The Revelation and Dashed Affections

The next three years were the happiest of Sylvie's life. Vanessa and Holly were the best friends she'd ever had. She also very much enjoyed the company of Remus and his friends, whom she liked very much and found extremely amusing, if not sometimes out of line.

She was extremely anxious to see Vanessa and Holly as she boarded the Hogwarts Express for the her fourth year. Both girls had been away for the summer, traveling with their parents, so Sylvie had not been able to see either of them.

She was closely followed by Remus, Sirius, James, and Peter, who, to Sylvie's delight, had all come to stay at the Lupins' house for the last few weeks of holidays.

"Sylvie!" someone squealed as soon as Sylvie had reached the corridor. Vanessa leapt into her arms; Sylvie hugged her back excitedly.

"I'm so happy to see you! I missed you so much!" Sylvie exclaimed.

"Bloody hell, it's like you haven't seen each other in years!" Sirius jeered good-naturedly.

"Oh, shut up, Sirius, it's been ages!" Sylvie laughed as she hugged Holly, who had also come out into the corridor.

Sirius rolled his eyes at her. "Well, enough with the dawdling, the compartment's right here." he told her.

Sylvie gave him a funny look over her shoulder as she was dragged off by her friends, like he should know she was going to sit with Vanessa and Holly. He heard her laughing as she disappeared into a compartment with her friends.

Sirius watched her back as she went, noticing how shiny her fair hair was. He was slightly annoyed that she didn't want to sit with the him and the boys, but then he scolded himself for feeling that way. Why shouldn't she go sit with her own friends? He had only gotten used to her being around all the time over the past few weeks. Still, he couldn't help but notice how pretty she'd gotten over the years. She had grown, but she was still quite small, she only reached his shoulder while they were both standing (of course, this wasn't saying much, as Sirius was quite tall for his age). Whenever he had spoken to her over the last few weeks of summer, her big, bright, caramel-colored eyes sparkled alluringly.

He thought back to what was, for him, both the best and worst moment of the summer. He had woken in the middle of the night, as he sometimes did, and was restless, so he fancied a walk down by the lake near Remus' house. He crept quietly out of the house, careful not to wake anyone up, and down along the path to the lake. Upon his arrival, he was startled to see Sylvie sitting at the edge of the small dock, her bare feet absentmindedly skimming the water in the cool air just before the break of dawn.

For a moment, Sirius considered going back to the house and leaving her to herself, but then he realized how silly this was. They were friends, weren't they? Why should he feel apprehensive? Deep down, he knew why, but he silenced the uproar within him and walked down to the dock.

He noticed that she was sitting on the very edge of the dock so that her feet could just reach the water. As he walked up behind her, she must have sensed him because she turned, let out a yelp, and, to Sirius' horror, teetered right off the edge of the dock. Without a split second's thought, Sirius kicked off his shoes and jumped in after her.

He pulled her the short distance to the shore and they both collapsed on the ground.

"Thanks," she said breathlessly, turning to him.

His breath caught in his throat. The way the twilight hit her face made her look positively angelic. Her doe-like eyes shone in the light, and her fair hair was tousled and soaking wet, reminding him of her in her first year at the Sorting. The look on her face now was not one of excitement, however, but a more serene, intense look.

"Just—just can't keep out of trouble, can you?" he sputtered.

She giggled and stood up slowly. Sirius stood up as well.

His eyes traveled down her body as she reached down to straighten out the pajama shorts she was wearing. She was wearing an oversized off-white t-shirt that clung to her soaking body; it was evident to Sirius that she wasn't wearing anything underneath it and she had definitely grown since the last time he'd seen her this close. He couldn't recall her ever looking as beautiful as she had at that moment. It was all he could do to wrench his eyes away from her perfect body and occupy himself with straightening out his own clothes.

"So…you couldn't sleep either," she mused. He could feel her looking at him and he looked up. She was standing facing him with her arms folded over her chest.

