A/N: Hey guys, thanks for joining me for the first chapter. I've had to break it up into two chapters. I don't know what you'll make of it but we'll see how we go, eh? Thank you to everyone who reviewed, faved and followed this story. It's much appreciated. :D
Chapter ONE
THE GREAT HALL OF ARMAMENTS – PART I
Clara let out a long-suffering sigh and looked through gloomy light at the silver walls all around them. "Do you know even where we are, Doctor?" asked Clara, forcing herself to sound patient.
"I know where we're not," said the Doctor cheerfully.
"Right," said Clara with a roll of her eyes, "very helpful."
"It is actually," the Doctor said absently, turning in a slow circle as he took in his surrounds. "Often times knowing where you're not is more important than knowing where you are, Clara, remember that."
"I swear you just make these things up as you go along," said Clara flatly.
"You're in a mood," declared the Doctor, shining his sonic screwdriver he was holding directly in Clara's face. "Why are you in a mood?"
"How about because you're trying to blind me with that thing?" suggested Clara in annoyance, swatting at the glowing device to try and get the light out of her eyes.
"No," said the Doctor thoughtfully, "that's not it."
"I'm not in a mood, Doctor," she said shortly. "I just want to know where we are."
"Well, we're in an area below the ground that has air instead of particulate matter," observed the Doctor, finishing his examination of the dank space they were in.
Clara translated the Doctor speak into regular person speak. She arched an unimpressed eyebrow. "You mean a hole."
"If you want to suck all the magic out of it," said the Doctor, sounding a little miffed himself now.
"There is nothing magical about a hole, Doctor," said Clara in aggravation. "It's a hole."
"Lots of most excellent things come from holes," he said indignantly.
"Name three," Clara challenged him, folding her arms in front of herself.
The Doctor made a flustered sound. "Carrots," he said defiantly, "the Easter Bunny-"
"The Easter Bunny isn't real," she interrupted him.
The Doctor shone the light back in her face. "Are you sure about that?" he asked knowingly.
Clara rolled her eyes. "Don't play the mysterious, all-knowing alien card on me. I'm onto you, mate."
He gave an offended sniff. "I don't have time to stand around here and play games," said the Doctor with a dismissive wave of his hand. "We're in a hole. We need to get out of here."
"That's what I've been saying," said Clara in exasperation.
"You have to know where you are before you get to where you're going," argued the Doctor.
"Do you?" asked Clara with a surprised lift of her eyebrow, "You never seem sure of where you've been or where you're going Doctor."
"Untrue," he protested. "I know exactly where we are, generally speaking - Cornapulicia's third planet, Raiidan. Home to the Great Hall of Armaments. The largest collection of weapons and arms assembled in this Universe and on display for anyone who is interested. By anyone's standards, it's pretty spectacular."
Clara glanced around at their surroundings. "Pardon me for mentioning it, but this doesn't look particularly spectacular to me."
"That's because we're in a hole."
"You don't say."
The Doctor had decided a visit to the weapons museum would be right up their new shipmate's alley. As Strax had hurried off to change into his Sontaran uniform, telling them that it was a mark of respect for the monument, the Doctor had decided to have a look around. He'd taken a couple of steps out of the TARDIS and was having a moment to appreciate his surrounds. Clara had followed him, noting the strangely monochromatic colour theme of greys, whites and black all around them. The trees, the grass and the giant building in front of them were all different shades of grey. There was a long black path made of some kind of shiny black material which led up to the entrance to the Great Hall and they were just a few feet away from that path. All around them they were surrounded by a huge wall, encasing the entire hall and surrounding gardens. When Clara had walked up to the Doctor to stand beside him, the ground had suddenly given way and they'd found themselves in a hole at least twenty feet deep with metal walls. It would be impossible to climb the smooth walls, so, as of right now, they were stuck.
"It must be a security feature," mused the Doctor, still turning around and shining his light all over their nice, shiny prison. "Walk off the path and you end up in a hole."
"They should have a sign mentioning that," said an unimpressed Clara.
"They probably do," said the Doctor blithely. "We kind of jumped the queue a little and didn't come through the regular entrance."
"So, if this is a security feature, does that mean some security guard is going to come and help get us out?"
"I shouldn't think so," he replied distractedly.
"Really?" asked Clara in dismay. "So, what, they just leave people to rot in their holes?"
"Raiidanians are sticklers for the rules. If you don't follow them, then you're on your own."
"If you knew that, why didn't you land us on the black path?" asked Clara in frustration. "Or better still, outside, so we could read all the rules."
"Rules," sniffed the Doctors, "never been a fan. Where do rules get you when all is said and done?"
