Chapter 2

She opened the door. And then she stared at the man on her doorstep, she had never seen him before, yet he was looking at her intently, as if she ought to know him, or at least know what he was about to say.

"Yes?" she said, feeling slightly unnerved.

The man looked back at her hesitating, and he was not looking her up and down despite her skimpy clothing, he was just staring at her face and she wasn't sure if she ought to be glad about that or not - a stranger was on her doorstep, staring at her, and a crazy thought shot through her head that if she had a stalker, he was certainly an attractive one so perhaps she ought to be flattered… He was tall with greying hair and striking eyes, certainly handsome for an older guy, something she didn't want to think too much about, because he was a total stranger and still standing there saying nothing and staring at her face…

"Can I help you?" she asked cautiously.

He leaned against the frame of the open door, looking right at her and leaning a little closer. She caught a scent of cologne and her eyes briefly switched from his face to the open neck of the shirt he wore beneath a blue suit jacket.

She even liked the smell of him, and that thought made her face flush.

He was still staring at her.

"I said, can I help you?" she asked again.

He drew in a slow breath and his eyes were still fixed on hers.

"Ace," he said, "It's me. It's the Doctor."

Now it was her turn to stare back at him. He had spoken with a Scottish accent, reminding her of the Professor. But clearly, this was not the Professor…

"What?" she said in a hushed voice, "No…You're not the Doctor, not the Professor –"

"No, not now, not in this time and place, not in the true sense of the word, to you I'm a future regeneration," he told her, "I know my seventh incarnation dropped you off here for a few days, so you could spend some time at home – he was in the habit of doing that. I also know you used to work as a waitress - I met you in Iceworld on Svartos. To you it was a handful of earth years ago but to me, much time has gone by, so much time…"

He straightened up, ran his fingers through his hair and drew in a sharp breath as a wave of emotion hit him without warning. He saw doubt in her eyes and he didn't want to dig too deep for the memories, because memories so far back, covered over by time, always hurt to pull out sharply, because they played over and over like yesterday when he let them loose.

"I am the Doctor!" he insisted, "Please don't doubt me…let me prove it…"

Ace looked at him warily.

"If you're the Doctor you would know I own a baseball bat. And I keep it close where ever I go. So you'd better tell me the truth, because I know the Professor won't be back for two days…who are you really?"

Her tone had been accusing.

He searched his mind for proof, and then he snapped his fingers.

"I've got it! Listen to me –"

"There's nothing you can say to convince me!" she said sharply, "You're not the Doctor! Get off my doorstep. I won't warn you again!"

And she reached behind the door and pulled out a metal baseball bat.

"I don't know who or what you really are," she said, "But I can more than handle taking you on…if it's the Doctor you're after, he's not here!"

And her grip on the bat tightened.

For a moment he dropped his gaze, searching to find the memory.

And then he looked at her intently and began to speak.

"I told you there are worlds out there where the sky is burning."

All aggression melted from her eyes as she continued to stare at him.

"And the sea's asleep and the rivers dream…"

She drew in a slow breath.

"People made of smoke," he said, "And somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, and somewhere else the tea's getting cold…"

And Ace dropped the bat as tears ran down her face.

She knew she had started to sob and then he had his arms around her, holding her protectively as she wept and wondered why she was weeping.

"It is me," he said softly, "I swear to you, I'm the Doctor."

She drew in a shaken breath and looked up at him.

Ace blinked and took in another breath and didn't want him to let go, but they were standing on her doorstep and he was holding her and she felt as if she was home, like home was in his arms, where ever he was in time and space, what ever face he wore – he was her harbour from the storms of life, he was her safety, her rock…

She let go of him and wiped her eyes, stepping back and taking control of her emotions, at least on the surface.

"Come in," she whispered, and he crossed the threshold and she closed the door, said nothing and led him through to the front room, where she sat down heavily, still fighting to hold back tears as she wondered again why she wanted to cry.

The Doctor sat beside her on the sofa, gave her a moment to calm herself and then he spoke up.

"You don't know why you're crying, but I do and think you'll work it out for yourself in a minute. Just give it some thought."

And she turned and looked at him with that old familiar expression that told him she felt patronised.

"You're still treating me like a kid! Making me learn…I just…I don't understand and I'm heartbroken and…"

She blinked away tears and then drew in a breath and as she looked at him again, he saw it in her eyes: she had it now.

"Of course I'm upset," she whispered, "Because you're who he becomes. That means one day I lose him. Am I right?"

He tried to hide it but his thoughts were back in his seventh incarnation and their final goodbye when Ace had no clue he was not coming back for her, he thought about it and then banished the thought, but it was too late – she had seen it in his eyes.

