Disclaimer: once again I thank Stefani Meyer for envisioning these characters, but she owns the rights to them, I've just set them on my own path.
I hope you enjoy the second instalment to Bella's journey.
Due to gcse's I can't write twenty four seven so sorry it's taken awhile to get up.
Continuation of chapter three: Warning
BPOV
What was I supposed to do? Did they expect me to walk back into their open arms with a smile on my face? Because if they did they very deluded. Of course I didn't hate them. I mean how could I hate them. Esme with her unconditional love and Carlisle with his forgiving nature, with my parents gone and on the run from the volturi they were the closest figures I had to parents. And having to refuse Esme and Carlisle, to scorch the hand that was trying to heal me, felt horrible. Emmet and Jasper, my big brothers in a way, knowing that seeing them again under happy circumstances was not likely, made me wince. Then there was Alice, the closest thing I had to a sister, she was closer to me than Felix who I had known for two hundred years, the pain I saw in her eyes when she realised I would never truly be a part of her family was heartbreaking. Of course we would see each other. Sisterly bonds can't be broken over time or failed relationships but they do create a strain. Our friendship would never be how it was. Constantly walking on egg shells, having to dance around the subject of her... family. It made sigh to think about it.
But there was no other option. I couldn't see him, speak to him, say his name let alone live with him. When he left it broke me. I never really believed before when he said I was fragile. But as soon as he said those words, still my mind flinches from the memory; my heart became the epicentre of the most colossal earthquake, ripping me apart from the inside to reveal a black whole. This gradually consumed all emotion and logic even sense in my life. It still to this day, two hundred years later hurts. I know jasper can feel it; every look he gave me was filled with empathy and compassion. Seeing them again was like swinging the door wide open, all the feelings of pain fresh and new in my mind, jasper was finding it difficult being so close. The only reason that I was able to move on to put a cork in the black hole sucking my soul from the inside, was because of the volturi.
Being with the volturi had given me strength, and being with Felix had given me comfort. They provided me with distractions which gradually pushed the agony to the furthest corner of my mind. Though I never felt complete and whole, I could survive. It was the second best thing. But I was happy. Happy not hoping for my dream that he would come back to my life. But now with him here, with the dream so close to forming a reality, I can't talk those final steps. The idea of allowing myself to hope but having it torn from m again would surely kill me. The idea of being with him but his leaving again would definitely kill me.
So my choice was not to hope, not to dream, and not die. The second best life would be fine and if I am lucky I might in time find someone to share it with. Maybe not a lover, because I would never love anyone with the same strength as him, but someone who could keep me company. Maybe even join a clan like the Denali's. But I could never return to the life I had to before my rebirth, my heart shied away from anything that painful.
I decided that I would continue my university life; it's not as if we were in the same classes. But if it became too hard I always had the option to leave, a bit like my safety net.
The night continued to pass slowly and when the sun roses and dawn broke through, the clouds were there to welcome it. Great I thought I'm going to have to face this, the one day I wish for sun it disappears. I new I could let the sun out myself, but that would o obvious that I was trying to avoid them and I hated the idea of being a coward. I might have been weak, clumsy and a bit dim at some points in my life but I was never and would never be a coward. I was going to face this problem face on.
When it was time, I changed in to my clothes ready for school. I put on my tight boot cut jeans, black, these made it easier to ride the bike, my white sleeveless cowl neck jumper. Slide on my black boots, with only a very slight heel, and tide my hair up in a high pony tail. I grabbed my biker jacket and helmet along with my keys and hand bag before rushing down to my bike.
Normally when I'm on the bike I don't wear the helmet, after all if there was a crash the pavement would get more damage than me. But for appearance sake when going to and from university I wore it, but I drew the line at reflective clothing. I loved feeling the breeze through my hair, the thrill of freedom, so the helmet was always an annoyance, but very minor.
The site was buzzing when I arrived. Banners were being hung over all the buildings and balloons were being blown up. From what I overheard from the students, apparently there was going to be some sort of dance or masked ball. In their view it was very old fashion, but it made me feel nostalgic. Though this time I wasn't as clumsy. I took a mental not of the date and walked towards my first lecture of the day.
In the corner of my eye I noticed the new and updated shiny Volvo. Though I had no idea if the Cullen's were the owners, I quickly peeked to check they weren't in sight. For the first time today and hopefully not the last luck was on my side, so I carried on walking. You're just being paranoid I told myself, but I couldn't help it.
