Episode 2

Two Orks, One Polite Excrement

The Snotling dodged to the side and Yazbeb crashed into the wall. Ukyuk took aim and fired again and flew to the other side of the room. Yazbeb struggled to his feet and the Snotling then realized that his gun would not work. Yazbeb turned to him. Then the realization hit the Snotling; he forgot to add a magazine, but the rest of the charge boxes were on the other side of the room where an angry Yazbeb prepared to strike.

The snotling rose and glared at the grinning ork. "Fool the ork once, the ork be a dumb," Yazbeb said. "Fool the ork twize, ye be a brightah then tha sun." Yazbeb trodded toward the bloodthirsty Snotling who stood two thirds of his size. "But try foolin' the ork three timez..." Yazbeb put his fists together and raised them high in the air. "AND YA GONNA BE A KISSIN' 'IS ARSE AND BUM!"

The ork roared in a raging fury, letting out his inner warboss. This would be Warboss Netzerbek's first battle, and Yazbeb would not let Netzerbek's legacy begin with defeat. He would crush the Snotling, it being a lesson to others that he would take no traitor lightly. Legions of his green brethern would bow before him and slaughter all that stood in his way in a glorious Waaaaaaugh! There, before the eyes of his mind, he could see endless battlefields with billions slain. He stood far above them all on a mountain of corpses carved by his own army, covered in blood. There the banner of Clan Netzerbek would wave, bloody and torn, but standing far above any other. He would be the most feared of Warbosses - the mightiest, the strongest.

Warboss Netzerbek leaned back for the final blow against the rebel. The fungus next to him pulsated as it swelled with mucus and puss leaking from small rips in its membrane. The lively bulb had grown larger than the previous and showed no signs of stopping its growth. Netzerbek felt powerful and commanding, the fungi next to him his greatest ally. He could feel the bulb take his power, build it, and return it. His power and the bulb became one in his mind, yet the bulb wasn't the only thing feeding him strength.

Netzerbek felt all of the universe converge on him, giving him the might he would need to crush this first foe and the endless ocean of enemies before him. Netzerbek closed his eyes, consuming the last bit of Yazbeb the Dreamer. He needed the energy from his consumed host to complete the transformation. Yazbeb's soul twisted and turned in anticipation as it fused with Netzerbek. Eyes still closed, Netzerbek could feel his foe before him. He mustered all the power he could until his muscles convulsed and bulged, and vessels swelled under his green skin. He was ready to go, now was the time, now was the time for Clan Netzerbek to be born!

The next thing caught Netzerbek by surprise, not only because it totally changed the situation, but made him think twice about fungi. The bulb exploded and launched gallons of puss and mucus, knocking both of the orks to the floor.

The Snotling sprung to his feet, stepped back a few paces, and aimed his weapon. A newly born ork rose out of his sticky mess, coughing, spitting, and vomiting. He looked around and made eye contact with the startled Snotling.

He raised a hand in the air and smiled. "Hello there!" he said to the Snotling. The Snotling raised his hairless brow in confusion, and stepped back further as he was still quite close to the newborn. Yazbeb lifted himself from the puddle of mucus and puss, the wind in his lungs stolen.

The newborn then turned to Yazbeb. "Hello, stranger. I apologize for the inconvenience." The newborn ork reached down to help Yazbeb, but Yazbeb shoved the newborn aside. "You there! Kill that there a traitor ov a Snotlin'!"

The newborn looked to Ukyuk. "Who is this?" he asked the Snotling and pointed to Yazbeb.

"An Arselicka he be!" Ukyuk said and raised the rifle to fire. "Get outta Ukyuk's way ya wet terd!"

"Oh," said the newborn, and stepped aside for Ukyuk to take aim. He noticed that the small ork-ish thing seemed intensly determined to kill the greater ork-ish thing.

"Why ya be kissin' a Snotlin's arse?! What ya think ye be doin'!" Yazbeb said, rising to his feet.

"Pardon me?" The newborn said.

"Ya be suckin' on the wrong teet, lad!" Yazbeb then said. "And that ain't no teet, but a tiny 'lil arse and flat bum!"

"I am not familiar with your terminology, nor your thick accent."

Yazbeb shook his head. "Ya musta been born retarded or ya be a playin' with meh. Nobodeh playz with Netzahbek!"

The newborn scratched his chin and a thick pause filled the room. Awkward glances passed around. "I'm sorry, but who's side am I supposed to be on anyway? Both of you are the same, and I doubt size is something to kill for, nevertheless hate another for."

"What ya be sayin'? Ye confuzed?" Rage filled Yazbeb's voice. "Foul fungee spawnz!" he screamed. "All ov ya!"

The newborn looked at the Snotling. "Now remind me, why are you shooting him again?" He looked at the rifle. "And with such a non-lethal mechanism."

The snotling rose from his crouched pose. "He be prey."

"But why?" Asked the newborn. "Are we not of similar appearance? All three of us have green skin, fanged teeth, broad faces, large jaws, and untrimmed nails. Oh, and the pointy ears."

"I be a thristin' fo death!"

"But why?"

"I hungah fo it, like 'em, like ya."

The newborn paused for a moment and then said, "Now what is this hunger supposed to feel like? An urge, a reason hidden within us all, tied with our emotions and instincts?"

"Do ya not feel the mighty Waaaaaauuuggghh?!" The Snotling turned his gun to the newborn. "Howz you an ork if ya don't feel the Waaaaaaauuuggghh!?"

"No, I do not. I assume by that guttural wail you mean war?" said the ork.

"All orks want Waaaaaagh!" said Yazbeb. "We be a livin' and a dyin' for Waaaaaauuuggghh!"

"You mean war?"

"That fungus live fo Waaaaagh!"

The newborn turned to the fungus. When he looked at it closely he could not see a tireless warrior, but instead a weary mother. He turned back to the little ork thing. "Are you sure?"

"All green thingz live fo Waaaaagh!"

The newborn approached the fungi. "Pardon me fellow green thing, what is your position on 'Wah'? Did you birth me with any intentions of living for this 'Wah' my companions feel an urge to follow, an urge that I lack?"

The fungus farted.

Yazbeb cracked his knuckles, tired of all this foolery. "What do ya purpoze iz then, lad, if ya don't feel the pull ov the Waaauuggh?" Mm?"

"Purpose? What do you mean?"

"Yer life purpoze? What iz it?

"To be honest, I don't know..."

"Then I'll give ye purpoze!" Yazbeb said. "Ya make this 'ere wreck a wortheh warship fo Netzahbek!"

"Sounds tiresome, but sure," said the newborn. The opportunity to learn through work drew his interest. "By the way, I would like to properly introduce myself, but I don't have a name."

"You earn name when ya have purpoze." Yazbeb turned for the blast door. "Pimpah Poppah will repair the roomz." Yazbeb ripped the rifle-rod from Ukyuk's hands and broke it. "Repair it now!" He pointed to the two of them and turned to leave.

Ukyuk placed the charge boxes back on the walls until no more footsteps echoed down the corridor. He then started to rip them off again. "Eym nought 'is Pimpah Poppah. Mah name iz Ukyuk!" the Snotling growled.

"Well Ukyuk, I guess I should get to work and make some repairs on the other parts of the ship," the newborn said. Unfortunately his friendly warmth and politness wasn't as contagious as he hoped it would be. What an interesting world he was born into.