. Not with "A" scrutinizing her every move.
Instead she turned her attention to the film. From the second it started, it became apparent that it was going to be quite possibly the cheesiest musical of all time. Girls danced in large, colorful dresses and sang French songs using vocabulary words that were far beyond Alison's scope of knowledge.
It was fun to pretend she knew what they were saying, because Em thought she was some kind of French prodigy and she couldn't destroy the illusion. Every few minutes, she'd laugh and mumble, "That's so true, isn't it?" Then she'd watch Em furrow her eyebrows and try to figure out what was going on. After a minute the girl would give up and her small, content smile would return.
She had no idea what was happening on screen, but she was still overjoyed to be here, watching it with Alison.
"I have another phrase to teach you," Ali said in the middle of watching the movie, though she'd spent the better part of it watching Em instead. "La vie en rose. It means life in pink, or life through rose-colored glasses. I think it describes your outlook on life, especially considering recent events."
"I think I need another translation," Emily said, looking at her skeptically. "Because if it's about the color pink, I think it describes you more than me."
"No, that's not what I mean," Ali tried to explain herself. "When you look through rose-colored glasses, you see only the good in situations and in people. Some might call it naïve, but I think they're just jealous they can't be the same way. I'd imagine it's a much nicer way to live."
Emily tilted her head and considered it. "That sounds about right. I don't see what's so hard about being positive. Everything is so good right now. Especially considering recent events," she said, stealing the last phrase from Alison. She reached for the blonde's hand and laced their fingers together.
The bedroom felt warmer than it had before. Alison could feel Emily's eyes on her even when she wasn't looking. She knew this conversation was leading up to something, whether it was a serious talk or another kiss. Her stomach was in knots and she couldn't tell whether it was from anticipation or worry.
"Ali…" Emily murmured, and Alison didn't have it in herself to ignore the girl. Maybe others, but not her.
"Yeah, Em?" she asked quietly.
Emily leaned in closer until the two of them were breathing the same air. Before their lips could connect, Alison's phone chimed.
Without a second thought, Ali picked up her phone and shielded it with her hand. These texts were for her eyes only.
Looks like Emily isn't the only one who likes the taste of cherry chapstick. –A
Panic ran through her. Then fury. She wanted to throw her new iPhone against the wall and watch it shatter. She wanted to kick and shriek and cry. Most of all, the wanted to track down whoever was watching her and strangle them until they were gasping for breath and begging for mercy.
But Emily was here, and she couldn't do any of that. All she could do was scowl and fight back angry tears.
The tan skinned girl shifted in her spot. "Who was that?"
"Just some guy," Ali lied, unable to keep the bitter tone out of her voice.
Emily's eyes narrowed. "A guy?"
"Yeah. Why, is that a surprise?"
It wasn't Em's fault. Ali knew that deep down. The poor girl looked completely baffled by the sudden 180 degree twist in the conversation. "I just thought…" she struggled for words, finally looking down in disappointment. "I didn't know you've been talking to guys lately."
"Well, have you broken up with Ben?" Alison shot back. Silence was the only answer she received. "Didn't think so."
Emily pulled her legs up to her chest. "It's different," she said in a tiny voice. "I don't feel anything when I kiss him. I know I need to end it. I just haven't found a way yet. I'm not ready to tell people…"
"That you're gay," Ali finished for her.
"Yeah," she whispered, nearly choking on the word. "What about you?"
Alison crossed her arms. "What about me?" she asked, even though she knew where this was going.
"You kissed me," Emily said bluntly. "Or maybe I kissed you, but you kissed back and you were the one pushing for it to happen. Doesn't that make you at least bisexual?"
With a groan, Ali climbed off of the bed. "It doesn't make me anything. Unlike you, I don't have to hide who I like."
She hadn't meant for the words to sound so cold and biting. The last thing she wanted to do was push Emily to tears.
It took her by surprise when Emily got off the bed and scooped up her bag before walking straight to the door. Before she left, she turned around and said, "If you want me to leave you alone, then fine, but you're not fooling me. I know you're not the person you pretend to be, Alison."
The door slammed behind her and Ali remained frozen in place. The regret inside of her felt like it was physically weighing her down, stopping her from running after the girl.
I know you're not the person you pretend to be, Alison.
Or maybe she was exactly that person. Maybe every piece of good Emily found in her was just another illusion from looking through rose-tinted glasses.
Gotta break things down to build them back up. And since I'm not Marlene King, I actually intend on fixing it ;) Please review. I love reading them :)