"Yeah," he grunted, again getting lost in her eyes. He stepped closer to her and she did not step back. Without really knowing or thinking about what he was doing, he put his hands on her waist and pulled her even closer. Before she had time to respond, he was kissing her. Her lips tasted exactly as he'd imagined they would. He experienced a few more moments of ecstasy before his thoughts returned to reality as she gently pushed him away.

"Sirius," she said in the softest of voices. He couldn't deny that he liked hearing her say his name.

"I'm sorry, Sylvie," he said immediately, stepping away from her. "I shouldn't have done that."

She surveyed him for what seemed like ages, an unreadable expression on her face, biting her lip uncertainly. Then she turned and began to walk back to the house. She stopped and turned back once more. "I don't think we should…let Remus know about this," she said. Sirius nodded curtly and she turned and resumed walking.

Sirius exhaled deeply and paced a bit, wanting to give her time to get back to the house before he started off himself. She had kissed him back, but she had pushed him away as well…but she was right. It would upset Remus very much if he knew that his little sister was kissing Sirius Black, of all people.

That day, Sylvie acted as though nothing had happened between them at the lake, although she did blush slightly at the sight of Sirius at breakfast. After that, they had gone back to being very friendly.

"Sirius? Sirius!" someone was yelling in his ear. Sirius shook out of his reverie. James was looking at him quizzically. Sirius knew James had just seen him staring after Sylvie.

James raised his eyebrows. "Don't even think about it, mate. Moony's little sister. Off-limits."

Sirius rolled his eyes in his haughty way. He hadn't even told James what happened by the lake. "Don't know what you're talking about," he said in a falsely nonchalant voice as he and walked back past James into their compartment, knowing that nothing anyone said could make him stop thinking about Sylvie.

Sylvie had been very confused by Sirius' kiss by the lake. It was on her mind as her two friends chatted joyfully in the compartment. She sat by the window, looking out at the sunny passing landscape pensively. What had he meant by it? Was it just an impulsive move or did he do it because he really liked her? Knowing Sirius, it was probably the former, but the look on his face beforehand had touched her. She sighed.

"Sylvie, what's wrong? You haven't said two words!" Vanessa said.

"Oh…sorry, I'm just a little tired," she said quickly. She had decided it would be best not to tell her friends what had happened, lest Remus should find out somehow, which was the last thing she wanted to happen. She knew it would hurt him to know she had kissed his best friend, especially considering Sirius' reputation with girls. The thought made her stomach squirm unpleasantly.

"So, tell us how it was having James and Sirius living at your house for two weeks!" Holly squealed. "I'm so jealous!"

"It was, you know, really fun. They're a lot of fun," Sylvie said feebly.

"That's all?" Holly asked. Sylvie shrugged.

"Did Sirius finally make a move?" Vanessa asked matter of factly, giving Sylvie a jolt.

"No, why, what have you heard?" she said, perhaps a little too aggressively.

"Nothing, geez, I just noticed that he stares at you a lot, like, in the common room and stuff. And he's always trying to be extra-funny around you, more than he usually does. I think he really likes you," she said.

"Really? I don't think so. He's Remus' best friend!" Sylvie said, her heart beating strangely fast. She hadn't noticed that he'd acted differently around her before he'd actually kissed her.

"So what? If you don't want him, I'll take him, he's bloody gorgeous," Holly said, smirking.

Sylvie narrowed her eyes, but didn't say another word on the subject.

"So, how did your summers go?" she asked nonchalantly as the train ride wore on.

Sylvie was running late for class. She'd forgotten a book in her dormitory and had told Vanessa and Holly to go on without her. As soon as she grabbed the missing book from her trunk, she sprinted out of the dormitory and across the common room. Just as she reached the portrait hole, it flung open before her. Without a second thought, she began to plow through it. She collided head on with a tall boy with very dark hair and almost fell to the ground.

Sirius grabbed both of Sylvie's arms to prevent her from falling. When they had collided, he'd caught a strong whiff of her rosy smell, which made him slightly dizzy. He'd grown very tired of their constant close, awkward moments, which he found both thrilling and frustrating. He was not used to having to repress such feelings.

"Sylvie…" he began.

"Sorry, Sirius, I'm running late!" she said.

