The first episode! But I guess we'll make this the second episode actually, to erase confusion about which chapter's which. So. The second episode! In this I gave nobodies an extra power, because I felt like it. Well, I am the author here!

Ugh, but you know how long it took me to change all these to non-script form? Well, I'm not complaining, I guess. I actually like it better this way.

Oh, and if you read this you have to promise not to take offense from any of it. I don't like it when people can't learn to laugh at themselves. Yes, I can laugh at myself so don't act as if I'm this humongous hypocrite. Okay, now I'll let you go with a little quote.

"Aha! I now declare myself anti-Kairi, princess of heartless!"

---

Episode Two: Anti-Kairi is Born!

Kairi stands on the beach of Destiny Islands, alone.

"I'm so excited we're leaving tomorrow," she says to herself. "Well, I guess it's time for bed."

Then she sees something, and looks astonished. "Gasp! What's that?"

There is a little Shadow staring at Kairi.

"Aw," Kairi coos, "it's a cute little teddy bear that Sora must have left for me! I knew he liked me! Now I should give him a big smoochie."

But the Shadow speaks. "No, you fool," it says in a deep, evil monotone. "What are you talking about. I am going to eat your heart. Muahahaha."

This only delights Kairi further. "Aw, it talks, too!" she exclaims. "Let me just pick you up, you little cutie!"

"You touch me you die."

Kairi ignores this, and picks the Shadow up and hugs it. "Aw, you're so funny!"

"Put me down you imbecile."

In the meantime, Kairi's shadow falls on the sand.

"You're so adorable," Kairi says. "But you need some fuzziness."

The shadow darkens and starts to rise from the ground, gaining tangibility.

The Shadow sees this and cackles. "Hahaha, now you're getting it."

"I think I'll name you Bob," Kairi continues, oblivious.

"My name is Fred you idiot."

Finally, the newly formed anti-Kairi (duh) taps her counterpart on the shoulder from behind.

Kairi whirls around, drops Fred, closes her eyes, and puckers her lips. "Sora!" she yells. "Smoochie time!"

Anti-Kairi quickly steps away and speaks in the same evil monotone. "Ah, no, you fool, get away!"

"Ah. I cannot get up." Fred, forgotten, wiggles on the ground.

Kairi opens her eyes and sees the visitor. "Oh. Haha. You're not Sora."

"No, you fool," the anti says. "I am anti-Kairi. I am going to eat your heart."

Fred continues wiggling. "Ah. I still cannot get up."

Kairi launches into a fast-paced talk, waving her hands crazily as she speaks. "Cool, you have the same name as me almost! But who names their kid 'anti-'? Oh, sorry, no offense. Anyway, did you wash up here like a hobo, like me?"

Anti-Kairi stops, seeing stars. "What…?"

"Blah blah blah..." Kairi continues.

"Yes, she talks incessantly," Fred tells the anti.

Finally Kairi picks Fred up again. "Well anyway, I'm going to go give a big smoochie to my boyfriend Sora for giving me this talking doll. You'll like him, he's really hot. But you better not steal him! Okay, bye!" And she runs off, Fred yelling, "Put me down…the right way this time!"

Anti-Kairi runs after the girl. "Wait! I'm not finished with you yet!"

---

Kairi runs into the secret cave on the Islands. "Sora, are you here?"

Fred, still in Kairi's hand, sees his opportunity.

---

Outside, anti-Kairi stops for breath, and hears Kairi calling for Sora. She peeks in through the cave entrance and sees something that enrages her.

"What? That little rat stole my heart!"

But there's no time for revenge, as a swishing, slashing noise comes from nearby.

Anti-Kairi hides behind a bush, just as Sora, brandishing the newly acquired Keyblade, rushes into the cave.

The anti comes out from the bush and stares after him. By this time her voice has developed so that she no longer speaks in a monotone…and her voice is not so deep that it sounds manly. "He is hot," she murmurs. "But he has the Keyblade! He must be destroyed!"

---

Meanwhile, in the cave, Kairi's heart has been stolen. A familiar scene occurs. Sora tries to help Kairi, but the door opens and Kairi goes right through him as he is blown out of the cave.

---

Anti-Kairi sees Sora get blown out. But luckily, he doesn't see her, and gets right back up to run to the other side of the island, where an ominous dark globe hangs above a group of palm trees and another boy.

"Hm…" anti-Kairi muses. "What made him run out like that?"

Well, the only way to find out is to go in the cave. As soon as the anti sees Fred hiding behind a rock, and Kairi's lifeless body, she explodes. "Hey, you! Did you just take her heart?"

Fred steps out from the rock and shifts nervously. His voice has also matured by now, so that it sounds normal. "Well, um, actually…"

Anti-Kairi doesn't have time for excuses. She picks Fred up and yells in his face. "That heart was for me to take and me alone!"

