Ch1

(Flash back)

"Ran-san," Ayumi spoke, fidgeting her fingers, "sorry to ask you to meet me here today but I really needed to know something."

"What is it?" Ran replied gently. She gave a soft smile, like that of a mother to her child, and took a small sip of her coffee.

Ayumi looked up, and then looked quickly back down again, "I think I've talked to you on this matter before, back when I was in Grade 1. It's about Conan-kun…"

Ran put her cup down knowingly, "I had a feeling you'd say that," she sighed.

"It's been 5years since I've first met him and my feelings toward him hasn't changed. I know for sure now that what I feel is more than just like now," said Ayumi as blood began to build around her cheeks.

"He doesn't respond to you?" Ran asked.

"It's not that. Please, let me finish," Ayumi continued as Ran sat back in her chair, "He tries to make me think he don't like me the way I like him but at times, I do see it in his eyes that he has feelings for me as well."

"Then perhaps you should wait until he becomes honest with you?" Ran suggested.

"If things were that simple I wouldn't have come to you," Ayumi bit her lips. Ran leaned closer, this time with a more serious face. "I think he doesn't say he likes me…because he already likes someone else."

"Someone else?"

"Ran-san, who is Conan-kun to you?"

"Well, his like my little brother and…"

"No not that. I know there's more. I want you to tell me the truth,"

Ran stuttered at the unexpected reply.

"Please Ran-san," Ayumi begged.

Ran gave a hard swallow before releasing another sigh to the girl's desperate face. "okay," she replied, "I'll tell you."

"Thank you," Ayumi smiled.

"Conan-kun is a lot like someone I've been waiting a long time for."

"Someone you love?"

Ran hesitated before answering but replied with a nod, "There was something about him. Conan-kun's attitude, characteristic, personality, there was something that was unusually alike to…Shinichi. His unusual maturity for his age only made me want to overlap him with the one I'm waiting for even more. He seems to understand how I feel as well. It was as though he knew exactly what to say to keep me going when I was down. If you ask me who he is to me then there is only one honest reply. His the reason I'm still smiling today, his my light."

Ayumi nodded, avoiding direct eye contact. "Thank you Ran-san, I appreciate what you've done for me today." The girl bowed in her seat. "Sorry Ran-san, but I need to go now, I'll see you," she stood, and then bowed once more before rushing out the door. Ran called to her but she was already gone. Ran sat back down with a confused expression on her face wondering if she had said something wrong.

Oooooooooooo

The swing creaked with a lonely echo that hung in the silence stubbornly for some time after. A few clouds hung lightly in the distance but it was clear directly above. The street light had burnt out so a spectacular show of the night decorated the sky from the finely mingled stars to the defining shade of the milky way, but the girl did not even notice.

'He seemed to understand how I feel about that as well…he knew exactly what to say to keep me going when I was down.'

'I've noticed…I've been with him for 5 years, how could I not notice. He has someone else. Someone who's waiting for him and he knows she's waiting for him. That's why he knows how to console Ran-san about Shinichi-san. That's why he won't say he likes me. But I like him, I love him…what can I do…' Ayumi's grip on the chains of the swing tightened as another droplet of tear followed the trail left behind be it's peers down her face.

(End Flash Back)

Shinichi walked down the street in silence with his hands in his pocket and head tucked downward. It was still early in the morning. The sun was still not yet above the horizon but it's light peeked it's way across the shady blue sky. He did not think about where he was headed but when he stopped, he realized that he was at the school, the school where he would be at in a couple more hours if he were still Conan. It was quiet, a good silence, it let him think.

The image of the crying girl lodged under the skin of his eyes and every corner of his head. Was he too harsh about the matter? Conan was leaving and Conan will never return. 'She's better off this way,' he confirmed his judgment with a nod, but his eyes showed reluctance. 'I'm Kudou Shinichi, not Edogawa Conan. I was never Edogawa Conan, he never existed to begin with. He was just an illusion, a mirage. I knew that this day would come eventually. It was just…fate.' He said to himself shaking his head.