The first test of the day started when Alice walked in to the lecture hall. I can handle this I thought trying to reassure myself. Its only Alice. As she got closer my hand started to twitch, continuously flicking my pen between my fingers.
A big grin spread across her face when she looked up from her books, dancing over, quickly assuming the seat of the seat next to me.
"Hi Bella." She all but sang.
"Hi Alice. Did you have a good night." I thought I might as well be pleasant since she wasn't ripping my head off at the moment. She actually seemed happy, so I guess she didn't hold a big grudge against me for refusing esme's invite.
"Good. You?" she slightly titled her head gazing up at me.
"You know. I did all lot of thinking."
"I am very proud of you Bella." What proud, that was the last reaction I was expecting. Is she trying to use reverse psychology or something. God this is strange.
"Proud?"
"It seems two hundred years has helped drastically with your fashion sense. Does this mean that you enjoy shopping now?" I couldn't help it a chuckle escaped my lips. Same old Alice.
"No Alice." She pursued her lips frustrated with me like old times. Perhaps I was wrong maybe Alice and I could return to how we were, maybe.
The later started shortly after. So we both turned to face the screen as the professor explained how Van Gough's final paintings were affected by his state of mind. Well I guess if the guy was mad enough to cut his own ear, it might have an effect on his paintings. I could feel Alice was regularly looking at me through the class, but being too afraid of why I decided to ignore it.
As soon as the lecture finished, Alice's hyperactive nature took over.
"Bella Bella Bella. Go shopping with me?" when I returned with a disgruntled look she turned to begging. "Please please please. Bella. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease." Pouting once finished. Yes we really were back to normal. That fact made me smile, but unfortunately my timing wasn't impeccable, as that smile was obviously considered by Alice as a yes. Which in a way I guess it was. I sighed in defeat. "Thank you Bella. This is going to be so much fun. Ill meat you at your flat at three. This is going to be so much fun." She squealed before jumping up, clapping her hands and skipping out the room. Did that really just happen?
The day dragged with my obsessive behaviour, constantly checking for her family with every step. I guess god doesn't want to smite me. A pain free four hours.
At home I had a shower in preparation for our excursion. Taking my time to wash away my anxieties. That took a very long time, so with only five minutes before Alice arrived, I rushed around the apartment at my fasted speed, straightening my hair, before putting my light blue rap round dress and white flip flops. Then on the dot of three a silent knock came from the door.
As usual she couldn't stand still. The thing we vampires are experts at, staying still, not moving, yet she seemed incapable. I grabbed my bag and followed her swirling walk towards her car. First bad sign. If we couldn't go by bag she must intend to make this a very long trip and for us to return we many, many bags. Oh joy.
The first few shops were fine. Alice picked up almost every garment in the store, for me to try on, whilst she remained in the changing room. Some clothes I deemed acceptable. Such as the two pairs of black skinny jeans and the white halter neck 'Marylyn Monroe' style dress. But Alice seemed to find most outfits in her mind as 'Gorgeous'. If I didn't know Alice better, I would have sworn this was an excuse to by me clothes, as if I couldn't afford them on my own. But I did know her better, and Alice just liked to shop. But whenever I held up a top or skirt, that in my view would look good for her, she just shrugged it off and said that she wasn't in the mood to try on clothes. Very strange. Alice was always in the mood to try on clothes.
We followed the shopping with a manicure and pedicure. While I sat there getting my nails painted in a dark blue, three guys entered the salon. They walked straight towards me and Alice. It was only six o'clock and they had obviously been drinking. The cockiest of the trio, came over to me sitting down at the recently vacated stool beside me. Up close he was quite attractive, dark brown hair, strong jaw bone structure, brilliant smile, but was ruined by the drool cascading from his mouth.
"Hay." He said whilst admiring my cleavage.
"Here to get a pedicure?" I mocked, already board with his advances. The guys face hardened at his own humiliation in front of his mates.
"Na, sweet cheeks I sore your staring at me a new you were gagging for it, so I though as a gentleman," he stood up and straighten his suit with a smug expression, "I would offer my services."
