Can't Ignore What the Heart Desires

Chapter Two

While Nina was rifling through the contents of her wardrobe her mind was preoccupied with the events of the other night. Her head was full of nothing but Andy. The way he leaned in to kiss her, how his hands explored every inch of her body leaving her hot and extremely aroused. She remembered her fear of the possibility that Sam would have come bursting into the room, but it wasn't enough to stop what eventually happened. Nina knew it was wrong. Everything about what happened was wrong, but the intensity, the emotions that coursed through her body couldn't have been more right. Finally giving in to the hunger that burned within her every time she set her sights on Andy was the best decision she had ever made, but also the worst. Having sex with Andy Brown was like a drug. Once tried, she craved more.

Then Jake came home early and everything was thrown out of proportion again. He came back from L.A. a new man. A determined man and the one thing he wanted was the one thing she knew she couldn't give, not wholeheartedly anyway. He wanted her, he wanted Sam. He wanted the three of them to have a life together and a few years ago Nina Feeney wanted those things, but everything changed when the Brown family moved next door. She let the broken man into her home then into her heart and now into her bed.

What she said to Andy was true, she did love Jake very much, but it was not on the same level as that for Andy. She didn't want to hurt Jake's feelings, but deep down inside she knew there was no denying what was happening. Nina knew she had to talk to Andy before he left for work.

With Sam and Jake out having breakfast at the restaurant she decided this was the best opportunity to have that chat. Grabbing a coat from her closet she then made her way around the back to next door.

Taking a deep breath she knocked. Not a second later a smiling Andy appeared at the door, jacket on and bag slung over his shoulder. His eyes noticeably softened as they gazed her up and down.

"This is a nice surprise. I was going to drop in before heading into work. I guess you saved me the trip."

"Jake came home early," was all she could say and his smile faltered slightly. "Can I come in?"

"Er…yeah sure," and he moved slightly to one side as she made her way in and straight to the coffee like she did many mornings in the past. However, this time it was out of nervous anticipation than a necessity.

Once closing the door, Andy placed his bag down by the table and made his way over to Nina who still had her back to him, fidgeting around with making two cups of coffee.

"Is Delia in?"

"Erm, no. She's over at Brittany's painting nails." She simply grunted for a reply. "Are you okay Nin?"

Nothing could be heard except the clattering around of teaspoons against cups.

"Nina?"

"Yesterday shouldn't have happened," she snapped and finally turned around to a frowning Andy. "What I have with Jake…he loves me, he loves Sam. It could work, he wants it to work. He's putting us first instead of the business. He's in it for the long haul."

"Marriage?"

"Maybe."

"But I thought…"

"It's amazing what one flight can do," she falsely chuckled. "Andy," she took a deep breath before continuing. "I want to give it a go with Jake. He's loyal, smart, friendly..."

"You make him sound like a puppy," Andy huffed, placing his hands on his hips while Nina just glared at him. "Alright, okay, if you want marriage I can do that. Want more kids? I can do that too…"

"What a romantic proposition, Andy. Thank you!"

"All that I'm saying is that it doesn't have to be Jake to give you them. You have other options standing right in front of you."

"Oh do stop Dr. Brown, I don't know how much more of this romantic gesture I can take."

"For goodness sake Nina, I'm twice the man he'll ever be!"

"With twice the ego by the sounds of it!"

"Come on Nina! Are you really suggesting you'd be happier living with that twelve-year-old whose one mission in life is to blind everyone with that smile of his? He doesn't belong here in Everwood. Him jetting off to L.A. every five minutes must tell you that. If you're not careful, before you know it you'll have a one way ticket to the land of sun, sea and sandy beaches."

"Maybe it's time for a change."

"You can't be serious…"

"There's a lot more out there to explore and Jake's the perfect opportunity to do so. Maybe it's time for me to spread my wings and finally leave my nest."