"Not in a hole?" suggested Clara pointedly.
"Well, yes," agreed the Doctor a little uncomfortably, "there is that."
Clara fixed a sweet smile on her face. "At least all isn't lost." Her gaze dropped down to the toboggan the Doctor had tucked under one arm. "We've got a toboggan, that's sure to be a big help in getting us out of this hole," she noted sarcastically. Clara had no idea why the Doctor had been so insistent on bringing the thing. There was definitely no snow around to use it with.
The Doctor looked at the toboggan and then back at Clara. "You wouldn't be saying that if knew this was a hover-toboggan," he said indignantly.
"It is?" asked Clara excitedly.
"Well, no," conceded the Doctor, "but how sheepish would you be feeling if it was?" He waggled a finger at her. "Very, that's how much."
Clara shook her head at him. "Bottom line, you've got no plan for getting us out of this hole you got us stuck in, is that what I'm hearing?"
"Technically we weren't in a hole until you came and stood with me," pointed out the Doctor. "Your extra weight must have triggered the mechanism."
Clara gave a gasp of outrage. "Did you just get me stuck in a hole and call me fat?!"
"I didn't say you were fat," he protested quickly. "I just said you weighed enough to activate the security mechanism."
Clara glared at him, not placated in the least. "Because I'm so huge," she bit out, "right, that's what you're saying?"
The Doctor looked a little cornered. "Ah, no, not at all. You're not fat, you're rounded, there is a difference."
"Rounded?!" repeated Clara in horror. "I am not rounded!"
The Doctor gaze swept up and down her. "Bits of you are."
"At least I'm not a pencil in a bowtie," she threw back hotly.
"A pencil?" repeated the Doctor, sounding peeved.
Clara folded her arms in front of herself and raised a challenging eyebrow. "Yes, a pencil."
"I'm not a pencil," said the Doctor indignantly. "I'm lithe."
"While I'm just a huge podge, right?" she snapped.
The Doctor threw up his hands in despair. "How did we get here? Clara, you're perfect, everything on and about your body is perfect and there is not a single thing I'd change about you. Any man would be crazy not to go mad with desire over you."
Clara was a bit taken aback at the Doctor's words. "Oh," she said, not sure what else to say. The light was dim in their prison but Clara could swear the Doctor was blushing as there was a sudden, unexpected awkwardness in the air.
"Except for your nose, of course," he continued on hastily. "Obviously that's a huge disaster."
Clara was glad of the tension breaker. "Obviously," she agreed readily, happy to move on from the Doctor's words about any man wanting her. He wasn't technically a man, not being human and all, so Clara assumed he wasn't talking about himself. Right? Clara didn't exactly know what kind of an answer she wanted to that question as they both avoided looking at each other now.
"Strax," said the Doctor suddenly. "Strax will get us out of here."
Clara was less convinced. What she'd witnessed so far of Strax's problem solving ability didn't fill her with confidence. "He'll probably just suggest bombing our way out of here."
"Don't be ridiculous, boy. Clearly this situation calls for vapourising shells."
Clara started at the sound of Strax's voice coming from above them. She and the Doctor looked up to see Strax's domed head peering down at them over the opening of the hole.
"Ah, Strax," said the Doctor happily, "just the fellow."
"I shall fetch the vapourising shells, sir," said Strax eagerly. "Where is your armoury on board the TARDIS? I have not yet been able to locate it."
"I don't think this situation calls for vaporisation of any kind, Strax."
"But, sir," he protested, "casualties would be at a minimum. I estimate barely fifty percent. It is an acceptable risk."
"There's only two of us down here," squawked Clara.
"I won't lie, boy," said Strax offhandedly. "As the vastly inferior specimen, it will most likely be you who will be liquidised."
"Fat and inferior and about to become a soup," lamented Clara in disbelief. "I really am feeling special today."
"Nobody is fat and nobody is being liquidised," said the Doctor firmly. "Strax, go back into the TARDIS and fetch a rope. There should be one in the second door off the console room. Then tie one end to something sturdy and send the other end down to us."
"Really, sir, that seems a rather underwhelming means of escape."
"I'm not looking to whelm anyone, Strax, just get us out of this hole," observed the Doctor.
"Oh, very well," said a disgruntled Strax and stomped off.
The Doctor sent Clara bright smile. "You see, it's all sorted. Nothing to worry about."
"I'll reserve judgement until we're out of the hole," said Clara dryly.
A few minutes later Strax was dangling a rope down to them. "All systems are a go, sir."
The Doctor tugged on the end of the rope and nodded approvingly before making a sweeping gesture at their means of escape. "Ladies, first."
