Alternative title:
Everybody: Hange, no!
Hange: Hange, yes!
Levi walks fast through the hallway, glaring at people. Being 160cm in a world of giants sucks ass and the number of times someone crashes into him because "You're so short I didn't see you, I'm sorry" gives his mood a very murderous turn.
A freshman cowers before him. Good. It makes him feel powerful.
His phone vibrates in his pocket. It's probably Erwin telling him they already have a table at the cafeteria.
[Crazy four-eyes (11:38): i can see u ヾ(*´∇`)ﾉ ]
Shit.
He hurries, looking around him suspiciously, but he can't spot Hange. He needs somewhere to hide, right now. There's no door close to him. No empty rooms.
He is so screwed.
"Levi!"
Hange is running towards him, a manic grin on their face, big round glasses perched on their nose.
Farewell, world. Although he had complained a lot, he actually likes his life.
Hange tackles him, sending them both to the floor, leaving him breathless and crushed. He lies on the ground, his eyes on the ceiling, asking himself why he had decided to help Hange three days ago.
His gaze lands on a guy watching them with disdain. He flips him off. The stranger glares at him. He raises his second major.
"Fucking hell, Hange," he grumbles. "Why did you do that?"
They jump on their feet, and give him a hand. He takes it and lets himself be pulled up.
They grin. "I don't know. I was just happy to see you."
"Well thanks to you, my ass hurts, my back hurts, pretty much everything hurts," he complains.
"Don't be so dramatic, my grumpy dwarf!" Hange coos.
"Who are you calling a dwarf?" He threatens.
Hange takes off running, Levi after them.
They arrive in the cafeteria, Levi dragging them by the back of their shirt. He sits in front of Erwin who's watching them with a raised eyebrow. He gestures to Hange to sit next to him.
"Erwin, Mike, this is Hange." Levi presents them.
They beam. "Hi, nice to meet you!"
Erwin smiles politely. "Nice to meet you, too. So you're the one that Levi helped the other day?"
They nod. "It was very nice of him."
"Shut up," he groans.
Erwin grins harder, a sparkle in his blue eyes. Damn his perfect teeth. "Don't be ridiculous, Levi. We all know you are very caring under all this gruff exterior."
"Fuck you, Erwin."
Erwin chuckles and sends him a fond look. "I must confess, Hange, I already know you. Or, I have heard of you at least."
"The fuck, Erwin?" Levi blurts out. "That sounds stalkerish. Like, really."
Erwin shakes his hand. "Oh, no! It's not what you think."
"Is it because of the pineapple story?" Hange interrupts.
Petra joins them exactly at this moment. She kisses Levi's cheek and slides on the chair next to Erwin's.
"The pineapple story?" She repeats, confused. "I've never heard of it."
"You're so pretty!" Hange admires.
Petra giggles, a bit flustered. "Well, thank you!"
Levi snorts. "We can hear your accent, Petra."
She slaps his hand, looking offended. "You are such a dick."
Levi smirks. He leans towards Hange, whispering in their ear loudly enough that everyone at the table can hear him. "She's from Australia, but she hates her accent. It only comes out when she's embarrassed," he explains.
Hange laughs.
Levi stabs at the potatoes in his plate. Petra takes out a little tupperware with a pink top. She has lasagna inside.
"So what's the pineapple story?" She asks.
Hange claps their hands. "It's very simple! I needed to clean some bones, but they were very fragile so I couldn't grate them without risks of breaking them. You may not know but there is an enzyme in pineapple that dissolves flesh."
Petra grimaces, her eyes directly going to Erwin's bottle of pineapple juice as if it could have jumped on them at any moment.
"So, I ordered fifteen pineapples and gave the address of the university! I couldn't carry all of them. It was easier to have them delivered."
"You can very well imagine the reaction of the administration when some guy comes in with two crates full of pineapples," adds Erwin.
Hange crosses their arms over their chest, frowning. "I don't know why they made such a big deal out of it, I even paid them myself."
Erwin shakes his head, chuckling. "Well, they did let Hange do their experiment in the end, but it smelled like pineapple in the room for over two weeks."
"Pineapple smells good!" They protest.
"That is the most ridiculous story I've ever heard," Levi admits.
Petra, her mouth fulls, nods in agreement.
[Crazy four-eyes (16:03): where are u ]
[Crazy four-eyes (16:03): ?]