"Oh no I am right!" she said tearfully, "He's going to die!"

He waved his hand dismissively.

"No, no Ace - it's not quite like that. I regenerate. I only die in the sense that my old self is replaced with a new version – essentially I'm still me. But regeneration can temporarily wipe memories and sometimes they don't come back for a long time…a very long time… one day you will part with him, he simply won't come back. I can't say he never would have come back if the circumstances had been different, but he died traumatically and then he forgot you for a long time."

And then he frowned.

"Maybe that's why I'm here, because I remembered you… perhaps it's taken all this time, all these regenerations…"

"How many times have you regenerated?" she asked in a shocked voice.

"I'm number twelve," he replied, "My seventh life was a long time ago."

Ace was still shaken.

"He dies traumatically? What's that supposed to mean?"

"He will die," he replied, "But it doesn't happen yet."

And she put her face in her hands and cried again.

The Doctor gave a sigh and shook his head; this was not going well. He wondered if perhaps he had said too much, but then he guessed that he would get nowhere if he didn't share at least some of the facts with her.

"I can't really tell you any more about his death," he added, "Well, I say death but it's not the end, as you can see because I'm right here. He won't always be around, Ace. That's why I came to see you."

Ace wiped her eyes again and blinked away more tears.

"I don't understand," she said in a shaken voice, "You say he dies one day – and you're here, so that means he's going to regenerate anyway and I can't stop it from happening –"

"You can't argue with time," he told her, and then a sparkle came to his eyes.

"But you can change some of it. That is why I'm here, to put right something that didn't happen, that should have happened."

She looked at him intently.

"What should have happened?"

And he drew in a deep breath and hoped for the best as he tried to set her destiny on an altered course.

"Do you love him?" he asked her, "Because he loves you. He won't come out and say it, but he does."

Her jaw dropped and then she flipped her long brown hair off her face and stared at him.

"No he doesn't!"

She sounded shocked.

"He does," he promised her, "I know, you think I wouldn't know? I was him, I can remember the ache in both his hearts every time he looked at you, Ace! It didn't happen at first, it was slow, it started to burn brighter and brighter as he saw you for the woman you'd become and he just couldn't say it to you. And he never did."

Then he briefly smiled.

"Please change this, because I've had enough painful memories in my lives and I could do with losing a few of them."

She fell silent as she thought of the Professor, and then her heart ached just as it always did as she thought of his face and his smile and his voice and the way his eyes sparkled.

"I do love him," she whispered, "Perhaps I always have. I've known it for sure for a long time, more than two years. But he won't cross that line and if I pushed it I could lose him."

"One day you'll lose him anyway."

"I can't stop it from happening?"

"No, but you can make the most of the time you have. It just takes a moment of courage. There are more living beings walking, flying and slithering around the galaxies with regret in their hearts than I can count. There's a lot of broken hearts out there. You don't have to join them."

"But I can't," she said quietly, "I just can't do that, he would never forgive me. He would be so angry."

Mischief sparkled in his eyes.

"I know him better than you do. Believe me when I say he would be angry, very angry…right before he kissed you, and then he would turn that anger into something else. You probably wouldn't even make it to the bedroom, my bet is you'd end up somewhere between here and just beyond the living room door, most likely consummating your love on the hallway carpet –"

"Doctor!"

He laughed softly and his eyes sparkled again.

"Or perhaps if it happened in the Tardis, he might just have you on the floor by the console. I hope he doesn't knock himself out on the controls while he's at it. I could be rather clumsy at times back then. But I know I would have had you on the floor and that's not coming from me, it's me recalling him."

She knew she was blushing as she smiled.

"Not coming from you at all?"

"No," he said, and briefly looked away towards the net curtains that shifted in the breeze, because he hated lying to one who had been so close to him in another life, and he also knew she was good at spotting lies and he didn't want to get caught out.

Ace smiled again and felt her sadness fading away. Everything he had just said had pushed aside her fears for the future as she thought of the possibility that something could change.

"I don't know…it sounds like a big risk to take."

"The Ace I recall was unafraid of risk."

She shook her head.

"But I couldn't risk losing him."

"But eventually, you lose him anyway."

The Doctor had made a statement that brought tears to her eyes again as she thought about an outcome that couldn't be changed.

She got up from the sofa and walked over to the window, pulling the net curtain aside to take in some sweet summer air as she tried to clear her head.

"I wish you wouldn't say that. Don't remind me. I'll think about it every time I look at him."

