"Love seeketh not itself to please, nor for itself hath any care, but for another gives its ease, and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair."
-William Blake
Chapter Two: Restoration
(22 ANT, Uchiha Compound)
Sakura woke with a start some hours after Sasuke had carried her to bed. It had been the sound of a tree branch tapping lightly against the window that startled her out of her slumber, causing her to shoot up from under the sheets in a cold sweat.
Her movement had caused Sasuke to awake as well, but he immediately relaxed at the false alarm.
"It's okay." he told her tiredly, eyes drifting shut once more.
She murmured a soft apology for waking him, but remained stiff as her eyes gazed into the darkness of the room, searching for a danger that was not there.
"Come here." Sasuke murmured softly, lifting his arms toward her.
She complied because of the tenderness of his request, tucking herself into his open arms, allowing his warmth to ward away her shivering. Her head came to rest beneath his chin, ear pressed against his bare chest. Hearing the soft thump of his heart, she automatically began to take count his BPM, mouthing the numbers as she counted. She felt Sasuke's slight smile against the crown of her head.
"What?" she asked quietly.
"I have steady pulse." he told her reassuringly, knowing what she was up to.
"Can't help it, habit." she replied softly.
He just hummed in response and began to slide his fingers languidly up and down her spine, in a gentle, soothing motion.
"So, 'she', huh?" he asked her after a long lull of silence.
Sakura pulled away slightly and glanced up to see a smirk playing on his lips. She had almost forgotten that she had called their baby a 'she'.
She smiled sheepishly, looking down at his chest. "I just said it without a second thought."
"Hn." he shrugged. "Must be a sign."
"Maybe." she giggled lightly, mimicking his shrug.
"You want a girl?" he asked softly, eyes gazing at her unabashedly.
She shrugged again, smiling to herself. She'd been harboring fantasies of both a little boy and a little girl since she discovered she was pregnant, and neither idea surpassed the other.
"I'm not picky." she smiled up at him, taking note of his beautiful and contemplative stare, and her silliness sobered. "How about you?"
He was silent and thoughtful, before he gave a small, rueful smile. "I'd have no idea what to do with a girl."
Sakura's smile broadened as she snuggled back against him.
He would like a girl.
They remained woven together in silent comfort as the minutes ticked by. The illusion of peaceful bliss was beginning to sway as the events of the previous evening began to pool around Sakura's memory once more. The morning ahead would be a difficult one to face.
"...Please let Kakashi handle the rogues." she whispered softly into his neck, knowing he'd hate her request.
"You know I can't do that." he replied lowly.
"Please, Sasuke."
He sighed heavily, pressing his lips to the top of her head. He couldn't comply to what she asked, but he could try to make her understand.
"I have to, Sakura, I need to deal with it personally, I can't let people threaten my family."
She then released him and pulled away to sit up, her gaze strained with worry. "But, you also have to be careful, you can't be doing anything rash and..."
"I won't." he promised firmly.
They both knew he was still a topic of controversy in the village. To many he was still a traitor and an enemy, the last child of an infamous clan, whose history was laced with blood and violence. He could not afford to lash out publically, and he knew that his barely controlled rage the previous night had worried her.
"You promise?" she asked him, her gaze leveling his.
He rolled his eyes before he mirrored her serious face. "Yes, I promise."
She nodded and muttered something that sounded like an 'okay', but he did not like the uncertainty that tugged in the corner of her lip. He took hold of her arm and pulled himself up beside her, meeting her lips with his, kissing away the small frown.
"I promise, Sakura." he said solemnly as he pulled away.
"Okay." she repeated, her voice gentle and content, trusting him as they both settled back into the bed, into each other's arms.
...
He woke to the smell of tomatoes and garlic and felt his empty stomach lurch with hunger. He hadn't eaten for nearly a whole day. Sakura had left his side a little over a half an hour prior, too restless to catch any extra sleep.
Slivers of dawn's pink light seeped past the rift in the drapes, as he pried himself away from the soft bed and warm comforters. He pulled a dark, high-collared shirt over his bare chest and followed the inviting smell of something edible.
The first floor of their home was back to its former glory, the table and chairs righted, the book shelf propped back up, books piled ready to be resorted and every shard of glass swept away. Slightly annoyed that she didn't ask for his help, he wasn't surprised, Sakura was a nervous cleaner.
Sasuke found his wife sitting on the counter top in the kitchen, stuffing her mouth full of the tomatoes she had just grilled. There were a few left in the pan waiting for him.
