[ A/N ] Here's the next chapter!
Jean's (well, John's) perspective.
I have this headcanon where if Jean and Marco had siblings, Marco would have a much younger sister which is why he's really responsible and mature, and Jean would have 2 older brothers who bully him which is why he acts like a bit of a try hard and a showoff.
Anyway, hope you enjoy. Oh and thanks to everyone who's favourited, followed and reviewed!
"Hey, John, are you alright? John?"
"Huh…? Oh, yeah, I'm fine…" is the reply I give, but I doubt it's believable because I'm completely aware of the cold, wet sensation running down my face. I reach out a hand and bring it to touch the small moist tracks on my cheeks, staring outwardly at nothing in particular, struggling to contemplate why my emotions have suddenly decided to act up as they have. I glance over my shoulder, trying to get a glimpse of the person who just ran into me, but he's already buried in the masses of people rushing for their respective trains. When I turn back to face my friends, I notice they're all looking at each other oddly; I guess I'd be doing the same if one of my friends started crying uncontrollably in the middle of a train station. I say crying because it really is just that. I'm not sobbing or wailing, nor am I feeling particularly sad for that matter. It's like my eyes have just decided to leak - like my subconscious is crying, but it's going unheard and unseen by my entire being except my tear ducts. I feel like such an idiot but, once the dam breaks, nothing can stop the river from running.
"Are you sure you're ok?" my friend Erin asks, reaching out and placing her hand on my shoulder, using her thumb to wipe the tears off my face. I shake my head and wipe my eyes using the heels of my palms. Blinking a few times, I suck in a deep breath through my nose - as if the action of doing so will somehow suck the tears back into my head - and smile, awkwardly brushing Erin away.
"Seriously, I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
I don't have anything particularly against Erin, but she can sometimes be a bit 'touchy-feely', and believe me, I'm a guy but it still gets annoying. Like, really annoying. She's just completely on top of everyone… it pisses me off. I'm especially ticked off because her 'concern' seemed more to me like 'I don't really care, I'm just using this as an excuse to flirt in front of Seamus and make him jealous'. That's my theory anyway. I try to ignore my frustration as she grabs my arm and drags me towards the rest of the group, who've already started walking ahead. We catch up and Seamus claps me on the back before hooking his arm around my neck.
"You okay bro?" he asks.
"God, stop. I'm fine. Leave me alone." I don't know why I'm being so defensive about this. It should be easy for me to just explain that even I didn't know what had made me cry, but something nagging at the back of my mind was telling me that the reason was important. To be honest, I've had a strange nagging thought all day, like I'm forgetting something really important. I've already asked heaps of people whether June the 16th has any significance at all, but no one knew of any sort of special event I could be forgetting - I didn't even have homework due. I sigh, rather loudly, unintentionally gaining the attention of the entire group.
"John, if you're not feeling alright you don't have to come with us," Erin offers. Most people would probably see that as an act of kindness, but I see it more along the lines of 'if you leave, it'll just be Ash, Colleen, me, and Seamus - a double date!' As much as I'd love to stay just to spite her, I decide that it'd probably be best for me to leave anyway. Plus, I don't know how long it's been there, but my head is sporting a monster headache, and dealing with Erin is not helping. I thank her for her for being so considerate and say goodbye at the next corner. My house isn't a long walk from here, but I don't really want to go home because my older brothers are a massive pain in the ass. I decide to take the long way, after all, I could use some time to my self.
There's a quirky little florist on this route home which I've always noticed. Today, I stop outside it and peer in through the door. The scent of multiple different flowers hits my nose and I suddenly feel like I need to buy flowers. I know that sounds weird, but it's like there's a strange force compelling me to do so, and before I know it, I'm inside the shop. Maybe it's got something to do with what I've felt like I've forgotten… The old lady behind the counter peers over her glasses and smiles.
"Buying something for your girlfriend?"
"Something like that…" I mumble heedlessly while my eyes roam from flower to flower. My attention is suddenly caught by these bright pink, freckled, flowers. I walk over to them slowly and rub the petals between my thumb and forefinger.
"They're stargazer lilies," an old voice says from directly behind me. Of course, I jump. When the hell did she get there?! I open my mouth to say something along the lines of 'oh' or 'cool', but the word that comes out was not what'd I'd planned, or expected.
"Marco…"
"Sorry?" the old woman asks.
"Uh, nothing. I'll take a bunch of these," I say, pointing to the stargazers. Jesus, what the hell? Where did that come from?!
I pay for the flowers and leave the shop, thanking the old woman with a wave. It's not very late, and the last thing I want is to be seen with a bunch of flowers by my brothers, so I decide to cross the road and sit on the river bank. I pick a spot where the grass isn't too wilted and crash to the ground, letting out an exhausted sigh. Whether my headache had actually gone away, or whether I'd just been too distracted at the flower shop to notice it, it's definitely making itself known now. I lift my knees and rest my head on top of them, flowers still clasped in my hands. To anyone walking past, I probably look like someone who'd just suffered a harsh rejection.