"Oh that's very kind of you." The guys grin grew, and beside me I felt Alice's grin mimic his, as she sore what was about to pass. "But I thought tonight I was going to indulge myself, you know hire my standards, from guys like you, I was actually tempted by that tramp in the nearby ally way. Now that's a definite improvement." He began to fume as silent chuckles came from his friends. That's when he raised his arm to whack me, but I caught his fist before it hit my head and applied the smallest amount of pressure. Before longer he was wailing from the pain, begging me to release is probably broken hand. I let go when his whimpers turned to tears, and all three guys rushed out the door.
"Now that was fun." I said and turned to Alice, who was on the verge of hysterics. "This is fun." My face turned sinister, and she just smiled in response.
"I missed you Bella. So much. When I saw jump of the cliff everything turned black, and from then on I saw nothing. I really thought you were dead. You don't know how happy I was when I saw you that mourning. I think Jasper is the only one who can understand." That last comment caused a slight giggle.
"Stay Alice." The words just burst out my mouth.
"I'm not going anywhere."
"No I mean stay tonight with me. At mine. We can talk, and you can tell about you and jasper, and what you've done for the past two hundred years." My voice turned pleading, which didn't go unnoticed. Alice got out her seat to embrace me in a tight hug.
"Bella. That sounds like so much fun. But why do I see you breaking down in to tears soon."
"It's just, at some point this is going to end."
"Bella I don't understand, I can't see what you're saying." She said in a frustrated voice.
"This is all going to be over in four years."
"Oh." And then her eyes glazed over as she saw the conversation I had decided on. "Oh."
"I'm going to miss you so much after that."
"Come on." She said in a cool hard voice. Taking my hand and dragging me out the store towards the car. "We have to talk; you have screwed up the future after that decision."
There was silence in the car all the way home as Alice only partly focused on the driving, the rest of attention seemed to be revolving around scanning the future as far as possible, under many different circumstances.
Up in my flat she just told me sit on the couch while she slumped cross legged beside me and starred. And starred. And Starred. AND STARRED. I COULDNT TAKE IT!
"Alice. Please." I moaned. Her starring was unbearable.
"Bella. It won't go like this. I won't let it."
"Go like what Alice?" These cryptic messages were worse than the starring.
"You've decided that after four years it's over. And I see you leaving. I won't let you do that. I know your stubborn Bella but I won't let you do that." Her eyes were glaring as if heading for the kill. He ducked my head in shame.
"It's inevitable Alice. That's just the way things go. In four years you'll be moving on and well I will... Well where I will be doesn't matter. The point is we won't be together. And I don't know when we will see each other again."
"Listen to me Isabella Marie Swan. It. Will. Not. Happen. Like. That. Do you hear me? I am not going to lose my sister over some lovers tiff." That was it I burst, I was no longer just sad I was mad. I leapt up into half defensive crouch. But she didn't even flinch.
"Lover's. Tiff. LOVER'S. TIFF. WHAT THE HELL ALICE. HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT? THIS IS NOT SOME LOVERS TIFF." The words spat out my mouth. She still refused to stir.
"He left me Alice he fucking left me. I refuse to get back to someone who could do that, someone who doesn't love me. I deserve better than that, my heart deserves better than that." I began to break down to tearless sobs, collapsing to the floor. Alice was embracing me before I hit the ground. "I can't Alice, it hurts, it hurts so much. I can't go back. I just can't hope. When he leaves again that will be it. I'll have no one. I don't care if they say it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at. I've tried both and it fucking isn't." Alice remained totally still through my speech, gently rubbing my back, absorbing my words. "When it happens again, I'll die Alice. I'll be forced to live an eternity completely dead. I just can't it hurts. It hurts soooo much."
For the rest of the night we just sat there. Me in Alice's arms, with her softly soothing me. A couple times Jasper called, to check up on her and see where she was. But she just told him that she was staying with me and that she fine. But apart from that it was complete silence. Silent serenity. It was the closest I ever felt to someone in such a long time. I never wanted the feeling to end. The only words she said to me before we separately left for class were, "It will all work out." And I could tell she really meant it.
Her car wasn't as fast as my bike so she followed me to school. Turned out that her professor was no longer ill. So our classes had been separated again. And with Alice no longer occupying the seat next to me, I got a bit of entertainment watching the guys. They would walk past my chair, thinking they were discretely looking at my chest in my red and black nineteen thirties style nee length dress, then try and summon up the courage to take the empty space. Most ran away when I smiled bearing my teeth. But there is always one. And by the harsh bitter looks I got from most of the girls he must seem very attractive to human girls. So I smiled once again bearing my teeth. But this seemed to only encourage him.
