Conversations

Part 2

Katniss Everdeen was not a happy camper.

Sometimes it was because the past had gotten its teeth firmly embedded in her psyche. Images of all those lost souls haunted her until she wanted to run screaming into the night. Luckily, that was happening less and less. But the past was quiet today.

No, her anger was because her normally easy-going, patient fiancée was being a jealous, pushy, child-craving IDIOT!

Normally, like she just thought, he was the most even-tempered soul she knew. Unless the venom flared up, then Peeta was not someone anyone unaware of the situation should be around. But otherwise, the young Mister Mellark usually saw around to her way of thinking.

Usually.

But on this—or rather on these issues—he was so unlike the Peetas she loved, she didn't know how to handle it. He wasn't budging!

Well, she figured he did have a right every once in a while. But it did vex her that she could see his point on some of the issues he was stubborn about.

Gale had been her best friend for so long. He had helped keep her family alive during the cursed Hunger Games, and had been important to her through all the problems and prickles in her life. Peeta had always understood that connection, even when it had hurt him. He knew she missed Gale, knew it was a conflict she might never solve on her own. Gale might have killed Prim through his invention, but he had done it by accident. Katniss still didn't know if she could forgive him for that, but she was working on it. Peeta knew she was still conflicted, and he would do anything to help her. Maybe he thought that seeing Gale at their wedding would help solve THAT issue. Plus, she thought maybe Peeta was rubbing Gale's nose in their marriage. She could understand. After all, she had the urge to smack any woman looking at Peeta for long.

Dang it, one reason to be upset at Peeta gone! But she wasn't sure she wanted to give up the other two reasons so easily. Peeta was so insistent on the wedding date being soon. She wanted to savor the engagement, as she would the marriage. Besides, SHE was going to be the one to do most of the work! She should be the one to decide the date.

She put aside that reason to muddle over later. She reluctantly turned her mind to the main reason she was mad—and admitted, only to herself, scared.

Peeta wanted children. Wanted them badly, and was damn vocal about it, too.

Katniss couldn't explain how just the THOUGHT of children she brought into this world filled her with panic, such unreasoning terror, that she could barely catch her breath.

Well, she couldn't explain it to Peeta, anyway.

Because then she'd have to admit, in all fairness, that the thought of THEIR children, with his smile, or her hunting ability, or seeing HIS blue eyes under a mop of HER brown waves, caused her heart to clench with longing…

And she honestly couldn't say which was stronger, the terror or the longing.

She'd had, after all, a lifetime of experience with terror. Longing was a newer emotion, and usually brought pain. The brighter emotions had only been part of her life with Prim…and now, Peeta.

"He needs to know."

A masculine voice, slightly familiar, caused Katniss to look around, startled, then to reach, cursing, for a weapon which wasn't nearby.

Seated at the kitchen table as she was, in the house she and Peeta shared, she was at a disadvantage to the man standing not ten feet from her. And not just any man. If the fact that he had a halo and wings was not disconcerting enough, she had last seen THIS man less than two years ago.

Before he had been killed, along with most of the population of District 12.

"I'm definitely losing it," she moaned. "I'm seeing Peeta's dead FATHER in my kitchen!"

"Nope, I'm really here," Mr. Mellark said, blue eyes twinkling.

"But see, you can't be here. Because you're DEAD. I'm just cracking up… finally," she muttered.

"They said you'd be difficult."

Despite her belief in her insanity, Katniss felt compelled to say "Who?"

"Prim. And Rue."

The sound of her sister's name and the young girl she had failed to save brought Katniss great agony. She almost bent double with it.

"Prim and Rue are DEAD, as are you."

"Well, that's no reason to IGNORE us," Christopher Mellark stated.

"We have little time. And you need to listen."

"Oh, really? And how long do I have for a hallucination?"

"Not very long," he retorted. Then his voice softened. "I really AM here."

Katniss, for the moment, decided to believe him. "Okay, so you're here. Why me? Why not Peeta? He misses you so."