My head feels like it's literally throbbing, like my heart has suddenly swapped positions with my brain and is beating so hard it could almost smash through my skull. I groan and re adjust my position so that I'm lying on my back with my arm draped over my forehead. That name. For some reason, my mind keeps on replaying that name over and over. Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco. The agony is only accented by this frustrating repetition of the name, a name I know I should know, but it isn't accompanied by a face or any memories. Maybe it's the emptiness, the broken memory, that's causing my head to feel like I've suffered a severe head trauma.
"Fucking hell…." I groan as I massage my temples to try and gain some form of relief. Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco, Marco. Constant repetition. The name is boring holes in my brain.
"God dammit, who the fuck is Marco?!" I shout at the flowers in my hand. Suddenly, the memory from earlier, from the train station, resurfaces. I put my hand to my mouth as my eyes start to water again (god, I'm so pathetic). That person was Marco. I know it was. Who ever Marco is, though, is still a mystery to me. Why is it that when ever I remember him I start crying?! Jesus, what kind of fucked up trauma is associated between us? I think that as a joke, of course, but I can't help but worry that it could possibly be true; that we'd experienced something traumatic and I've completely repressed the memories of it until now… At least my headache has calmed down to a point where it's physically bearable. The breeze off the river is cool, and the rustle of grass against my ears is calming. I soon forget about the remaining pain in my head, allowing my eyes to close.
I'm walking around in a large town, which is surprisingly familiar. It smells like decay and blood. I guess that's understandable, seeing as there are bodies lying everywhere. In a normal situation, one would probably be asking themselves 'God, what happened here?!' but this setting doesn't seem out of place to me, like it's familiar, or at least expected. It's still fucking awful though. I feel like shit. My legs are killing me, I'm covered in cuts and bruises, and the site of dead, mangled and mutated, bodies doesn't exactly help me to feel any less shitty. I suddenly remember the purpose to my wandering - I'm looking for Marco. I remember he got separated from me at some point, but I remember being to scared about my own ass to make note of where he disappeared to after we finally managed to re-gas. I turn the corner into another street. The body clean up team is already working here. I'd consider asking them if they'd seen Marco, but I don't recognise any of them, so I presume they wouldn't know who he was.
Dammit, where the hell is- Holy fucking Sina. No.
I squint my eyes, praying to every god in existence that I've just mistaken him for someone else. I haven't. I throw up a little in my mouth - who wouldn't after seeing that. Seeing any human missing an entire half of their body would be horrible enough, but when that person is your best friend… I shake my head in disbelief as I get closer, eyes widened in terror.
"No… No… Marco?" I find myself saying, desperately hoping for someone or something to prove me wrong. I kneel down in front of him, and reach out my arm to place it on his shoulder and shake him awake, just like I always did when he'd sleep in during training.
"Marco..? Hey, Marco? I'm right here… answer me!" He's a deep sleeper. It takes a few shakes, but he'll wake up… he'll wake up. The tears I was holding back in futile hope suddenly start flowing. I can feel my body shaking as I try to stifle my sobs so as not to make a scene. "You can't be gone… We were going to join the Military Police… Marco…" Dammit, wake up. Wake up. I won't accept this. You can't be gone. What the hell?! You said I'd make a great leader, but a leader is nothing without their right hand man. That was supposed to be you, Marco! You're my right hand man… You're my … I'll fucking slaughter them. I'll fucking destroy all the titans. Dammit, Marco… I won't let you die in vain…
I sigh shakily and stand up, wiping the tears from my face. There's no point crying. This is a war, and it's nearly impossible to get through one without losing someone you care about. I have to move forward and contribute my best to humanities efforts. If I let something like this hold me back, I won't be able to let Marco rest in peace. I take a deep breath and salute to Marco as a final 'goodbye' and a show of my respect for him. I really did respect him. If it wasn't for him, I probably wouldn't have had the courage to move on. I might have even sacrificed myself to a titan…
"I won't forget you," I tell him. I swear, no matter how many lives I live, I will never forget him.
I bolt upright on the grass as I wake suddenly. I'm crying, again. This time it's from the excruciating pain of suddenly remembering a large series of traumatic and tragic events.
Holy shit…
I glance down at my palms. Both my hands are there. This is real.
"Holy shit…" I say out loud this time. I remember now, I said I would and I did. He's ok…
Today's Marco's birthday…
[ A/N ] Ahh, to be honest I think Jean was a little OOC... I'm better at writing for Marco (because I rp as him often)... Also, I tried to correct it but I'm tired so there's probably heaps of mistakes.
Anyway, please review! (I'm going to try and wrap it up next chapter, but I'm no good at endings ah)