His hand was on her shoulder. She had not heard him get up but now he was standing behind her as the breeze blew in and carried with it the scent of summer, his hand was resting lightly on her and the more she thought about it, the more she wished he would keep it there, because he was not the Professor, but he was still the Doctor, just in a future form and his touch was a great comfort as she thought of how the Professor was destined to die.

"What's the point of trying for more than I have now if I lose him anyway?" she asked quietly, and she turned her head, and met with the gaze of the Twelfth Doctor and he answered her honestly.

"I have a Tardis," he said, "I can go anywhere, any time – and time is mine to play with because I'm a Timelord. But you're human. For you time travels one way only – onwards. Don't waste a minute of it, life can be short."

Ace drew in a sharp breath, shivering as that chill shifted over her flesh once more.

"I had a strange feeling before you knocked on the door," she said in a hushed voice, "Something about me dying young…it made me go cold to my bones."

The Doctor guessed Ace must have picked up on his thoughts as he approached the house - perhaps because she was so closely linked to his Seventh incarnation, and now another… she had sensed the future, albeit for a brief moment.

"Why?" she was asking him, "Why would I think such a scary thought?"

And the Doctor shrugged.

" I have no idea," he replied, "But I do think you ought to tell your Professor how you feel, just remember the time you still have together and how it could be so different. I don't know what else to say to you."

"I think you do." Her voice hardened as she met his gaze.

He knew that look – it took him back to another life as he recalled how determined Ace could be when she wanted answers.

"I'm not being like him. I'm not hiding anything from you, I'm not trying to make you feel shut out!"

"Then tell me something," she said, "When does the Professor die?"

And the Doctor's eyes widened as he thought about the risk he would run if he told her everything. That kind of knowledge could rip apart the future…

Silence hung between them as she fixed him with determination blazing in her eyes.

And the Doctor felt caught out and started to wish he had never listened to the pain in his twin hearts and come back here, beckoned by nostalgia and the ache for an old, unrequited love.

"You know I can't tell you that," he said in a low voice, "It's too much information and could prove dangerous. One day he leaves you behind and on his travels he will die and regenerate and the death is traumatic. I can't tell you why or when. I can't risk the timeline like that."

"Of course you can't, you're just like him - holding back from me!" she said bitterly, and she turned away and walked out of the room.

The Doctor stood alone as the summer breeze blew the nets and he gave a heavy sigh.

Coming back here had stirred up memories of a lifetime lived long ago. Much had happened in between, but being here in Perivale and seeing her face, being close enough to catch the scent of her skin, was enough to stir up old longings that he knew he had no place thinking about.

Then he heard a door slam, and he left the front room and walked up the hallway.

"Ace?"

"Go away!"

Her voice had sounded loud and clear from behind her closed bedroom door.

He stood outside and knocked politely.

"I came back here to help. And I don't appreciate you locking a door to shut me out. I an easily remove the hinges, I have a sonic screwdriver…but I'm pretty certain a practical girl like you has a regular screwdriver somewhere around here and that would so do the job just as well. Open the door or I'm taking it down!"

There was a brief pause, and then the lock slid back and Ace opened the door. She glared at him as their eyes met.

"How can you tell me he dies and then refuse me the rest of the details? I have to know!"

"You should be thankful I bothered to come back here and tell you anything," he said sharply, "I didn't have to do it. I could have ignored you and –"

"What? Ignored me, what does that mean?"

And the Doctor knew at once he had been foolish to think anything got past Ace; the girl missed nothing.

"I sensed you through time and space and then I remembered you clearly, that's all you need to know and that is all I can explain."

The look in his eyes hardened.

"There is no more to explain, Ace. So shut up about the future and think about precious time you have now. Use it wisely."

Her eyes widened.

"Wisely? Because I can't have it back when it's gone?"

"Correct."

She left the door open and went back into the bedroom, taking a seat on a small sofa by the window.

The Doctor followed her in and sat beside her, but she just turned her head and looked out at the view of the garden beyond.

"I think of him all the time when he's not with me," she said softly, and in that moment the Doctor knew he had taken a step closer to the truth that lie in her heart; her tone had been soft, reminding him how she had often hid behind a brash exterior in the early days of their travels back in his Seventh life, but as he got to know her, those wall had come tumbling down and he had seen the real Ace, and this was who he was seeing now – the girl with the dreamy eyes touched by sadness that spoke in soft tones as she watched the lower limbs of a weeping willow dip into a pond at the bottom of the garden, that was the real Ace…

"How does he die?" she said in a hushed voice, keeping her sights fixed on the bottom of the garden.

"You know I can't tell you that."