[Crazy four-eyes (16:04): i miss you my grumpy friend]
[Crazy four-eyes (16:05): why won't you answer me? ( p_q)]
Levi is doing reaction equations when someone sits next to him. He would make a scathing remark about how there are free seats on the other side of the library, but he's in the middle of a mental calculation and he doesn't want to lose his concentration.
He jots down his number. There's something wrong. He wrinkles his nose.
"You forgot the hydroxyl group."
Brown hair are in his vision, and he looks up to see his upstairs neighbor smiling at him.
"Hange."
They smirk. "Levi."
He sighs and checks his equation. They are right. He corrects the mistake.
"What are you doing here?" He asks.
They shrug. "I was bored, you weren't answering my texts, and I ran into Petra in the hallway who told me you were at the library."
"I never answer your text." Levi points out, annoyed.
Hange waves dismissively. "Not the point."
Levi's gaze travels between them and his chemistry exercises. He must admit that right now, anything sounds better than balancing chemical equation of molecules he doesn't even remember the name. But he really has to work.
He decides a compromise for himself. He finishes this exercise and does the rest, then he can go do whatever Hange wants to do with them. It is not very hard to entertain them.
"I should be finished in half an hour," he informs them. "Can you wait in silence for this long?"
"Yes!" They exclaim in victory, pumping one fist.
He digs a pack of cookies out of his bag and gives one to them. "You can have another one once I'm finished. If you stay silent."
They mime zipping their lips.
Levi returns to his work. Hange is playing on their phone, not saying a word. It's nice. They share the space without bothering each other. At some point Hange reaches for the bag of cookies. Levi almost stabs them with his pen and they retract their hand immediately, grinning bashfully. He glares at them, and they return to their game.
He gets distracted a bit later and ends up staring at them. Well, not staring, just watching them, he corrects in his mind, because staring sounds kind of creepy.
They are tapping on their with their thumbs to a regular rhythm and Levi assumes that they must playing some kind of speed game. Their glasses suit their character, he thinks. They are the big round type that hipsters usually wear, but with their androgynous sense of style, it doesn't seem out of place. Their hair are tied in a messy bun as usual. There are strands of hair falling on their face and Levi suddenly has the urge to push some of them back from their forehead to behind their ear.
He shakes his head as if he could it help him come back to his sense and returns to his work. He still has a couple of questions and he is finished.
It really is comfortable, he thinks. When they're not hopping around, Hange can be great partner.
He's waiting for the electric kettle to be finished when someone rings. He calls for Eren to go open the door because it's probably Jean, anyway. Though Jean has a key, so he guesses it's a bit weird. He probably just forgot it.
The voice he hears is not Jean's.
He pokes his head out of the kitchen to find Hange grinning widely at a very surprised Eren, holding a whole bouquet of sunflowers. What the hell are they even doing here?
"I come bearing gifts!" They declare, with a victorious smile. "These are for you, Eren."
"Thank you so much, Hange!" Eren beams, taking hold of the sunflowers, grinning widely. "How did you know?"
"A little grumpy common friend of ours may have let it slip inadvertently while talking about you," they say conversationally.
They wink at Levi, and he ducks back behind the wall to hide.
"I saw you, Levi!" They call.
They hop on a bar stool, leaning on their elbow, smirking. "I brought some movies and a game of Twister."
He cocks an eyebrow. "Why?"
"Because it's Friday night and you told me you were not going out?" She answers with a questioning tone.
"A Twister! I love this game!" Eren bubbles happily. "Let me text, Jean. The more the merrier, right?"
Hange throws an arm around their shoulders. "Great idea, Eren!"
"You don't want to invite Mikasa and Armin, too?" Levi wonders, a bit surprised.
"Well, I would if they were free, but Armin apparently has a date." Levi hums with admiration.
"With who?"
Eren shrugs. "He wouldn't tell me."
"And Mikasa?"
"She has a party with her MMA club."
He nods.
Thirty minutes later, Jean has been there for ten minutes and they have already finished their sole vodka bottle. They are starting the gin.
"God, I fucking hate gin," Levi complains.
"You're still drinking it, though," Jean remarks.
He glares at him, and Jean shrinks back, hiding behind his boyfriend. "Shut up, Kirschstein. Fucking my best friend doesn't give you the right to comment on my choice of drinks."
