Kunoification
By Ozzallos
Chapter One
Eleven Months Ago…How do you define a typical day for Ranma Saotome, heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts? For most people, a typical day would not involve copious amounts of property damage, life and death duels with rivals and dodging fiancées as if they were bullets. The analogy between fiancées and bullets was more accurate than most people realized, as both would just as soon kill Ranma Saotome even as they tried to marry him.
The fiancées, that is. Not the bullets.
There was one girl in Ranma's complicated life that wasn't exactly chomping at the bit for a marriage certificate, and that was Akane Tendo. Like the pigtailed boy, she had been forced into the same arrangement by her well meaning, but ultimately self-centered father. It wasn't exactly a surprise that every time she heard the words "join the schools", it was like a tiny dagger to the back. No, let's make that a short sword to the back. Sometimes a claymore, depending on the day and the stupidity of the scheme being employed for the couples' own well being. The wedding party disaster just happened to be a +5 Black Heart Avenger to the back, a broadsword used in the Feyrun-Orgrimar Campaigns with the insidious reputation of sucking the very life-essence out of its victim. Thankfully, Akane had rolled successfully against the save versus breakup and their relationship survived. Mostly. There were days when both Ranma and Akane could see the light at the end of the tunnel and that maybe, just maybe, they could dispense with all the idiocy and chaos once and for all.
Today was not one of those days.
"Prepare to die, Ranma!" This was rapidly becoming the standard greeting throughout Nerima, as it had been heard so often that its residence had since adopted it as their own. Of course, it was more often than not the chosen greeting of a certain bandanna'd martial artist with unique propensity for becoming lost in the most unlikely of situations. Unique, as in most people tend not to get lost in the bathroom. Or the hallway closet. And those who do usually don't find themselves in India moments later. Ryoga Hibiki, however, was just good like that. And like the lottery or some other random game of chance, Ryoga would occasionally find himself back in Nerima, normally just long enough to say 'hi' to Akane, have a few snacks and blame his entire, miserable existence on the pigtailed boy. Indeed, he had managed to complete his first two objectives quite handily, and now it was time for the third out of the way, if only for tradition's sake.
"I've seen Hell because of you!"
…Which was an interesting statement to make, since the majority of people who have actually seen hell usually did so in a dead-as-a-doornail capacity. Not Ryoga, though. Oh no. Again, one might think that it was an exaggeration that the Hibiki had actually seen hell. You know, a play on words or some other amusing punch line. Again, they would be sadly mistaken. The lost boy had actually seen hell. Had the postcard to prove it. Signed by the dark lord himself, in fact, with the tag line, "Wish you were here!"
Ah, the irony.
"Get lost, P-chan!" Ranma growled in annoyance as his lunch was interrupted. It was something you learned upon casual association with the best martial artist in Japan… never come between a Saotome and his food. The two engaged in the usual pre-brawl witty banter, which invariably drew Akane into the conflict as well. It was somewhat of a mystery that. She was Ranma's fiancée. Ryoga was a nice boy. And somehow, any argument that the two engaged in invariably resulted in her coming down on the side of the nice boy instead of the person she was likely to spend the rest of her life with. It was an issue that ticked Ranma off to no end. It was also a good thing that Alkari consumed a good portion of Ryoga's time these days, regulating their brawls to something more in keeping with tradition than anything else. That, and Ranma just had to die.
"Honestly, Ranma! Why do you two always fight?" Akane protested indignantly, words which would initiate a cataclysmic series of events normally associated with that of a collapsing star into a black hole, from which no sanity can escape. This Nermian black hole had a tendency to suck in any matter within the immediate vicinity, including, but not limited to other rivals and fiancées. And everybody knows what's at the heart of a black hole…
Chaos.
Also at the heart of this mass of chaos was pressure. Pressure that affected the lives of everybody caught within its influence and that that pressure was especially great for Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo. Without this chaos, it was conceivable that these two may have already been married. At very least openly affectionate toward one another. But throw in two parents, one uninhibited Chinese Amazon, another overbearing childhood friend turned fiancée, followed by a psychotic stalker gymnast and you had the ingredients for a grade 'A' disaster. As if the total lack of privacy, rivals and routine Invasion of the Akane Snatchers weren't enough.