"Nina…"

"No, you were right the first time. We were just going through a rough patch and now that everything's back on track I think it's time to move forward." She walked over to him with a hesitant smile. "Thanks Andy for being there when I needed you, I'd better let you get to work, don't want to keep those patients waiting," and with that she placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and was out the door without another word, leaving behind a shocked and slightly confused man.

All morning Andy's mind was anywhere but with his patients. Last night and everything Nina said that morning kept on playing around and around in his head like a stuck record. He couldn't escape. Every time a patient walked into his office he was hoping it to be Nina coming to tell him that she was wrong and that it wasn't Jake she wanted but him. Harold popped in asking if he wanted a coffee and his mind jumped to the many times Nina sat perfectly situated in his kitchen pouring herself a cup. He was pondering on a complicated situation with one of his patients and wished Nina was there to discuss it with him. Everything was Nina, Nina, Nina! Come half eleven he had had enough and decided to bite the bullet and head over to Sam's to sort it out, but all he found was an absent Nina and instead walked out accomplishing nothing more than buying a cup of coffee.

As he crossed the road, Delia and Brittany came hurtling towards him on their bikes in a state of panic. At first he was worried about their or somebody else's safety until they started blabbering on about how Thalia's birthday party was the same day as Delia's bat mitzvah and how they should change the bat mitzvah, but Andy pointed out they couldn't so suggested that Thalia should move the date of her party instead, then a load of fuss was kicked up and to be honest, Andy wasn't exactly in the right frame of mind to be dealing with that level of stress. Nina would know what to do. Ah! Once again!

In the end he left behind a disappointed daughter as he made his way back to work, which was rather pointless as he knew he was only going to sit in his chair and ponder on how to win Nina back. It was a lost cause really.

By the end of the day Andy found himself the one place he knew he would be. In Nina's house discussing the situation with Delia over a cup of coffee. However, the one thing he didn't count on was for Jake to be there. There was no way he would be able to have that private conversation they desperately needed. Well, a conversation Andy so desperately needed. From Nina's 'back to normal attitude', it's like the previous evening and this morning never happened. How could she be so blasé about it? was the constant question streaming through his mind.

"That's awful. Poor Delia," said Nina.

"I knew Thalia was trouble the minute I heard that squeaky voice talking about carbs and MTV."

"She sounds like the devil to me." Nina smiled that devilish smile Andy loved to see. It never failed in producing a witty response from him.

"Hey, you know there is a flu going around. Maybe…"

"Maybe there's a solution that doesn't involve germ warfare."

"Well, I'm open to suggestions."

"Well," Jake butted in, to the annoyance of Andy. "It seems pretty simple. Kids just want to be part of the coolest thing out there, right? Just make sure that Delia's party is so cool that no kid could turn it down."

He really has no clue about kids does he? thought Andy. Does Nina really want Sam to be taught the ways of life by this guy?

"I'm not sure that I want to teach Delia she can buy her way out of a problem with a bigger name." I don't want her to end up like me thinking popularity gets you everything.

"Exactly. Can you imagine what she'd expect at her sweet sixteen?" replied Nina.

With any luck, you'll be around to guide her. Andy's thoughts were on a roll.

"Why don't you talk to Thalia's mum?" Nina carried on. "Once you explain the significance of a bat mitzvah, I'm sure she'd consider moving Thalia's party. You just have to be reasonable."

"I don't know. I tend to get a little pushy when I don't get my way."

Don't I know it, sprung to Nina's mind. Oh Andy, don't look at me that way. For once you can't have everything you want.

"I'd hate to ruin Delia's junior-high-school experience."

Then before she could think of what her suggestion could insinuate, she blurted out, "I'll go with you." Shit, I vowed to myself to not get so involved with Andy's life and here's me jumping in at the deep end. This is really going to help me to keep my feelings at bay! Oh well, can't back out now. "I'm pretty good at keeping my cool. Plus mums love me."