"Rude much, Levi," Eren shoots back. "He's not always the one doing the fucking."
Jean hides his face in his hand, curling on himself. It's pretty useless because he's a full body blusher and they all can see his red neck and ears. Eren kisses him loudly on the cheek and Hange cackles.
It's so easy to pick on Jean.
They watch Legally Blond, all crammed onto the couch. Hange was the one who brought it, and Levi grumbled halfheartedly against for the sake of it (and also because he doesn't want to admit that he loves this movie). Hange is pressed to him, and he can feel their warmth against his shoulder and his thigh.
Hange and Eren are the ones to giggle and laugh at the funny scenes, even sometimes reciting some part of the dialogs. They already seem to get along very well. Levi and Jean are more dignified, although Jean spends more time staring at his boyfriend and smiling fondly at his antics than actually following the movie. It's so sweet it's disgusting.
Which is pretty much his entire feeling on Eren's and Jean's relationship, so nothing new here.
They are pretty drunk once they are finished. There are multiple beers on the table, the bottle of gin lying forlorn on the ground with a half filled whisky bottle. Hange is pouring glasses of Get 27 for everyone. Eren, being a cuddly and very affectionate drunk, is plastered to his boyfriend's back, probably whispering sweet nothing into his neck. Or very naughty things. You never know with Eren. And Levi doesn't want to, anyway. Everyone is happy.
"Let's play Twister!" Hange exclaims, thrusting the bottle in the air.
Some of the alcohol spills on the floor.
"I will make you clean the floor, tomorrow, Four-Eyes," Levi threatens. "Hangover or not."
Hange lets themselves sag against his shoulder. "Don't be such a grump, Le-vi~" They singsong.
He pushes them off and they fall inelegantly on the floor. "Fuck off."
They giggle, still sprawled on the ground. "So, wanna play?"
If someone asks him why he accepted, he will blame everything on alcohol. He has leg one over Hange, who is crouching, his two hands on the floor, his face in Jean's back, his butt in this air.
"Nice ass, you got there, Lee," Eren teases.
"I swear to God, I will make you regret these words, shitty brat," Levi bits out.
Eren sticks his tongue out, his eyes sparkling. He turns the wheel.
"Jean, right feet on green!" He pipes.
Jean twists around to judge the game and grimaces. "Nope, literally impossible."
"Come on, babe, you can do it!" Eren encourages him.
Jean makes a pained noise and tries to reach the only green spot available.
Tries being the key words here.
He looses his balance, ends up falling backwards, crashing into Levi and all three of them tumble to the floor. At least, Levi is on top of the LeviHange pile for once. He counts it as an improvement.
Eren is openly laughing at them. Jean rolls on his back, looking up at his boyfriend. Eren grins and kisses him.
"You taste like cheap beer," Jean mumbles in the kiss.
"Cut the sappy shit out," Levi growls.
They eventually migrate to the couch once again with a (il)legal copy of Kingsman. It's the third time Levi's seen it and he ends up falling asleep.
He wakes up when Hange throws him off the couch while attempting to make themselves more comfortable. He has a terrible hangover and there is a photo, sent by Eren, of himself and Hange in a ridiculous tangle of limbs on the couch, in his phone.
It's been three weeks since Levi found Hange hanging from the balcony. Their friendship is weird but simple. They usually come barging in the apartment with random food/movies/alcohol every other Friday, accompany him to the library and work silently, excitedly talk about their ridiculous experiments and try to steal food from his plate.
Levi kinda likes it. If anyone asks, though, he will deny everything.
It's Monday, he hasn't seen Hange yet since they left on Saturday after another night of watching movies and drinking. Petra had been here this time, and they had spent most of the time arguing on which male actor was the hottest.
They usually send a lot of texts, but not this morning. His phone is unusually still in his pocket.
He will never admit aloud, but he kind of misses their random little messages.
He takes his phone out, and briefly considers sending them a text. It's not like he never text them, but he's never the one to start the conversation. If he's being honest, he's slightly concerned.
His thumb hovers their name. He's ready to click when he hears some commotion somewhere behind him. He looks up to see people hurrying to the side of the hallway.
Hange.
They're running, grinning widely. They hop effortlessly over a bag left carelessly in the middle of the way. That's when realizes that they're holding something.
It's a fucking sledgehammer.