Not that it was simply everybody else's fault that Ranma and Akane simply couldn't get it together. No, they had their own issues. Akane was stubborn and naturally untrustworthy, having been scarred by a death and the activities of the hentai horde of Furikan. This produced an ever present simmering cauldron of malcontent which spilled all too easily onto the men in her life. Ranma was also a project. The martial arts training since the age of five years old wasn't a large contributing factor in and of itself, but martial arts training at the hands of his father was. By his hand, Ranma had developed the social skills of a rock and a stubborn streak that dwarfed Akane's tenfold. Simply put, he could be a serious ass at times. That, and it never helped to have a water based, gender changing curse. Both Tendo girl and Saotome boy were intrinsically good people, they just desperately need to dump the matter-anti matter baggage they toted through life.
That particular day ended rather predictably. Ranma got glomped on, then proceeded to stick his foot in his own mouth with an ill-advised comment concerning his fiancées, which prompted the descriptive "jackass". Therefore it came as no surprise when an uppercut was applied to the martial artist's chin that would have made any number of Street Fighter cast proud. Ranma disappeared into a patented spiral and leveled out a mere three hundred feet before beginning a decent that deposited him squarely into a body of water under the management of a certain turtle.
Mister turtle, that is.
"While I am honored that you have come to profess your love to me, I must caution you around my sister's pet." Kuno led the redhead into his mansion, having provided her with a towel. "Fortunately, you are a nimble as you are beautiful!"
Ranma shook her head. Deranged idiot. "Look Kuno. I'm not here for a date, so get yer hands off of me."
Kuno nodded, his face hardening. "I see that Saotome's magics still hold considerable sway! So be it, I shall smite him next I see thee!"
"Alright, that's it. I'm gone." Ranma threw the towel off and began to head toward the door… And promptly got lost in the huge mansion. "Dammit, show me the door before a blast my way out!"
"Why would thou wish to leave my most noble presence?" He asked, totally oblivious as to the stress he was causing.
"Why? WHY?" Ranma's temper spiraled out of control. Few would have believed what Ranma kept bottled inside for the sake of everybody around him. She was sick of fiancées. She was sick of meddling parents. She was sick of rivals. She was sick of Evil Villains. Hell, he was getting sick of fighting in general. And the crap just kept piling higher and higher and higher. Ranma needed an outlet at that very moment, an outlet he could safely expend all her venom on without fear as to who's feelings she would destroy in the process..
Needless to say, Tatewaki Kuno was a convenient target.
"Because you're like everybody else, that's why!" The redhead exploded in a fury eclipsed Akane's by several magnitudes. "Can't I have just one moment of peace without somebody trying to marry me or fight me? Is that too much to ask? I don't want a date and I don't want to get married… TO ANYBODY!" The kendoist looked as if he were about to interject and she cut him off hard. "And YOU! You and your damn sister are the worst of the bunch! 'Pigtailed' this and 'goddess' that! Get it through you thick skull that there is no 'foul sorceror'! He doesn't even enter into the picture!" Ranma ran out of breath and gulped down another, her fury in fine form. "GODDAMMIT! WHY CAN'T ANYBODY JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE?"
Kuno stepped back, his eyes widening in shock. "I… I see."
"No you don't! You never see! Nobody does! I'm engaged to three separate people for a total of five who won't take 'no' for an answer! Probably more, knowing ol' Pops." The anger began to spin down as an empty feeling took its place. "Dammit, I just want some peace."
Tatewaki stared at the object of his affections for a moment, then his chest puffed out. "Then that you shall have, my pigtailed Goddess!" Her head snapped up, eying Kuno dangerously. "My doors are open to you, day or night. I shall provide you with a key as such."
"I said I don't want no date, baka!" Ranma growled as she began to rapidly move into the physical harm phase of her frustration.
"Nor shall this arrangement be one." The upperclassmen clarified in a statesman like manner. "It hath become clear to me that an active woman such as thyself needs a place of peace, an honor that would be mine to provide thee."
Ranma's eyes narrowed on the kendoist as he had just accurately pushed the one hot button that would give her pause in this situation. "Peace and quiet?"
"If that is your desire, it shall be yours."
Ranma chewed on the idea some more. No. There's no possible way it could work. But then… Nobody would ever looked for her here. And even if he had to be a girl to do it, a moment to herself was worth its weight in gold at this point. No, still wouldn't work. After all, there was exactly one fatal flaw in such a lofty daydream… Kuno. Or Kunos, rather. Ah well. It was a nice idea while it lasted. Regardless, her next words would have to be carefully spoken. After all, saying 'no' to a Kuno outright was like pouring gasoline on their delusional pyres.