"Really?" said Andy and Jake at the same time. The former being hopeful while the latter was more classed as being surprised.

"Yes, absolutely, and then we'd have the ganging-up effect as well, which is, you know, works." And she turned her attention towards Jake. "Right babe?"

"What? Errr, yeah, yeah."

"Right," replied Nina with a satisfied smile on her face as she looked back towards Andy. I can do this. Andy and I are nothing more than close friends. That's all I'm doing, helping out a dear friend.

"Well thanks, Nina. You're really performing a mitzvah here. That's Hebrew for 'good deed.'"

The chuckle that followed warmed Andy's insides and the urge to kiss that smile became unbearable. If only we were alone…but the heated glare coming from the younger doctor was an unbearable reminder of the barrier in the way to win Nina's heart.

"Right then, let's go and talk to the devil princess's mother."

"So, you can see my point. A bat mitzvah is an important milestone in a young woman's life and it just wouldn't be the same for Delia if Thalia weren't there."

"No, it certainly wouldn't. Thalia's a very special girl," said her mother in her annoying prim and proper, patronising voice.

"Yes," replied Andy while forcibly grinning like an idiot. "So you'll move the party?"

"I sympathise with you, Dr. Brown, and I suppose I could move Thalia's party, but then what kind of message would that send? That your daughter is more important than mine? That seems rather unfair."

The tension in the room was so tight there was no room for manoeuvre and with Andy's leg brushing up against Nina's, it wasn't difficult for him to discern the stiffening of her thigh as her anger grew. With that and the 'pissed off' expression clearly shown across her face, he knew that sooner or later Nina would explode. Andy had to round up the discussion before it got that far. Delia definitely would not thank him for that.

"I'm not sure you're getting the point. This is a once-in-a-lifetime event for my daughter. Delia has studied for months for this day and it's very important that her friends be there."

"Then perhaps you should consider moving the event if means that much to Delilah."

I can't believe the cheek of this woman! Screamed inside both of their heads, but it was Nina who finally gave into her frustration.

"It's Delia. And how many times do we have to explain? It can't be moved. It's a rite of passage, not a party."

"I think we're done here. Why don't we just let the kids decide which one they'd rather go to?"

"Give me a break. Ashlee Simpson versus Cantor Fordis? Where do you think they'll want to go?"

Oh, no, she's going to explode!

"You can't blame me for that," argued the snotty nosed mother. "I think the problem here is that we just have different styles of parenting."

"Oh, you are a piece of work. I can see where her daughter gets her brat gene."

And she's finally gone.

Andy reached out and patted her on the hand in an attempt to calm her down. "Steady, Nina," but he knew that when she was on a roll there was no way of stopping her. Past experience has taught him that.

"I think you should leave now," demanded the mother as she went to stand.

Not one to back down once her hackles were up, Nina was right there fighting fire with fire. "What are you going to do? Call Ashlee's bodyguards to throw me out? I'm so scared. Bring it on, sweater set!"

"And now it's time to go," and Andy grabbed hold of her hand and practically dragged her out of the house before another word was said.

Once they were on the pathway and back in the car Andy deemed it safe to speak.

"That was quite a passionate display back there. Remind me never to get on the wrong side of you again."

"What was I supposed to do? She was belittling you and Delia in there while you just sat there and took it."

"As much as I appreciate you defending us in there, I don't think having a full blown slagging match was going to get us anywhere."

"We have to do something, Andy. I can't bear to see Delia disappointed."

Andy couldn't help but smile.

As she turned to see why he was so quiet she caught the adoring look. "What?"

"Nothing," he chuckled.

"No, go on."

"It's just," he sighed. "You, defending us in there like a protective mother. It felt right. You feel right."

"Andy…"

"I know what you said, Nina, and I understand your decision, but is it the right one? You fighting my corner must mean something."