He lifted her gently up by her arms and pulled her close to him, perhaps to close, but he didn't care.

Sylvie noticed how strong Sirius' arms were as he pulled her up. His large, square hands had no trouble at all closing around her small forearms. She was momentarily dazed as he spoke in her ear.

"Meet me in the common room tonight after everyone's gone to bed. We need to talk."

She looked at him in shock for a moment, then broke free of his grasp. "I really need to go, Sirius." With that, she ran off to her class.

Immediately after he'd said it, Sirius knew he'd done the wrong thing. He had his pick of any girl in the school and he had to set his sights on the one who happened to be his best friend's little sister. He slumped into a chair by the fire.

He wasn't even sure that she liked him back. Yes, she had returned the kiss by the lake, but he still couldn't understand why she'd pushed him away. He knew other boys wanted to go out with her, he'd heard them talking about how pretty she'd gotten, although not in quite as polite terms. It made his blood boil every time he heard something like this, but he knew it shouldn't. He had no right to feel this way; she wasn't his, he wasn't entitled to rage at someone who talked about her. He could use brotherly affection as an excuse, he supposed, but he couldn't deny that it was so much more than that, and he definitely knew that none of his intentions were brotherly. But she probably won't even come, he thought dejectedly.

Sylvie stayed in her dormitory for the majority of the night, as she didn't want to see Sirius. Not yet, at least. Not until she'd sorted things out in her mind. She knew Sirius liked her, perhaps very much. She knew, very deep down, that she liked him too. There were just so many factors that stood between them!

First of all, there was his reputation with girls. She knew he'd had at least three girlfriends already, while she'd not even had a boyfriend yet. She hadn't admitted it to him, but their kiss by the lake had been her first. She had always thought that it would be with someone with whom she was going out, not on the sly with her older brother's best friend.

Remus…he would be so upset if he knew what had happened, what could happen between Sirius and Sylvie. It killed her to know that she could hurt him so badly. She couldn't deny, however, that it excited her that Sirius Black was interested in her. She shook her head unconsciously. He probably just wants to apologize again, or something… she thought, even though she knew she was in denial. She had seen the look in his eyes, both at the lake and today in the portrait hole. She sighed. She had to meet him. Regardless of what he had to say, she knew that she couldn't disrespect him by standing him up.

Sirius grew more and more nervous as time wore on. He hadn't seen her in the common room all night. He tried to sit with his friends and convincingly act as though everything was normal, but it was difficult. The worst was the guilt. He couldn't bring himself to breach the subject with Remus. So he pretended.

Once the population of the common room began to dwindle around 11 o' clock, Sirius looked up and saw Sylvie coming out of the girl's dormitory door. She caught his eyes only for a split second, then sat down at a table across the room from him and began to do homework. He was excited. As one by one his friends left (Remus was last), Sirius, too, did homework. At least, he feigned doing homework as he couldn't concentrate, he was too nervous.

Finally, everyone was gone except for Sirius and Sylvie. She looked up and around the room, then slowly stood up and walked over to sit in a chair by the fire, near Sirius'.

"Sylvie, I—"

"Sirius—"

They both began to speak at once, then stopped. Sylvie blushed. Sirius looked down at his hands in his lap.

"Sylvie, I…I love you." He'd known it from the moment he looked into her eyes on the bank of the lake.

Sylvie gasped. It was not what she had expected to hear. "I…I don't know what to say," she said slowly.

"You can't say you didn't know. You're all I think about."

"But…but…all those other girls…?" Sylvie sputtered.

"I wanted them all to be you. I know you're Remus' sister, but I can't take it anymore."

"Remus wouldn't like this…" she said feebly, not meeting Sirius' eyes.

"I can't take the awkward moments when I smell you," he continued, somewhat aggressively, "and I think about the taste of your lips, how they felt, how they could feel again…" He leaned closer to Sylvie. She sat frozen in shock. Their faces were inches away. Sylvie became aware that Sirius had placed his hand on her knee. His eyes were intense. "Sylvie…" he murmured, leaning ever closer.

