Wow, thanks for all of the reviews! They made me very happy. :)
"Okay…" Derek said slowly. "What do you want to talk about?"
Addison picked a red pen up off of her desk and used it to doodle little swirls on a Post-It note nervously. "How are things in Seattle? Did uh… Did you and Meredith ever get back together after Cristina and Preston's wedding?"
She heard Derek sigh, and could imagine him leaning back in his chair, propping his feet up on his desk. "We tried for a while… We gave up again after a few months. I haven't been seeing anyone since. How about you?"
"No. I've, uh, actually kind of had my hands full." Addison explained.
"With what?" Derek asked curiously. "Work?"
"Not exactly…" Addison trailed off.
"Okay." Derek said slowly, slightly confused. "Well, I know you didn't call me just to chat, so tell me what's on your mind."
Addison inhaled sharply. "You remember that night we spent together after the almost-wedding?"
"How could I forget?" Derek asked wryly.
When she had walked into Joe's after the nuptials were called off, she found Derek at the bar, still wearing his tuxedo. She had started to walk to a stool a few down from him, but he'd gestured for her to sit beside him, to her surprise. They'd sat silently for a few moments before he'd struck up a conversation.
"Crazy turnout, huh?"
"I thought if anyone would have called it off, it would have been her." Addison had admitted, accepting her glass of wine from Joe.
"Me too." Derek had said, taking a drink of his beer.
The conversation had turned personal. He'd told her about Meredith. She'd told him about her fertility test results. She couldn't remember when the kissing had started, or how they'd ended up back at his trailer, throwing their clothes on the floor.
Familiar hands. Familiar lips. A familiar touch. The familiarity between them was comforting; both having lost something that they desperately wanted. When she told Savvy and Naomi about it later, she'd told them that they were driven by the alcohol; it was a lie, they'd only had one drink each. They were driven by loneliness.
The next morning when Addison woke up in his arms in the trailer, it had felt like before Mark, before the divorce. But Addison knew that it wasn't like that, and she had to get out of there.
"You left the next morning." Derek said quietly. "Before I'd even woken up. I found out that afternoon from Richard that you left for L.A."
"I'm sorry." Addison said softly. "I didn't know what to do."
"What has you thinking about that night, Addison?" Derek asked slowly.
"We made a little girl that night." Addison whispered.
There was stunned silence on the other end of the line. "What?"
"We… We have a five-year-old daughter." Addison mumbled.
"You…" Derek sputtered. "You said you were barren! That was the whole reason we got together that night! You were upset about being unable to have children, and I was upset about Meredith!"
"I thought I was! All of the medical tests pointed to that, but…"
"You didn't tell me!" Derek shouted. "For five years, you didn't tell me!"
"Yes." Addison whispered.
"Addison, this is…" She imagined him rubbing his hand over his face. "This is so much worse than you sleeping with my best friend! I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but this is the worst thing you could ever do to me. She is my child. Our child! The only child we will ever have, and I've already missed the first five years of her life!"
"I know, Derek, but…" Addison struggled to explain.
"But what? Why?" Derek interrupted. "Why would you do this to me, to her?!"
"You would have tried, Derek. You would have tried to make it work between us out of some fucked up sense of duty, and it wouldn't have worked… Just like it didn't work when it was only the two of us. I couldn't do that to Natalie."
There was a pause. "Natalie." Derek said softly. "You named her after my grandmother."
"Yeah." Addison took a deep breath. "I loved that woman almost as much as you did. You know that."
"You didn't tell me about her for five years, so what made you tell me now?" Derek asked.
Addison imagined him raking his hand anxiously through his dark locks. "One of her friends asked her why she doesn't have a dad, and she got really upset… I thought maybe you could meet her."
"Would you have ever told me? If she hadn't gotten upset, would you have ever told me?" Derek demanded.
"I don't know." Addison admitted.
"Fine. I'll come out there." Addison could hear anger hissing in his normally calm voice. "For her. Only her. Not you."
"I don't want you to come for me!" Addison defended herself. "I don't need anything from you, but Natalie does need to know who her father is. That's the only reason I am calling."
"Fine." Addison heard an abrupt mechanical sound, and assumed Derek was sitting upright in his desk chair. "I'll ask Mark for a leave of absence."
"Mark?" Addison repeated.
"Yeah… When you left, and I turned chief down, and Richard decided he didn't want it so he could spend more time with Adele… It went to Mark." Derek fumbled awkwardly around his desk, searching for something to write with. "Give me your cell phone number."
Addison did as she was told, and she could hear the slight scratching of Derek's pen against paper as he copied down the number.
"I'll call you when I get there." Derek said harshly, and ended the phone call with a click, without saying goodbye or giving any indication of when he would arrive.
Addison stared at the receiver in her hand, listening to the faint dial tone. With a sigh, she dropped the receiver back in place and walked out of her office. Addison opened the door to her bedroom to find Natalie curled up in her bed, awake. Natalie had changed into her favorite Cinderella pajamas.
"What's wrong, baby?" Addison sat down on her bed beside Natalie and fingered a stray lock of her red hair.
"I'm sorry I got mad at you." Natalie whispered, staring down at her hands. "I just want to know who my daddy is."
Addison's face softened. "I know you do, sweet pea." She drew Natalie into her arms and held her into a tight embrace. "You'll meet him soon. I promise."
"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Natalie asked hopefully.
Addison traced her fingers over her daughter's back. "Of course, sweetie."
Natalie beamed in a way that reminded Addison so much of Derek that her heart ached. Addison held Natalie tightly, wondering how she was going to be able to face her ex-husband when he arrived.