"But I didn't take it!" Fred squeaks. "She's a princess of heart!"

Anti-Kairi drops the Shadow, who mutters resignedly, "Not again…"

"What?" the anti asks.

Fred manages to get up again and explains, more calmly this time. "She's a princess of heart, so when I tried to take her heart, it just went into that kid with the Keyblade. But…she did leave a nobody."

Anti-Kairi stops to ponder this.

And a blonde twit of a girl—yes, Naminé—taps on anti-Kairi's shoulder from behind. "Hello."

Anti-Kairi jumps about ten feet straight into the air, hitting her head on the ceiling with a loud thump. "AH!!"

"Nice jump!" Fred comments.

"WHAT'S GONG ON HERE!?!" the anti booms.

"That's Kairi's nobody," says Fred, pointing.

"Hi! I'm Naminé!" says Naminé.

"Sure ya are…" anti-Kairi mutters, sizing the girl up. Then an idea occurs to her.

"Wait a sec! If Kairi's a princess of heart, wouldn't that make me…a princess of heartless…ness?"

"Um, not really…" says Fred.

Anti-Kairi picks Fred up and raises her arms triumphantly. "Aha! I now declare myself anti-Kairi, Princess of Heartless! And that means," she says to Fred, "you serve me!"

"You're getting this all wrong…"

"Now, about you…" anti-Kairi regards Naminé. "Nobodies can create illusions, right?

"Ugh…" Fred groans as anti-Kairi lowers her arms.

"Shore can!" the nobody says brightly. "And I'm special. I can also—"

"Fabulous!" declares the anti. "Now make me look like Kairi. Black is such a dull color."

Naminé shrugs and leaves her sentence unfinished. "Okee-dokee!"

"I'm gonna puke…" Fred says miserably as anti-Kairi's arms go up once more.

But then Fred falls to the ground, as anti-Kairi starts to shine with the transformation.

Fred, peering through the blinding light, sees something that makes him start laughing his head off.

The mysterious robed man comes in through the door. "What's going on here?"

The shiny goes away, and everyone sees anti-Kairi…colorful…and insanely fat! Fred laughs even harder.

"Hey!" anti-Kairi exclaims in outrage. "Why am I so fat?! What did you do, nobody twirp!?"

"You're just naturally too fat. It's all I can do to keep you that size. When you were a shadow it was easier…" Naminé explains matter-of-factly.

Now both the mysterious man and Fred are literally rolling on the floor laughing.

"Fat? Me? How could this be?!?" anti-Kairi laments.

"Haha, you rhymed," Naminé says stupidly.

Finally, that's enough. The laughter and the revelation and everything are giving her a headache. "STOP LAUGHING!!!" she yells.

Instantly, everything is quiet. Except for a couple crickets.

Anti-Kairi is satisfied and turns to the mysterious man. "Now what do you want?"

The man regains his composure. "I came for Kairi's nobody. Her name shall be Kixari. She will be part of our organization."

The nobody in question raises her hand and says, "Um, my name's Naminé."

The man looks at her, flustered. "But—wait—what—oh, fine, Naminé. But you're not really part of the organization, then!"

"Fine, whatever," the anti breaks in. "If she's anything like Kairi, I don't want her."

The man looks at her, like duh. "Well, she is her nobody." He takes Naminé's hand. "You shall rearrange many memories for us," he tells her as they turn to leave.

"Okee-dokee!" Naminé says.

"Wait, she can rearrange memories?!" anti-Kairi quickly turns back to face the two. "Wait!!"

But it's too late, they have already gone through the door. "Drat," is anti-Kairi's comment.

A short pause, then: "Just you, me, and Kairi's heartless body now…" Fred says.

Anti-Kairi yanks on the locked door, muttering, "Open, open, you dumb thing…"

Fred looks at Kairi, with a stupid grin frozen on her face. "What should we do with her?"

Suddenly, a wave of darkness fills the entire room, and then leaves. The island is falling into darkness…

"Let's just get out of here!" anti-Kairi gasps after she recovers. "My new body can't stay here in the darkness!"

"Okay, if you say so…"

---

Later, in a second district alleyway of Traverse Town, Riku discovers Kairi, who has randomly turned up there like the rest of them.

"Kairi…!"

A figure appears behind Riku, who turns around.

---

End of Episode One…er, Two! Hope you liked it!

I have no explanation for why anti-Kairi was fat. That's just what occurred to me when I wrote this. :P

Now what are you waiting for? Review or whatever you're gonna do and go to the next episode! Episode…Three!

Next in our adventure:

Episode Three: Anorexia and Evilness!

"You know, you should really eat something."