"I was only a friend doing…"

"Stop saying that. You know what we have, this connection, is more than just a friendship, it just took me too long to realise that." He looked up and gazed deeply into her eyes. "But am I too late?" His hand slowly moved to caress her cheek, his thumb delicately glided over her cheekbone. "Is there still hope?"

A watery smile lifted the corners of her mouth, but she said nothing, only turned to kiss the palm of his hand then turned away to look out of the window, breaking their contact. Unsure what that action meant, Andy started the engine and took them home wherein they departed more confused than before.

For reasons out of control, Nina couldn't stop herself thinking of ways to help the Browns out with the Delia problem, and unfortunately that also meant it overshadowed her and Jake's relationship, even though she was unaware that was the case. She became so enthusiastic in fixing Andy's difficult situations she blanked everything else.

"We need to figure out how to make Delia's bat mitzvah the place to be," she started as she went about getting ready in something comfortable for movie night. "Do you know anybody at Apple? Maybe we could give out Nanos as party favours."

"I don't even have a Nano," said Jake from the other room. "I thought that buying your way out of problems is not what we want to teach the children."

"Well, screw the lesson. I want revenge." Her enthusiasm knew no bounds. "I want Delia's party to kick ass."

"But I thought it wasn't a party. I thought it was a rite of passage."

By now Jake lost all patience with this. It was constantly Delia this and Delia that and when she wasn't on about the bloody bat mitzvah it was Andy. He had had enough of the Brown family.

"Are you trying to annoy me right now? Because I'm already at nine here."

"Yeah, I can sense that. I'm just not sure I understand why."

"Because that woman was horrible."

"But why do you care so much? When you think about it, it's not really your problem. It's not like the Browns are your family."

"Well, in a way, they are."

"Yeah, but they're actually not. I know they feel like they are, but you have a family already. There's got to be a line, right?"

"What does that mean?"

"It means that feeling bad for Delia is one thing. Marching over to some woman's house with Andy is another." He pointedly gazed at her reflection through the mirror. "He's not your husband."

There. That was the fundamental thing. Nina knew Jake was right, she was overstepping her boundaries, but Andy has helped her many times before, she was only returning the favour, right? Even as she tried to explain her reasons to herself, the truth was staring her in the face. She was acting as if Andy was her husband, but the thing was, it felt like the natural course of action. Every interaction with Andy felt like the natural way of things and if that was what she felt, then why was she still with Jake?

"And did you ever even think about how it might make me feel? Especially knowing how you used to feel about him, how he used to feel about you."

And now came the guilt. "You're totally right." She swivelled around to face her boyfriend. "I am so sorry, Jake. I didn't even think. You know there's nothing going on, right?" Was the last for my benefit or his?

"Yeah, I know that."

"Okay," she sighed.

"I trust you." I'm glad someone does. I don't think I can trust myself anymore when it comes to Andy.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she caught the expression on Jake's face.

"What?" he just stared. "Tell me."

"It's nothing." She gave him a pointed look. "It seems like since I got back from L.A. things have been a little off between us. Am I crazy?"

"Yes, you're crazy." She said a little too hastily. "Come on."

"Okay," and he leaned in and pecked her lips then walked into the bathroom leaving Nina with her troubled thoughts.

What am I going to do?

As Nina, Jake and Sam were preparing ice cream to eat while watching a movie, the doorbell rang.

"I got it," she cried.

"Okay. Hey, Sam, did you feel that? I think it might be snowing," and he dropped a load of marsh mellows over Sam's head, which not only made them laugh, but also Nina. "Gotcha."

"Food fight," Nina heard her son scream as she walked into the hallway to answer the door.

"Hey," Andy greeted as he stepped inside, all smiles and warmth which instantly made Nina's stomach do summersaults. Yep, still has the same damn effect on me. "I think I finally have the perfect idea for Delia's party." Oh god, no. "Put on coffee, we're going to have a strategy session."