"Ok, I'll stay….BUT," Ranma tacked on the conditional before Kuno gush enthusiastically concerning his good fortune. "If you so much as hang on me or ask me out on a date, I'm gone. I ain't your girl friend, so don't go saying I am one. And keep that sister of yours away from me." There, Ranma smiled inwardly. There's no way he could possibly keep all those promi—
"Done." Kuno confirmed solemly, causing Ranma to blink furiously.
"What?" He… He agreed!
"I see now that it is not merely the Evil Saotome plaguing thee, but they obligations of thy family." Kuno gained a thoughtful look through the explanation. "Indeed, it is something I have much experience with. That, and I shall not have such a dishonor visit my name by driving you back into the Saotome's bed."
"You say another word about Saotome or Sorcerer again, and I'm goner than gone." Ranma growled.
"Verily, they hath cause enough stress. I shalln't cause any more by speaking of them." The upper class man acquiesced, mollifying Ranma somewhat.
"Then what about—"
"OOOOHH HohohohohoHO!" The sound turned Ranma's veins to ice. No. No WAY could she deal with that woman right now. "I see my brother has finally ensnared another woman with his charms, and so fortunate it should be you!"
Kodachi looked entirely too smug. "He ain't ensnared nothin'!"
"I shall allow this arrangement, brother, as it suits my purposes grandly." Now Ranma stared at her in shock. Kuno, with his intimate knowledge of how his sister operated, stood by warily. "While your choice in women leaves something to be desired, it does leave the Stallion Ranma all to myself! OH HOHOHohohohOOHO!" The black haired girl's ever present gymnastics ribbon snapped out and Ranma's hand moved to intercept it, instead catching a solid object between her fingers. A key? "Do not journey into the east wing pigtailed one, or it could mean your life!" With that final warning, the gymnast spun around and erupted into a flurry of black rose pedals, vanishing from sight.
Ranma stared at the key, then Kuno himself, unsure as to whether she should be happy to have Kodachi out of her hair or steamed that she was just mistaken as Kuno's girlfriend.
"So who else knows?" Nabiki questioned the couple before Kuno could hand the telling off to Ranma.
Ranma shrugged. "Ko-chan... I think Kasumi suspects."
"Ko-chan?" Nabiki cocked her head and Ranma slightly, but refused to drop any hints. "Ko-chan, Ko-chan, KODACHI!" She about choked on the drink she had been nursing. Ranma's smile widened. "You actually became friends with her? How many times has she tried to drug you?"
"More times than I can count." Ranma stated without hostility. "But once she no longer saw me as competition it just happened over time. Definitely not over night, mind you. I retained peasant status with her for quite some time after that in her eyes."
The middle sister rubbed her temples as if to ward off a headache. Her world was changing so quickly it boggled the mind. "How could I have not seen it coming?"
"Aw, don't beat yourself up too badly." Ranma sympathized. "If I don't wanna be followed by your people, I ain't gonna be followed. As for Tachi here…"
"…I know many of your associates on a first name basis, Miss Tendo." Kuno let a slight smile of his own lips. "Money buys silence as well as information, a fact I am sure you are well acquainted with."
"You've been buying my people off?" It wasn't that outlandish a concept, but…but...
"A trivial task with my financial reserves." Kuno confirmed and the fact deflated Nabiki visibly. She had been played, and it was a numbing realization.
"When did he get so… so calculated?'" She turned to Ranma, who chuckled in turn.
"Since we started hangin' out to together, of course." The redhead replied, to which Kuno agreed. "I ain't the most well-read person in the world or Kuno the sanest, but we kinda balance each other out."
"Well, you are one of the more sane people I've met, Saotome, even if your life is totally insane." Ranma and Kuno stared at Nabiki. "What, aren't I allowed to compliment somebody occasionally?"
"Not without charging 'em." Ranma commented dryly.
Nabiki let the remark slide. "Fine then, I'll put it on your tab. Happy?"
"Better." Kuno replied, and the trio ordered drinks as Ranma continued the story.
There were many events that bore a close resemblance to The Second Wedding, namely those associated with The Second Impact, giant mecha and mass destruction. While no Angels came into play during the second attempt to wed Ranma and Akane, fiancées and rivals did. How did such a joyous occasion result in eight square blocks of ruined Nermian suburb? The answer is quite simple…
Parents.