"I blame you for this." she said, giving him a glare in between bites. "I hate tomatoes."
He just smirked as he grabbed a plate for himself. "Not anymore, it seems."
She sent him an unimpressed scowl, but continued to stuff her face regardless.
Sasuke had learned early on about pregnancy cravings, as Sakura started having them at eight weeks, wanting watermelon and nothing else for days. However, after that, all she seemed to want to eat were tomatoes, grilled particularly, like she had just prepared them with soy and garlic and covered in mitsuba. Every morning and late afternoon she ate her weight in them.
Sasuke perched himself against the coffee table, across from the counter where Sakura was sitting cross-legged, as they ate in companionable silence.
"I am going to visit my parents, I think, while you're gone." she told him. "They'll be worried if any word gets out."
"Probably a good idea." he agreed.
"Do you think Shizune would kill me if I tried to go into work afterward."
Sasuke nearly choked at the very idea, his eyes narrowing at her in warning. "Don't even think about it."
"I'll take that as a yes." she muttered.
"I'm not kidding, you need to take it easy." he reprimanded, completely serious.
"Okay, okay, I will." she promised, putting her hands up in surrender.
"Good." Sasuke concluded, looking up at the clock. Kakashi would already be in his office at this point and he wasn't going to let him start the investigation without him.
"I'm going to have to get going." he told her, placing his dish in the sink. "Stay with your parents, I'll meet you there when this is done, I don't want you to be at risk with one of those men still out there."
She nodded, taking hold of his shirt and pulling him close to her, speaking their promise. "I'll see you soon, then."
He pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'll see you soon."
...
(17 ANT, Hokage Tower)
He watched her from the window of the Hokage Tower as she approached from the streets, taking in the way she waved and acknowledged others, even coming to a stop to talk to people he had never seen before.
A vendor, a mother and a daughter, a few medic nins... all of them looked at her with gratefulness and admiration. There were even a few appreciative glances from some chunin and jounin men she walked past, a few of them were even bold enough to approach her and say "good morning".
A frown tugged at the corner of his mouth.
He didn't expect her life to stop when he left those four years ago, but that didn't make it any easier for him to witness her bond with the people of the Leaf, the life she had forged for herself, the life she had without him.
He knew he had no right to feel this way, he knew what he had sacrificed walking away that night four years ago. She was thirteen then, with a bright future ahead of her if she wanted it. She had a family, friends, admirers... all of whom would be there for her when he was gone... Perhaps she would even find someone to take the place he had in her heart one day, if not Naruto, then some well-meaning, kind, undamaged boy who could give her the love and affection she deserved... what he could not give.
Though, that was a thought he could not harbor for very long, not before feeling a painful dull ache in his, supposedly, hardened heart.
He'd felt that ache when her beautiful and appreciative smile turned from him to Naruto after learning the dobe had saved her from Gaara's sand, and not himself. Her smile itself was an innocent act of gratitude, and even if there was any deeper affection to it, he certainly had made sure he had no place to object.
But, it still didn't matter.
That look, that smile, that affection she was giving Naruto, it belonged to him, it always had. It was a simple fact he had gotten used to. He was the one who protected her, he was the one she watched with that pretty smile of hers when she thought he wasn't looking, he was the one she loved.
Him. No one else.
The thought of someone else ever... It was selfish. It was selfish for him to hope that she would wait, that she would only ever love him, because she deserved happiness, she deserved better.
Yet, he still did.
..."I still love you!"...
How could she? It was unfathomable that she could even forgive him, heal him or even hold him in her arms through the night, let alone have loved him all this time. She should of hated him. Why didn't she hate him?
"Must be weird being back." he heard Naruto say from behind him. "Seeing everything so different."
"Hn." he agreed, keeping his eyes below on Sakura.
"How's the room here suiting you?" he asked lightly.
"I've lived in worse." Sasuke shrugged.
Sasuke living in the dormitories of the Hokage Tower until his trial was a compromise that Kakashi had made to avoid conflict with the council and citizens of the village. It wasn't prison, he could come and go as he pleased, but he was also under the servalence of the Hokage and the ANBU Black Opts.
It was also for his protection, he assumed, even though he obviously didn't need it. Kakashi however, still not in power officially until the upcoming ceremony, thought differently, and made sure to take as many precautions as possible.
Naruto came to stand beside him, taking note of their female team-mate approaching the tower.
"Ah, Sakura." the blonde said in a knowing tone that Sasuke was not sure he liked. "She doesn't know it yet, but she is being summoned in by Granny Tsunade and Kakashi-sensei to be offered the position of Head Medic."
