I thought the Joker had a lot of nerve walking right into the kitchen full of all the mob dudes he stole from, but I had even more nerve to then go meet him after the kitchen had been emptied.
Now, the Batman has his mask, the Joker has his makeup, but I have my illusions.
Ever since I was a teenager, I've had these, uh, talents. My ability to cast illusions into people's minds is just one of them. I don't really know where they came from, I just had these powers one day. Maybe it's a gift from God, or maybe I'm some kind of demon spawn. Maybe I'm the long lost child of Professor X and Storm.
No matter the reason, my powers have helped make me who I am, and I was going to use them in my meeting with the Joker.
With my illusions, I can make myself appear as anything I want. I keep my identity a secret this way, changing my face all the time. (Sometimes I like to change my hair to pink like Tonks.) However, this time, I wanted the Joker to see my real face.
I stepped up behind him and politely said, "Hello."
He then greeted my with a knife to my throat and shoved my back against the wall.
"Do you always introduce yourself with a knife, or am I special?" I asked with a snarky grin even though his hand was squeezing my neck.
He smiled a little, but did not loosen his grip on me. So, I used lightning to make him let go. Let me explain. Now don't freak out or anything, but one of those "talents" I mentioned earlier is the ability to control the weather, which includes being able to absorb electricity into my body.
I released some of that electricity on the Joker, making him stumble back a little bit. Apparently getting shocked by lightning was funny to him because he was laughing.
"Is something funny?" I asked, crossing my arms.
"I think you're a long way gone from the Pride Parade," he said, gesturing to the rainbow cloak I wore.
"Said the man in the purple and green suit."
He gave tugged at the lapels of his suit and gave a bit of a shrug. And I made an attempt to peek into his mind. See, I wasn't kidding when I said I was like a child of Professor X.
For me to get a full reading on his mind, I would have to touch his skin. After getting a little glimpse, I wanted to see more, though not all at once. All at once might drive me to insanity, well even more insanity than I have now.
In that little glimpse, I found something very potent, everything in disarray, something chaotic. I thought it best to leave his mind alone for now, as to not provoke the beast within. "Let me cut to the chase here: it's my understanding that you're seeking a certain masked vigilante in the form of a flying mammal."
He raised an eyebrow in interest.
"Wouldn't it be easy to vanquish the Batman if you knew who he was under that mask?"
He made no response, but instead, stared me down and licked his lips, circling me like a predator would before a kill. I knew he wanted me to keep speaking so he could scrutinize me, see if I was worthy to live or more useful to him dead.
"I could easily find out. All I have to do is touch him. maybe even less. I'd just have to get close to him like I did to you...Mr. Napier."
His eyes lit up like fire. He gave me no chance, no time before he struck. I dodged his knife by inches and used an illusion of invisibility over myself.
He gave a puzzled look and scanned the room for something else he could use as a weapon. He slowly made his way over to one of the stoves in the kitchen and turned on the gas, letting it fill the air. He then smashed off the switch so I couldn't turn it off.
"Clever," I said. He stood in front of the only door out of the kitchen. Now stunning him wasn't an option. I was afraid the lightning might spark a flame in all the gas.
The smell of the gas was becoming noticeable and I had to do something fast before we both passed out... something fun.
I created a vivid, detailed illusion in his mind. The kitchen transformed into a rainforest. He seemed a bit surprised, but not as much as most people when they see these visions. Perhaps hallucinating was normal for him. "We can escape this place. We can go anywhere we want." I then changed the jungle scene into lavish hotel room. While he was distracted, I hurriedly pulled a small knife from his pocket.
"Good trick. Why don't I show you some of mine?" Apparently, by "trick" he meant "knife" because he threw one at me, and I was able to dodge it.
I threw the knife I had right back at him. He dodged: exactly what I wanted him to do. He had to move out of the way of the door, which I slipped through to breath the untainted air on the other side.
The Joker said "Like a little cat and mouse game!" as he followed me out of the kitchen. He burst into laughter and pulled out a gun, but before he could raise it, I threw more lightning at him, a more damaging amount this time. He stumbled a bit at leaned on the wall for support. I snatched another knife from him.
I stabbed him in his side with his own knife, but just barely deep enough to do any lasting damage. "So what are you going to do? There's a 500 thousand dollar reward for your head. What am I going to do? I could collect that money myself if I just put this knife a little deeper."
"You ask a lot of questions. I like to just live in heat of the moment." He quickly waved a lighter from his pocket and threw the tiny flame into the room full of gas.
We were knocked to the ground by the force of the blast, but were otherwise unharmed. I had pulled in snowy air from outside instantly after the explosion knocked down a wall. See? I told you I was like Storm.
And Jesus! He's as crazy as they say. I certainly did not expect that, but I quickly learned that with the Joker, you must expect the unexpected. And I decided to throw the unexpected right back at him. A chessboard lying on the floor caught my eye.
"Mr. Napier, would you like to play chess?" I've learned that one of the best ways to study a person is to play chess with that person.
"Sure, we've got time. The building's only crashing in flames around us," he replied.
"We'll be quick. And I can help with the fire part." I made the rain patter down on what was left on the roof.
We sat down and set up the board. He made the first move. Although many of his moves were hasty, he still caught a good portion of my long thought-out tricks before I could execute them. I noticed how he was unafraid to sacrifice certain pieces to achieve a greater goal.
Though I swear that I did not once use my mind reading abilities against him during the game, I was the first to call "check." He quickly moved his king to safety.
Finally, when we decided there was too much rubble falling around us, we left. We tried to squeeze in a few last moves and cut the time close when we escaped the building. Unfortunately, a piece of the ceiling fell on top of the chessboard and we were unable to save it.
"Well that was fun. Hasta luego," I said. And I disappeared from his sight with an illusion. We never finished the game.