(Previous Day)

"Ayumi-chan didn't come to school today,"

"…"

"…"

"Do you really believe that she's as strong as you think she is?" Ai said putting on her slippers.

"What do you mean?" Shinichi replied.

"You know what I mean. That's why you're depressed right now,"

"I'm not…"

"It's written all over your face."

Shinichi shifted his eyes to the side.

"She really did like you Kudou-kun."

"…"

"You've been with her for 6 years. 6years is a long time."

"…"

"She has loved you for that entire 6years."

"So what was I suppose to do!" Shinichi barked jumping up, then realizing he had just raised his voice unnecessarily, he calmed himself and sat back down. "I know she had feelings toward me, she told me that herself" he continued, "but I didn't, I couldn't. I wanted to be with Ran. Besides, it's not like Ayumi didn't know that I didn't like her the way she liked me, she…"

"Are you saying that you never had feelings to Ayumi-chan?" Ai cut in.

"…yes…"

"Then why did you hesitate when you had the antidote in your hand? Face it Kudou-kun, you did have feelings toward her as well and trust me, she knew that."

"So what if she knew, I told her off now and she'll get over it!"

Ai walked over shaking her head and took a seat beside the returned detective. "You've been with her for 6 years and you still don't know a thing about her," she sighed.

"What are you saying?"

"Ayumi-chan isn't the, hyper and energetic and always positive, type of girl that you think she is."

"I d…"

"Do you not see? Conan is to Ayumi-chan as you are to Ran-san. I'll say this straight Kudou-kun, you've killed the person she loves." Ai said in her casual tone though her face showed slight signs of distaste.

(End Flash back)

'How does she say all those things so calmly?' he wondered. ' "I killed," she said…Conan is me, how do I kill myself?' he questioned rhetorically. He already knew the answer but his stubborn nature refused to accept it as being the correct one.

He released a long sigh then leaned back against the school. 'I did the right thing. There was no other choice. I couldn't leave any other way without giving her false hope that I would return one day.' He raised his head depressingly, then with a short pause, he whispered, "Ayumi…gomen."

He turned his head to the side when a few thuds sounded next to him. They were chunks of snow. A figure stood with its hands on the rails of the roof. He narrowed his eyes to try and see who it was. He took a few steps back and continued to look upon the figure. Something about it seemed familiar. The figure climbed over the rail and leaned forward.

'Is that…Ayumi?' he squinted his eyes further, 'It is Ayumi! What's she…' His eyes widened with a gasp.

"Conan-kun," Ayumi mumbled, looking at the sun slowly rising in the distant. She closed her eyes and released her hold. Her face relaxed as the wind grew stronger against her face. "Sayounara…"

"AYUMI!"

Her eyes snapped open. As the vision of the ground drawing nearer, she instinctively twisted her body so that her back would land first and held her breath. "Conan-kun?" she gasped just before the loud thud and everything turned black.

Her eyes opened slowly.

"You're awake," a voice came before her image could focus. She turned her head toward the voice. She could not see clearly but of the few colors that she managed to capture with her eyes, she could see a white cloak and the outline of a man's face.

"What's going on?" she whispered as she put her hand in front of her face.

"You're probably experiencing some vision problems because of the area of your head you hit. You're lucky though, things could have been a lot worse if that man wasn't there to break your fall," said the figure.

"You're a doctor?" Ayumi asked.

"Yes, I am your doctor, Akimura," he replied.

"A man who broke my fall?" she asked.

"His in the next roo…never mind, his standing at the door right now." Akimura turned his attention to the formal high school detective, "You should still be resting Kudou-san. You aren't in a condition to walk around after taking her fall you know."

"I'm fine, but may I speak with her for a few minutes?" Shinichi asked.

Ayumi's mouth opened in a silent choke. There was something about his voice, something that cut deep into every part of her body.

"She still looks pretty weak, I don't know," the doctor twisted his head questionably.