With what he saw her accomplish on that bloody battlefield a few weeks ago, and from the endless stories that buzzed around him in the hospital and the Hokage Tower, he was not surprised.
His heart warmed with pride, but outwardly he only shrugged once more. "I suppose that's too be expected."
"Yeah," Naruto replied with amazement, finding no need to elaborate.
Sasuke spared a glance toward his best friend and could see the lingering affection in his cerculean eyes as he watched the pink-haired kunochi approaching beneath them. It seemed that the love the dobe had for carried for Sakura had changed, and even though perhaps a small flame was still lit for her in his heart, Sasuke could see it was slowly diminishing.
Unlike with himself, Sakura's happiness came first for Naruto, he'd see her happy before anything else.
"...She never stopped loving you." Naruto told him. "Never. Not for a moment."
"..."
"It was hard." the blonde went on. "Watching her miss you, watching her suffer, when I was right there for her, knowing I couldn't do anything for her, I couldn't be what she wanted... she became so strong, so amazing, and it never would mean anything to her, not fully, because you weren't there..."
Sasuke didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to know how much he let them down, how deeply he had hurt them.
"When we were younger, I saw it, I saw what she meant to you... I kept saying to myself that I was imagining things, I was hoping I was imagining things, but when you woke up from that coma after your encounter with Itachi, there was no denying it." Naruto went on.
Sasuke's mind traveled back to that particular moment he remembered all too well.
He remembered the days he was trapped in an unconscious darkness and prolonged torture... he remembered a warm healing hand over his forehead... and then suddenly light, her face, her arms, her warmth. He was safe, he was alive, he was with her.
He was home...
He had been overwhelmed and could only sit there watching her form as she cried into his shoulder, trembling as she held him. It was then he began to truly comprehend how much she truly and deeply loved him. And, to his alarm, how much she had come to mean to him as well.
"And after our fight, when she healed us, I saw it again... all this time you...?"
If admittance was what he wanted to hear, Naruto should have known better.
"I, what?"
Naruto stared at him in bewilderment, then just shook his head. "Heh, nothing. She just means an awful lot to me, teme, just remember that."
"Hn."
He would.
...
"Sakura."
His voice startled her, making her turn away from the view of the village that was arrayed in the amber glow of dusk.
"Sasuke." she replied, not knowing what else to say. She'd been too lost in her thoughts to notice him approach.
They stared at each other in silence for a while, the way they always seemed to when words fell short.
"Sorry, I didn't think anyone was here." he said, snapping himself out of the trance, coming out to join her on the balcony of the Hokage Tower.
"I'm just waiting for Shizune, she wants to examine my Yin Seal for her records." she explained.
"Aa." he replied, his eyes unconsciously rising to the amethyst seal on her forehead, recalling how he had witnessed it manifest before his eyes.
"... are you feeling any better?" she asked, making his eyes lower back to hers.
"Better than before, I guess." he replied with a shrug.
Life without his left arm was proving to be a challenge, simple everyday things were far more complex than they had ever been before. It was irritating, but he took on the suffering gladly, it reminded him everyday what he had been. Who he had been.
"Naruto's having a hard time adjusting.." she went on, obviously uneasy. "He can't wait for his replacement arm to be finished."
"Hn." he could only imagine the kind of fuss Naruto was making. "I'm sure."
It was quiet as he came up beside her to lean against the rail. He made sure to keep a good, safe distance from her, so as not to startle her... but even so, Sakura shifted a little further away from him.
Sasuke didn't let himself be affected by such a minuscule action. She had every right to keep her distance from him, if that was what she wanted. Though, he didn't understand what had changed since the hospital... only a few nights prior she had held him in her arms, whispering gentle comforts and promises in his ear.
Perhaps, he'd misread everything... perhaps she hadn't fully forgiven him after all.
"What about you?" he asked quietly.
"Me?"
"How are you?" he supplied.
She didn't answer, which made him turn to meet her wide eyes that were staring at him in surprise and confusion.
"...I'm okay." she found herself answering, before turning to look back out into the village, her brows knitted together.
Sasuke sighed, turning back to the view as well, ashamed that his concern was so foreign and baffling to her. He had never really asked about her well-being verbally. Partly because he was too involved in his own ambitions in their youth, but also because he had never really needed to back then, he always could just tell what was bothering her.
But, now he could not tell what was going on inside her head as easily as he before.