"Hello." His voice was actually very beautiful. So with the teacher running late, I decided to have a little fun. I know it was mean but I was so board. And buy the looks of it his ego needed to be taken down a peg or two. So I indulged his obvious fantasies to tease him.
"Hello." I responded, turning towards him slightly pushing my cleavage together and forward. His eyes were finding it increasingly hard to remain on my face, which made me slightly laugh. I hadn't had much practise with flirting much but I guess it was working.
EPOV
I COULDNT BERE IT. Everyone else in this family was continuing their life as usual. Whenever I would flip they would just say it was up to her only she had the choice of coming back to us. Every time I heard Esme say this, though she tried not to, it was always accompanied with a thought along the lines of, the heartbreak she has gone through is hard to heal, who knows what she has had to endure on her own. It's hard to a customize to this life.
Those thoughts just killed to hear, because I new this. I knew what I had put her through. Every waking thought I had were drowned in the knowledge of my actions. I hated myself for what I had down.
I couldn't stand it though. Not seeing her. If I just could see her maybe seeing her happy on her own would convince me to leave her alone. If I new she was happy that was all that mattered. So that's what I did. I went to see her. Most of the others were out the house at lectures, so no one apart from Esme would have known I had left and maybe Alice. But I was only going to look, I wasn't going to approach her, and if I did it well, she would never know.
I ran along all the back roots to her lecture hall, being careful to check that no one was looking. Thanks to Alice's thoughts I new where her class was taking place. But when I reached the room there were no windows to see through, so I back tracked about a mile and sat under a large oak tree. I concentrated on that room trying to locate any thoughts of her, just to see her. But it turns out that wasn't hard, most people were focused on the, to them and myself, Goddess of a girl in the room. The first glimpse of her face, made me gasp. It was like I could finally breathe. She no longer had her beautiful brown eyes, but I didn't care because they were replaced by the most seductive topaz eyes. Her hair no longer wild and free like I used to nest my face in, breathing in her sent, but straightened and cascading down to her waist. She was like a new improved version of Rosalie. But I was soon snapped out my reverie.
Wow she's gorgeous. Some ones thoughts spoke. I wonder if that seat is saved. Though his eyes I could see this guy move and sit in the seat next to her. Now how do I get her attention? I guess there's no need.
My beautiful love, turned to face the boy, and starred before... she's smiling at me that's a good sign. But that wasn't a smile that was a warning. Seeing her bare her teeth a this boy made me smile.
"Hello." He said to her in a quietly confident manner. A snarl escaped from my lips.
"Hello." It made my heart break to see her swivel in her seat and push her cleavage forward. My hands dug into the ground, ripping the roots of the oak tree I was leaning on.
"My name is Lewis." He said starring at her chest, but before I got so angry that I was about to go and storm into the classroom and tear his eyes from their sockets, he refocused his attention to her face. I took in a deep breath trying to steady my anger.
"Hello Lewis." Her voice rung like a chorus of bells. It was the first time I had her speak in two hundred years. I took in another deep breath. "So I guess you're not going to run away like all those other boys. Tell me, why am I so scary?" She said flashing her teeth again.
Wow. God look at that smile. I was. But it wasn't a smile. But she seemed to be deliberately encouraging him. Why was she doing this?
"I guess, hot guys can scare away week minded men. So I guess you could blame yourself for being so hot." I snarled when he referred to her as hot, My Bella was not merely hot that was an insult.
"So I guess you're not a weak minded guy." She is pouting her lips, wow they look so wonderful, and full. I just want to kiss them.
"DONT YOU DARE TRY," I growled in a thunderous tone. Luckily there professor walked in starting the lecture. I unconsciously crept closer and closer to the room until I was leaning on the brick wall itself, by the exit door. I just sat there listening intently to her breathing and her face from any angle given except his.
I lost track of time and the bell went. Their conversation wasn't started again but he seemed to be as courting her out. I couldn't allow that. He had two know she was taken; she needed to know she was taken. He had his arm around her shoulders; well it comforted me to think that his arm wouldn't be attached to his body much longer. As she left the class room I intercepted her pathway and came face to face, inches away, from my one and only love.