"Wait, please, let us talk for a while," Ayumi pleaded.

Akimura turned with a surprised expression on his face at the force in the girl's voice, "Alright, but 10minutes is all I'm willing to give you for today."

Shinichi gave a nod and watched the doctor exit and close the door behind him.

"You're Kudou Shinichi?" Ayumi asked.

"Yes I am. I've also heard a lot about you from Conan,"

"…"

"Why…Why did you do something like that!" Shinichi was about to raise his voice but just barely managed to keep it down.

"I would have preferred you letting me fall."

"BA-ROU! What did you plan to accomplish from that? We….You've been through enough crime scenes with Conan to know that death is never the right answer. What were you thinking!" Shinichi exclaimed angrily.

"Don't talk to me like you know me! I don't know how much Conan-kun talked to you about me through the phone but don't think you know me and start giving me lectures!" Shouted Ayumi.

"I…" Shinichi held himself from protesting.

A smile cut upon the young girl's face. "Yet I think that's exactly what Conan-kun would have said to me if he was standing right there. I think I know what Ran-san was talking about now," she chuckled.

"Ran? What did she say?"

"That's not important,"

"Conan-kun is gone now. He was who I lived for, he was everything to me,"

'Ayumi…'

"I've had the idea that he would never like me no matter what I did. Something told me he wanted to go back to someone who was waiting for him. That thought haunted me for quite some time now. Everyday, I lived with that unsettling feeling, but each day I would push it aside in my naïve mind by coming up with a hundred different impractical reasons to how that could not be true. But now, I can't even do that anymore. To think it in your mind is one thing but to hear, to see, to experience it is another."

"So you thought that death would be the right answer! If Conan knew you tried something like that then he would really hate you!" Shinichi spoke strictly.

Ayumi shifted her head toward the moving shape. Her vision was still the same as before but she held her eyes at the figure for some time. She bit her lips as a surge of anger flustered within her. "What do you know! You don't know what it's like to live in another person's shadow, especially when you don't even know who that person is! You don't know what it's like to love someone and knowing no matter how hard you try, that person will never love you back! You just show up one day and decide to butt into other people's business believing how your own selfish theories could work."

'I don't like you!' the words sounded in her head again. 'I never liked you!' she folded her pillow over her years and rolled her back side to him. A shot of pain surged across her bruised chest but she managed to keep her self from releasing a cry. "Leave now," she whimpered.

"Ayumi!" Shinichi called.

"Please!" Ayumi said, just barely holding back a choke.

Shinichi lowered his brow then relaxed his tightened muscles and exited the room. The young girl listened to the door close quietly behind her and waited for the cluck that indicated the door was completely close before releasing her hand from her pillow. Tears streamed down her pale face as she grasped the sheets and pulled it tighter against her chest.

She calmed her self down after a while and looked out the window. The sun was just about to set. She held out her hand. It was trembling. 'Kudou Shinichi…who is he. What is this I'm feeling right now? It's like…'

End…

A/N: ba-rou is Japanese shortened term for bakayarou, which means a fool. It's a phrase, which Conan used frequently.

With the finals and tests coming up, this is what I'm able to come up with in between of my breaks. Sorry if there's typos or grammar errors if there was some.

Reviews: Wow, thank you all for all the reviews, appreciate them tons.

Crystal Snowflakes: Hey there, long time no update on my part huh, you still hanging around?

Rajhaziel: lol, my laptop busted so I can't do translating work. So I guess I'll write then LOL!

Yuki: Whoa, kimikara review morau no tte hisasiburi da na. Sankyuu!

Schillok: In my story, she can see. I'm not that into details where every single spec has to be exact with Anime haha. Hope you liked this chapter though.

Iiiris: I've always thought but you've got a cold side in you haha.

Colormyworld: And so, Ch2 is finally up

Seraphwalker: Hope this was good enough to answer your long wait haha.

Briana: lol aren't you the cruel one. Life and Death, which is more bitter sweet? Haha

Biron Cascadan: Thank you, here's chapter1