"Congratulations on your promotion." he told her, his voice melancholic.
"Thank you." she replied softly.
Wind whistled around them, tugging at their clothes and playing with their hair, as the two shinobi continued to look on silently ahead.
Sasuke glanced at the space between them, seeing that she was only about a yard away, yet the rift separating them was much further. As absurd as it was, he wanted to reach for her as he did before, to make some kind of connection... he wanted to tell her something, to share a small piece of what he never could before... anything to make her begin to understand... to bring her closer.
"I thought of you." he spoke without a second thought, not even daring to look at her.
She made no sound beside him, he couldn't even hear her breath.
"Everyday." he confessed, closing his eyes tightly, gripping his sole hand painfully against the rail. "...you never left me."
He waited for her to reply, to say something, but she didn't, he was met with only her silence.
After nearly a minute, he could bare it no longer and glanced back at her hesitantly.
Tears rimmed the corner of her eyes as she stared almost painfully ahead, into the setting sun. As foolish and out of place it was, he couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked just then... she was perhaps the most beautiful thing he had ever laid his eyes upon just then.
Sakura finally released a shaky exhale, closing her eyes as the stray tears fell down her pale cheek, trying to find words.
"I...I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse." she managed to rasp out a strained, sad and barely audible laugh, using her palm to rub away the escaped tears from her face.
He un-clenched his hand, wanting to reach toward hers. "Sakura, I..."
"Sakura!" Shizune called, making him start. "I'm set upstairs for you... Oh, uh..."
Sasuke and Sakura both turned to see the dark-haired Hokage's Assistant standing stiffly in the arch of the balcony, her eyes moving back and forth between them rapidly.
"I'm sorry, I'm interrupting." she apologized.
"No, it's alright." Sakura told her quickly, pulling away from the ledge. "I was waiting for you, Shizune."
Before Sakura departed, she gave Sasuke a quick parting glance, unable to hold his gaze for very long. "Goodbye, Sasuke."
"Hn." he nodded toward her, his shoulders falling slightly at the lost moment.
She disappeared into the tower, but Shizune lingered for a moment to give him a sort of motherly, warning look, which he promptly ignored before turning to lean back over the rail.
He didn't need any reminding of who he was and what he had done to her.
...
(22 ANT, Hokage Tower)
"I expected I would see you bright and early." Kakashi commented as Sasuke entered his office.
"Don't make light of this." The Uchiha told him, not amused with the ease in the Hokage's voice.
"I'm not," Kakashi replied tiredly, wishing he had had another cup of coffee before his former, ex-criminal and over-protective student had come in. "How's Sakura?"
"She's fine."
"Hopefully she got some rest."
"She did." Sasuke replied shortly.
As much as he appreciated the lengths Kakashi would take for Sakura's well-being, Sasuke found it weary to have a fatherly, older brother figure looming over him for the last three years of courtship and marriage.
"Well then, there is no point in wasting time, let's get going." Kakashi rose from his desk, discarding his ceremonial robes.
"I'll be at the South Prison, Shizune." the Hokage told his assistant on the way out.
"Have they said anything?" Sasuke asked, following after him.
"Nothing helpful in the whereabouts of their friend, but they are more than proud to say why they attacked a vulnerable, pregnant woman: they felt duty bound to end the tainted Uchiha bloodline and free the village from its oppression." the Hokage replied with a sigh. "Quite passionate, really."
Sasuke gritted his teeth, his eyes flashing red, but the promise he made to his wife earlier that day made him force himself to calm down. He had to stay calm and keep focused. "Is this a larger operation than the four of them?"
"I doubt it." Kakashi replied. "People may fear and hate your family, they may even think you better dead, but very few would dare cross you... these men are extremists, they were prepared to die."
Good, they won't be disappointed. Sasuke thought darkly.
They entered the formidable fortress of the South Prison, and descended the stairs several feet below ground, before they entered a cell where three ninjas hung from the wall, their arms bound by chakra repressing cuffs.
Sasuke in a cold rage, analysed them with a dark glare, memorizing every little detail about them he could. He noted the hate in their eyes, and was pleased with the fear that replaced it as he came closer.
The one in the middle was obviously their leader, though afraid like the others, he kept his chin up with pride, not slightest bit of regret in his eyes. Sasuke's dark gaze narrowed at him, as he took note of his broken nose and the dried blood caked on the lower half of his face.
Sakura... he thought, with that prideful agitation he had become all too familiar with.
"Lock the door," Kakashi told the prison guard behind them, who complied without question.