"But he's not alone, tell me he doesn't die alone."

And the Doctor said nothing in reply.

Ace turned back to him, and tears streaked her face again.

"He's all alone when it happens? No one told hold him, to be there for him?"

He looked into her eyes and all the longing that had belonged far off in an old lifetime filled his hearts unbearably.

"Ace, I remember everything. This is difficult for me…"

She caught hold of his hand and gripped it tightly and he fought back tears as his hearts raced at how familiar her touch had become, so familiar in a way that made him ache for everything he had not been able to say in another lifetime.

"Of course it is," she said as her tears stopped flowing, "Because you are him. You are the Professor, you used to be him, and a part of you is still him -"

"Part of all my lives stay with me," he replied, prising his hand from her grip, "And this isn't about me. I'm regeneration number Twelve. Life number Seven was a long time ago. Don't get too fond of me, Ace. I'm not the one you want."

And then he fell silent as a heavy sense of guilt began to weigh down his twin hearts:

Perhaps this was about him, perhaps it had been from the moment he had heard her call the name of his old regeneration – stirring up memories long buried, making him feel he had unfinished business here…

But if that was the case, he wasn't going to tell her.

That thought made him wonder if a part of his Seventh life still lingered about inside him, because he was certainly manipulating everything, and Ace had no clue…

"What?" she asked as he briefly smiled.

"Nothing," he replied, "I was just thinking back. I was wondering how often you looked at the Professor and thought about him as more than a friend, I bet you did that so many times you've lost count."

That soft look was back in her eyes, and it pleased him to know the barriers were finally broken down, but at the same time he wondered if this had been a bad idea - the more he looked at her, the more the past reminded him of how much she had meant to him in another life, and those feelings were shifting into his own hearts, he was looking at her and thinking about taking her in his arms now. That was not why he had come back here, but he knew it wouldn't take much to persuade her, because one look in her eyes told him the feeling was mutual.

He felt sure he would be taking advantage of a difficult situation if he followed those instincts – as a Timelord he wanted to do all he could to set right a bad situation, or at least bring some happiness into an otherwise empty past for two people who ought to have been together.

And at the same time he knew if she placed her hand on him one more time, he would also be a sexually aroused Timelord, and the fact that he was a Timelord would have to take a back seat because he was also a man, and in this unique situation of visiting a lost love from an old lifetime, much emotion had been stirred up.

His defences were getting low…

Ace smiled as she looked at him.

"I've always wanted to put both my hands on his chest and feel his hearts beating."

"Then you should do it," he told her, "To him, I mean – not to me."

"I wouldn't mind doing that to you!" she said, and her face flushed as she smiled again. And he laughed nervously. A silent thought ran through his mind that sex was on the cards and he ought to step back from the situation right now, but he knew he would do no such thing, because he didn't want to, and because putting the alien Timelord part of himself aside, he was a man and he was aroused by her, and it felt too good to be this close to back off now…

And then something slipped into his mind, and it made perfect sense.

"I can tell you like me. If you can flirt with me, you can flirt with him. We are the same person, remember that."

"So if I kiss you, I could kiss him too."

The Doctor smiled and his eyes sparkled.

"I should be walking away right about now," he said in a bemused tone, "But I don't want to - unless you want me to."

She shook her head.

"You're him," she said softly, "And I want to kiss him."

He leaned forward and their lips touched.

Ace welcomed that kiss with hunger, wrapping her arms around him as he slid his hands down her waist and his kiss grew deeper and he took over. She ran her fingers through his hair and pulled back breathlessly to look into his eyes, and then she smiled but said nothing as she kissed him again.

For the Doctor, holding Ace after many other lifetimes felt like a dream was coming true. But then he remembered she was not his to love – she was the girl of another man's dreams - the girl of his Seventh life's dreams, and while a fragment of him that remained from that other life was overwhelmed with joy to be holding her, this Twelfth Doctor was not.

He let her go, and she met his gaze with disappointment.

"I really shouldn't make this complicated," he said, "I just wanted to come back here and try and make a few small changes. Perhaps I've succeeded now, I'm not sure yet. But I know I have no right to be doing this."

"But you're him. And I want to feel your twin hearts beating, I want to know what it's like."

"Then ask your Professor when he gets back!"

"But he's already here, sort of," Ace said softly, and warmth shone in her eyes as she shifted closer.

Suddenly he didn't want to push her away because the effort seemed too great.

Her hand was sliding between the buttons of his shirt, her palm brushing against his skin, and as much as he hated to admit it, he didn't want her to stop now. He knew he was past the point where walking away was still an option…