She jumped up suddenly, startling him. "Sirius, please!" She turned to leave.

Sirius stood up too. "Sylvie!" he almost shouted.

"You know we can't do this," she whispered.

He walked closer to her. "Why did you kiss me back?" he demanded.

"What—?"

"By the lake this summer. Why didn't you just push me away right away instead of kissing me back?"

"I—it was the moment, Sirius, you took me by surprise—"

"That's bollocks, Sylvie, and you know it. What are you afraid of?" He was breathing quite heavily now, and he was close again.

Something inside Sylvie snapped. She thought back to Holly's comment about Sirius on the train, and back to her second year, when she had seen Sirius kissing his girlfriend of the moment, Catherine, in a deserted classroom. She opened the door to see Catherine sitting on a desk and Sirius standing in front of her, his hands gripping her waist. She had shut the door quickly and quietly and had returned to the common room. The next thing she knew, she was in her dormitory, flopped out on her bed with the curtains shut around her, crying hysterically without knowing why.

As much as she did like Sirius her impression of him was seriously damaged; she couldn't believe that she was the only one he'd set his sights on. She had grown up not trusting anyone but her family, had seen Remus hurt so many times by the neighborhood children whose parents had told them to keep away from him, even though he was a perfectly nice boy, just because of what he became every full moon. Everything she had learned about people in her youth, and even during her time at Hogwarts, she realized, as much as she hated to, that Sirius Black probably wouldn't change.

"What am I afraid of? I'm afraid that as soon as I say I like you back, that Remus will find out about this and be upset and never speak to either of us again."

He didn't respond, knowing that she was right. She continued.

"My first kiss was when you kissed me by the lake, Sirius," she said. He was shocked and immediately felt guilty. "You didn't know that, did you?"

It was Sirius' turn to stutter now. "No, I—I—"

"No, you didn't. Once another girl catches your eye, I'm afraid you won't be able to resist, just like you couldn't resist kissing me, just like you couldn't resist making me come down here late at night and talk to you."

"I told you, you're different! If you said you loved me back, there would never be another girl as long as I live!" he exclaimed. She felt her eyes sting with tears. "And I didn't make you do anything, Sylvie. You didn't have to come down here. You could have just hidden up in your dormitory for the rest of the night. But you did come, and you did kiss me back that day, I felt it."

"So I have to pay for a moment of weakness forever?" she said angrily. "And a million girls have 'kissed you back,' Sirius, surely you didn't fall in love with all of them."

Sirius felt as though he'd been slapped in the face. "A moment of weakness?" he said slowly. "So you're too strong to let yourself like someone you know you like just because you're afraid of what other people will think? What do I have to do, Sylvie? What do I have to do to prove to you that I love you?"

"No, that's not it, I—" But he cut her off by grabbing her shoulders and kissing her. He had to know.

She was enraged, but something inside her wouldn't let her break the embrace. He pulled her over to a couch and sat them both down, still kissing her fervently. She loved the way his lips felt on hers, but she knew it was wrong, so wrong. But why wasn't she stopping?

His hands traveled down to her waist and her arms found their way around his shoulders.

They broke apart to catch their breaths, then Sirius began kissing her cheek and neck. It felt beyond wonderful. What am I doing? said a voice in her head. One of his hands began to move up her abdomen. "Sylvie…" he murmured again in a husky voice. She snapped back to reality. It was too much. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed him off of her.

"Stop!" she shouted, tears in her eyes again. She didn't want to, but she knew she had to.

And with that, she went through the door to the girls' dormitory, slamming it behind her, and left him alone once more. He was so frustrated, he picked up one of his books and hurled it at the door Sylvie had just shut. It thudded loudly upon impact.

He slumped into a chair and put his head in his hands, again feeling guilty for kissing her, especially as aggressively as he had. He'd scared her off, he knew it. Suddenly, he felt something rub against his leg and jumped. He looked down and it was Sylvie's fluffy gray cat Pepper. Pepper meowed softly and sat in front of Sirius, looking up at him with doleful amber eyes.

Sirius sighed. "You and me both, mate."