Well, one parent actually. The likely suspects were Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome, whose incessant interference into their children's lives usually did more to push the couple apart than bring them closer. This time around, however, there was a God in heaven and he blessed them with a clue. Sure, they were still the catalyst for the events, but once they began to take shape, they did what many believed to be impossible… They backed off, giving Akane and Ranma some much needed space. Even Nabiki learned from the last time around, though her lesson was more one focusing on profit vs. property damage. She had meddled the last time for personal gain and it blew up in her face spectacularly. Sure, the initial monetary gains were outstanding… Until she began running up the damage tally. With the dojo solidly in the red, Nabiki was found kicking herself for nearly a month afterwards.
The fiancées had been quiet too, at least at first. Ranma had made the rounds and 'settled up' weeks before the event. The Amazon contingent wasn't pleased, but then there wasn't anything they could really do about it. While Cologne had been the most cunning person he'd ever met, she was also logical to the point of ruthlessness and held no illusions as to what would happen if they forced Ranma "God-slayer" Saotome's hand. Shampoo hadn't been happy about it, but once she saw her great grandmother- the unflinching pillar –fold, she knew it was over. Regardless, Cologne was more than happy to petition Ranma to be a tribal ally, which he accepted with provisions to continue in the Amazon arts.
Ukyo was the easiest of the trio. She had known in her gut that this day had been a long time in coming, being one of the most rational fiancées in waiting for Ranma. It was was a tough evening when he made his rounds to her, but it was also a two-ton weight lifted off both their chests. The fact that Ranma vowed to repay her dowry also went along way toward thinning any bad blood that might have resulted. Steps had been taken via Nabiki to ensure that the Kuno's remained in the dark about the wedding. She'd been unwilling to perform the service at first until forcefully reminded that she owed not only her future brother in-law a wedding that she was in-part responsible for destroying, but her sister as well. Thus "persuaded", she commended Operation Take-Out, ensuring that the Kuno's would be stuck home all day receiving food delivery from nearly every establishment in Nerima. That, and Nodoka's ever-present katana was always a healthy motivator to help out.
No, this time the tactical Nuclear weapon that would turn the second wedding into ground zero came from a most unexpected direction…
The guests were getting seated when Ranma and Akane were beckoned over by his mother. Behind her sat Soun and Genma, both with wide grins plastered across their face. No doubt, that had something to do with the large bottle of saki on the table. Still, Ranma noted they were behaving, so what the hell. Nodoka Saotome was positively beaming now that part of her dream was about to be realized. With any luck, the other part would be realized nine months from now. She considered the young couple thoughtfully. No, she wasn't about to leave such an important matter as her son's manliness and grandchildren to chance. If there was one thing she knew about her child and his betrothed, it was that they weren't at that point yet. They were friends. Almost good friends. But that spark wasn't there yet; the spark that would complete her dream of motherhood. But Nodoka knew how to ignite that spark and get exactly what she wanted in the process…
Competition.
"What's up, Mom?" Ranma smiled warmly at his mother. After all, there was nothing to fear from this particular parent. The seppuku contract had been fulfilled and he had been proclaimed a manly man, even as a woman. Ok, so sometimes she tried to engage him in girl training, but other than that, she was pretty harmless compared to the Old Man, who had been amazingly well behaved as of late. Even so, both Akane and Ranma eyed him warily. You just never knew…
"I would like to introduce you to somebody." She stated with a smile and both were curious now as a girl with long brown hair joined the trio. She was clothed in a blue and black ceremonial kimono, had deep brown eyes and a more than satisfactory figure, had Ranma been shopping around. Of course, hadn't been shopping around for the last three years. "This is Yumei Ikari." The three exchanged polite bows. Friend of the family? "She is to be your mistress, Son."
Anybody within nominal earshot either choked, fell face first into the floor or was forced to pick their jaws up off the ground in utter disbelief.
"M-M-M-MISTRESS!" Anybody who hadn't heard the word before certainly hear it this time as Ranma gibbered wildly. Akane was now glowing a rosy shade of pink.
"Of course, Ranma." Nodoka Saotome explained, as if such events were perfectly natural. "I cannot expect merely Akane to sate the manly urges of my son, so Miss Ikari and I have come to an arrangement." Yumei inclined her head slightly in agreement. Her cheeks weren't nearly as pink as Akane's and she held her eyes on the pigtailed suitor confidently. "Besides, you don't expect Akane to satisfy your needs when she is eight months pregnant and nursing, do you?"
"MOM!" The ruckus had gathered a small crowd now, including fiancées and friends. "What are you DOING!"
"RANMA? What the HELL is going ON!" Akane, who had managed a level of serenity previously unheard of, snapped violently. Ranma winced, then turned back to his mother and the girl.