Levi doesn't even try to hide that he is gaping. Hange spots him in the crowd and stops right in front of him. They thrust the sledgehammer in his hand and takes off running.
Levi doesn't even know how to react.
People are staring at him and he's standing right there, with a sledgehammer.
A guy trots to him, breathing harshly. He's red and sweaty, and Levi wrinkles his nose at the sight.
"This is mine," he chokes between two harsh breaths.
Levi doesn't even bother answering. It's not like he has any use for this. (And why in the hell Hange had one in the first place?) He holds it out for the worker who takes it with a thankful smile.
He finds Hange hiding behind one of the back shelves of the library.
They're curled up in the corner, the hood of their sweater on their head, their glasses on, their nose in a book.
"Levi," they say, surprised.
He sits next to them, pulling his legs against his chest. They're looking at him from the corner of their eyes. They grimace.
"Are you mad at me?"
He scoffs. "I don't even know what happened."
They blink. "So... you aren't going to yell?"
"No, dumbass. I didn't get in any trouble. I don't give a fuck if you stole a sledgehammer for one of your crazy experiments."
They grin. "Thanks, Levi."
They gently bump their head against his. "Wanna grab some lunch?" He asks.
They nod eagerly.
Levi is hanging his clothes on the balcony when a gush of wind steals the t-shirt of his hand and takes two socks with itself at the same time (not a pair obviously).
He curses loudly and bends over the railing. Everything fell on the balcony of his downstairs neighbor.
A shrilling sound from over him makes him winces and an unidentified piece of clothing smacks him on the head and continues its fall. There is now a very cute orange bra in addition to his own clothes one floor down.
He looks up. Hange is watching it, pouting, a desperate look on their face.
"Just come down," he calls. "We can get our things back together."
"Okay," they accept.
One minute later, they throw the door open. Eren, who is studying his marketing, takes an earbud out.
"What's happening?"
"Some of our things fell on the balcony down."
"Oh." He nods and goes back to working.
They make their way to the first floor. Levi rings. They wait a bit before a guy opens to them. He is the description of average. Average size, banal face, there is literally nothing special about him.
He looks very confused, and maybe a bit scared. Levi's not sure about the latter.
He admits they must make a strange pair, Hange and him. A guy, and someone who looks like a girl at first view. He's smaller, but he knows he has resting bitch face problem, whereas they're smiling with all their teeth. Plus they have theirI advertize with chromosomes because sex cellst-shirt on.
Strange, indeed.
"Sorry to bother you." He carefully schools his face in a more approachable expression. "Some clothes of ours fell on your balcony. Could we please get them back?"
"Oh, uh, sure," the guy stammers.
He looks very intimidated. He asks them to wait here. He comes back with everything, a bit red in the face. Levi thinks it's probably because of Hange's bra.
They thank him and leave.
"I thought you were wearing a binder most of the time?" He points out while they make their way up.
"I do wear one most of the time. But sometimes I want to feel more feminine, or cute. Also, I wear a bra for, you know, special occasions."
Levi tries very hard not to think about what those special occasions entail.
[Crazy four-eyes (14:01): wanna go to a party with me on friday? 且_(ﾟ◇ﾟ；)ノﾞ]
[Crazy four-eyes (14:01): u can invite petra and eren and his boy toy]
[Crazy four-eyes (14:02): also erwin and his friend chewbacca]
[Levi (14:03): What time is it?]
[Crazy four-eyes (14:05): starts at 7ish but we can go later]
[Levi (14:08): I'll ask them]
[Crazy four-eyes (14:09): yay! ヾ(*д*)ﾉ ]
[Levi (14:10): Also, your emojis are ridiculous]
[Crazy four-eyes (14:10): mean! ヽ(≧Д≦)ノ ]
This is how Hange and Levi ended up going to a party together. Eren and Jean had declined the offer because Jean had decided to take Eren on a date (an actual date for once), Mikasa and Armin were having a movie night with some of their friends and Erwin was... Actually, he doesn't know why Erwin didn't come.
Which leaves just the two of them.
The music is loud, the lights dimmed and colored. The air is hot and stifling. People are dancing close to each other, brushing, rubbing, fondling, balancing to the rhythm of the music.
The bass is pounding in his ear.