"You and he are a lot more alike than either of you realize. I'm here because you need help. And Peeta's seeing me would not help him."

Katniss rolled her eyes. "And you know this because…"

"I know a lot more now than I did when I was alive," Christopher said cryptically.

"Great. So you're here…"

"You and Peeta are at a crossroads in your relationship. The decisions you two make can change everything. I'm here to help you make the most informed choice you can."

"Oh, okay." Katniss still wasn't sure she wasn't having a breakdown, but she had decided to humor it.

"I know you still don't believe me. But you've always been difficult to convince. Comes from your father, he says."

THAT convinced Katniss. Christopher Mellark and Abraham Everdeen had not been close, but her father had told her she was as stubborn as he was.

"All right, so I believe you. Why are you here?"

"My son's future happiness…and yours…are at stake. I want to help you both."

"But—"

"Answer me this. Do You Love Peeta?"

"Yes."

"Can you see it?"

"Well, no."

"Then think of me as a manifestation of the love that brought Peeta to be. Accept I'm real, in other words."

Katniss, without thought, reached out to him.

He was solid!

"See?"

"All right, you're here. You said Peeta's future happiness…?"

"And yours, my girl. You say you don't want children."

Katniss grew defensive. "I don't."

"Right now."

"EVER." Maybe, she thought to herself.

"What if you had a choice? Peeta and children or anyone else and no children? Who would you choose?"

"It wouldn't come down to that. Peeta…"

"Loves you so much, he wouldn't make you choose. But say you have to. Say it came down to that. Who would you choose?"

Katniss' shoulders slumped. "Peeta. Any equation with Peeta in it."

Christopher smiled. "Now how hard was that? But what if you DIDN'T have to choose? What if you could wait until you were ready?"

"I—huh?" Katniss' ears perked up.

"Say you didn't have to have children right now. Say you could tell Peeta your fears and hopes. You could tell him WHY you're so scared. He could help you put off the decision five, ten years. Would you still choose him?"

"Yes."

"Let me tell you a secret about my son. He's loved you from the time you were both five years old."

"I know that."

"No, not a crush. LOVE. He would do ANYTHING to make you happy and whole and lastly his. He's always wanted only your happiness. But even his patience and steadfastness has a limit. He can't tilt at windmills. He needs to know the demons he's fighting, and that it might give him the end he desires.

Do you love him enough to fight this battle too?"

Katniss was silent for a moment, tears pouring down her face.

"I'm so scared."

"So is he."

Katniss was startled. "He is?"

"He thinks he'll be a bad father, that he'll be a bad husband, that he won't be able to provide all the things his family would need the way he would like to."

"But he's a good-"

"Man? Provider? Yes. But he's still scared, Katniss. He wants to take the chance. He still wants the mixture of souls your and his children would have. But he'd give up that dream to make you happy. Does he have to? Can you say the same?"

Katniss looked, really LOOKED, at Christopher. The man who could have been her father if her mother hadn't followed her heart. All she could say, as she looked into those uniquely blue eyes, "Peeta has your eyes."

Those eyes smiled. "He does. And that makes me so proud. Being a parent is a very hard job. It will keep you up nights, with worry and wonder. But it's also the most rewarding job you'll ever face—if you're ready. And neither of you are ready yet."

"Peeta, either?" Katniss arched an eyebrow.

"Oh, no, honey, and he knows that. He just wants to know that you're open to the IDEA, SOMEDAY."

"Someday," she echoed. "Maybe."

"Then TELL him that. He deserves to be a husband AND father."

Katniss thought, then reluctantly nodded.

"Then that's all I could ask." To Katniss' shock, he started to fade.

"Hey, wait!" she cried.

"Oh, one more thing. When I asked if you could SEE your love for Peeta? Children are the vision of that love. Take care of my boy, Katniss. He deserves that."

Then he was gone, leaving Katniss to think—and maybe for the first time in a while, just FEEL.

End Part 2