"No way, Mom! This is crazy!" He stepped up to the pair and Ranma's mother retained her ineffable calm.
Nodoka waved the protest away with a flick of her hand. "Nonsense. I will not have my manly son wait for his wife to come around on his wedding night… Unless you plan on bedding with him tonight, daughter in-law?"
Logical thought was rapidly becoming a commodity in Akane Tendo's brain as the wedding pressures they were so desperate to avoid crashed down upon them from a totally unexpected angle. "HELL NO!" The background chatter began to pick up in volume as events spiraled desperately out of control
"Aiyaaah, Kitchen Destroyer not consummate marriage?"
"My Ran-chan won't have a cold bed tonight, Sugar."
"Ranma, you had better not be breaking Akane's heart!"
Truth be told, Ranma and Akane were perfectly fine with this arrangement. Neither was quite ready to go "there" yet and both agreed that they would marry to satisfy honor first, where upon they could grow into their new lives naturally. Obviously, Mother had other ideas.
"Then it is settled." Nodoka decided with certainty. "Honor will be satisfied, the schools will be joined, Ranma will be able spend his wedding night properly and I'll have my grand babies."
"No! No! No! NO!" Ranma fumed now. "Ain't gonna happen!"
"NO WAY!" Akane was much further along on the rage curve than Ranma. "I'm not entering into such… such a PERVERTED marriage!"
Genma and Soun put their glasses down and stepped up beside Nodoka. They had been content to steer clear of Nodoka's plans, but now a threat loomed they could no longer ignore. "Boy, you will marry Akane!"
"Like hell I will!" Ranma snapped. "Not like that!" Soun tagged in at that moment.
"Akane, honor must be satisfied!" he stated firmly. "You will marry Ranma right this instant!"
"You're all crazy!" Akane bit back, and Nodoka's gaze hardened on them both.
"If you will not marry my son, then I will be forced to switch the engagement." She stated with an edge of steel in her voice. "Kasumi, Nabiki. Come here."
Her voice left very little room for negotiation and the two sisters hesitantly stepped forward. "MOM, YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" He looked from the parents, to Akane, who was now visibly glowing red with rage.
"Hush, child. This is for your own good." Nodoka rebuked, then turned to the sisters. "Which Tendo would like to step forward and claim my son's hand?"
Ranma looked at Akane and she back at him. In that single moment, through both anger and incredulity, they knew it. All hope for a normal life had just died in the shared space between them, and with it, something more. It was time to end it this farce. Ranma's mouth opened, but his final ultimatum was preempted.
"Aiyah! Engagement to kitchen destroyer off!" The bubbly Amazon bounded forward to claim her prize. "Now free to marry Shampoo!"
A combat spatula halted her advance as it bit into the ground in front of her. "If Ran-chan is getting married today, it's going to be to me!"
Two short swords whistled by Ranma's head and the martial aritist weaved to the side, as they cleaved the wedding cake in half. Fitting symbolism, Ranma thought as his world continued to crumble around him. "How dare you try to reclaim Shampoo, Saotome!" Another sword sprang from Mousse's white robe and the two engaged.
Ryoga took one look at the tears falling from Akane's eyes and his anger soared out of control. Ranma's life had hurt the person he now considered his sister again, and he broke free of Akari's grasp, determined to visit justice on the Saotome. "DAMN YOU, RANMA! Stop making her cry!"
And with that proclamation, the Second Wedding was crushed under a storm of ki, melee weaponry and best of intentions.
It was like any other day for Ranma Saotome, heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. It was a day full of property damage, rivals and fiancées; the latter two sparing no hesitation in chasing him around the quaint little suburb of Nerima in order to either marry him or kill him. He even had a mistress chasing him now, of all things. There was only one minor problem with this seemingly normal day, and that was that it was supposed to be far from normal.
It was supposed to have been his wedding day.
And hers, Ranma revised silently as he abandoned the street and fled into a side ally to bleed off pursuit. His mind was still numb with the fact that his mother—His very own mother!—had just thrown him to the wolves and destroyed EVERYTHING they had worked so hard to achieve in the name of her twister vision of manliness! Dammit! Why couldn't they just leave them alone? He had the fiancées locked down. The fathers were behaving themselves for once. Akane was willing. And who is the one that comes along and sabotages everything? Mom and her goddamn mistress! The martial artist turned another blind corner and leaped strait up, landing on the rooftop. More pursuers were suckered off and he was down to the Wrecking Crew core that continued to dog his trail.
