Ok so I'm just saying that Shannon survived the island, because well, she's a character you can easily mock. So this is Shannon's life AFTER the island, in diary entries.
Wednesday 9th April
Find out Ruby is dating a model half her age! Whateverdotcom. Find out step mommy is coming into town (Yay!) Well the wicked witch of the east is sat in my kitchen drinking an oversized cup of coffee in her oversized shades. Turns out she's stressed. She got stopped by anti-terrorist officers at the airport, after ordering her to put her bags on the floor a large sniffer dog (apparently called Rocky) puts his nose in her Prada handbag. Aww, again I show my sympathy, but hey, perhaps he thought it was fake.
Well after that interesting talk, we decide to go for long cosy (boozy) lunch (and when I say we I mean she, decides to go for lunch, with me just well…tagging along, well least now she doesn't have to mock me in my own home)
After a quick outfit change, to which she is now wearing a pair of cheetah print kitten heel boots with matching accessories, the kitten heels have gathered half the grass around them. She left the house 5ft 4in she's now almost 6ft!
Arrive at bar and start to wonder if I'll ever dress so inappropriately at nearly 50? Hmmm, I'll need to have a long think about that.
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Thursday 10th April
Me and my friend go and see Amy Winehouse in concert. Amy gives it her all, so do we! Somehow worm our way backstage (I'm a survivor of oceanic flight 815, aww they love that story!)
Well I now know what they mean by the term Rock 'N' Roll. Yep, arrive home at 5am, saying to Ruby "I think I need to go to rehab" She relies "Go, go, go…" Well she's still in high spirits.
Goodnight!
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Friday 11th April
Reading the paper (yes I can read books without pictures) I see an advertisement for a book keeper asking to go on, and I quote 'a week of strenuous exercise/punishment' Maybe I should go, hmmm, start thinking about gorgeous Chanel dress, that y'know is just a little hard to squeeze into. Okay, I'll go. How hard can it be, I mean, I've ran from freakin polar bears.
End up going shopping and buy some of the cutest shoes ever. Absolutely gorgeous but no good up a mountain.
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Friday 18th April
I have endured standing to attention, swimming in a river, abseiling down an 80ft cliff (that's taller than Harrods!) However, I am slimmer and trimmer. I'm also asked to Ruby's party she's having for some occasion or another, I decline (I know, am I mad?)
Five hours later- I'm playing When the saints come marching in on the piano. Last seen hitching a ride on the back of a dustbin lorry.
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Saturday 19th April
A new club has opened! Inside the décor is well, different, the walls are painted black and white strips- I'm either in prison or a bag of humbugs. The tables are decorated with candles, they smell really nice- cant place the smell, hmm
Ruby whispers in my ear that they're actually unscented. Duh! I totally new that, I mean do I look stupid? Ok, don't answer that.
Seven hours later and my laugh a little louder, Ruby decides we should make a quick exit from the humbug/prison club. After much debating I agree. As soon as I stand I feel very dazed and confused (picture Courtney Love on a bender) I can hear some awful background screaming- damn drunks!- whilst the traffic continues to drive around me. Am I in the road?… Yes, apparently I am. Suddenly the background yelling becomes even louder and I realise its Ruby, who is running (stumbling) towards me. Thank goodness Ruby comes to my rescue as did a lovely tramp who just happened to be sleeping rough. Mr Tramp grabbed one arm while Ruby grabbed the other and they both gently escorted my battered limbs and me to the safety of the pavement. Ruby called an ambulance and I was rushed to hospital to have a head scan. As I thought, they found nothing in my head, not even a brain.
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Sunday 20th April
So a new store has opened and I will defiantly be visiting it! In fact I will be camping outside in my new Chanel tent. Alright, made that up, but they should make them….. Dear Karl….
Speaking of Karl (the brains behind Chanel) I was just about to congratulate him when I noticed 'he' was in fact a cardboard cut out. I saw him when he came on set for something or other- how should I know? I just sign the models. Anyway, snapped a pic of us both on my camera phone anyway it/he looked so real. Ruby and her friend who I didn't recognize looked more like a cardboard cut out than Karl did. It's time to eat some carbs Ruby or you could be mistaken for a man with a handbag…!!
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Monday 21st April
So today I was knee high in accessories for our accessories supplement that is banded with our September issue. I cannot tell you how packed our fashion cupboard is - I think we lost two interns in there yesterday. All I can say is I would gladly get lost in there!
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Tuesday 22nd April
Today I went to work in a playsuit. I am a grown woman, so obviously it was a black one, but a playsuit nonetheless. The playsuit was a dream on the scooter, no awkward hitching up of skirt, and I had total freedom of movement. I never wear trousers so bear with me as this was a new sensation. I wore it with black ballet pumps (I'm a flat convert, after the whole lets run from smoke monsters and polar bears) and a little sequined jacket in silver, so was essentially working this seasons playsuit with next seasons sequins.
As a treat, my friend offered to buy me a bottle of pink champagne in the new and very chic champagne bar in the handbag department of Selfridges.
Once the champagne was drained and we had said goodnight, I made a dash to the loo and remembered that I had taken ten minutes longer to use the loo throughout the day due to aforementioned playsuit!! Omg omg omg - I could NOT get the damn thing off and was in fear of an accident! The playsuit resulted in me being half naked in the disabled loo. Not the best look.
I will not be wearing that playsuit again!
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Wednesday 23rd April
Charlie (the boyfriend, who I have- sorry had- a list who he is- was- allowed to see) left me! ME! So, remember the scene in E.T were Drew Barrymore gives the stupid alien a flower and when he dies, the flower wilts and dies too. That's me. How pathetic, don't you think? Well, Ruby did. Slapping me round the face and she left a mark!
Her nails are too long for somebody that hasn't even heard of a manicure to keep them intact. Anyway, she slaps me and with blood slowly trickling down my cheek I subconsciously look round for Jack. (Y'know, Jack, the doctor)
Again, moving on, this is my first weekend as a young free and single break-up Blonde, and am amazed at how tidy the house is. Gone are around 30 pairs of size 9 Nike trainers, golf stuff and general boy type bits and pieces. It's a clean serene girl scene, chez moi! The Dog needs a bath though.
Being newly single, I avoided the carbs and went straight over to the cheese stall where a dashing young chef talked me through his entire cheese selection with as much passion as I have for fashion. Impressive. I did, however have slightly more enthusiasm for the wine stall.
So the night I am newly single on I end up being chatted up by a 'gay' man in a very gay bar. Life is so confusing….
So, any thoughts? Thanks for reading :D