A/N – Yeah, I'm really bad with updating on the regular, so I'm just going to leave this here as my apology. Leave a review if it pleases you. - T
II.
The ride back to the church is filled with silence. Maggie's crying, clutching to Glenn as her body is wracked with grief. But the only thing Daryl can hear is silence. Loud deafening silence that presses down against him as he cradles Beth across his lap, his body hunched over hers. He keeps his eyes shut because he can't bear to look at her like this but can't find the strength to let her go either.
He'd finally found her. Knew she was strong enough to survive on her own. And she was alive. Until she wasn't. He feels his stomach churn and a lump the size of a small boulder form in his throat as her voice echoes around in his head, bouncing off all the silence surrounding him.
"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone Daryl Dixon."
He lets out a strangled sob, can't even stop it from creeping up and around that massive lump and escaping his lips.
"Don't."
He takes a steadying breath and holds her against him a little tighter.
Resurrection
The truck comes to a stop and everyone starts to pile out the back; the new comers of the group anxious to get away from Maggie's grief and Beth's body, and Daryl.
He doesn't move. Even after Glenn and Maggie exit, Glenn half-carrying his wife as she asks over and over again, "Why?" He just sits there, his arms wrapped around her lifeless body, his eyes closed as he tries to pretend that she's just sleeping. Just tired from all the fightin' and survivin' she'd done while he was gone.
He wasn't ready to face what needed to be done.
Finally Rick and Father Gabriel make their way to the back of the truck and Rick gently offers to take Beth. His head snaps up and his eyes find his friend, no, brother, and he must look like a mad man because the Father takes a hesitant step back as Daryl growls out "No."
The priest's eyes soften and he can't help but notice Daryl's tanned rough hands gently stroking the gold of Beth's hair and he takes a cautious step forward, his palms up in a display of submission as he approaches the feral man. The man that lost everything and has nothing to gain, who is now more beast than man.
"We can bury her in the cemetery," he offers with soft spoken words. "I can say a few words." Daryl's eyes once again meet his though they've softened slightly, becoming glassy with unshed tears. "Would she like that?" he asks, his eyes lowering slightly to the girl.
Daryl feels his chin quiver as more memories wash over him.
"Don't you think it's beautiful?"
"Yeah," he manages to choke out with a slight nod. "She would." And with that he finally steps out of the back of the truck and carries the girl that believed everyone else was alive when they all thought she was dead to her final resting place.
Resurrection
The group huddles inside the church as they struggle to console Maggie while Daryl carries Beth to the small cemetery and gently lays her beneath the shade of a large willow tree. Father Gabriel meets him out there, his eyes downcast and sullen as he offers Daryl a shovel and clean white sheet.
"I'm sorry, it's all I have," he murmurs as apology. Daryl lets out a shaky breath as he thinks back to when he burned the undead girl that was trapped in the rescue shelter he and Carol stayed in when they were so close to finding Beth.
"It'll do," he manages to say as he takes the proffered items.
"I'll leave you two," Father Gabriel says with a nod before turning back to the church and the rest of the group.
He lets some of his rage seep out while he digs her grave. Welcomes the dull ache in his arms as he scoops and lifts the heavy red clay.
"It's stupid, what you did Greene," he huffs as he digs the shovel deep into the dirt, a thin sheen of sweat forming on his brow. "But I get it," he resigns, tossing the dirt into a pile.
His grip tightens around the weathered wooden handle of the shovel and his movements become more ferocious as he lets himself simmer in the knowledge that everything that could have been was ripped away in an instant.
"Don't want to be the last one standin'" he growls, as he raises the shovel to dump the dirt, but the shovel is old and weathered and the clay is so heavy that it finally snaps in half under its weight.
Daryl lets out a strangled sob as he chucks the broken pieces across the green grass and falls to his knees. He doesn't know how long he stays there; kneeling at the foot of her empty grave but eventually he hears light footsteps approaching and feels a hand gently rest on his shoulder.
"Shovel broke," he mumbles, not moving, not looking up to see who's joined him because he already knows.
"It's ok," Carol says quietly, gently squeezing his shoulder.
"Not deep 'nough" he continues as if he hadn't heard her at all, rubbing his hand over his face, dejected. "Walkers could get her."
There's a beat of silence.
"We could burn her," Carol finally says carefully, hesitantly, simply trying to offer a solution to the problem, and in a flash Daryl is on his feet, pulling his body away from her touch as if it burned and he's pacing around the freshly dug grave, his fists clenching and unclenching.
"We bury our own!" he shouts, taking a threatening step towards her that makes her shrink back slightly on her heels. "We bury our own," he says again, firm and final. She nods once, her chin quivering slightly before turning away and making her way back to the group.
Carefully, Daryl wraps Beth in the sheet, trying and failing to push down all the memories and emotions that want to swallow him whole.
"What changed your mind?"
He allows himself one last long hard look at her scarred and bloodied face before tucking the sheet over and around her head.
"Oh."
Resurrection
It's almost midday when the group gathers around the shallow grave to say their final good-byes. Everyone says somethin' except for Daryl and Judith; both unable to form the words that couldn't possibly explain a fraction of what they felt for the young woman. And in the end, he feels the Father said it best.
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.* And the Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of Death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Amen."
Resurrection
He blames the overwhelming grief, the sorrow pulling him down and drowning him, blames his inability to focus on anything other than Beth, for being the reason he doesn't hear the herd of walkers comin' until they're already on them, interrupting their impromptu service, forcing them to move on before any were really ready.
He hears Rick shouting his name in the distance as the group quickly tries to put distance between themselves and the herd, but he doesn't follow them. Instead, he walks straight into the herd, unleashing his anger and sadness and maybe half-hoping that one of them gets him, puts him out of his damn misery as he takes them down one by one.
He yells and screams and draws the herd away from the shallow grave and Beth. Leads them deeper into the woods, away from the group and hunts them down like prey; beats them until they're nothing but smashed bones and pulpy flesh and oozing innards.
He doesn't stop until there is no one left to kill but himself.
"Wouldn't kill you to have a little faith."
Swallowing thickly, he decides he's not there yet.
Resurrection
It's dark now and he's miles away from the church and the cemetery, and the group. He doesn't have it in him to track them down and rejoin them so he keeps heading in the opposite direction, putting as much distance between himself, and everything that was good and everything that hurt and everything that went to shit as he can. Keeps walkin' till his legs are numb, and he's forced to stop and rest against the trunk of a tree, his knife in his hand.
His eyes finally close after some time, but the image of blonde hair and cornflower blue eyes, and crimson blood won't go away.