They would take a bit more to lose, Ranma knew. This was a game every player was used to and after over two years of playing it, the one thing he could not afford to do was be caught by any one of them. First, to be caught by one was to be caught by every one of them. But there was a second, more important reason to evade them… He was in serious doubt of his self control at the moment. In fact, he was certain that if confronted, somebody would get hurt. Possibly even one of the girls. Badly. He was staving off the crushing pressure of depression, but only barely. He needed time and privacy and if he didn't get either in sufficient quantities to sort himself out soon, the results would be… Catastrophic.
SPalloooOOSh!
Ranma barely noticed the transformation as she automatically adjusted her new body's center of gravity and balance. The cold water siphoned away a fraction of the depression-leadened haze her brain was operating in and a stray thought pierced the fog. Kuno. It had been roughly a month since he had made the offer, and she had never seriously thought about taking him up on it. Until today. Right now privacy and peace were worth more to the redheaded martial artist than her weight in gold. Nobody, but NOBODY would check his house. She'd have to duck past the dojo to pick up the key, but if Kuno was good to his word... And if not, he'd be the first to suffer when she snapped.
Her course decided, Ranma initiated her father's forbidden technique and vanished.
"I hath already told thee that we did not order this food!" Tatewaki Kuno fumed at yet another delivery boy trying to collect money from him. His sister stepped up beside him in an elegant black ballroom dress strewn with embroidered roses.
"Do not insult us!" Kodachi snapped at the boy, who was now cringing. "We would not touch any food not served by an establish not rated at least five stars, let alone this." Her disdain for the food in question was clearly evident. The door slammed and the boy thanked God that he had escaped unscathed.
Tatewaki shook his head as the pair trudged back into the heart of the mansion. "There is definite strangeness afoot today, little sister. I suspect evil forces have aligned against the House of Kuno!"
"Truly, Brother. I suspect it is the pigtailed harlot!" Kodachi nodded.
"Nay, it must be the foul sorcerer Saotome!" Tatewaki countered, and the two stopped short, glaring at one another.
"The Harlot!"
"The Sorcerer!"
"The Harlot!"
"The Sorcerer!"
Brother and Sister pressed toward one another, nose to nose. An electric spark danced violently between them as both refused to yield an inch from the respective, if deluded, positions. Sasuke shook his head as he watched from a concealed position. Well, they're going to have to know eventually… The diminutive ninja faded into view beside the siblings, who had yet to notice him.
"Ahem." Bother refused to back down from their staring contest, so he just told them from his kneeling position. "Master, you have a guest."
Tatewaki blinked, and found the kneeling ninja. "A guest? For I was just at the door, how is this so?" Kodachi was now smug with victory, yet she was curious as well.
"She used the back door."
It only took the upperclassman a moment to realize the implication and his eyes lit up. "My Pigtailed Goddess!"
"She has come to gloat!" Kodachi's reaction was her brother's polar opposite.
"Where is thee maiden?" It was a legitimate question as the mansion was absolutely huge.
"Guest room twelve, Master Kuno." Then he paused. "She is… unwell."
Tatewaki was off like a shot down the hallway, his sister close behind for an entirely different reason. Intimately familiar with the mansion, they found guest room twelve easily. The kendoist's hand wrapped around the doorknob and hesitated. Sobbing could be heard through the door itself. He opened the door gently and there she was at the center of the lavishly furnished room on the main couch, curled into a ball and sobbing. The new draft created by the open door snapped her attention up and her tear strewn eyes locked onto the boy. He watched as their emptiness was quickly replaced by a towering inferno.
"GET OUT!" The redhead shriek, lunging for the nearest solid object not nailed down. "YOU PROMISED ME SOME DAMN PRIVACY! SO GET THE F&$& OUT! NOW! AAHHHHAARR!" Her grasp found the end table lamp and it went sailing. Tatewaki yanked the door closed just as the lamp shattered against the opposite side with a broken thud. Another followed closely after the first, causing the siblings to wince. The two looked at one another and there was a silence, followed by the renewal of sobbing moments later.
"Perhaps I shall let the harlot be for now." Kodachi arched an eyebrow at the spectacular display of rage.
"As I." Her brother agreed, then gained a thoughtful look. "Sasuke!"
The cat-faced ninja appeared beside Kuno as if teleported there. "Yes, Master?"
"Intercept any sustenance bearers before they reach the front door." He commanded. "Pay them a fair amount befitting a Kuno and send them on their way. I'll not have bickering or the incessant ringing of a doorbell disturb my Goddess in such a state."