Bodies are moving around him, warm and sweaty and Levi grimaces. He really is not a crowd-person. He spots a couch against the wall in the back. He grabs the back of Hange's shirt. They turn around, cocking their head. He knows he will have troubles making himself heard, so he just points to the sofa. They nod and follow him.
He takes the seat. Hange bends to talk to them, and their lips brush against the shell of his ear.
"I'll go grab a beer, do you want one?" They shout over the music.
Their breath is hot against his skin. He nods. They grin and mouth 'Be back in ten'.
A blond girl comes sit next to him. She looks young and he briefly wonders if she is even old enough to drink. Seeing him looking, she strikes a conversation.
By the time Hange comes back, he's learned that she's called Krista, she is twenty, she studies psychology and she has herpes. Though the last part was maybe that she plays the harp. He hopes for her he understood wrong.
Also, she has a girlfriend.
But he deduced this when a freckled girl came over and they engaged in an excited session of sucking face.
Hange hands him his beer. They try to coax him to dance but he refuses. He doesn't mind coming to a party and listen to bad electro music, but dancing is definitely something he minds.
Krista and her girlfriend are now engaged in a very sexual dance and Levi is almost sure the girlfriend has her hand in Krista's jeans. Which is an impressive feat with how tight they are.
Hange has disappeared again, but when they come back, they are holding a unopened bottle of vodka and Levi grins appreciatively. They take the first slug, grimacing, and hand it to him. He takes a few sips, wrinkling his nose at the taste. The alcohol burns pleasantly on its way down, and he can feel it settle in his stomach.
Twenty minutes later, he is very tipsy. Hange is dancing terribly in front of him, laughing, and Levi can't help but giggle. He will regret everything tomorrow, he knows, but right now, he's never been better. He's warm and comfortably installed in the couch and happy, and Hange is kinda cute with their hair down.
The music has switched from very club-ish songs to more sensual ones. Hange grins at him, a spark in their eyes, and Levi knows they're plotting something. They put the bottle on the floor, next to his feet.
They lean towards him, putting their hands on his knees, brushing purposefully his cheek with their mouth.
"A little taste," they sing, with the music, slurring their words.
Oh, god.
They push back and swing their hips to the slow beat of the song. Levi's rational brain is telling that he's very drunk and he shouldn't look because this isHange, but the other, the majority, is enjoying this very much.
Hange mouths the word, sliding their tongue over their lips.Maybe I just want your loving,wink,maybe I just want your loving.
They take one step forward, reaching for him-
and they trip on their own feet, falling haphazardly and ridiculously in his lap. Their gazes meet. They blink at each other.
They both burst out laughing.
Levi will claim he does not remember any of this tomorrow morning and blame everything on alcohol.
They go home somewhere around one. They are leaning against each other as they climb the stairs, because, of course, there is no fucking elevator in this building. They are giggling and whispering very loudly, bring anything but discreet.
They stop in front of Levi's door. He fumbles with his keys, and almost drops them once before he manages to open the door.
The sight he is treated with is not what he excepted.
Eren and Jean are very obviously having sex on the couch, Jean on his back and Eren riding him, his head thrown back, one hand on Jean's chest, and the other between his legs. Levi doesn't need to see to know what it's doing.
They are so wrapped up in each other they didn't even hear him and Hange coming in.
He slowly backs up. Even in his drunken state, there are things he is not ready to deal with. He even locks the door.
"Levi?" Hange calls, confused.
"Eren and his boy toy are fucking on the couch."
Their mouth opens in a "o" shape, their eyes wide. They smile, then. "Don't worry, you can come to my place!"
They climb the last set of stairs, a bit more coherent than a few minutes ago, but still very buzzed. Hange's door is not even locked. It is a mess inside, with books left everywhere, clothes and papers.
"Where am I gonna sleep?"
Hange takes his wrist and leads him to their room. "I've got a double bed, just crash with me here."
With the alcohol in his body, it doesn't seem like a bad idea. It sounds like a pretty good idea, even.
He takes off his shoes and jeans, while Hange turns around, shedding their shirt. Levi can't help but stare at their back while they squirm out of their binder. They leave their jeans on the floor, too. They are wearing boxers underneath. They put their shirt back on.
They both slide under the blankets. Levi can still smell vodka on Hange. He probably smells the same, anyway.
He falls asleep on the thought that they never finished the vodka bottle in the end. They had forgotten about it and had changed to whiskey.
A shame, really.