A/N:Back in the day I use to have blogs at livejournal and blurty. I had done several mini chapters and decide to bring them together to create this one.

A/N2: Going back through and personally editing my stories.

Disclaimer: Sunrise Medical...I mean Sunrise owns that which is Mai hime.

Without by kara papas

Chapter 2 Messed Up

So this is what they call a lover, Natsuki thought about three days later after that night she had with Mai. Natsuki was sitting outside of Mai's job waiting for her to get off work. Natsuki's heart was still hurting from time to time being without Shizuru, but Mai helped. Mai helped so much. All the anxiety of life Natsuki suffered. Mai took every last bit, and in whatever form Natsuki would use to take it all out. However Natsuki was terrified that she was starting to love Mai. It wasn't a bad thing to love, but how did Shizuru expect this to go. Natsuki did not know how to just fool around with someone's heart. The idea even required Natsuki to know how to mess with her own heart

Mai walked out waving goodbye to everyone inside. Natsuki never announced when she was going to pick Mai up from work so she usually headed to the bus stop. Natsuki smirked as she kept her eyes focus upon Mai's curves. Natsuki put her helmet, revved her bikes engine and started to head towards Mai when she noticed this creepy man following Mai. Natsuki heart leapt as the man drew closer and she did too.

The damn words kept haunting Natsuki for an entire week as she walked around the science faculties of Searrs Foundation greatest rival; Sunrise Medical. Her new job as a security guard didn't bother Natsuki in the slightest. Natsuki spent most of her time patrolling the halls in search of mysterious and shady people of course she had no luck with that.

Natsuki thoughts had remained on that one day; almost haunting in her mind. Natsuki had sped towards the man behind Mai mustering all the fury she could from the deepest parts of her heart. The man's outstretched hands were about to land upon Mai's shoulder when Natsuki crashed into his body withher precious Ducati. Natsuki stopped the bike and proceeded to pummel the man until she had to be stopped.

"God damn fuck! Don't you dare touch my girl!" Natsuki shouted as her fist crashed into the man's face over and over. Mai had quickly run up behind Natsuki and pulled her off the man fearing he was dead. In Natsuki's deepest thought she believed that Mai should have let her finish him off. The world does not need creatures like that.

So the words, the ones that have been haunting Natsuki at school and work; Natsuki could not believe she heard Mai say them. Natsuki knew she said "my girl" and she had no idea why. It was about two days after that incident and Natsuki came home from work a little sore because a scientist had wanted to leave the research building with confidential documents. Natsuki had been ordered to stop him. By the time Natsuki caught up to him outside of the building he was already in his car. However Natsuki was not terrified of vehicles coming at her. So Natsuki jumped up and landed on the hood while balling herself up as she went through the front window, and then Natsuki proceeded by beat the living daylights out of the scientist. Natsuki had justified that as stopping him and then returned the documents. Natsuki had only received bruised and thankfully no cuts.

Natsuki told Mai about her exciting day and Mai ended up drawing a bath for Natsuki and joined her. This was not a good idea. Natsuki thoughts would always drift to what Shizuru and her would do during or after a bath; sex. And so, Natsuki found herself holding a panting Mai and as she climaxed it happened. She said the words with her name.

"Natsuki...I love you..." Mai had said before passing out. And Natsuki's only response was.

"Baka..."

Mai why did you say that? WHY? WHY? WHY?

Natsuki couldn't think straight. Natsuki was more than certain her teacher thought she was crazy because they kicked Natsuki out class for shouting "Fuck it". It just slipped out when Natsuki was thinking about Shizuru and then...Mai's voice. "Natsuki...I love you..." No you can't love you just can't.Natsuki tried everything in her mind to rationalize it; it was the sex. Yeah, that's it. GOD! Why is this happening. Shizuru, where are you right now? Are you doing this too? Are you having some idle relationship while we are apart? I know we agreed but this is absurd!