"It shall be done, Master Kuno."
Ranma stepped into a sparsely appointed room, that, while obviously large and spacious was understated when compared to the rest of the house. It reminded Ranma of a dojo given the minimal distractions and soothing earth tones. An orchestral piece played in the background and Ranma found her vision settling on the boy at the room's center—Tatewaki Kuno, painting on a canvas, of all things. Kuno? Paints? The kendoist noticed a change and looked up to find the redhead watching him from the doorway.
Tatewaki Kuno gazed on the object of his a affections for a moment before noticing the details. Ranma's eyes were nearly as red as her hair, which stood to reason given the fact that she had been crying for the last two hour. Likewise, her clothing was complete disheveled, as if she had ran a marathon or enraged in some form of violent activity... Or both.
"Er...um... Sorry about the lamp." She began, shifting uncomfortably. Sure, this was Kuno and no, they weren't the best of friends, but that didn't give her any right to just chuck stuff around, Ranma figured, especially after having accepted his invitation. That, and the lamp hadn't been the only thing destroyed. Guest room twelve had some serious remodeling scheduled for it in the near future.
Tatewaki looked on a moment longer before speaking. "Verily, they are but possessions and compare naught to your well being." He paused once more to size up the redhead. "May I inquire thee as to what has so unsettled, my pigtailed Goddess?"
On any other day, that question would have earned the kendoist a sharp rebuke, if not a severe pounding. Today, however, was the worst days of Ranma's life. The battle with Saffron had come close, but he had helped Akane back from the abyss and won. Today, Ranma Saotome, heir to the Anything goes school of martial arts had lost. Three years of bitter rivalries, relationships and madness all for nothing as that unspoken truth passed silently between the bride and groom to be. They would never have peace or understanding, and each knew in that moment even a wedding wouldn't change things. They would always be at the mercy of their parent's manipulations. Now life as she had known it for so long had fallen apart, and the man who stood against the world didn't have a single shoulder to lean on or an ear to sympathize with.
...Not even her own mother.
"If it was the foul--" Kuno's grousing was interrupted as Ranma snapped back.
"It wasn't Ranma, 'kay!" Kuno simply nodded. "It was my damn parents! They ruined everything!"
"What did they do, pray tell?"
In that moment, Ranma totally forgot her current gender as the pain resurfaced in its entirety. "They tried to fix me up with a mistress! A damn MISTRESS if you can believe it! They ruined it for both Akane and me! Always interfering in every $& thing we do! I'm sick of it!"
Kuno bolted upright at this new tidbit of information. "Truly? They would force you to engage in unnatural relations with another? I would not suspect such madness would grip a family as throughly as it has my own!"
"Damn right!" Ranma continued heedlessly. "And Akane too! I swear they're absolutely determined to ruin our lives! I must have no less than three separate engagements because of my Pop, who won't give us a moment's peace. And that's not counting Akane's father always harpin' on her!" She thumped the plush chair with her fist. "And then my own MOTHER pulls this mistress crap on one of the most important days of my life!"
Kuno walked up to the redhead took her hand, grasping it within his. The only reason she didn't lay him out right then and there was that there was something more to it than his unstable desire. His own eyes spoke of something else... Understanding. "I know what thou art going through because I have been there many a time." He stated with seriousness. "All know the Kunos by our fearsome reputation, of course, but our family has suffered a great malady for generations."
Ranma noted his serious mask and couldn't help but to ask. "And what... 'Malady' is that?"
"Insanity!"
The redhead shot offered him a dry look. "You don't say."
"I ask your confidence in this delicate matter, my Goddess." Tatewaki continued with all the gravity of a black hole. "Would people find out about this hereditary condition, it might cause them to view the great House of Kuno in a manner of bias."
"Doubt it."
"Your confidence in our most noble family name is reassuring." Kuno nodded. "But be that as it may, I know what thou art suffering though. I must be ever on guard against my own father and sister and their petty scheming. More than once such interference has brought ruin to my own life."
For a moment, Ranma's own pain eased slightly as curiosity captured her. There was no doubt that the upperclassman's hold on reality was still tenuous at best, but there was also no doubt as to the fires he had been through, and they were most similar to the ones she was experiencing at that very moment. "How did you... Um, cope." Ranma almost kicked herself for asking such a silly question. Obviously he had gone mad. Even so, she wanted to hear the answer from his own lips, especially after a day like today. What he said probably wouldn't even matter... Just the fact that he was the sole ear in her life at the moment was what the important thing..