"I'm so glad I decided to wear shorts today," grumbled Clara as she took hold of the rope and started to climb up the wall. It was a bit tricky, because the walls were so smooth but she was managing it. At least, that was until whatever Strax had tied the other end of the rope to decided to give way. Clara didn't even have time to scream as the rope suddenly went slack under her hands and she was sent plummeting back down the ten feet or so she'd just climbed. Her arms flailed around, trying to find something to break her fall with but there was nothing. All Clara could do was brace for a painful contact with the hard ground below. That moment didn't come though, as all of a sudden, the Doctor was there, catching her deftly in his arms.
"Howzat!" he called out triumphantly while Clara just blinked at him, still in shock.
Suddenly a silver and grey blur whizzed past them from above and hit the ground with a noisy plop. The Doctor and Clara looked down at Strax who was now lying face down on the ground, in the hole with them now, with the rope and what looked like to be part of the railing of the TARDIS, wrapped around him. It seemed the railing had managed to hit Strax as it broke away and knocked him off balance so that he too, was now in the hole.
Strax scrambled to his feet and stood to attention for the Doctor. "Situation update, sir," he said quickly. "I am now in the hole too."
"Yes," said the Doctor calmly, "I had noticed, Strax."
"The boy's weight was too much for the railing I chose to anchor the rope to," continued on Strax.
Clara couldn't take it anymore slights about her weight and she lunged for Strax, still in the Doctor's arms. "Take that back!" she yelled, trying to punch him.
The Doctor struggled to keep her away from the unapologetic Sontaran. "Stop it, stop moving about!" he shouted. "You'll make me drop you."
"Then put me down if I'm so heavy!" she snapped.
"I didn't say you were heavy, I said you were wiggly," protested the Doctor but Clara was already struggling out of his arms.
She put her hands on her hips and glared at the Doctor. "In case you're wondering, I'm not having fun, Doctor," she said tersely.
The Doctor held up his hands in a placating fashion. "Alright, alright, lets everyone take a deep breath and calm down, eh? First things first, getting out of this hole."
"Sir, I have a plan," said Strax firmly.
The Doctor wrinkled his nose. "I was afraid of that. Very well, let's hear it."
"I will toss the boy up out of the hole with the rope attached and he can find something sturdier to tie the rope to this time."
Clara's eyes went wide. "You want to do what to me?"
Strax gave her concerned question a dismissive wave. "It should only take no more than three or four attempts until I have my eye in."
Clara looked up at the opening of the hole far above their heads. "You'll kill me on the first attempt," she said in dismay.
"That's a risk I'm willing to take," said Strax without hesitation. "Come here, boy."
"Doctor!" squeaked Clara, immediately moving to hide behind the Doctor as Strax advanced towards her with a determined look in his eye.
The Doctor held up an imperious hand. "Strax, no," he said firmly. "You are not to toss Clara, not now, not ever. Do you understand me? There is to be no launching of Clara, I'm putting my foot down."
"But, sir," blustered Strax, "it's the best solution to our problem and if the boy should be killed in the attempt, we'll have readily available protein with which to sustain ourselves if this situation continues for some time."
Clara gave a gasp of dismay and tugged on the back of the Doctor's coat as she continued to keep him between her and Strax. "Why is he always talking about eating me?" she hissed.
"It's only been twice," said the Doctor, trying to play peace keeper.
"If the conversation is about eating me, then once is too much," said Clara hotly.
"Nobody is being tossed, nobody is being eaten," said the Doctor resolutely, "because I have a plan to get us all out of here."
Clara's tone was sceptical. "You do?"
The Doctor sent her a reassuring smile. "Yes, I do and it doesn't involve anyone being tossed or eaten, how does that sound?"
"Like there hasn't been a very high bar set for ideas so far?" offered up Clara dryly.
"Well, no, you have a point," agreed the Doctor, "but for my idea, all we really need is this." He picked up the toboggan he'd dropped when catching Clara and held it up triumphantly.
Clara sighed heavily. "I'm listening, but my hopes aren't high, Doctor."
"Trust me, Clara, have I ever steered you wrong before?"
"You can't seriously want me to answer that."
The Doctor grimaced. "Possibly not." He brightened. "But never mind that, let's get out of here, hm?"
"Let's," agreed Clara wholeheartedly.
"If I'd been allowed to use the vaporising shells, we wouldn't be having this problem in the first place," muttered Strax under his breath.
"Not now, Strax," the Doctor admonished him and then handed him the toboggan. "Now, let's get started..."
A/N: Any ideas on what the Doctor's plan is? Will it work or just make the situation worse? ;)