Natsuki found herself pacing the hallways of the route she was assigned to protect when her cellphone rang. Natsuki looked around to make sure no one could see...although there were cameras so, she gave a defeated sigh with falling shoulders and answered her phone.

"Hello?"

"Natsuki...your shift should be over by now..."

"Yeah, I know Mai but they asked me to stay an extra hour..."

"I heard you got kicked out of class today. What's up with that Natsuki? Did you threaten the teacher or something?"

"Mou, I can't help it if the old man can't handle cussing. All I said was fuck it. Gee, it's like the end of the world or something. So, uh, go ahead and eat without me Mai...I'll be home in about thirty minutes."

"Oh...okay...I'll wait okay. Don't be angry...I want to wait. And don't you give the speech about how this isn't a real relationship Natsuki!"

The phone hung up. Mai was serious about it. Natsuki's phone started ringing again. Natsuki grunted and decide that she'd set this straight. The relationship was a farce. Natsuki would only ever love Shizuru.

"I don't love you damn it!" Natsuki heard an unpleasant cough on the other end.

"Ara, I know I've been gone for about a month or so, but to hear that you don't love me anymore Natsuki, it break my poor little heart..." said the Kyoto accented voice in a teasing manner.

It was the moment Natsuki did not want to live in. She said something she could not take back instantly because it would mean she would have to admit to her idle relationship. Natsuki knew the she and Shizuru had agreed on it, but Natsuki knew Shizuru would have never thought that she'd actually do it. Natsuki didn't realize she had done it. What am I thinking? Yes I did it...in fact I did it a lot with Mai. But I was always thinking of you Shizuru but that makes it so wrong you know. It makes it very wrong.

"Shizuru...I was...I..."

"You are as eloquent as ever Natsuki.."

"Shizuru..."

Natsuki heard a muffled sound on Shizuru's end. Shizuru's hand is over the sound piece, but Natsuki could still hear bits and pieces of the conversation.

"Who...talking...Shizuru."

Natsuki could hear Shizuru just fine despite her hand.

"Ara, I'm just talking to my...to...oh how do I put this..."

She's struggling for words. No, you are with someone. I can hear them clearly too.

"Well let's just see who this is!" Natsuki heard a muffling, rubbing, and struggling sounds. Shizuru was fight someone for the phone The phone has been captured, but by who. Natsuki heard a door slam which was proceeded by pounding sounds in the background.

"Shizuru!" Natsuki had to yell to see if Shizuru had been the victor. She was wrong.

"I knew there was someone else! Who the hell are you? Tell me damn it!"

Natsuki couldn't find her logic. Her heart was swelling as she heard the female voice on the other line. This woman sounded older than Natsuki. She sounded obsessed. But I'm worse than her.

"I'm her fucking girlfriend you god damn bitch! Now give me back to Shizuru!"

"No...I'm not going to let you get back to her until you know what she's been doing over her while studying aboard."

No, I know already...she's been doing you. But I already know how. She's having sex with you like she does when it's me...but the sex is empty. Each and every time it is empty because she has to keep her eyes shut to make believe I'm the one holding her. But you probably remind her that you are not me.

"We fuck a lot you know...she's an animal. I love the way sucks on my..."

"STOP!" Natsuki screamed as the other woman continued the sentence through my scream. Natsuki did not hear it but she knew what the woman had said. Natsuki forgot, she was at work as she crumbled down to the floor in the hallway that she was patrolling. Natsuki was crying hysterically as she hung up my phone. That bitch won. She won because I couldn't handle the fact of Shizuru making love to someone else. And I know she would be like me if she knew. However it would be worse if she knew who.

Natsuki clocked out early and went home to Mai. As Natsuki got home she opened the door and slammed it behind herself waking Mai from her napping position from the couch.

"MmmNatsuki...why are you being so...NATSUKI WHATS WRONG?"

Natsuki felt Mai's arms wrap around her and her heart broke completely. Shizuru has someone else.

Don't hate me.