"Truly there are days all seems it seems hopeless." Kuno was looking at her, but not truly seeing her. His gaze bore through her and into the space beyond. "but then I remember my friends and loves of my life. Among the most important of those are thee and Akane Tendo."
The redhead's thoughts seemed to momentarily stumble. Akane and herself she could understand, even if neither had ever returned even the remotest sense of affection for the Kuno. Even that sent a slight pang of guilt through her. But Kuno didn't have any friend. He had acquaintances at best, and that circle didn't realistically include Ranma or Akane regardless what his psychosis told him. Come to think of it, she was pretty damn shy on friends herself. "So who else do you consider... Your friend?"
"I would say the Nabiki Tendo has seen me through many a troubled time." Kuno stated, and Ranma nearly fell over.
"She charges you for everything." Ranma pointed out. Hell, she charges everybody for everything.
"It is a but a mask, my beauticious one." Kuno explained the world as he knew it. "Her line of work requires such, but I have never known her to be anything less than fair and understanding."
Ranma blinked. Okaaaay. I think that's enough of those questions. Though the answers had been outlandish, they had succeeded in putting a dent in her depression, if only because it was incredulity replacing it. That, and there was the fact that she had somebody to spill her guts to and somebody who had apparently been through similar circumstance. She could almost even face the outside world again. In fact, it was probably best she did. Couldn't leave Akane to face the wolves by herself for too long, regardless of what the future held for them ...Or didn't hold. "Um, thanks for the hospitality, Kuno, but I can't impose on ya any--"
"Nonsense." he cut her off abruptly. "You will stay for dinner."
"I will?" It was another bit of the kendoist that rocketed past her normally raised defenses thanks to the days' strain.
"Indeed! For some reason we have run afoul the food service industry this day and have plenty to spare." Ranma barely suppressed a flinch. Not that she'd know anything about that, no sir.
"Um, couldn't you just turn em away?" She inquired, another pang of guilt crawling through her stomach.
"Such disagreements would have assuredly disturbed the peace you sought." Kuno explained as they now stepped from his painting room to the main dining room, where stacks of food sat. "Nay, I could not allow such. I surely cannot eat so much and my sister will not touch it."
Two concepts promptly asserted themselves in Ranma Saotome's mind: Guilt and hunger. It was surprising how well the two meshed together. There was a third that swam below the surface, content to remain out of sight, and it was the desire to retreat from the horrible life she had just taken refuge from. The decision was a remarkably easy one to make.
"Aw, what the hell. Let's dig in."
"Yeah, I pretty much figured that was the beginning." Nabiki sighed as they broke in introspection. "It was either that or the dragon mistress what's-her-name."
"Onyixa." Ranma stated, leaning into Tatewaki's arms. Dragon girl just happened to be one of the few kidnappers to frequent Nerima with an interest in Ranma himself and not his fiancée. Scratch that, Nabiki amended. Ex-fiancée. It had been one of the more surreal kidnappings, if only because nobody but the fiancées wanted to really go after Ranma. The cajoling of the various factions to aid in his rescue was an endlessly amusing process and when a rescue party was finally assembled, it was surprised by Ranma stepping through the dojo doorway, having rescued himself.
"So what are you going to do about your mother?" Nabiki asked with a nonchalant wave of her hand. "Hell, what are you going to do about Akane? And the Amazons... And Ukyo... I stand to make a tidy sum off of this."
"If we let you." Tatewaki stated evenly and Nabiki blanched, unused to Kuno actually being assertive. While she held an undoubtedly large sphere of influence, it was tough to compete with somebody with substantial cash reserves and who had a father that basically owned the school. Part of her profession was recognizing that thin line in just how far you could push people, and it seemed Tatewaki was finally realizing the exact boundaries of that line instead of continually allowing himself to be pushed across it.
"It ain't that bad, Tachi." Ranma pointed out, looking up at her boyfriend. "Might be able to help with damage control." Nabiki nodded in agreement, seeing the glimmer of profit still salvagable. Kuno didn't exactly look thrilled, but remained silent.
"Oh yeah, speaking of Akane..."
Author's notes: Was originally planning one large story, but my fiancée is coming from Indonesia, so I might not be able to put serious time into these stories in the near future. Yes, I intend on finishing, so no worries there. Say 'hi' to her for me if you write a review
TriMatter has been a great sounding board for this story and has helped make it a better one overall. There's no way I could walk away without giving credit where credit is due, and he's definitely helped polish this work. And if you haven't read his stuff, I'd encourage you to do so. NOW.