"Actually, I can't right now. We're about to watch a movie."

She watched his face as it saddened fractionally. "It's movie night, I forgot. I'm sorry to interrupt." Then it brightened as an idea popped into his head. "Tell you what, come by tomorrow morning. I'll get that cake you love and we can hammer this out. We haven't got a lot of time left."

Nina hated what she was about to do, but she knew that if she had any chance of making things work with Jake she had to go through with it. It's like that saying, 'You've got to be cruel to be kind.'

"Actually, I have to go to the office early tomorrow. I got paperwork."

Andy understood what she was trying to do, but that didn't stop the pain from stabbing at his heart. "Well, that's okay, I understand."

"I'm really sorry, Andy." She hated what she was doing to him.

"No, no, it's fine." He knew when he was fighting a lost battle. "I can figure this out on my own. I'll see you later, Nin," and with a dispassionate smile he turned to leave.

"See you later, Andy."

Nina closed the door behind him, but as she stood there forcing herself to believe she had made the right decision, Andy's crestfallen expression jumped to the forefront of her mind and without a second thought she quickly chased after him. If she had turned around at that moment she would have seen the disappointment radiating from Jake.

She stepped into the cool night air and frantically peered around her surroundings until she spotted him making his way back up his steps.

"Andy! Wait," and she ran barefooted across the grass and towards the bemused man standing on his porch with his hands in his pockets.

"Aren't you going to miss the beginning of the movie?"

"That can wait for a minute." She took a step closer. "Back then, I didn't mean to push you away."

"I know that Nina, I forgot it was movie night tonight and as for tomorrow morning, I understand, you're busy with work and Jake…"

"I want to help, I really do, but earlier on Jake pointed out some home truths and what I'm doing, what I did at Thalia's house…I shouldn't have come with you. I'm hurting Jake and that's the last thing I want to do."

"I understand…"

"That's the thing. You don't, not really." She took a step closer to him and almost gasped at the picturesque image the porch light glow created as is flittered across his face. "How can I expect you to understand when…when I don't understand myself?"

"Nina?"

"Okay," Nina took a deep breath then locked eyes with Andy. "The thing is, Jake represents everything that I want in a long term relationship. He's handsome, financially secure, fun, great with Sam, caring, romantic, full of life and I do love him. He makes me smile. Then there's you."

"But…"

"No, wait, let me finish. Jake's everything that I wish for, but you, Andy Brown, are everything that I want. Okay, so you are also financially secure, fun and great with Sam…"

"What about handsome?" he smiled.

Her face lit up. "Even with that beard, yes, you are incredibly handsome, but in your own way. The thing is, is that Jake may make me feel giddy inside each time I see him, but you do that and so much more. You are more. More to me. I've relied on your relationship to get me through the tough times. You were there through my pregnancy with another woman's child when my husband should have been there, to the eventual divorce of said husband. We've been through a lot since you arrived in this little town. Our relationship is special to me and I don't want Jake to destroy that. To destroy us."

She went that final step to breach the gap, breaking eye contact momentarily and now only inches separated them. She could feel his warm breath fan her face. Her hand came up to absentmindedly stroke the fabric of his opened coat.

After gaining a bit of courage it took all her strength to peer back up to the face of the man she has wanted for so long.

"I…" but she never did get to finish that sentence as Andy gave into the need to kiss her with everything he had. He wanted to take her breath away.

She clung to everything he gave and passionately responded. The way his lips danced over hers was pure magic. She wanted to touch more, taste more, feel more, but eventually the need for oxygen won out and they breathlessly pulled apart, foreheads rested against one another's.

"I…" she attempted to regain her breathing. "I know what I'm about to say has already been said, but, this is my turn." She moved slightly away so she could look him in the eye. "I…I don't know if what I'm doing is brave or just selfish, but one thing I know for certain is that you would be the greatest choice I could ever make."

The smile that illuminated his face stole her breath once more.