"I can't let you kill them, not till the fourth is apprehended." Kakashi told Sasuke quietly. "Don't get carried away."
"Hn." Sasuke replied, walking up to the bars of the cell, his Sharingan and Rinnegan activated, and his hands shaking slightly with the rage he was holding back.
"I suppose you know who I am." he stated more than questioned. "That's why you tried to kill my wife last night."
None of them spoke, only the one in the middle was bold enough to keep his bitter gaze on the Uchiha. They were pathetic, empty men, with only their hate to sustain them... and that only made Sasuke angrier. Unwillingly, he saw the man he once was six years ago in them, and the last thing he wanted was to pity and relate to them.
"Speak." he commanded threateningly.
"The Uchiha line will die!" the one in the middle shouted passionately. "You're of cursed blood, Sasuke Uchiha, your family has only brought suffering to the people of this village! You yourself are nothing but a traitor, a criminal!"
Sasuke inhaled sharply, his grip tightening on the hilt of his sword.
"Easy, Sasuke." Kakashi said cautiously. "He's baiting."
Sasuke ignored him. "My wife is an innocent to all this. If you thought it was safer to pursue her than me, you thought wrong."
"We've heard she carries your child, your line must not be allowed to be restored."
Sasuke had heard enough. "Your mission has failed, you're going to tell me where your coward of a partner has run off to, and then I'm going to make an example of you so all can see what happens to those who cross me and my family."
"He's gone, you'll never find him, he will finish what we started!"
The room was silent for but one second, before a guttural cry of anguish shook the room. Sasuke was suddenly before the rogue leader, plunging his chokuto sword cleanly into his shoulder.
"I am not going to ask again." the Uchiha hissed dangerously. "Where is he?"
"Sasuke..." Kakashi warned, knowing full well he could not stop the younger man if his rage got the better of him.
Sasuke did not respond, watching the man's agony with a cold and void-less glare, before twisting the blade. The prisoner howled in agony.
"Talk!" he growled impatiently.
"STOP!" the prisoner on the left shouted suddenly. "He would have returned to our camp, it's hidden in the caverns, about a mile south of the Sand Village!"
Sasuke turned his head toward the other prisoner with a deadly stare. He was the youngest of the rogues, probably a few years younger than Sasuke himself, and he obviously didn't have the stomach to watch one of his comrades suffer.
"Quiet! What the hell are you doing!?" the leader snapped at the boy.
"Brother, it's over." the boy replied almost tearfully. "I'll not watch you suffer."
Ah, brothers. Sasuke thought, noticing their resemblance.
"Wise decision." Sasuke told the boy, extracting his sword swiftly from the rogue's shoulder, making him howl again in pain. "For your sake, I hope you're telling the truth."
He fazed back before Kakashi, who had a weary edge to his otherwise expressionless face.
"We're done here." he told his former sensei, walking past him toward the exit.
Thanks for reading, I'll probably update this once a week on Fridays, as I start to get back to FF writing, unless, of course, I am prompted by more popular demand reviews *winky face*
I'm following canon as much as possible, but there is a lot of room to play around with headcanons at this point (due to lack of Sasuke in The Last. BOO!)
So, my headcanons thus far for SasuSaku:
1. Sasuke and Sakura have a LONG road to go before they come together in my mind. As happy as I am that they are together, I feel that there is still A LOT of ground that needs to be covered. The flashbacks will be a slowburn before Sasuke comes home for good.
2. When Sasuke leaves for his redemption road trip, he visits Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi every now and then. Like once a month or so. Seeing his sad face in the sketch of The Rest, made my heart hurt, and I like to think he comes around when his loneliness is too hard to bare. Not for very long visits, just a few days at a time. A first kiss, and a stronger romantic relationship happens during these visits.
3. Sasuke doesn't leave right away after the war, he and Sakura are far too comfortable with each other for me to think otherwise, he sticks around for a few months, three at the most.
4. Sasuke returns officially when their nineteen, and marries Sakura a year later. He then stays. He's not a vagabond traveling to find himself anymore. I feel he would only marry her if he felt worthy enough to. However, I do think he needs to take long missions sometimes to get away from the Leaf.
5. For post war Sasuke, there is a new side to him we only caught glimpses of before, his good side, gentle side, his true self. I see him as a tender person underneath his hard exterior and would be quite gentle and loving to Sakura, at least when they were alone. I mean this boy was starving for affection and love, but never let himself have it, I can see him opening his heart and loving Sakura completely.